Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord, and this is my Rant Of The Week. Its only twenty days into the new year (give or take) so I figured why not fire off the first official column of the new year. As always I am coming to you from the frozen apple that is New York City and so far the world of wrestling has started off exactly where it left off at the end of 2009 and that is not a good thing. The WWE and TNA while having some bright spots overall have a vast majority of idiocy going on and as usual all that does is annoy me and anyone else watching.
In my last my last column I think I was a tad over optimistic about the regime change in TNA. I have all the respect in the world for Uncle Eric because when it comes to production the man is a proven winner. Wrestling on the other hand and he has just been very lucky. He got lucky with the N.W.O. because by all accounts something like that should have never worked. Here we are almost fifteen years later and he’s still trying to get some blood from that stone when it was bled dry a decade ago. I can’t believe it’s 20 FUCKING ten and here I am writing about WCW being driven into the ground again. Only difference is TNA never got off the ground to begin with.
Oh sure TNA has made it farther and longer then it has had any right to, but the problem with TNA is they have always thought they were bigger then they really are. TNA at best is a regional promotion that just happens to have a national television deal. It drives me nuts that I have to keep bringing up these points, but if I don’t whom else will (well aside from everyone else on the internet doing it)?
Moving along a video surfaced on the Internets of one of the production people telling everyone not to curse, throw up certain hand gestures and gang signs. The part that has made for a lot of fun debate on the net is when TNA Director of Production Steve Small tells the Impact Zone that they are cast members.
Click here to see the video if you haven’t all ready. If it’s not there just search TNA Cast Members on Youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVi3U-7YqhM
Now in the early part of this decade when I was going to school for television production and I had hope for the future, I worked the soundboard in the little studio at my college in the studio. It is a load of crap to say you can’t mute the audience. I am guessing the set up at Universal is a tad bit more complicated then the one at my old CUNY school, but it’s still all the same in the end. All of the mic’s go into the board and you have all these faders. On Impact when the crowd was chanting BULLSHIT BULLSHIT they were lowering the master. What they should have done as this guy in the video points out is lower the individual mic’s. Maybe not all 84 but they could have easily cut the audience with out muting everything and making TNA look even worse then it all ready does.
The cast member line though was funny to say the least. See this is not the first time TNA has done this sort of stuff. It happened long ago in the old days of TNA when they were in Nashville. Back then on the right side of the isle way there were a group of fans known as The Heel Section. They used to cheer for all the heels and boo all the faces. A lot of the TNA wrestlers liked these guys and they even wore Heel Section t-shirts. Of course TNA management didn’t like them and one week suddenly the Heel Section wasn’t there. If one wants to they can search on the Internet way back machine and they can find the Heel Section’s take on what happened. Since this is close to five years ago I am going to give the paraphrased cliff notes version as told to me by one of the Heel section guys himself.
Basically after every show down in Nashville everyone would go to I think a local IHOP or diner of some sort. Bob Ryder (of 1Wrestling.com and WCW’s 900 number) was working for TNA and he told the guys in the heel section the following. Bare in mind I am only paraphrasing here but this is pretty much the jist of it.
”TNA is our show and you’ll cheer and boo who ever we tell you to. If you don’t we’ll find people who will”
Back when I was on LOP I remember writing a column and mentioning this and the humorous “BORASH FEARS THE HEEL SECTION” pic I put as the header using my blank sign Kanyon template actually got posted on the heel section website. TNA’s position was these guys are just putting themselves over everyone else. Well they was probably true, but much like right now back then things were pretty much the same so we all were just rooting for the people who deserved to be rooted for. If they were a heel then so be it. I mean some how it’s always the lowly fan’s fault when they boo and complain about the product and instead of fixing it TNA’s solution is always demonize the fans rather then correct the problem.
Now I don’t know if the video in question was directed at any one group of fans in particular, but I think it just proves my theory that TNA would rather piss off it’s audience rather then try and fix it’s problems.
I did laugh at the notion that they are trying to be family friendly and appeal to children so we wouldn’t want to teach kids how to flip the bird or learn curse words. I mean for me personally I never learned any of the seven dirty words and then some while I was in school in the schoolyard during lunch or recess. And I certainly never learned how to flip some one off or give them the Italian salute there either…
The way I figure it TNA doesn’t have to go out before shows and beg the crowd not to chant obscene words or use obscene gestures. There is a very simple solution that will get everyone to stop doing this sort of stuff.
