TNA iMPACT Wrestling Results (5/19): “Back From the Dead”

Source: TNAStars.com

Opening Segment
The show starts with a recap of Mick Foley’s “wrestling matters” speech and highlights from Sunday’s Sacrifice Pay-Per-View. A new opener plays and now we’re in the “IMPACT WRESTLING Zone” ((Jarrett’s Jab – I’ve read comments all over the web about IMPACT WRESTLING becoming a SmackDown 2.0. Figured I’d put it like this: At least the champ on IMPACT tries to make careers, not kill them.))

Eric Bischoff and Immortal kick the show off with an in-ring promo. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Some things never change.)) Bischoff asks the fans if they like what he and Hogan did with the place, even though Mick Foley had nothing to do with it and if it were up to him, it’d be thumbtacks matter, not wrestling, and he wonders when he woke up and saw Frank Gotch in the mirror. Bischoff says Hogan is in New York meeting with Mick Foley and network executives, and he’ll be done with Mick Foley soon. Since everyone else is gone, Eric Bischoff, Ric Flair, and Immortal are running the show, and anybody who gets in their way is going to pay the price.

Brian Kendrick’s music hits, and he comes out with the X-Division crew out to the ring. Kendrick says Bischoff’s accusing of wrestlers getting in his way on a wrestling show, and that’s funny coming from a non-wrestler who has leeched off the business since Kendrick was a kid. Bischoff comes out to the aisle to meet Kendrick face to face and he says he’s glad Kendrick came out to express his feelings, but Bischoff says he’s going to make history by wiping out the X-Division once and for all. Since it’s not about weight limits but no limits, there really will be no limits when Frankie Kazarian faces Abyss, Mildly Moderately Red will face Samoa Joe, and Generation Me will have their dream come true when they get into the ring with one of their idols, Matt Hardy, and Hardy’s partner…Eric Bischoff, who is going to kick some vanilla **** ass. Kendrick asks if Bischoff has anything for him, and Bischoff responds by slapping him in the face, leading to an all-out brawl with Immortal laying out the X-Division guys. Fortune runs out and attacks Immortal and clears them out of the ring. The fight continues out to the aisle before cooling off, but Flair goes after James Storm and the fight breaks out again. The X-Division guys recover and go after Immortal, clearing them out of the ring and hitting a series of big dives. It is just bedlam as the fight tears its way around ringside, and then Flair challenged Robert Roode to meet him out in the ring later in the evening. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Although with the rebranding and new slogan, the show should have been kicked off with a strong wrestling match, I like that they have set up for several good matches for the evening. Is it sad that in the Tag Match, Eric Bischoff would be the best performer in it? He’d be the Jeff Jarrett of the Karen/Kurt feud.))

-Commercial Break-

Sarita, Rosita and Madison Rayne vs Mickie James, Tara and Miss Tessmacher

Hernandez and Anarquia come out to the broadcast booth for the next match. Madison and Tara start, but Madison tags out to Rosita before any wrestling happens. Tara steps out and Mickie comes in to face Rosita. Rosita gets up in Mickie’s face and get’s shoved on her ass and gets a hammerlock into a side headlock. Rosita uses the hair to take Mickie back to her corner and tags out to Madison, and the three of them triple team Mickie in the corner. Mickie fires back with right forearms and tags in Tara, but Madison runs back to her corner and tags Sarita in. Sarita dropkicks Tara in the back and charges her in the corner, Tara gets a sunset flip, Sarita rolls through, and Tara wipes Sarita out with a clothesline and tags Tessmacher in. The two take Sarita out with a double clothesline and Tessmacher hits a running elbowdrop for a two count. Tessmacher hits a series of forearms but Rosita grabs her from the outside and now the heels beat Tessmacher down 3-on-1 in the corner. Tessmacher gets a rollup for two and then tags out to Tara, and Madison again tags out to Rosita, who gets flattend by clotheslines. Tara nails a spinning side suplex for two. All hell breaks loose in the ring when Madison sneaks up on Tara. Madison gets caught, so she tosses Rosita to Tara, who hits a Sky High and pins Rosita for the win.

