Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is The Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from the greatest city on the face of the earth…Brooklyn, New York and the heat is still going strong here in the now oven baked Apple. This is my second attempt at writing this column because I had one about half done last week and then my writers block kicked in and I lost all interest in finishing it. It’s not that there wasn’t plenty of stuff to go on about. Sometimes I just lose all interest and by the time it finally passes it’s almost a week later and I find myself with dated material.
In some news about myself which probably will effect my output as a lowly wrestling columnist, I have decided to go back to school and financial aid aside I should be starting next week on the 26th. Back in the early days of this column I was able to still keep posting on a regular basis. So perhaps with all the added stimuli of having to think again I might be able to churn out columns like I used to. But if I should suddenly disappear then you know it’s because of school and not because I finally went off the deep end. For those wondering I am going to be majoring in Film-Screen Writing. I’ll be happy if in a few years I’ll have a couple of quirky comedies under my belt. Of course I’d be equally as happy with SyFy movies. Money is money and that’s all that matters in this economy.
Well enough about me, it’s time to get this thing started. Sadly we start off on a sad note as last weekend Lance Cade passed away at the age of 29. It’s been reported that Cade died from heart failure. Heart failure at 29 is pretty rare so I would imagine all the necessary tests are being run. The WWE in their typical cold and callous nature put out a statement where they expressed their thoughts to the family but made sure to note he wasn’t under contract to them when he died.
Linda McMahon also put out a statement in an interview that just baffles the mind.
Linda McMahon has spoken out about the death of Lance Cade, saying that the WWE should not be blamed for it. The Connecticut Post reports that Linda said the WWE should no more be held accountable for the deaths of performers “than a studio could have prevented Heath Ledger’s death.”
“Who knows what causes people to have addictions and do what they do,” McMahon added. She also went on to say that the press only want to talk about WWE, while people she meets want to discuss job creation and the economy.
First off as a Republican, Connecticut what the hell is wrong with you. Falling for Linda McMahon and her “I’m for the little guy” crap. How many little wrestling companies has the WWE put out of business in the last 25 years? Hell they still do it when they raid companies and sign their top guys to developmental deals. Now do not get me wrong, I am a capitalist through and through. But anyone with half a brain knows how full of shit Linda’s campaign message is. Then again considering whom she is running against it’s like that episode of South Park with the school mascot election.
Now having got that out of my system, what the hell is wrong with her? Saying the WWE is no more responsible for the deaths of performers (they just can’t say wrestler) then a studio could have prevented Heath Ledger’s death has to be one of the most idiotic things I have ever read in politics. The fact remains that there is an epidemic of guys who worked for the WWE in the last 25 years that all have died before the age of 50. Most of them were before 40, but 50 is a more realistic number to round things off at. The WWE made billions off the bodies of these people and when they are of no more use to them they “wish them well in their future endeavors”. Granted it’s the corporate policy of just about any major company to wash their hands of someone when death is involved but how cold can you be?
I sincerely hope that Lance Cade is in a better place right now. But Linda McMahon owes an apology to Lance’s wife, children, and family for those comments.
Painkiller addiction is so prevalent in wrestling because of the wear and tear on the body. There is a reason Oxycodone is called Redneck Heroin. It’s very easy to get hooked on the stuff and damn near impossible to kick it. The WWE has a schedule that would break down even the most physically of fit people. Sure they have the “wellness program” but everyone knows there are ways around even the most stringent of drug testing.
In the report about Cade’s death it was said he wasn’t looking well in the days before his death.
Cade’s wife Tanya noticed that he was having trouble breathing and didn’t seem healthy. On Tuesday night, he was rushed to the hospital where he passed out at one point but was then revived. He was released from the hospital the next day. On Thursday, Cade’s father Harley noticed that he didn’t look good. Harley brought Lance to a family home in San Antonio, TX where Lance died during the night.
