iMPACT Wrestling Results (10/25): Championship Thursday

A recap video of the Devon being revealed as a member of Aces and Eights and the Devon match from Impact last week; the situation between Austin Aries and the cookie hating World Champion Jeff Hardy and the announcement that tonight is Championship Thursday.

Jeff Hardy is shown backstage with the old TNA World Heavyweight Championship and his custom glow in the dark belt in Hulk Hogan’s office. Hogan says that he has to stack the deck tonight because he needs to know if he’s ready. Hardy said that Bound for Glory changed him and Hulk Hogan thanks him for everything he’s done for the company. Sit on that thought for a minute. He walks out and apparently the camera can read his mind because you could hear his thoughts on Kurt Angle (machine), James Storm (drinks too much), Ken Anderson (asshole) and Ray Ray (dangerous and preoccupied.)

X Division Championship: Rob Van Dam (c) vs. Zema Ion

This is a Bound for Glory rematch and Jermey Borash and Todd Kenely is on commentary for the first hour and Taz and Tenay will be on commentary for the second hour. RVD tries to win early with a dropkick, but Ion kicks out and backs up to the corner. JB talks about how RVD was really considered the first X Division superstar as Ion tries a headlock, but RVD powers out and leg scissor pin gains him two. Gorilla Press, and a moonsault gets him two. RVD poses in the ring as Ion rolls to the outside to gain his breath. Baseball slide by RVD, but Ion has the crossbody scouted by grabbing the leg. Ion tries to knock RVD off the apron, but gets a kick to the face. Backdrop by RVD and the X Division Champion charges, but Ion pulls the ropes down, sending him to the outside. Corkscrew dive by Ion and we see a replay of it as Ion hits a DDT once they’re back inside the ring. Ion goes up top, and RVD is able to move out of the way for the corkscrew dive. Rolling Thunder connects and Five-Star gains RVD the three count.

Winner by Pinfall and STILL X Division Champion: Rob Van Dam

As RVD celebrates, he walks right into a Carbon Footprint. Morgan says that Hogan wanted to see another side of Morgan, and for him to be careful what he wished for. Joey Ryan runs around the ring like a moron with the X Division belt. Ugh…

Aries is backstage, saying that these four are going to beg for a title shot, he doesn’t have to because he’s got a rematch. He pokes fun at Hogan’s failed acting career with such five-star classics as Mr. Nanny and his role as Thunderlips before saying that he’s interviewing each of the people after they are eliminated by “H Double” and then he sighs.

-Commercial Break-

Christopher Daniels and Kazarian make their way to the ring with new music as Todd Kenely says that Taz and Tenay will join us in the second hour. Please don’t remind me. Daniels says that it’s fitting that Halloween is right around the corner because they’ve been getting plenty of treats, but no treats before throwing a handful of candy corn into the audience. Kazarian says that it’s a good old-fashioned conspiracy and calls the fanshermaphrodites. Whoa, if one of these two had hair and were wearing a suit, I’d swear that I put on Raw from 2010. Kazarian says they’re the victims of a conspiracy because Mr. Nanny altered his travel arrangements last week to keep him away from the Impact Zone where he could stand by his partner, at Bound For Glory, their titles were taken from them illegally by two guys who are probably in this country illegally. Daniels says they need to slow it down because the fans are a little slow, and he tells Suburban Commando that it’s not really Championship Thursday because Zema Ion got his rematch, Miss Tessmacher is getting her rematch, but the best team in the world aren’t getting their rematch. Dixie Carter is so determined to court the Spanish-speaking audience that they come out here in ponchos and with Mexican tattoos. He suggests they go the full nine yards and wear sombreros, drink Margaritas, and call themselves Los Stereotypicos. Daniels says they’re done messing around, and Kazarian goes out to ringside with a clipboard to get the fans to sign a petition to get them a rematch. Chavo’s music hits, and the two come out to the ring to say they’ll be happy to sign their petition because nothing would make them happier than to give them a rematch and shove those title belts down their throats. Hernandez shoves both Daniels and Kazarian, then they sign the petition because they’ll give Daniels and Kazarian a rematch anytime, anyplace.

We go to Hogan’s office and Thunderlips lets each man plead their case as to why they deserve a title shot. Storm says he’ll whip somebody’s ass because he’s tired of taking backseats, Ray Ray said he’s still steaming over his brother, Angle says he’d still be champion if he didn’t get hurt and he wants the title back, and Anderson doesn’t know what Hogan wants unless Hogan wants him to grovel at his feet. Hogan says he made it easy, and Anderson is out first. Aries catches him on the way out and asks him if he didn’t train enough or say enough prayers, and says that he’s a better wrestler, better dresser, and even a bigger asshole than Anderson. He throws his water in Anderson’s face, and Anderson proceeds to kick his ass, break a table over his head, and proceeds to get on top of Aries and punch him in the face while Aries goes “YOU’RE A BIGGER ASSHOLE, HUH?” Anderson gets up and walks off, and Aries challenges him to a match tonight. Anderson says he’s on and we go to commercial.

