TNA iMPACT! Results (1/13): “The One That Got Away”

Source: TNAStars.com

Opening Segment

A video recapping Genesis plays. Jeff Jarrett beat Kurt Angle bloody, and we get comments from Angle saying that the whole thing was a setup and while he didn’t win at Bound For Glory, he didn’t exactly lose either so he’s going to let the powers that be do their thing; Ken Anderson beating Matt Morgan and then getting thrown right into a title match with Jeff Hardy that he won thanks to the help of Matt Morgan, who now wants the first title shot. Anderson says that the belt Hardy had wasn’t the World Title, it’s just a piece of crap that Hardy drew

We go to the garage as, earlier today, Jeff Jarrett shows up with Karen Jarrett as they get out of a limo, share a kiss, and head into the building. ((Jarrett’s Jab – If I hadn’t read TNA’s website earlier this week, I wouldn’t have believed she’d ever be on TNA TV again.))

Inside the iMPACT! Zone, TNA World Champion Ken Anderson comes out to address the fans for the first time as champion. He says he spent six and a half years busting his ass and living rough to secure a job with a major wrestling company, and he did…over there. He had a rocket ship up his ass and beat ten World Champions in a short time and was destined to be a champion himself, but then a birdie got in the boss’ head and he said (in a Triple H voice) that Ken may be a little too funny and not ready for the big time. He says that everything he does, he was told not to do. He was told how to walk, act, and dress, that he wasn’t even allowed to chew gum. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I dunno about that. Triple H and Shawn Michaels notably have chewed gum, even while wrestling)) He said he got a  phone call from Eric Bischoff, who says that he knows what he went through, the potential he has, and if he came to TNA he would take the training wheels off and let him be himself, and Hogan, Bischoff, Dixie, and Vince Russo allowed him to be the asshole he is today. And by the way, this asshole just became the World Champion, and he’s not saying he could have done it without the fans, because he could have, but he does want to thank those assholes. There’s also one more asshole he’d like to thank, and he invites Matt Morgan down to the ring. Morgan comes out to join him and Anderson says they haven’t always seen eye to eye, but he stepped up for him when it meant the most, and for that he thanks Morgan. Morgan responds by saying that the only reason he’s wearing that title around his waist right now is because he let himself down at Genesis, and he hasn’t been able to eat or sleep for the last week trying to figure out when he’s going to get his next title shot. He respects Anderson for getting the title, but Anderson has to respect that Morgan is a straight shooter too, and it doesn’t matter who has the title, he’s going to become the champion because he’s spent the last ten years busting his ass to go down as the best giant of all time in this business. He doesn’t have that without that title, so right now he wants Anderson to know that he’s coming for that title and 2011 will be the year of the blueprint. But this isn’t about Morgan, this is Anderson’s night and these are his assholes, and he wants Anderson to know that he earned every ounce of that title, and then shakes Anderson’s hand and leaves. Eric Bischoff’s music hits and asks Anderson who he thinks he is for rewriting history, and he was only right about one thing: he’s only here because of Bischoff, Hogan, and Flair, and the only thing he accomplished was putting a bullseye on his back, and if he thinks they’re going to put up with him as World Champion, they’re sadly mistaken because on February 3rd on the live Impact, he’s going to face Jeff Hardy in a rematch, and Hulk Hogan’s going to get out from under his legal entanglement with Dixie Carter and Anderson can go back to being a nobody. Anderson backs Bischoff into a corner and asks if he’s trying to intimidate him ((Jarrett’s Jab – Ken’s voice there strangely reminds me of Jim Carrey, don’t know which one of his movies though, maybe Bruce Almighty.)) Jeff Hardy comes up on screen and says that Anderson didn’t win anything and he only has the title as a result of a mistake by the family, and the title will be his again on the live Impact. Rob Van Dam comes running into the stage and attacks Jeff Hardy, but Matt Hardy runs in and attacks Van Dam. Anderson runs to the back through the crowd and evens the odds. Before too long though, Robert Roode and Abyss attack RVD and Anderson, and the rest of Fortune follows, beating Anderson and RVD six-on-two.

-Commercial Break-

It’s announced that the Hardys will reunite as a team for the first time in three years as they take on Ken Anderson and Rob Van Dam. Also, Kurt Angle will be here tonight and we get to see the fun when he finds out Karen is here. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I’ve got to say two things: 1. Despite my lack of respect for the Hardys I would have hyped the hell out of the Hardy reunion. 2. I’m looking forward to Kurt Angle confronting the Jarrett’s than I am the main event. That’s sad in several ways.))