Credit to www.f4wonline.com
At the very least I think Cade’s family might have a good case for medical malpractice. Clearly he should have not been released from the hospital when he was. But that’s more about hospitals and insurance companies wanting to get people in and out as quick as possible to hold down costs here in the states. Either way based on what’s been said, it’s probably possible that Lance’s death could have been prevented. Vince and company will shake off any talk that there is a need for more time off for wrestlers or regulation. The wrestling mentality always has been if you can’t go there will always be someone else ready and waiting to go in your spot. Sadly his will not be the last death of wrestlers in this generation.
I could probably continue to write about this subject but honestly it angries up the blood when I do. All the WWE cares about is if someone dies they don’t die on their watch. It’s as simple as that. That’s all the wellness program is there for.
If you want more reading on this subject and many others (after you finish reading this column of course) I suggest you check out Irv Muchnick’s blog called Wrestling Babylon. http://wrestlingbabylon.wordpress.com/
Irv wrote a really good book called Wrestling Babylon and he has another book that I have to read called “Chris & Nancy: The True Story of the Benoit Murder-Suicide and Pro Wrestling’s Cocktail of Death”. Irv does a lot of in depth research onto these subjects and he is reporting what Dave Meltzer did in the latest Wrestling Observer that Lance’s suffered from Chronic Traumatic Encephelopathy. The same brain disease that Chris Benoit and Chris Kanyon both had which is caused by repeated blows to the head. So if you want to read a lot more on the subject I highly suggest going to Irv’s blog.
Moving along to other news, Summerslam was the other day and depending on whom you ask it was either a decent PPV or an uneventful one. The big surprise of the night was the return of Daniel Bryan to the WWE as he joined Team WWE. Most people figured Daniel would be back after the 90-day clause was up so it was a welcome surprise. The Miz ended up getting Bryan eliminated from the match but at least he looked great as he tore apart Heath Slater. The WWE is really building up the eventual Miz/Bryan title match for the US championship, which will probably be at Night Of Champions in a couple of weeks. The Miz is riding high as the Money In The Bank winner as he continues to try and cash in at a moments notice. So far he’s been thwarted at every attempt to cash in and I figure one of two things will happen in the Bryan/Miz feud.
Daniel will ether beat the bejesus out of The Miz and win the United States Championship or he will beat the bejesus out of The Miz and cost him his MITB match. Either one will put Daniel over huge and kick this feud into high gear. Either one of those options wouldn’t hurt The Miz at all as he continues to be on a roll. I remember at this time last year a lot of us on the net thought The Miz was doomed when John Cena wiped the floor with him on a PPV. But here we are a year later and The Miz is easily the top heel on RAW right now. There is a very good chance that The Miz could headline Wrestlemania with in the next two to three years. It’s been reported that WWE management is very high on him (what ever high means) mainly because of the way he handles himself outside of the ring. The Miz much like John Cena is a media machine for the WWE and that is a good thing. He was doing the comic con circuit, appearing on shows left and right for interviews. The Miz is probably the best United States Champion the WWE has ever had. Yes granted the title belt is just a prop as him being champion has fallen on the back burner while he goes around as the MITB winner.
Daniel Bryan is really in the best spot possible right now working with The Miz. If anyone else were his pro I don’t think all of this would have worked the way it has. Between Michael Cole riding The Miz’s dick like he’s the greatest thing ever and The Miz just being such an incredible asshole, how can you not root for Bryan to make The Miz tap? The only thing is in the good old days (the 80’s) this would have been something built for a few more months. The Miz would do everything to duck Daniel until he was finally forced into a match. But now since everything is so sped up, a return angle for Daniel that should run to the end of the year will probably be over by the end of next month. That’s my only real complaint with wrestling these days. Everything is over before it can really get started.
One thing floundering is Women’s Wrestling in the WWE and TNA. Now despite the awesomeness of Layla and the current Mrs. Undertaker Michelle McCool as LayCool, the WWE especially has been lacking with any real talent since Beth Phoenix is out for another month or so (or longer…who knows with wrestling) with a knee injury. When Kelly Kelly is your top babyface (and God bless her because she sure does try) you know your talent pool is stretched thin.
Last week they had a try out clinic down in FCW and reading this paragraph really got me pissed off and reminded me how much of a douchebag Johnny Ace really is.