((Jarrett’s Jab – This in a nutshell is why I hate these “deliberations,” Anderson said it like it is, is he supposed to beg for a title shot? Because he didn’t, is that why he’s cut? And for the record, I laughed at the Los Stereotypicos line by Daniels. If I ever wrote down a list of guys that should be handed the TNA World Title, either Daniels or Bully Ray would be the top spot.))

-Commercial Break-

We go to the Aces & Eights Clubhouse, where Devon says he talked to the President, who says that the masks don’t come off under any circumstances since those are their identities. Devon says he brought some ladies so they can have some good times like in the old days. But before that, they need to take someone out, and they need to do it tonight. The Vice President gets up and throws a dart at a board with pictures of the TNA roster on it, and Devon says it looks like they figured out who their target is tonight.

Television Championship: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Robbie T (with Robbie E)

Robbie T powers Joe into the corner, and Joe tears into him with a pair of hard chops. A shoulderblock doesn’t budge Terry, and Terry takes Joe out with a double axhandle before pummeling him with forearms in the corner. Joe connects with someforearms of his own, but Terry hits a leaping spinkick to swing the advantage back in his favor. Terry goes for a chokeslam, but Joe fights his way out. Terry gets him a second time and lifts him up for the chokeslam. Joe floats out behind Terry and gets the Kokina Clutch, Terry backs Joe into the corner, Joe gets the hold again and Terry fights out again, so Joe jumps onto Terry’s back and gets the hold again. Terry falls backward and drops all his weight on Joe to break the hold, but Joe goes right back to the Kokina Clutch and Terry taps out.

Winner by Submission and STILL Television Champion: Samoa Joe

We look back at Tara beating Miss Tessmacher for the Knockouts Title at Bound For Glory, then we go to Tessmacher as she says that it has seemed like forever since she’s had the title on Tara so she can win the title, but she can’t wait to get her hands on Tara and send her and Jesse back to the D-list where they belong.

Back to Hogan’s office, as he asks Angle what he thinks of Bully Ray. Angle says he thinks Ray is too focused on his brother, and he understands it, but he’d want to kick his brother’s ass. Storm says he got stabbed in the back by his brother, and he doesn’t think Ray is focused on the title match. Ray says he sure is focused on his brother, and he wants to get ahold of him and get some answers out of him. Hogan says that just gave him the answer he needs, and tells Ray to go take care of his brother. Ray said that he would before leaving he office

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the back, Mister Anderson is yelling what I assume is an agent and says that he’s sick of Aries walking around like some kind of peacock, and since Hogan says it’s okay, to go get him right now.

-Commercial Break-

Ken Anderson vs. Austin Aries

Anderson takes Aries to the corner, breaks clean, and yells “COME ON, BITCH!” Aries takes Anderson to the ropes and swings, but Anderson blocks and drills him back, sending Aries out to the floor. Aries takes a long count to break the momentum, then comes in and takes Anderson to the corner, shoving him on the break and getting drilled in the face in return. Anderson gets on top of Aries and start nailing rights and lefts, but Aries rolls out to the floor to avoid an elbowdrop. He takes a stroll beforecoming bak and catching a back elbow right to the face. Anderson pulls brass knucks out of his tights and stares at them for a moment, and Aries nails Anderson. I might have missed it, but I assume that Aries planted the knucks on Anderson. Anderson goes back to unloading on Aries but winds up getting dumped out to the floor where Aries takes him out with a heat-seeking missile through the ropes as we go to commercial.

-Commercial Break-

Aries is beating Anderson up in the corner as we come back from commercial. Anderson starts firing back and whips Aries hard into the corner, but charges right into his boot and is down again. Aries connects with a kneedrop to the back of the head for two, and then drills Anderson with forearms. Anderson turns A Double inside out with a clothesline before connecting with some back elbows and a discus clothesline. Anderson nails a rolling neckbreaker, but gets blocked when he tries the Finlay roll. Aries misses a elbow and takes the business end of a spinning enziguiri, sending him right out to the floor. Anderson comes over the top rope and takes Aries out with a crossbody, then rolls Aries inside and covers for a two count. Anderson tries the Finlay roll again, but Aries holds onto the referee and falls on top of him. He gets the brass knucks out of the referee’s pocket and goes after Anderson with them, but Anderson gets the knucks and the referee sees and takes them out of his hand. While the referee is busy disposing of the knucks, Aries takes another set of knucks out of his tights and drills Anderson with them…then pulls Anderson on top of him and kicks out at two. Anderson is out cold, and Aries quickly gets him in the Last Chancery and the referee stops the match when he sees that Anderson is out.