Winners by Pinfall: Tara, Mickie James & Miss Tessmacher

((Jarrett’s Jab – Great Opener, Wrestling Apparently Matters. Miss Techmacher is a little rough around the edges, but otherwise is a solid addition to the Knockouts Divison…with a hot entrance too!))

-Commercial Break-

Whoever is impersonating Sting is wandering around backstage, and then we see Eric Bischoff telling Abyss that he wants him to destroy Kazarian, and ask himself what would Sansu do.

X-Division Title Match: Frankie Kazarian vs Abyss

Abyss charges Kazarian in the corner, but Kazarian dodges out of the way and lays in right hands. Kazarian dodges another charge and goes up for the ten punches in the corner. Kazarian with a flying forearm, slides between the legs of Abyss, and hits a dropkick, but then Abyss catches him with a back elbow. Abyss whips Kazarian to the corner and follows in with a running splash and tries a chokeslam, Kazarian slips out of the way and dodges yet another charge, then hits a springboard dropkick and both men are down. Kazarian with a flying headscissors out of the corner, a springboard elbow, and a Lionsault gets 2. Kazarian tries kicking Abyss’ legs out and gets backdropped to the apron, Kazarian nails Abyss and goes up top but Abyss catches him coming off and goes for a chokeslam and Kazarian reverses to a victory roll for 2. Abyss picks Kazarian up and hits Shock Treatment and goes for the Vader Bomb, but Kazarian rolls out of the way and Abyss hits hard on his knee. Kazarian goes right after the knee like a shark, but the referee backs Kazarian off. Kazarian brushes past him, but Abyss kicks him coming in with the big boot, revealing the leg injury to be a ruse, and hits the Black Hole Slam for the win and the title.

Winner and NEW X-Division Champion: Abyss

Taz says he bets the internet is burning up right now as Abyss tells the camera how smart he is for faking the leg injury to sucker Kazarian in. ((Jarrett’s Jab – He would be smarter if he hadn’t cut that promo and just scared the referee. And Kazarian wasn’t called the TNA X-Divsion Champion, just the X-Divsion Champion. The TNA Logo wasn’t in the title graphic either.))

Gunner is stalking around angrily backstage as we head back to the ring for our next match…

Samoa Joe vs Amazing Red

Red charges Joe in the corner and runs right into the STJoe. Joe unloads with hard right hands, Red ducks and dodges around Joe and tries a spinning enziguiri, but Joe ducks and rams Red to the corner, hits a leaping enziguiri of his own, and finishes with the Muscle Buster for the win in just over a minute.

Winner: Samoa Joe

Joe continues attacking Red after the match and repeatedly drills him in the corner with punches, drawing Crimson out and the two of them start brawling. Crimson hits a T-bone suplex and Joe scurries out to the floor and runs it to the back. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Glad they noted about Crimson’s streak, Joe’s long undefeated streak, and the fact that Crimson is Red’s brother. Personally I had forgotten that last one myself.))