Now if anyone from TNA is reading this you might want to get ready to copy and paste this onto another word or text document.
Okay are you ready?
Here is the Phantom Lord approved sure-fire way to get fans from stop chanting BS and other obscene sayings and such…
STOP PUTTING ON A FUCKING BULLSHIT PRODUCT AND DRIVING US INSANE. THAT’S HOW YOU FUCKING DO IT.
STOP RIPPING OFF FUCKING MONTREAL. WE DON’T WANT TO SEE FUCKING SCREWJOBS OR BOSS VS. EMPLOYEE OR N FUCKING W FUCKING O REDUX. STOP PUTTING ON BULLSHIT AND WE’LL STOP SAYING IT.
I feel better now that I’ve communicated that with you. If anyone from TNA would like to discuss this further it’s not that hard to get in contact with me.
Seriously I was pondering that this week. I’ve been writing this column for pretty much the last decade. I’ve been on some of the “biggest” sites on the net and I’m wondering how come I don’t have any sources?
Surely there must be plenty of people inside TNA or the WWE or any company who want to spill some info. I can only imagine when it comes to TNA the sheets have only scratched the tip of the iceberg.
The Hogan era is not off to the best of starts. We’re only about three weeks in but if this is what we have to look forward to I am almost tempted to say put Jarrett and his lackey’s back in power. I knew going in with Hulk Hogan you had to take everything he said with a grain of salt the size of a boulder. Oh I’m gonna show all these guys the art of wrestling and we’re gonna do this and do that…
Buuuuuulllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
So far all Hulk Hogan has shown us is if you are a buddy of his he can get you a gig. The Nasty Boys are back on television and in a high profile feud. Bubba The Love Sponge became the backstage interviewer (though that might be done with now). I’m honestly surprised Brutus Beefcake hasn’t show up yet to beat Eric Young for the Legends title or something.
Being a buddy of Hogan isn’t all bad though. If Greg The Hammer Valentine and The Faces Of Fear showed up soon I wouldn’t complain.
People also on the Hulkamania tour now find themselves in TNA. Mr. Ke…Anderson is being positioned to be a top heel. Sean Morley despite still doing the Val Venis gimmick is as solid as it gets in the ring and if anyone deserves a good run it’s him. The only one I can’t understand is Orlando Jordan. This guy has never had an upside and TNA is pushing him like he’s this huge star when in reality he’s not. Jordan’s only claim to fame is Chris Benoit demolishing him in less than 30 seconds on two occasions and being a really bad Chief of Staff for JBL. He beats The Pope D’Angelo Dinero who is actually way over and will probably have a huge year for TNA in 2010.
Many TNA fans are having a fit about these guys being in TNA and them “going over”. With the exception of Jordan I don’t see what the problem is. Anderson gets a bad rap just because of his previous injuries and being perceived as sloppy in the ring. No one is perfect in the ring. Miscues do happen so I wouldn’t hold it against him. The former Val Venis seemed to really get some TNA fans in a tizzy when he beat Christopher Daniels at the Genesis PPV.
Now I thought the match was really good so I don’t know what everyone was complaining about. I honestly think some people complain for the sake of complaining.
TNA is a huge work in progress. Right now TNA does not care about work rate or who’s matches rated what. All they care about is ratings and somehow in the mist of all of this confusion TNA’s ratings are actually up and in the end that’s all that counts.
Personally if I were in charge I would stop worrying about whom to bring in next as a huge surprise and start working on promoting the damn product. TNA’s biggest problem always has been the fact that they cannot promote shit. They do all of these BIG matches and no one knows they are on because they don’t announce or promote them ahead of time. I never did understand what the point of throwing away potential big matches on television with out even promoting was. Then again TNA is following the late 90’s WCW model down to the letter. The Impact Girls cannot be far behind at this point.
On the flip side of things where TNA continues to drive a person mad there is at least a glimmer of hope in wrestling and his name is CM Punk.