Winner by Pinfall: Austin Aries

((Jarrett’s Jab – A great match and a great feud if Aries wins the strap. The battle of the assholes! I’d love for that to be a tagline on a PPV poster.))

-Commercial Break-

Tara and Jesse are backstage telling Brooke Hogan about how many tomato baths they had to take after getting touched by ODB last week. Brooke tells Tara to get to the ring for her title defense, but tells Jesse to stay put and to watch out because she heard ODB had an eye on him before wishing him good luck with that.

Mike Tenay and Taz take over on commentary as we head to the ring for our next title match!

Knockouts Championship: Tara (c) (with Jesse) vs. Miss Tessmacher

Jesse comes out with Tara, but Tessmacher dropkicks Tara while Jesse is holding the ropes so she can get into the ring. Despite Tara never making it in the ring, the referee rings the bell as Tessmacher is kicking Tara in any open place on the outside. She hits a snapmare and connects with repeated kicks to the back before slamming Tara’s face into the mat repeatedly. Jesse gets up on the ring apron and takes his shirt off to distract Tessmacher and allow Tara to nail her from behind. Tara goes out after her and rams Tessmacher’s face into the apron, then rolls her back inside and now slams Tessmacher’s face into the mat several times before gouging at her face. Tara stops to make out with Jesse, then goes back to working Tessmacher over. Tessmacher starts coming back, but Jesse pulls the ropes open as Tessmacher runs into them and Tessmacher goes to the outside. Jesse rolls Tessmacher back inside and Tara hits the Widow’s Peak for the win.

Winner by Pinfall and STILL Knockouts Champion: Tara

Tara and Jesse make out a bunch, and then Brooke Hogan’s music hits and she comes out to tell Tara that next week is Open Fight Night, and she just got off the phone with a very feisty ODB who wants to challenge Jesse to a match. Jesse looks really unhappy at this and hugs Tara’s feet.

((Jarrett’s Jab – Why would Jesse have to answer? Is he getting banned from the Impact Zone because he’s not a member of the roster.))

-Commercial Break-

Joseph Park comes into Hulk Hogan’s match to follow up on their meeting last week, and Hogan doesn’t want to let him get in the ring with Aces & Eights, but Park says Hogan wasn’t the one who was denied his basic human rights. Hogan says he’s responsible for everyone who works there, and Park hands him a hold-harmless and says that he’s free to do whatever he needs to and it clears Dixie, Hogan and Spike TV of any liabilities. Park tells Hogan to help him if he wants, and otherwise just stay out of his way. Hogan says he’ll think about it before ordering Park to get out of his office.

Bully Ray comes out to the ring and says he’s been in the business for over 20 years and nothing shocks him anymore, but when the mask came off and he found out that Devon was behind Aces & Eights, he was shocked. Devon said a bunch of nothing last week, so he tells Devon to come out and tell him why he did what he did face to face. Devon comes out with the entire group in tow, and hides behind them as he says he doesn’t owe Ray an explanation. They are no longer a team, they’re no longer family, and they’re nothing. Devon did what he did two years ago, and he did what he did, enough said because it has nothing to do with Ray. It all has to do with Hogan because he said he wanted Devon back because he’s such a great wrestler and a great champion, but he never called or texted Devon. Hogan and Dixie did nothing for him when he was down and out, and it was Aces & Eights who had his back and picked him up. It doesn’t end here, and when everything is said and done, they’ll take out each of the people who wronged them one by one. He tells Ray to go home and leave it be because it’s done and Ray isn’t even a threat anymore. Ray says it’s over when he says it’s over, and as far as what he did to Devon two years ago, Devon knows exactly why he did it and it is between them. Devon is hiding behind Aces & Eights and is a lying sack of crap, because they had planned to retire as champions, but Chris Sabin kicked out of their finish, and nobody ever kicked out of their finish anywhere they’ve ever been, but Sabin kicked out on him. The part nobody knew that nobody ever thought Devon would tell the world is that when Ray had his head down and felt like crap, Ray will never forget that Devon asked him what the big deal was because they’re rich and to screw the fans. Ray tells Devon to go ahead and deny he said it. Devon said it is true and says to screw these idiots because he doesn’t care about them, but Ray says they’re doing too much talking since they were always about fighting, so he tells Devon to get rid of the guys they’re hiding behind so they can fight right now. Devon says no because it’s not on Ray’s time, and to get his head out of his ass because the world doesn’t revolve around him. Devon says he’s going home, and Aces & Eights heads to the back. Ray says this is so typical of Devon because he’s a coward who hid behind him, he had no balls then and he has no balls now. Ray tells Devon to do himself a favor because next week is Open Fight Night, and Ray doesn’t have to think about it because he’s challenging Devon. Somebody’s going to get his ass kicked, and somebody’s going through a table. Taz raves that because it’s Open Fight Night, Devon has to accept.

