Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is the ever important Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from the urban hellhole that is Brooklyn, New York and you know there must be some fun topics of interest if I am writing a column in consecutive weeks. It’s been a long while since the Rant Of The Week was well The Rant Of The Week. I used to bang these out once a week and that was post WCW being closed. I might have missed out on the glory years of the IWC, but thanks to TNA and the WWE going PG there seems to be a never-ending source of material, which is a good thing for lowly columnists like myself.
Oddly enough it was a beautiful cloudy Sunday here in New York so I was in a rather good mood and it might actually reflect that here in this column. Of course don’t think just because I’m somewhat happy I won’t be the same objective realist that I always am. If something deserves my praise it will get it. On the flip side if something deserves my wrath then it will get it.
Now with the Jim Cornette meltdown alert status at Defcon 2, I will get to everything involving him, Uncle Eric, and TNA in due time. But first I wanted to try something new and take a stab at MMA. MMA is where a lot of people say all the real fans of Pro Wrestling are going because quite frankly they have something TNA and the WWE usually don’t and that’s good action and compelling storylines. On Saturday Night was the Strikeforce CBS Saturday Night Fight’s event and for the most part I thought it was pretty good. I was watching that and the never-ending 20-inning game between the Mets and St. Louis Cardinals and for a time, The Strikeforce event had more hits and offense. If you want to look at it from a wrestling standpoint, Strikeforce is TNA to the UFC’s WWE. UFC is the 800-pound gorilla and Strikeforce is the little company with a massive inferiority complex trying to compete against them on a huge scale.
MMA is at a point where it’s trying to take over the mantle of what Boxing one was. Unfortunately for MMA, there are still plenty of detractors who say it’s human cockfighting and it should be banned. Many of these people are getting ammunition after the events to close the Strikeforce event when ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE after Jason “Mayhem” Miller came into the cage and asked Jake Shields when is he getting his rematch. A shove is thrown and the next thing you know the Diaz Brothers are going to town on Mayhem and it’s a good old fashion Boxing riot inside the cage. From a Pro Wrestling standpoint I thought it was great. Every sport needs a compelling story to draw people in and Mayhem Miller is such a prick, he’s the kind of guy you would pay to see get his ass kicked. Of course all the MMA people don’t see it as such. They see it as a black on the sport and with the low ratings the show had it could possibly be a deathblow for national television and Strikeforce.
Personally I don’t think that will be the case. If ratings were low it’s simply because CBS has shown time and a time again they don’t know how to promote anything. Of course Strikeforce is equally to blame because they have no one in that company who seems to know what they are doing when it comes to promotion or building a brand. If Shane McMahon does ever get into MMA, He should work with Strikeforce ASAP. If anyone could benefit from brand development, it sure as hell is Strikeforce.
All is not lost with Strikeforce though. They still have Fedor and as long as they build the company around him as the best fighter of any sport in the world all should be fine. I just hope after the brawl this weekend, Mayhem is on the fast track for a title shot against Shields because I would love to see Jake beat the shit out of him.
Moving back to that Pro Wrestling stuff, the big story of last week was Jim Cornette coming close to having another full scale meltdown as TNA sent him a legal letter over an e-mail he sent to Terry Taylor where he said if he could do it and get away with it, he would kill Vince Russo.
The Jim Cornette DEFCON Alert Status is a good barometer of Jim’s state of mind. While his moods vary between each alert level, it is clear that Jim is moving closer and closer to a full-blown RED ALERT.
In Cornette’s history, much like the real DEFCON system we’ve never hit the red alert. We’ve come really close several times though. The most famous of which is when Cornette slapped Johnny Geo Basco backstage numerous times after Geo Basco laughed during what was supposed to be a serious scary angle. Basco is now known as Santino Marella and Cornette was trying (in vein) to build The Boogeyman into a feared act and things had been brewing before that and Santino laughing thus destroying his hard work caused Jim to pretty much go off the deep end. But as bad as that was, it wasn’t a full-blown meltdown.
Right now there is a back and forth war of words between Cornette and Eric Bischoff and along with this legal letter TNA sent him accusing him of terrorist threats against Vince Russo and his family, much like the Katla volcano in Iceland we might be on the verge of THE BIG ONE. The conditions are right as pressure has been building. Cornette sees TNA as a company with all the tools for success but instead of success the same people that screwed him and many other people are driving it into the ground. It happened in WCW and now it’s happening again in TNA. The worst thing for someone like Cornette is to keep screaming that something is wrong and instead of being listened to he is getting mocked and could in theory be facing legal troubles if TNA really wanted to screw with him.