We go backstage where Jeff Jarrett asks Karen if she’s ready for this, and she says she’s been sitting at home for two years waiting for this moment, and she’s ready for it.

TNA World Tag Team Title Match: Beer Money vs Motor City Machine Guns

Both teams start brawling right from the start with the Guns getting the advantage hitting synchronized double team moves & sending Beer Money to the floor where they hit stereo dives as Mike Tenay informs us that this is the first of four straight weeks of rematches from Genesis. Storm catches Sabin with a running knee and then tags out to Roode for some more punishment. Roode unloads with some chops in the corner on Sabin and then whips him hard across the ring, then he and Storm hit a pair of running kneedrops to Sabin. Roode gets a two count. Storm tags in and gets a chinlock, but Sabin escapes and comes off the ropes where Storm and Sabin wipe each other out with dual crossbody blocks. Both men make the tag and Shelley comes in and cleans house on Beer Money by himself, hitting a combination bulldog/running clothesline that takes out both men. Shelley goes up top and hits a double stomp on Roode for two ((Jarrett’s Jab – Wondered how long it’d take someone to use Kaval/Senshi/Lo Ki’s WWE finisher.)) The Guns stand both of Beer Money up in the corner and take turns charging in and nailing them, then they toss Storm to the floor and hit Skull & Bones on Roode, but Storm breaks the cover and then puts Sabin on the second floor and spikes him with a DDT. Shelley puts Roode up to the top rope and goes for a superplex, but Storm nails him and goes for the Eye Of The Storm. Shelley escapes but Storm hits an F5 followed by a Roode splash for a really close two count. They go for the DWI but Shelley escapes and sends Storm to the floor. Shelly hits a missile dropkick on Roode  and then goes for a superkick on Storm. Storm ducks and Shelley accidentally knocks Sabin out instead, allowing Beer Money to hit the DWI.

Winners: Beer Money

Jeff Jarrett is backstage and visibly nervous about what’s going to happen tonight, and then we go out to the garage where Kurt Angle is arriving at the Impact Zone.

-Commercial Break-

Rob Van Dam is backstage complaining to Ken Anderson that he had his hands on Jeff Hardy and he got away, and they say they need to end this and they can do that by fighting all of Immortal one by one. Van Dam agrees, and Anderson says they’re going to need some tools. They root around in a pile of junk backstage, and Anderson comes up with a customized chair that he hands to Van Dam and then grabs himself a 2×4 and they go off to “hunt some Immortals.” ((Jarrett’s Jab – As long as they don’t hunt for Waskally Wabbits, I’m good.))

We head back to the ring for promo time with the Pope, and he says he’s out here to address some things over the last several weeks that involve Samoa Joe monitoring Pope while he attended to the business of the Congregation. Pope was making a difference, and he insists that he’s the Pope they follow and should continue to follow, and even with what Joe did, Pope forgives him, but he wants to know is whether Joe would be as forgiving if Pope was following Joe around on his own time? What if Pope was following Joe and his wife around? Because he was, and he’s going to show some footage of Joe and his wife now, and he directs our attention to the DixieTron where we see two pigs having relations, and then also has footage of Joe’s wife attending to his children (pigs milking on their pig mother), and this footage motivates Joe to come out to the ring to have a word with Pope. Pope bails out of the ring as Joe enters, and he says that Pope’s got jokes, but the funny thing is that for a guy who says he’s pimpin’, he sure does run like a bitch and Joe doesn’t chase bitches. This lends credence to what Joe’s always said about him: he’s a phony, fraud, and pretender, and instead of chasing him around the arena and giving him the beating he deserves, he’s going to leave Pope with a promise: at some point when Pope least expects it, he’s going to get his hands on Pope, and when that happens, Joe is gonna kill you. Pope looks scared, then unconcerned as he backs up the rampway and pretends he’s not scared of Joe. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I’m glad Pope called that the DixieTron, I don’t feel so weird calling it that now.))

We go backstage to Van Dam and Anderson as they catch up with Beer Money in the Immortal locker room and close the door behind them before beating them down with their implements of destruction. They come out afterward and thank them, then go looking for the Hardys.

We go back to Eric Bischoff’s office as Bischoff is telling Ric Flair and AJ Styles that Hogan is not happy about Anderson getting the title, and AJ offers to soften him up but Flair says that he wants Styles to heal because they need AJ at full strength. They go into the next room and find a beaten up Beer Money, who tell Bischoff that RVD and Anderson did this. Flair says that if it’s a war they want, it’s a war they’re going to get.  ((Jarrett’s Jab – WWE, let John Cena see this last segment, he needs to learn how to sell a beating, or at least a chair shot.))