((Jarrett’s Jab – Another week and Devon has really impressed me on the microphone. Bully Ray continues to be the best thing going in pro wrestling right now. I like that they finally gave a reason why Devon is in Aces and Eights and it does make sense. As for Hogan, I stopped believing anything he was involved in made any sense long ago. I don’t get why Devon would have to answer the challenge, I hope they explain that next week, is that part of the stipulation where they get full access into the Impact Zone? ))

-Commercial Break-

The Mystery Cameraman catches up backstage with Matt Morgan and Joey Ryan, who says that the rules don’t apply to them, and maybe it’s time to get some X Division gold around his waist. Morgan says that Hogan’s days of holding him down are over, and Matt Morgan will do what he wants, where he wants, and where he wants, and dares Hogan to try and stop him.

We look at this month’s contestant in the Gut Check…and it’s Christian York! How about that? He says that he’s been wrestling for 16 years and had a chance in TNA ten years ago, and he teamed with Joey Matthews (a.k.a. Joey Mercury from MNM and Joseph Mercury of Straight Edge Society) and watched him go to OVW and wind up on TV, and wishes they had been able to do it together. He knows he’s not getting any younger and needs to make his mark, and he plans to do it next week in the Gut Check.

Hulk Hogan is backstage with James Storm and Kurt Angle, and he says that Storm has been through a war and he has a big plan for him, but that cyborg Kurt Angle’s getting the title shot tonight. Hogan tells Storm they need to talk as Angle makes his way out to the Impact Zone for the main event.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Kurt Angle

Angle takes Hardy to the corner and breaks clean, then they tie up again in the middle of the ring and Hardy takes Angle down with an armdrag. Hardy bars the arm and Angle gets to his feet and takes Hardy to the corner, but this time he drills him in the jaw and Hardy goes down. Angle continues his assult on Hardy in the corner, but Hardy comes back and stomps Angle down in the corner and hits the springboard basement dropkick in the corner. Angle tries coming off the second rope but leaps right into an inverted atomic drop, and Hardy does the double leg takedown/basement dropkick/double legdrop to the crotch combo for two. Angle responds by crotching Hardy on the top rope and charging with a forearm that sends Hardy tumbling out to the floor as we go to commercial.

-Commercial Break-

Both men wipe each other out with a double clothesline as we come back from the break. Hardy recovers first and dumps Angle out to the floor and then flatlines him with a clothesline off the apron. Whisper In The Wind once they’re back in the ring gives the world champion a two count. Angle blocks the Twist of Fate and gets hits the trifecta rolling German suplexes for two. Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Hardy counters to the Twist of Fate and goes up top for the Swanton. He takes about six years to get up there and gives enough time for Angle to pop up to the top rope and hit a release suplex for two. Angle powerbombs Hardy for two and catches Hardy in the anklelock on the kickout. Hardy rolls through and hits an inverted enziguiri, and then he goes back up top and goes for the Swanton. Angle rolls out of the way and Hardy crashes and burns. Angle hits the Angle Slam and covers for two, them he goes for another German suplex but Hardy shoves him off. The World Champion hits two Twists of Fate, then goes back up and hits the Swanton, but only gets two. Angle backdrops Hardy out to the floor, and immediately goes and rolls Hardy back inside. The straps come down and Angle goes for another Hacker Slam, but Hardy shifts his weight and comes out behind Angle, rolling him up for three.

Winner by Pinfall and STILL: Jeff Hardy

Austin Aries runs in and knocks Hardy out, then gets a mic and said with all the pairs of eyes he has, he thought he’d have some in the back of his head. He says that he’ll cash in his rematch at Turning Point, not for the Hardy belt, but for the World Championship he had. Hardy’s going back to the outhouse and Aries is headed back to the penthouse, and he’s so confident that he’s going to win at Turning Point that he’s taking the original title belt with him for safekeeping.

Backstage Aces & Eights is kicking the crap out of Kurt Angle, and they run off when Wes Brisco and Garett Bischoff come in and chase them off. Wes Brisco yells for help for Angle.

((Jarrett’s Jab – I loved that Hardy got a meaningful win against a top talent. Truth be told, Aries should be the World Champion right now and gotten that win in my eyes, but at least if Aries wins at Turning Point, it’ll mean something with Hardy getting a big win like that under his belt.))