The sad thing about all of this is Ring Of Honor is caught in the middle of it. Cornette is working for ROH so the question is with someone openly saying they want to see someone die, how can they in good conscience keep that person as part of the company. Granted Cornette is working for free with ROH, but after the whole RF scandal a few years ago the last thing ROH needs is someone else bringing bad publicity to their company. The funny thing is if there were ever a time to do a TNA vs. ROH feud it would be now. Bischoff and Cornette just screaming at each other would probably be the best main event Impact could have. I would laugh if somehow deep down this is all a double super secret work to benefit both companies. I’ve always said these companies should be working with each other…not against each other.
ROH had some good success with the ROH/CZW feud a couple of years ago. ROH invading TNA to take on TNA and all that is wrong with it would make for fun television. Of course it would never happen, but one can always fantasy book.
TNA had a decent PPV last night with Lockdown. Sure there was plenty of the usual TNA insanity, but there was also a decent amount of good action. But one thing that drove me mad was The Beautiful People vs. Tara/Angelina Love Title for Titles match. I have never liked this stipulation where it’s a tag match of some sort and depending on who pins whom you either win a singles title or a tag title. Now I didn’t see the match, but just reading the results I couldn’t do anything but shake my head.
Angelina Love won the Knockouts title via lockbox two weeks ago. Now I love Angelina; but she is bland as hell as a face so I really wish Tara were still champion (people are hating on her too much btw). Last week they had a train wreck of a match where Velvet cashed in her anyone anytime any match contract in what supposed to be a Leather and Lace deal but when it came time she said she changed her mind. Meanwhile she stacked the deck against Angelina and she could have choose a match where she could have easily won the Knockouts title in a great heel move but instead she said “I’m gonna wait a week to beat you in the cage to show everyone how good of a wrestler I am”.
I along with a good portion of the Internet was scratching our collective heads at that one, but this is TNA so it’s par for the course. Long story short after all of that Angelina ends up losing the Knockouts title to Madison Rayne and The Beautiful People have all the Knockouts Gold.
Now I like The Beautiful People, I really do. They are great at what they do and they are easily one of the best heel factions in all of wrestling. Angelina Love should not be a bland face. She should be the super bitch back as the leader of The Beautiful People. Melina has the same problem in the WWE. She is horrible as a face. But as a super bitch she is incredible. I dread the day that Maryse is turned face because that will ruin her. But I just can’t see the reasoning in Madison Rayne winning the Knockouts title in a throw away match when they were building another Angelina/Tara feud. Don’t get me wrong, Madison is great and she is the glue that holds TBP together, but it just makes no sense. It’s amazing how far the Knockouts have come from the days of Gail Kim as the Torchbearer.
By how far, I’m not saying that in a good way. They have fallen from being one of the highlights of the show to comedy segments. Gail Kim who was by far one of TNA’s biggest draws, when her contract came all she wanted was a deal that was good financially and Dixie said, “well we’re sorry, but we don’t have the kind of money the WWE has”. Gail ended up taking the WWE deal and while it’s good money wise for her, wrestling wise she’s second or third fiddle and not the centerpiece she was in TNA. Awesome Kong who was by far another one of TNA’s best draws wanted a good deal as well but TNA shafted her on money. By some reports she was only making $400 a show.
Christie Hemme (who I like) was signed to a $175k a year contract just because she was a former WWE star and Playboy cover girl. Tara (another one I like) apparently has a big money deal as well, but her contract is coming up soon according to some reports and they don’t know if she will re-sign. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t simply because of the way she’s been booked. I mean she lost the Knockouts title via key turn all because of a stupid spider.
It’s mind numbing to think TNA had some of the best Women’s wrestlers in North America and let them walk. Cheerleader Melissa aka Alyssa Flash comes to mind right off the bat. If there was ever a woman you could build a women’s division around it is her. They have Ayako Hamada on the roster now and they do NOTHING with her. Hamada is one of the best female wrestlers on the entire planet and she just fills the background for the most part in meaningless tag matches. They had her teamed with Awesome Kong as the Knockouts tag champions, but when the whole Bubba/Kong deal happened and Kong that left her up shit creek so to speak. I would love to see Hamada get a run as Knockouts champion, but I doubt that would ever happen.
ODB is another favorite of many others and mine and she is by far one of the most popular wrestlers in all of TNA. So it boggles the mind that TNA does nothing with her either. All they use her for is really lame comedy or filler for tag matches. I always thought it was a huge mistake she didn’t win the Knockouts title in late 2008. When she finally did win the title it was part of a stupid comedy angle with Cody Deener. Now I’m all for Men vs. Women matches when they are done right. Andy Kaufman proved you could get nuclear heat and make tons of money with them. But when they are nothing but lame comedy to fill TV time it defeats the purpose of them and ODB and Cody Deener sure as hell deserved better then that.