We look at a video package looking back at the history of the bad blood between Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle, and then we go to comments from moments ago where Jarrett said nobody was supposed to get hurt at Genesis, but Kurt took it too far and Angle ended up getting hurt. The invisible interviewer asks what’s going to happen tonight, and Jarrett says he’s going to go out there and hang up his MMA boots and he’s going to do it the only way he would want to: with his beautiful wife standing beside him. He just asks her not to lose her temper, to which she says no problem because she’s cool as a cucumber.

Kurt Angle is shown, who says he hears his ex-wife is here and that they have some catching up to do.

-Commercial Break-

We head back out to the ring as Jeff Jarrett and Karen Angle make their way to the ring for Jarrett’s retirement ceremony. Jarrett says that they’re here to celebrate the career of an undefeated MMA fighter, one who has never been taken down or come close to submitting in any of his fights. He made an example of Kurt Angle at Genesis even though it was only an exhibition, but he chose not to injure Angle even though he could have. Behind every great warrior, fierce competitor, hellbent mercenary, and man of war, there’s always a great woman, and he introduces his wife, the lovely and vivacious Mrs Karen Jarrett. Kurt Angle’s music plays instead. Angle comes out and Team Jarrett goes after him and he goes through all of them on his way down the ramp before getting in the ring and suplexing Gunner and Murphy and then standing face to face with Jarrett. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Help! They’ve fallen, and they can’t get up!)) Jarrett gets ready to fight him when Karen Angle comes out and shrieks at them to stop, she has sat at home for two years while they’ve played games with their lives, but next week, everyone will hear her give her side of the story and it’ll be a night that Kurt Angle will never forget.

-Commercial Break-

A recap of what just happened leads to Angle trashing the backstage area and says a bunch of stuff that gets censored. I caught some of it “I don’t need this Bulls**t ruining my f*****g career” and something about Dixie Carter, but I might be paraphrasing wrong.

We take a look back at Genesis when Madison Rayne knocked Mickie James out with a foreign object, and then we see Angelina Love & Velvet Sky arguing about Winter, and Angelina says even she can’t explain what’s going on when Winter grabs her and drags her out to the ring for our next match…

Knockouts Tag Team Title Match: Winter & Angelina Love vs Knockouts Champion Madison Rayne & Tara

Tara’s still wearing the elbow brace, but stays out on the apron as Angelina and Madison start us off and Angelina gets a couple of quick rollups that get her some two counts, then Angelina gets an inverted bulldog and a spinkick. Madison complains to referee Jackson James as Tara yanks Angelina down by the hair from the outside. Winter tries to get in the ring and Jackson escorts her out of the ring as Mickie James comes out and drags Madison to the floor and chases her to the back, leaving Tara alone with both champions. Angelina ducks a clothesline and hits the Botox Injection, then tags Winter, and Winter comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick and traps her in a rear choke with a little bit of Camel Clutch thrown in and the referee stops the match when Tara passes out.

Winners: Winter & Angelina Love

Angelina looks totally taken aback by what she just saw Winter do, but just takes her belt and gets her hand raised in a smile and nod moment.

We go backstage to Matt Hardy, who says that this business is about stepping on people and taking what you want, and Jeff says that they’re brothers and they’re a couple of thieves who are walking around with a belt that has his face on it. Hardy says that what they don’t realize is that they’re brothers and their bloodline is Immortal.  ((Jarrett’s Jab – That’s great and all, but that’s how people feel about you personally. That the Hardys are stepping on anyone they need to get whatever you want. Just sayin’.))

-Commercial Break-

TV Champion Abyss vs Matt Morgan

The non-title match starts with some brawling as soon as Morgan gets in the ring. Morgan lays Abyss out with a clothesline and then hit the rapid fire elbows in the corner. Morgan continues stomping Abyss out in the corner and sets up for the Carbon Footprint, but Flair grabs Morgan’s ankle from the floor and Abyss hits him with a running charge into the corner. Morgan tries a charge but Abyss puts him down with a big clothesline and then chokes him on the ropes. Flair gets in a cheapshot from the floor and Abyss tries a charge but Morgan hits a discus clothesline, Stinger Splash in the corner, then another one, and Abyss goozles him and tries a chokeslam but Morgan fights his way out and hits the Carbon Footprint. Ric Flair tries to drag Earl Hebner out of the ring so he can’t make the count, but Hebner kicks him off and makes the count.

