Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow, the one and only Phantom Lord and this is my Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from my bunker in the urban cesspool that is Brooklyn, New York and of course everything for the next month is going to be Christmas. I love Christmas, but as long as it’s actually Christmas. Christmas Eve and Christmas are good enough for me. But the month long build up to it where all the lite stations have to go all Christmas music and all the sales and everything else is just too much. Though I did see the video for Bob Dylan’s new song “Must Be Santa” off his new album “Christmas In The Heart”. I have to get this album along with Twisted Sister’s “A Twisted Christmas”. Add this to National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: A Very Sunny Christmas will be my holiday traditions for now and ever. If only they would put out “It’s A Wonderful Life” with the original killing spree ending I would be set.
http://jscrazy.ytmnd.com MERRY CHRISTMAS…MERRY CHRISTMAS MOVIE HOUSE…
So about two weeks ago I just turned the big 29 and it got me thinking about what I’ve seen in these 29 years. I was born at the tail end of the Vince McMahon Sr. era of professional wrestling here in the North East when Bob Backlund was champion. Vince Jr. bought the company and from there everything got bigger or worse depending on your point of view. We had Hulkamania, Rock N’ Wrestling, Wrestlemania, Macho Madness, Piper’s Pit, Saturday Night’s Main Event…and all of this before I was even seven years old. As bad as things might seem right now, I can only imagine the fun it would have been if there were an Internet (well one everyone could go on) during Hogan’s run from 1984 to 1991. You think Cena hate is bad it would have been nothing compared to the hate Hogan is getting.
Of course I also made it through the new generation and the attitude years so I did see my fair share of bad stuff. People think the PG WWE is bad now, it’s nothing compared to the WWF back then. Sure there was some good stuff like now, but most of it was crap. I have seen a lot in these 29 years and now its coming full circle as I have mentioned before. Replace Hogan with Cena and we’re going have probably another good five years of the Cenation. At least on this past Monday on RAW they made a little angle out of John Cena being the perfect corporate puppet and the resentment the WWE locker room has towards him. Well I should say it started the week before when Jesse Venture cut this great promo about how he never got a shot at the title. To bad it was building up Cena/Sheamus (who I will get to shortly) because I’d love to see Cena/Ventura for the hell of it. Of course after last week’s appearance on Opie & Anthony, Ventura vs. Jim Norton would probably draw pretty damn well.
For those who want to see it, here’s the link courtesy of TMZ
http://www.tmz.com/2009/12/02/jesse-ventura-in-heated-stand-off-with-comic/
I think the WWE is doing something almost right for once as they are playing off all the hatred there is for John Cena from the real fan base of the company who are sick of everything Cena. The promo Carlito cut on Cena last week was pretty good even if he did end up looking like an idiot at the end. I mean if someone challenges you to a fight right then and there don’t go to do a catchphrase or your silly little trademark. If Carlito did a double leg on Cena and they started brawling the place probably would have gone nuts. Sure in the end Carlito would have lost, but it would have been better then looking like a bitch cause he had to bite his stupid apple. I like Carlito so it was nice to see him get all fired up like this. When people say there is huge potential for him, showing emotion like this is a part of that. It doesn’t matter how bad the material they work with is, as long as they can convey emotion and make you believe it then it will work. I’ll tell you this much, I believe someone like Carlito getting all fired up more then I do John Cena. When Cena does his whole GRRR I’M JOHN CENA I’M SERIOUS shtick it just comes off so forced.
The WWE skyrocketing Sheamus to the main event at their next throw away PPV is proof of what many others and I have been screaming about for months. The same formula over and over of Cena, Triple H, HBK, and Orton was getting boring. As much as I like Sheamus I think they made a mistake putting him into a main event this soon. The crowd just has no reaction towards him what so ever for the most part. He got a nice bit of heat when he did the old “I’m not gonna fight you now just cause you want to fight” bit but other then that he gets no reaction. I think this an example of something I have been going on about for years now and that’s the fact the WWE doesn’t build up anyone anymore. Well let me rephrase that, they build people up…just not in a way people would care about. See I can remember a time when everyone got a video building up for a month. It didn’t matter who it was or how stupid the gimmick was. You got a video to build you up this way the people in the crowd and at home at least had a clue about you.