-Commercial Break-

AJ Styles is in the ring wearing a neck brace and tells Tommy Dreamer to get out to the ring so they can talk. Tommy comes on out, and AJ tells Tommy that he’ll be in the neck brace for the next few weeks because Tommy Dreamer gave him a piledriver through a table. Maybe AJ came back a little too early because he’s a pro wrestler and that’s what he does, and they went out at Sacrifice and killed themselves because of Bully Ray, Hulk Hogan, and Immortal, and if Dreamer wasn’t at their beck and call, his contract would cease to exist and that’s why AJ doesn’t hold him responsible for Sacrifice. Truth be told, he would have done the same thing in Tommy’s position, but he knows that wrestling means as much to Tommy as it does to him. Tommy asks him if AJ thinks he couldn’t beat AJ if he didn’t have a hurt neck already, and if AJ thinks he can walk a mile in his shoes for all he has done for this business. Is AJ saying that he’s better than him? Tommy says he built a wrestling company and didn’t have his hand held through the whole time, he wrestled hurt and would get put out and didn’t get paid for it. The first time he piledrove AJ through the table, it’s because he was forced to do it, but now he does what he does because he wants to do it. Tommy sucker punches AJ and says the fans will turn on him in a heartbeat because they don’t care about him. He elbow drops and stomps the crap out of AJ while yelling at the fans for turning on him after all he had done, and tells AJ to do it for the fans who will turn on him, the fans who pay his bills for him. AJ takes Tommy down with a double leg but Tommy twists the neck, yanks the neck brace off, and drills him with right hands. Finally, Christopher Daniels runs and shoves Dreamer off of AJ and asks what’s wrong with him. Dreamer goes to leave but comes back to nail Daniels, but Daniels saw him coming and went after him first. Daniels beats Dreamer down in the corner, but bully Ray runs in from behind, suckerpunches AJ with the chain, and then Daniels turns around and sees Ray. Dreamer lowblows Daniels from behind and Ray boots him in the face as the fans chant “you sold out” at Ray and Dreamer. Dreamer yells at the fans “I sold out, right?” and then picks AJ up and delivers another piledriver as we go to commercial. ((Jarrett’s Jab – The slave concept has been worn out over the past year or two and now that that’s over and now Dreamer is officially a heel. Seeing the Piledriver after 1996 makes me cringe, as it is career-threatening if it is executed even the slightest bit wrong. And when Dreamer was responding to the “You Sold Out” Chants, it reminded me of when Jeff Jarrett was plagued with them and said the “I didn’t sell out, I bought in!” line.))

Sting is backstage saying he hasn’t forgotten his focus, because it’s still on Hogan and Bischoff and he’ll have more to say later in the evening. Meanwhile, the guy who is dressing up as Sting is walking around backstage.

Back to the ring, and a broadly smiling Kurt Angle comes down to the ring to share his thoughts. He says ding dong, the bitch is dead because after months and months, the big fat throbbing pain in his ass is gone. He gives credit to Chyna for coming back after ten years in hiatus to do a special favor for him, and asks the crowd if any of them saw the match while the crowd starts a “This is an Awesome!” chant, and if they didn’t, it was awesome! Kurt notes that Chyna planted Karen’s face in the mat and proceeded to break her ankle. He wants to thank Chyna and is indebted to her, but after six long, grueling months, he gets a one-on-one match with Jeff Jarrett at Slammiversary, and Mick Foley just told Kurt that the winner of that match will become the #1 contender to the TNA World Title, and he’s going to make Jarrett tap at Slammiversary. Jeff Jarrett comes out to confront Angle, and says that Kurt ought to ask Foley what he did to deserve one final match with him, and Kurt can come out and cry foul all he wants because every time they’ve faced one another, he’s beaten Angle. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Figured I’d beat others to the punch, this statement is almost true. Kurt only has one victory against Jeff, at Genesis 2009.)) He can put all the heat he wants on Karen, but they both know that’s total bull(bleep), because it was Kurt who allowed himself to be distracted due to his ADD and mental incompetence. Crowd starts a “you tapped out” chant at Jarrett, who says he’s kept his eye on the ball and stayed focused and didn’t allow any distractions because he’s better then Kurt. Kurt gets right in his face and Jarrett repeats that he’s better than him, and he can’t believe that a gold medalist who is adored by millions of kids will come out here and make excuses, but if they want to go one final time, then Jarrett’s up for that and if Kurt believes that he’s better than Jeff, then he’ll have no problem agreeing to a special stipulation because if he beats Kurt at Slammiversary, he wants Angle’s gold medal. Jarrett extends his hand to Angle, who smiles and shakes it, then pulls Jarrett in and they go face to face. Suddenly Jarrett’s music hits and Karen Jarrett, in a wheelchair, comes up through the floor through Kurt’s entrance and tells Kurt that Jeff won’t be alone at Slammiversary and (Velvet Sky sneaks out of the back behind Karen as Jeff starts pointing like a maniac to Karen) Kurt will never, ever take her out. Velvet snatches the mic out of Karen’s hand and asks the crowd if they want to see Karen go for a ride. She shoves Karen’s wheelchair down the ramp and Jeff tries to stop her, but she comes flying out of the chair anyway and gets knocked silly while Velvet and Kurt laugh it up.

