TNA iMPACT! Results (5/5): “The Network is Coming”

Source: TNAStars.com

Opening Segment
The standard recap of last week’s events lead to Immortal in the ring and Sting and Rob Van Dam trying to get in the ring and fight them. TNA Security holds them back, and Hogan says they’d stand out there all night long to fight them but the Three Stooges are holding them back. Hogan says Sting can hide behind everyone else all they want, but if there’s a network rep out there who’s going to screw with him, he wants to know who it is and if Sting knows who it is, he better spill it or Immortal will wipe him out and figure it out later. Sting says that next week, he…no, she will reveal herself later and it’ll be on. A brawl breaks out with Sting, RVD, and Fortune brawling with Immortal and Immortal gets cleared out of the ring. Robert Roode calls Hogan a coward and says that he’s had it with Hogan and he’s not going to talk about how they built this company and Hogan, Bischoff and Flair cashed in on their deal, but he thought he knew Hogan but he has something Hogan doesn’t: pride. He busts his ass every week, not just for himself, but the fans as well and every week when he flies home and can support his family, that’s the best feeling he can have. He asks what Hogan’s earned, and says Hogan hasn’t earned a damn thing because he’s spent 18 months stealing from the TNA fans because he took TNA out from under Dixie Carter and crushed people’s dreams. Hogan fired Jay Lethal and that hit home because he did whatever he was told to do with a smile on his face because he wanted to provide for his family. Roode introduces himself to Hogan formally, and says he’s going to stand up to Hogan because next week, things are going to change. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Shocking change from the former modern day Ted DiBiase, Sr. I guess after him running with the rich gimmick so long, they had to say it’s a character to get him over more. And Jay Lethal was a great talent, if he can be released, I’m afraid of who is next.))

The Jarretts are backstage accusing Velvet Sky of being Kurt Angle’s mistress, and Karen says she has an offer for Velvet that she can’t refuse.

-Commercial Break-

Matt Hardy is backstage ragging on Beer Money and saying he’s one half of the greatest tag team of all time, and he’s got a special partner to challenge Beer Money at Sacrifice. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Four words: Please don’t be Jeff!))

Suicide vs Sangriento

A fast paced lucha libra-style sequence starts off the match with Suicide coming out on top, but Sangriento dropkicks Suicide to the floor and hits a Frankensteiner to the floor. Sangriento goes to the apron but Suicide sweeps the legs out from under him and cover in the ring for two. Suicide with repeated clotheslines in the corner for two, Sangriento tries to leapfrog out of Suicide’s way but gets dropkicked into the corner and Suicide covers for two. Sangriento nails Suicide and gets a second rope dropkick for two, then hits a Frankensteiner for two again but Suicide bulldogs Sangriento into the second turnbuckle and goes for something. Sangriento escapes and hits a series of kicks followed by a springboard Diamond Cutter for the win.

Winner by pinfall: Sangriento

Hulk Hogan is backstage talking about how great it felt to hit D-Lo and he and Bischoff talk about who could be behind the Network thing. They don’t want to believe it’s Flair, but they have no idea who it could be. ((Jarrett’s Jab – If Sangriento isn’t a rip-off of Sin Cara, then TNA needs to make it look that way. Timing sure didn’t help their cause. If it is the reason why Sangriento is there, less Hogan and more X Division will help.))

-Commercial Break-

Mexican America is in the ring celebrating Cinco De Mayo. Hernandez tells us to stand up and worship our new national flag, and Anarquia tells us that they celebrate Cinco De Mayo because they won some battle that didn’t mean anything, Our land will belong to them, etc etc. Sarita says this is no celebration without the Spanish announce team, and calls Willie Urbina and Hector Guerrero down to the ring. Anarquia puts Hector over for coming from the greatest Mexican wrestling family ever, then gets in Urbina’s face for being Puerto Rican, and Hernandez lays him out. Hector goes to Urbina’s rescue, and Anarquia tells Hector that if he’s with Urbina then he’s a sellout. Ink Inc runs out and chases Mexican America off, and Jesse Neal tells Mexican America that they don’t disrespect the USA and they don’t disrespect the flag, and he tells Mexican America to get their green cards and not let the door hit them in the ass on the way out. ((Jarrett’s Jab – It’s surprisingly, I don’t know who I hate more, Mexican America or Shannon Moore. A few weeks ago Moore was a heel, and now all of a sudden he’s a face? Neal is the only one that makes sense, he was in the military, therefore should be standing up for the country. I have to admit, this is ironically timed and got great jeers from the fans.))

-Commercial Break-

Bully Ray & Gunner vs AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels

Daniels and Ray start and AJ tags in, but Ray runs for his life and tags in Gunner. AJ wipes Gunner out with a dropkick and then tags in Daniels, who hits a Northern lariat for a two count. AJ and Daniels hits the Total Elimination, but Ray nails Daniels from the outside and Gunner hits a clothesline for two. Daniels nails a flying forearm and makes the hot tag to AJ, who cleans house with Gunner. AJ nails a springboard forearm but Gunner goes to the eyes so AJ hits a Pele kick and goes for the slingshot 450. Ray shakes the ropes and then nails Daniels with a clothesline. Ray grabs the chain and chases off the referee. Tommy Dreamer runs out and gets in Ray’s face, then piledrives AJ for the DQ.