The company reaction was that of the 63 people who tried out at the clinic, paying $1,000 to be seen, that approximately 50 of them had no business being there. In particular, AAA Women’s Champion Sexy Star received harsh reviews as company officials felt her work was terrible, her English was terrible and that she was overweight. They also felt she wasn’t pretty looking without her mask on. John Laurinaitis told those in FCW that when it comes to hiring female talent, the standard is if they aren’t pretty enough to appear in Playboy, then they shouldn’t be hired.
Credit to www.f4wonline.com
Ah Johnny Ace you really are a scumbag. John Laurinaitis only has his position of power now because he got really lucky in Japan about fifteen years ago. For years people have been ripping on this former Dynamic Dude for how much of a douchebag he is and well after reading that I don’t doubt it for a second. To give you an idea of just how inept Johnny Ace is, I was looking for some outside opinion and came across this gem on the Wrestlecrap.com Message board from the IWC’s Favorite Sean…Sean Careless of TheWrestlingFan.com
He’s generally hated because unlike the ostensibly endless slew of wrestlers released during his run, he is seemingly bullet-proof and above any and all ramification — despite his complete incompetency at his job. And he was a mid-carder in Japan. Let’s not overplay the dude. He was the Attitude-era Billy Gunn of the Orient. Any money he did draw was in a tag team where his partners were significantly more over than he. He does have a good mind for ring psychology and finishes, though. But as a judge of talent? Come on. He couldn’t get his own ass over in the U.S. to save his life, and now he’s axing people who had just as much to offer (if not more) as he did? Playing politics is the dude’s true legacy. The business will be much better off when WWE finally realizes that every money drawing star of the last 15 years was not hired by Johnny Ace, and subsequently fire his ass.
I removed a line about the alleged rumors about him and Mrs. Baba. Most things are taken as fact on the Internet, but just because it’s on the Internet doesn’t mean it’s true. But I couldn’t have said it any better myself. The Billy Gunn of the Orient is so funny and true because it describes him perfectly. How the hell else was Johnny Ace in tag matches with Stan Hansen and Dr. Death against the likes of Misawa, Kawada, and others. The “they should look like Playboy models” line is hilarious considering the fact the WWE doesn’t do anything with Playboy anymore. PG era be damned because I would actually buy a copy of Playboy if Gail Kim or Melina (or why not both) were in it.
Personally I think it was horrible how they described Sexy Star. They are trying to tap into the Mexican market and she is by far one of the biggest female rudo’s in the country. Who are they to pass judgment on the talent level of a woman wrestling when the WWE’s mantra for the last years has been hire models and train them just enough so that they don’t cripple or kill themselves or the woman they are facing. Fit Finlay who has worked with the Women for years should be nominated for Sainthood for the miracles he’s performed in that regard.
Sexy Star along with Las Gringas Locos are the top female rudo’s in Triple A and they are in the mist of a long feud with Fabi &Mari Apache & Cynthia Moreno as part of the big Foreign Legion angle Konnan is doing. Lucha Libre’s wrestling style is far different then the “sports entertainment” style of the WWE. Sure I wouldn’t doubt that Sexy Star compared to Gail Kim is horrible. But as we know they don’t hire women for wrestling talent anyway. It’s still all about looks but if they can do that wrestling stuff (like Gail, Melina, Jillian, Beth) then that’s just an added bonus. Occasionally you find a gem like Layla who went from just being that diva search winner chick who did dancing during beer runs and piss breaks to someone who is actually pretty good in the ring.
There are so many great women’s wrestlers that people would love to see in the WWE. Wrestlers like Cheerleader Melissa, Amazing Kong, Sara Del Ray, MsChif, Allison Danger, and many others. But sadly none of these women would get a second look because they don’t have the WWE mold look.