Winner: Matt Morgan

Rob Terry runs in and brawls with Morgan until Flair low blows Morgan and Immortal beat him down.

-Commercial Break-

A PSA plays for TNA’s “Eliminate the Hate” program. ((Jarrett’s Jab – As a kid that has been bullied in the past, due to being 5’3” and 112 pounds and the fact I wouldn’t be able to hold my own against my idiot neighbor and his football playing friends. I’m happy that someone’s trying to do something. Bullying is often overlooked, no matter how big or small. Schools could care less, I know from experience. The anti-bullying crusade seems to be a Viacom-wide project, because I saw a campaign against it on Cartoon Network the other day. I don’t like that Jeff Hardy, especially in his current character, is on the commercial though. I can deal with AJ Styles being in it, but Hardy doesn’t fit at all.))

Amazing Red’s “baby brother” catches Abyss backstage and choked him with a cord. He told Abyss to tell Bischoff that he was right and THEY are coming on February 3rd. We go out to Mike Tenay and Taz, who inform us that it was Amazing Red’s brother who we met a few weeks ago, and that his name is apparently Crimson, but who does he work for?  ((Jarrett’s Jab – Shooting in the dark here, but if I were to make a guess, I’d put money on the return of the Main Event Mafia. Bischoff’s screwed both Angle and Sting, why not?))

We go to the Immortal locker room as Abyss walks in on a pep talk and tells Eric Bischoff that he needs to tell him something, and Bischoff says not now because he’s delivering a speech. Abyss obediently goes and stands in a corner and Bischoff finishes the usual speech and then, after everyone leaves, Abyss tells Bischoff and Flair what just happened, but Bischoff and Flair don’t seem worried.

-Commercial Break-

TNA World Champion Ken Anderson & Rob Van Dam vs Matt & Jeff Hardy

Anderson and RVD jump the Hardys on the ramp and they brawl down to ringside with Anderson pairing off with Jeff while RVD got Matt. RVD tosses Matt into the ring and beats him up in the corner and lays him out with spinkicks. Anderson comes in and stomps Matt down as well, then the referee manages to get them back to their corner while Matt gets his coat off. Matt gets a kick to the gut and sends RVD to the corner where he lays in some rights, but RVD recovers and sends Matt across the ring and hits a monkey flip. Anderson tags in and whips Matt hard across the ring and follows in with a clothesline and Matt flops out of the corner and Anderson covers for a two count. Matt catches Anderson with a back elbow and tags in Jeff, who drills punches into the open wound on Anderson’s head that is leaking blood at this point. Van Dam makes a blind tag and comes right after Jeff, but Jeff tags out to Matt and bails to the floor and Matt comes in and hits an inverted neckbreaker and then hits a moonsault that RVD dodges and then hits a split-legged moonsault right on Matt’s face. Matt rolls out to the floor and RVD hits a dive to wipe both Hardys out as we go to commercial.

-Commercial Break-

We’re back and RVD is still beating Matt Hardy up. RVD tries to grab Jeff, then goes back to beating Matt up. RVD goes to the second rope, but Matt grabs his ankle and yanks him out into the middle of the ring and covers for two. Jeff tags in and beats RVD down and puts the boots to him, then hits a sitout gourdbuster for 2. The Hardys double team RVD in the corner before Matt tags in. Matt hits the Side Effect for a two count. Matt goes for what appeared to be an attempted at a bridging gutwrench, and just rolled over until RVD went to his back for a two count, but RVD got out and high kicked Matt in the face and made the hot tag to Anderson. Anderson comes in and hits Jeff with a spinning neckbreaker for two, then hits the Mic Check and covers but Matt breaks the fall. Matt goes for the Twist Of Hate and gets shoved off into the ref, who gets knocked to the floor. Anderson hits the Mic Check on Matt as RVD beats Jeff down in the corner, but Beer Money runs in and tosses RVD to the floor then gives Anderson a catapult/DDT. Storm goes to the floor and superkicks RVD, and the referee makes it back into the ring as Matt hits the Twist Of Hate and then Jeff Hardy goes up top and hits the Swanton for the win.

Winners: Matt & Jeff Hardy

RVD crawls back into the ring and tries to go after Jeff, but Matt and Beer Money cut him off and attack him as Jeff dangles the TNA World Title belt at RVD. The entire Immortal group comes into the ring and again beat Anderson and RVD down as Eric Bischoff stands approvingly at the top of the rampway. Immortal all pose in the middle of the ring with Jeff holding the TNA belt.