Generation Me are backstage talking about the bad things they did to each other, but they’re going to put it aside to defend the X-Division, and tonight they’re going to show that blood is thicker than water.

Eric Bischoff is getting ready for the match and the phone rings and it’s Hulk Hogan, and Bischoff is apparently happy with what he hears and tells Hogan that he’s going to lay out a couple of vanilla *****es.

-Commercial Break-

The Jarrett’s are backstage and Jeff is on the phone with Eric Bischoff and tells Karen that Velvet will never be a problem again because she will take on Winter and Angelina Love in a handicap match tonight.

Generation Me vs Matt Hardy & Eric Bischoff

Jeremy and Matt start, and Matt gets a go behind and a cheap forearm to the back. Jeremy gets a boot to the gut and exchange wristlocks and headlocks with Matt. Matt takes Jeremy down with a pair of shoulderblocks, but Jeremy gets a dropkick and tags out to Max. Max comes off the top with a double axhandle to Matt’s arm and tags back out to Jeremy. Jeremy comes in and delivers a double stomp to Matt’s arm, but Matt catches Jeremy with the Side Effect, and then connects with it again. Matt points to Bischoff and says he’s going to set him up nice, then gets a three quarter nelson and cranks it hard. Jeremy elbows his way out and makes a blind tag to his brother, and they hit a quick series of double teams. The Bucks continue double teaming Matt and hit him with Poetry In Motion, then Jeremy spears Matt and starts drilling him with punches until Bischoff kicks him from the outside. Max tags in and starts to trade punches with Matt. Matt comes out on top and hits a vertical suplex for two. Matt with a side neckbreaker and crawls over to make the tag, but Bischoff tells him to get back to fighting Gen Me. Jeremy tags in and hits a top rope splash on Matt for two, then goes back up for a 450 but Matt gets the knees up. Jeremy quickly tags out to Max, who quickly gets caught in the Icepick, but Hardy lets Max out of the hold and then tags out to Bischoff and holds Max so Bischoff can hit a leaping spinkick and a knockout kick to the head. Bischoff then rolls Max over and cradles him for the win.

Winners: Matt Hardy & Eric Bischoff

Bischoff and Hardy stand with their arms raised in victory in the middle of the ring acting like they just won the World Tag Team Title. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Bischoff played a smaller role in the match than I would have liked. Impact Wrestling maybe where Wrestling Matters, but Bischoff is entertainment. And the Icepick looks more like an Orlando Jordan move than a Matt Hardy one.))

Winter tells a zombie Angelina Love that it’s over after tonight and once Velvet Sky is gone, they’ll be alone just like before, in a different time and place. Winter asks Angelina if she remembers, then kisses Angelina and leads her out to the ring.

Winter & Angelina Love vs Velvet Sky

Velvet and Winter tangle briefly before Winter tags in Angelina. Velvet suckerpunches Winter off the apron and then nails Angelina, but Angelina no-sells and tags out to Winter. Winter with a go behind into a waistlock, but Velvet pops out and gets a snapmare and a diving baseball slide for two. Winter rams Velvet into her corner and tags out to Angelina and they go for a double clothesline, but Velvet ducks and wipes both of them out with stereo clotheslines. Velvet with a sleeper on Angelina, but Angelina easily escapes. Winter snaps Velvet down on the top rope and Angelina wipes her out with a clothesline and then rains punches down on Velvet. Winter and Angelina tag in and out on Velvet and work her over, then Winter hits a spinning uranage backbreaker. Angelina comes in and goes to pick Velvet up, but Velvet small packages her and gets the win out of nowhere.