These same women would also be great in TNA but just as idiots run the WWE, The same can be said of TNA. TNA had the best women’s division on television with the Knockouts. But slowly and surely one by one they destroyed it piece by piece. First Gail Kim. Then Awesome Kong. Then ODB and Alyssa Flash (Cheerleader Melissa). They have a few good wrestlers still in the division. Ayako Hamada is one, but they don’t use her too much because she makes a STAGGERING $850 per appearance. To say TNA is cheap with the women would be an understatement. It’s a well-known fact that most of the women in the Knockouts division make next to nothing. Even with all that the Knockouts still manage to draw some of the highest rated segments on Impact and I think it just kills Russo, Bischoff, and others in TNA that the women outdraw all the chosen ones.
They do everything they can to water down the Knockouts. Sometimes giving them a measly three minutes on Impact (and this includes Introductions and promos). There is one small glimmer of hope as Angelina Love and Velvet Sky are back together. Honestly that’s when The Knockouts division went to hell is when that visa issue with Angelina came up and they released her. It’s been snowballing downhill ever since then. But Angelina is HORRIBLE as a face. Sudden heel turns for no real reason are a hallmark of Russo booking. Turn Angelina heel so the original Beautiful People can go back to being the super bitches we all know and love.
Of course I doubt that will happen since Angelina is a five time Knockouts champion and a couple of her reigns came from winning the title in dusty finish (which she ended up having to give it back to Madison so I guess it didn’t count to begin with) and my personal favorite…winning it by opening the right box.
I honestly don’t know what the hell they are doing with the Knockouts. All I know is Daffney continues to not be used and that’s a crime against humanity.
But it’s no wonder the Knockouts have been driven into the ground. The same people who did that thought this was a good idea as well.
From the end of The Whole F’N Show event two weeks ago where Abyss finally got to “use” Janice and he was supposed to have attacked RVD with it. Because of this RVD had to vacate the title because “he may never wrestle again”. Uncle Eric told us on Impact last week that RVD had 117 stitches from his neck down to his ankle, punctured organs, and possible head trauma.
In reality RVD only had a certain amount of dates on his contract and he’s done most of them. So instead of Abyss winning the title from him they chose to make it look like a murder scene out of a horror movie. We could have lived with Baby Hughie as TNA World Champion. But now there’s a tournament that’s all ready half over that’s supposed to last until Bound For Glory in October.
As it stands right now you have Kurt Angle, Mr. Anderson, Jeff Hardy, and D’Angelo Dinero. A tournament that could have eaten up a month with qualifies and then the quarterfinals were done unannounced in one night. The Semi-finals will probably be set during the Impact tapings this week and then it will be a month of the usual TNA bullshit before the eventual Title match, which I guess, would be between Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson. Kurt’s doing a thing where if he loses then he’s done with wrestling so of course he’s going to finals. TNA had Jay Lethal in the tournament but he lost to Mr. Anderson and that right there shows TNA’s stupidity.
Wrestling has always been about rooting for the underdog and after beating Ric Flair on PPV, Jay has lost every match since then. This is the SECOND time they’ve done this to Jay Lethal. He was on fire after the big angle with Team 3D and they almost had a chance for a new Randy Savage and Ms. Elizabeth with him and So Cal Val and they fucking ruined that. Jay has come a far way from being a comedy act and people want to root for him and TNA fucks is up every time with him.
I wonder why they do that and all I have to do is look up a couple paragraphs at the picture and realize that’s why. Its no wonder Paul Heyman said TNA isn’t ready for him. It’s really run by a bunch of morons who don’t know what the hell they want to do. I can only hope if Tommy Dreamer is getting some booking sway he at least can steer them into some sort of direction rather then the current lets throw something at a wall and see if it sticks strategy.
I’m sure between now and the next time I post a column TNA will do some more stupid shit that will make me want to drink. It’s a good thing for TNA my bottle of Scotch disappeared because the last thing they want is me doing these columns while hammered.
On that note I am done for this week. I can always count on TNA no matter what time of the day to piss me off and get my blood pressure to rise. Hopefully I will be back in a timely manner but since I am going back to school for the first time in about five and a half years I might just be a tad more burned out then usual. But fear not I’ll still be calling it just as I see it no matter what.
So until next time take care and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.
You can click here to send me any and all feedback at phantomlordnyc@yahoo.com or leave me some feedback on my Facebook page under my given name http://www.facebook.com/josephrd
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