Not Contest

Bully Ray tells Dreamer “good choice” and he tells AJ that he’ll make him wish he never got in the ring. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Great match. I think it would have added a little to mention that AJ and Daniels are two time tag team champions. I’ve got to ask, and please correct me if I’m wrong, but has Dreamer ever been a heel? He looked like he was going to cry on his way out of the ring.))

-Commercial Break-

Tommy Dreamer is backstage flipping out and smashing up lockers for no discernible reason. We then flip over to AJ and Daniels with Kazarian as they try and figure out why Tommy did what he did. AJ says they’re getting answers and Dreamer’s taking a beating. Bully Ray finds Matt Hardy backstage and says that Dreamer did the right thing and he did what he’s gotta do to keep himself in this company. Dreamer looks stupid, but he’s not stupid, and he’s going to enjoy toying with Dreamer’s head. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Ok, Ray playing head games makes more sense, but I would have let that played out longer myself.))

And Winter is feeding pills to Angelina because their souls connected a long time ago and Winter has crossed eons of time to get back to her! ((Jarrett’s Jab – Please put an end to this! This drugging/zombie crap has got to end, who could actually buy this))

The Jarretts come down to the ring and Karen calls Velvet Sky out to. Velvet comes out and the crowd chants “sloppy seconds” at the Jarretts, and Karen says that nearly every girl in the locker room has been a champion except her, and she wonders why she continues to be walked over because she hears that Velvet lays down a lot. She accuses Velvet of hitching herself to Kurt’s wagon to get herself to the top, but that’s not going to happen because tonight it’s all going to come to a screeching halt. Velvet says she loves hearing herself talk to much that she’ll repeat that she has no idea what Karen is talking about. The only thing she’s shared with Kurt Angle is conversation, and she would never sink to sleeping with someone to get ahead because that’s more Karen’s style. Velvet says the only thing she’s right about is that Velvet has never been Knockouts Champion, but now that she’s not BFFs with Angelina anymore, her goal is to become the Knockouts Champion. Karen asks Velvet if she’s going to give Kurt a lap dance, but Karen says she was fooled by her ex-husband for 10 years and Jeff knows people in high places, and he’s arranged for a handicap match tonight with Velvet against Angelina Love and Winter, and once they’re done with her, Velvet will be in no shape to be a threat to Karen. Angelina and Winter come out and Karen tells Winter to take Velvet out.

Suddenly, Kurt Angle’s music hits and he comes, wearing a TNA Basebrawl jersey, stalking out to confront Jeff and Karen. He tells Jeff that he comes in peace and he promised the Network that he wouldn’t do anything he’d regret, and he says that Karen gets her handicap match tonight because it’s a mixed tag handicap match, and Angle will team with Velvet against Jeff, Winter, and Angelina, and he’s going to get Karen’s ass on a silver platter tonight. Velvet tells Karen that there’s one more thing: he’d like to invite Karen to join her husband at ringside tonight because after she’s done with Morticia and her zombie, she’s coming for her ass and she’ll put Karen over her knee and do what her mommy should have done a long time ago. ((Jarrett’s Jab – It is sad that in my opinion, The Jarretts are the most entertaining thing on iMPACT. Jeff Jarrett was an absolute riot with his expressions!))

Eric Bischoff is backstage complaining about how Kurt Angle can just make matches, and Murphy and Rob Terry offer to take Angle out. Bischoff says they haven’t proved anything to him, so he’s going to make them fight each other and the winner is in Immortal and the loser is history. ((Jarrett Jab – I’m really hoping for a double countout or something in that match.))

Crimson is backstage looking for Samoa Joe, but Joe is nowhere to be found.

Winner Leaves Immortal: Rob Terry vs Murphy

They trade blows in the middle of the ring, then trade clotheslines and Terry rams Murphy’s head off with a hard clothesline and an elbowdrop for two. Murphy wipes Terry out with a big boot to the face for two and then drills him in the face with right hands. Terry barrels Murphy into the corner and rams in repeated shoulderblocks to the ribcage, but Murpy gets the elbow up on a charge and hits a back suplex and a running kneedrop, then hits a top rope clothesline for two. Murphy goes for a piledriver but Terry backdrops him and hits the spinkick, then follows that up with a suplex into a powerslam for a three count.

Winner: Rob Terry

Murphy is now out of Immortal, then we go backstage to Hogan and Bischoff, and Hogan says he’s done with both guys because they’re fighting for a spot in Immortal. Bischoff says if he were the Network, he’d pick someone they would never expect because they need someone who knows the business.