Punk and his Straight Edge Society has been the best thing on all of television and last week they cranked it up another notch. Punk is doing a pseudo Jesus Christ gimmick and he has been dancing a fine line of blasphemy and it is awesome to watch.
On last Friday’s Smackdown Punk came out with Luke Gallows by his side and he cut another amazing promo running down the crowd for being weak-minded people who need their crutches. All of a sudden this chick dives over the barricade and runs up to him. You have to love the lax security that allowed her to do half a lap around the ring to get to Punk.
After the security came to do their damn job Punk said no let her come to me, I’ll take the responsibility. We find out the girls name is Serena and I guess being she’s supposed to be super hyper ADHD or something so I guess her vice was being on prescriptions that didn’t work. The part that seems to have some people saying a line was crossed was when Punk shaved her head. Matt Striker’s comment that Punk found his Mary Magdalene really put over the whole segment and what he’s doing.
For me personally, I’m a lapse Catholic so I’m not really offended by any of the Christian overtones being done with this whole thing. It’s like I said, he’s dancing a fine line on blasphemy right now. My father or as he’s known to my long time readers as Phantom Classic thought they did cross all kinds of lines and found it offensive. There’s just something about shaving a woman’s head that seems to be in bad taste for some. I did ask him if this were the old days would someone try to shoot Punk and he said of course.
That right there says you are doing your job right. If you are a heel and someone tries to take a shot at you then you are doing something right. I hope they continue ratcheting up the level of stuff they are doing right now. Rumor has it this is all leading to a Rey Mysterio/Punk match Wrestlemania where it will be Mask vs. Hair. A lot can change between now and then, but who ever defeats Punk and shaves his head will get nuclear babyface heat. Punk then crying about being a Straight Edge martyr would also be great stuff. It could in theory even go longer then that so I really hope things continue the way they are going and poor Serena Deeb didn’t get her head shaved for nothing.
Apparently she is a pretty good wrestler and she had been in OVW for the longest of times before going to FCW. She had been doing some sort of mobster’s daughter gimmick under the name of Mia Mancini. It probably could have been adopted into some sort of Jersey Shore thing but Vince won’t get around to seeing that until sometime in the next decade. If Serena can win the Women’s championship from The Undertaker’s old lady I will be very happy. I’ll be very happy if ANYONE wins it from her. This whole Piggie James thing will be for nothing if no one steps up to the plate and knocks her off her perch.
If it were anyone else other then McCool odds are she would be the most hated woman in wrestling. But McCool has this quality about her that comes off as X-Pac heat. So I can’t wait till this whole Piggie James thing is over. Who ever beat’s her will be heralded as the savior of women’s wrestling in the WWE.
The only other thing I am waiting for in the WWE is to see where the hell the angle with Bret Hart and Vince McMahon is going. I really hope they just go all out with it because as I said in my previous column, closure on Montreal would be so great for everyone. As an added bonus once there is closure then NO ONE CAN EVER DO IT AGAIN.
YOU HEAR ME TNA…ONCE BRET BEATS VINCE THAT’S IT. NO MORE SCREW JOBS…WRESTLING’S DARK CHAPTER IS FINALLY CLOSED.
As you can tell I hate the Montreal Screw job and any time it’s rehashed.
Bret locking Vince in the sharpshooter and Vince screaming and begging for mercy…why that’s almost worth the obscene amount of $54.95 they will be charging.
Well on that note I am done for this week. The Royal Rumble is next week but I doubt anyone has noticed with the shoddy build up they’ve done for it. And the price for the PPV is up to $44.95. See this is the reason why PPV buyrates are down. It’s because they cost to damn much. It’s laughable that TNA charges $34.95 and the WWE jacked up the prices simply because they didn’t want to look weak compared to the UFC…BUT THEY AREN’T COMPETING WITH THEM. NOPE, THERE’S NO COMPETITION HERE AT ALL.
So until next time I’ll be counting down the days till Cheech & Chong host RAW. That my friends will be awesome. Tommy Chong is the man and don’t ever let anyone say otherwise.
Take care, and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.
You can click here to send me any and all feedback at phantomlordnyc@yahoo.com or leave me some feedback in my Live Journal at phantomlord-lop.livejournal.com
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