Winner by pinfall: Velvet Sky

Winter is irate, and suddenly ODB comes out of nowhere and blindsides Velvet, laying her out and telling her to “kiss my ass, you dirty whore!”

Miss Tessmacher is backstage and freaking out because nobody told her that she had a photo shoot, and it looks like Eric Young is the one conducting the photo session. Eric takes his shirt and pants off and shows Tessmacher how to pose, but Gunner comes in and gets in Young’s face. Eric says they took each other to the limit last Thursday to get the TV Title, and they have respect and love each other, but-Gunner tires of Young’s talking and beats the crap out of him and says this isn’t a joke. He takes the belt and walks off, and Young says that’s a great idea, and Gunner better hold the old belt while he handles the TV Title.

Ric Flair comes out to the ring and tells Robert Roode to come out to the ring and come face to face with him. Roode joins him, and Flair says he hasn’t slept since he tapped out to Roode in Cincinnati, and he asks what makes Roode think he can jump on Flair like that. Roode says that flair came to TNA and taught him a lot, but Lockdown was a war and one of the things Flair taught him was taking advantage of opportunities and if the shoe was on the other foot, Flair would have done the same to him. Flair says he’s wrong because if the shoe was on the other foot, he would have put Roode out for the rest of his career. He got Roode drunk and got him laid and taught him how to wrestle and play harder and wrestling is what they’re selling now. Roode says that he’s a man and don’t underestimate him and they can just forget about what happened at Lockdown and Flair’s had his time. Flair says people have been telling him that for 25 years, and he’s not Ken Anderson, he’s Ric Flair. He’s glad Roode did it and he’s said to be the man, you have to beat the man, but becoming the man and staying the man are two different things and tells Roode to come at him again right now. Roode says this is over, but Flair slaps him and says it’s not over until he says it’s over. Flair grabs Roode by the throat, so Roode takes Flair down with a Fujiwara armbar and cranks on it until the rest of Immortal run into the ring and beat himdown 4-on-1. Hardy holds Roode down while Bully Ray whips him with his chain, then he tells Abyss to go get two chairs. Ray continues to whip Roode as Abyss gets the chairs, then Gunner puts one chair vertically on Roode’s arm and Hardy slams the other chair onto it to drive it into Roode’s arm like a spike. Roode starts writhing around on the mat in agony.

Sting is backstage, and he’s…WALKING! And so is his impersonator!

Sting comes out to close the show and gets a big reaction from the crowd, then says he wants to take a minute to acknowledge a great wrestler: Rob Van Dam, who took him to the limit last Sunday. RVD chant starts and Sting says he got by, by the skin of his teeth last Sunday, but he hasn’t lost his focus on Hogan and Bischoff and taking the power away from them and putting it back where it belongs. Being the World Champion makes you a target and he knows that because it wasn’t even a minute after getting his hand raised that Ken Anderson was in his face. Suddenly, Sting’s music hits again and as if we all didn’t know exactly who it was going to be, the lights go out and when they come back up, Ken Anderson is dressed as the old neon Sting, nails him with a baseball bat, and gives him a Scorpion Deathdrop, then kneels over him and yells ANDERSON in his face as we go off the air.

((Jarrett’s Jab – Although I would rather have an actual main event match, this needed to be done to get heat on Anderson. Wrestling Matters according to the graphics, but it seemed to be missing out of the show that everyone had their eyes on. I like the videos that played about the fans saying why wrestling matters to them and hope TNA continues to do that. That actually inspired me to remember why wrestling matters to me. That’s it for tonight, see you next week for Kurt Angle vs. Rob Van Dam, AJ/Daniels vs. Dreamer/Ray, and Jeff Jarrett vs. an opponent of Kurt Angle’s choice, only on IMPACT WRESTLING!))