-Commercial Break-

Samoa Joe arrives backstage, and Crimson gets in his face to thank him for the assist last week, and next time someone stomps his face in, he’ll turn his back. Joe says he didn’t ask anyone for help when he was a young undefeated phenom, and Crimson warns Joe to stay out of his way, Joe asks if that’s a threat and Crimson just tells Joe to take it any way he wants.

Knockouts Title Match: Mickie James vs Miss Tessmacher

Tessmacher works over Mickie’s shoulder to start, but Mickie wipes her out with a shoulderblock and dropkicks her. Tessmacher sweeps the legs for two, Mickie returns the favor for two, then they exchange forearms until Tessmacher nails her and gets a victory roll for two. Tessmacher gets an enziguiri for two and goes back to the arm, but Mickie comes back with clotheslines and gets a neckbreaker, then finishes with the jumping DDT.

Winner: Mickie James

Madison comes out with Tara and says she was the longest reigning Knockouts Champion ever and offered her a rematch out of the goodness of her heart, and now she wants Mickie to be a fighting champion and give her a rematch at Sacrifice for HER Knockouts Title. Mickie says if she wants it, she’s got it, but there’s a catch: at Lockdown, Mickie had to put her hair on the line to get a rematch, so she asks Madison what she’ll put on the line to get her rematch. Madison says to name it because she’ll do anything, and Mickie says that’s great because at Sacrifice, she’ll put the Knockouts Title on the line against the contract between Madison and Tara, so if Mickie wins then Tara can resume her career at TNA without being attached to Madison. Madison says Mickie’s got it, so the match is on. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Miss Techmacher’s entrance…wow! And I’m not too thrilled to see Rayne/James again, and I predicted the stipulation before it was said, It will be the beginning of Tara’s rise in TNA and I’m so happy for that!))

Brian Kendrick is leading Amazing Red and Generation Me saying that what happened to Jay Lethal is crap and it’s not going to happen anymore, and they’re going to see Bischoff.

The X-Division guys find Eric Bischoff backstage and Kendrick asks him why Jay Lethal’s gone and the rest of them are sitting on their hands in the back. Bischoff says he cares about their careers and he believes in them and the secret is to grow a foot and a half. He doesn’t care about a bunch of runts bitching about what they don’t get around here because he just wants to hang out and drink his coffee and he tells them to get out of here. ((Jarrett’s Jab – This is the most attention Lethal’s got in a year, and he’s not even with the company, does his ROH booking bother TNA that bad or are they wanting The Revolution 2.0?))

We go to Mike Tenay and Taz, who will face each other for the TNA World Title at Sacrifice, and we go to comments from both men. Sting says RVD never lost his TNA World Title, and RVD says he’s still on top of his game, and he has the fans behind him. Sting will prepare the best he can, and RVD says he respects Sting for defending the title against him, but he hopes Sting won’t mistake his respect for weakness.

Jeff Jarrett, Winter & Angelina Love vs Kurt Angle & Velvet Sky

Velvet and Winter start and Winter works her over, but Velvet gets a Monkey Flip and a clothesline. Winter throws her into the corner and tags out to Angelina, Velvet hits a chinbrearker and unloads with a bunch of offense but Angelina no-sells so Velvet spears her and trades words with Karen Jarrett on the floor. Angelina boots Velvet out to the floor and we’re at commercial.

-Commercial Break-

We’re back, and Angelina is putting the boots to Velvet and then rains down punches on her. Winter tags in and they hit a double suplex on Velvet, but Velvet makes the hot tag to Angle, who comes in and cleans house on Jarrett. Angle with an overhead release suplex for two, the straps comes down, and Jarrett counters the Angle Slam to a DDT for two. Angle counters a sunset flip to an anklelock, Jeff reaches for Karen but Kurt drags both of them into the middle of the ring and now Velvet comes into the ring and circles Karen. Winter and Angelina come in and nail Velvet, but Velvet wipes them both out with a double DDT and pins Winter.

Winners: Kurt Angle & Velvet Sky

Kurt congratulates Velvet and says that he hopes this takes her a step closer to the Knockouts Title, and then says that Velvet isn’t the Chosen One, because the Chosen One is going to take Karen out so he can whoop Jeff’s ass without distraction, and she will be here next week and that is DAMN REAL, BITCH.

Hogan and Bischoff are backstage saying that Flair or Russo could be the one representing the Network, then we see “You’re Next” written across the side of Hogan’s car, leading them to speculate that Goldberg’s coming to TNA. The new J.O.B. Squad was shown to be laughing right after Hogan and Bischoff drove off, bragging about how they thought it was Goldberg. ((Jarrett’s Jab – The spray painted car hasn’t been done in…five years or so, so at least it’s not fresh in a lot of people’s mind, unlike the new masked guy. Glad we don’t get the recap promos to end the show tonight, those really get on my nerves. Nothing real special tonight, but it put an unusually good build for next week’s iMPACT, the go-home show for Sacrifice.))