Sarita and Taylor Wylde are a pretty dynamic tag team and perfect baby faces that any division men or women’s would need. YET WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY???
You see the point I am getting at here folks. Even in it’s current state the TNA Knockouts division is better then the WWE Women’s/Divas and yet TNA does nothing with them or ignores their importance all together. I honestly don’t understand why TNA doesn’t have a second show for the Knockouts. I mean its Spike TV so I think they can fit an hour on late Saturday nights for a Knockouts show. They can cram all the comedy they want into that plus they can put all the women they have on the roster to use. For an added bonus show video of them doing photo shoots in skimpy outfits…it’s a win/win for everyone involved. It’s not like it has to be SHIMMER where everything is super competitive. Just don’t relegate the Knockouts who have proven to be ratings draws to small segments that most people will fast forward through on the DVR.
Moving along I was shocked that TNA had a really good episode of Impact this week. The post Lockdown show was really good which is amazing since TNA usually screws up shows after their big PPV’s. They had two huge matches on the show with RVD facing Jeff Hardy for a shot at the TNA World Title with the winner getting the title shot later in the night. RVD won and he took on AJ Styles and RVD is now the new TNA World Heavyweight Champion. I thought both matches were great, but I had one small tiny problem with it.
HOW THE FUCK DO YOU PEOPLE GIVE AWAY THESE MATCHES WITH NO BUILD WHAT SO EVER???
Okay I get it; PPV is a lost cause so there’s no point of building up PPV matches because aside from the big events no one gives a shit about them. But how in the world do you give these matches away with no build up what so ever? At the very least you could have slowly built up the RVD/Hardy feud for a month before you pulled the trigger on a match with them. Then Styles could have ducked RVD for weeks before he was finally forced into the match. I’m sure RVD will do great as champion so long as there isn’t the usual screwy TNA booking, but it just boggles the mind how they blew their wad on this one. I compare it to that because I couldn’t help but thinking of that scene in American Pie where Jim is with Nadia and he blows his load before he can do anything. Yes I know it’s crude, but Raven described building an angle like building up to an orgasm. You can either do it the right way and have it be mind blowing, or do it quick and cheap and be left unfulfilled.
I think that sums up a lot about TNA. A lot of unfulfillment on there part, for us the long-suffering wrestling fan.
On the plus side it appears Samoa Joe is back after some how escaping the Juggalo ninja’s that kidnapped him over a month ago. You know any other company probably would have turned that into an angle of some sort. Hell we could have probably got some fun Cactus Jack Lost In Cleveland type videos as people search for Samoa Joe. Ah well at least Joe is back and he’s reverted back to his 2005 self. So long to the Nation Of Violence and having a penis painted on your face.
Another bright side in TNA is crazy Ric Flair. Ric Flair is becoming Randy The Ram more and more with each passing week. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Yes people are complaining about Flair ruining his retirement, but as long as a wrestler is breathing no retirement is ever final. Flair has three alimonies to pay so sadly he might be doing insane shit for the next decade no matter what company he is in. The only thing a lot of us on the Internet have an issue with is the fact that Ric Flair bleeds for no apparent reason anymore.
I am all for blood in wrestling, but Flair is tapping gushers for no reason. Did his skin become so thin that the lightest touch causes it to rip open? Did Flair some how become a hemophiliac where a paper cut causes a gusher? Ric Flair can put over people better then anyone else. But he shouldn’t have to tap a gusher every time someone nails him with a punch. Flair can be the new JJ Dillon and he has the new Horsemen in the form of AJ Styles, Desmond Wolfe, and Beer Money. They just need to pull the trigger and make it official. This group right here can be the greatest heel stable group in all of wrestling. The hell with rehashing the n.w.o. or stuff with Austin/McMahon. That’s how they should of kept the belt on Styles. Have the new Horsemen protect him at all costs.
TNA I just gave you guys a major money idea…yet again. Maybe you guys should hire me or something. You do have my contact information floating around somewhere (insert smiley face).
Well on that shameless note I think I am done for this week. Before I go I just want say that The Truth did the best thing he has done in his entire career and that was getting blown up by MacGruber. I haven’t laughed that hard at anything the WWE has done in years. Phantom Classic (my father) said and I do quote “Thank God they finally got rid of him”.
Sadly our joy was short lived as The Truth was on that NXT thing (or so I read from the results). Wow NXT is probably a whole other column and how the WWE fucked that one up. Wade Barrett is awesome though, so the show at least has one good thing from it.
So until next time take care and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.
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