Sheamus has everything the WWE look for in a star. He has the build and the look. He can cut a somewhat decent promo. He has the intensity and he doesn’t look like he was cast from the same cookie cutter mold most guys are today. You know the mold I’m talking about. Leather tights, tribal tat’s on the arms, a stupid tattoo on the back, short hair and goatee. It’s a formula for the most part and it’s because of that formula that mainstream wrestling (and I use the term mainstream very loosely) is so boring. Sheamus is at least the exact opposite of that formulated look and that’s a huge plus for him. The only thing that really is a problem for guys like him and others is the WWE it self. The WWE is just not designed anymore to be like the old days to let someone slowly build themselves up. Now a day’s it has to be NOW NOW NOW. I would have preferred a long US Championship run to Sheamus just being thrown to the proverbial fire. Luckily for him it’s a throw away PPV so I’m sure the expectation’s are low to begin with. If Sheamus does some how win the WWE Championship the only thing I would suspect is Cena will win it back on Monday night. I don’t expect him to beat Superman Cena though but at the least he should look really dominant before he gets put back in the midcard with guys like The Miz, MVP, Jack Swagger, Evan Bourne, a few others who should be moving up the ladder but are firmly beneath the glass ceiling.
Fire up the Drudge Siren…BREAKING NOOZ!!!
Sheamus has done it by gawd. He is the new Dubbya Dubbya Ehh Champion. Superman has been defeated and this is truly a joyous moment in history.
Wait…no it’s not. Sheamus is going to be the Kane the decade with a very short one off title reign. It’s funny though reading reaction on the Internet. If you are someone like me who hates John Cena and everything the WWE tries to do to make him the perfect corporate champion and multi-media main stream star then TLC was an early Christmas present. But for some other’s apparently the WWE pissed on it’s own legacy when Sheamus won the championship. According to some, Sheamus winning the title is the worst thing the WWE has ever done.
You know when I wrote about the 29 years I’ve been here, the WWE has done plenty of horrible stuff in that time frame. Sheamus winning the WWE Championship isn’t even in the top 50 (and I’m being generous there). See it’s funny how people complain oh the WWE won’t push anyone new. It’s always the same old crap over and over and over. Well here someone new was pushed to the moon and now a lot of these same people are complaining. Was it to fast and should they have taken their time with him so when he finally did win the title it meant something? Absolutely. But now that it’s happened am I going to complain? HELL NO.
UPDATE: Sheamus has survived the first hurdle to a championship run as he has surpassed Kane. A lot of us had fears he would be this decade’s Kane in terms of how long he would hold onto the title. I suspect the Sheamus/Cena rematch will now take place on January 4th. Though it is possible it could be the Royal Rumble. John Cena destroyed CM Punk on Raw and then proceeded to do one of his GRRR I’M SERIOUS I’M JOHN CENA I WILL NOT DIE promo’s about how he’ll not lose until he regains the championship. I liked it better when they were doing it with Jack Swagger. But it should be interesting to see what the WWE does on the 4th because there’s all ready a “big” event planned for that night.
Why it’s IMPACT brother. TNA is banking EVERYTHING on this HUGE three hour Impact on a Monday night. No one knows yet what the WWE plans to do for this night. Will they get The Rock to host? Will it be a three hour show of it’s own? Knowing how finicky WWE booking is I bet they probably wouldn’t work on anything till January 1st because Vince had another trademark mood swing and thought everything sucked.
It is funny to see TNA throw all of this effort into this one show because anyone who has watched TNA long enough knows it’s destined to blow up in their face. Now granted TNA has given me many many MANY reasons in the past to doubt them. But there’s one big reason why I am not holding my breath on this one and that’s Hulk Hogan. You can never take Hulk Hogan on his word. I know back when I was little, the Hulkster’s word was gold. You have to realize how much of a carnie Hulk Hogan is. Everything he says is spun for his favor. Hogan can still talk, but if TNA hopes to use him for matches they should probably forget about that now. Just watch some of the video from Hogan’s Australian tour and you’ll see why I hope to God he doesn’t wrestle in any form in TNA. A one off match here and there might be acceptable but after seeing these clips it’s clear he can’t handle one match much less any number of matches.
The big thing TNA is apparently planning is Hogan will lead the younger stars while Mick Foley will stand by the “old guard”. I’m a bit confused as to who the younger stars are and who will be the old guard. Basically it will be the MEM vs. Frontline angle only in reverse. Ah God bless TNA and their Russo booking. I can’t imagine what TNA has planned for the Impact on the 4th other then two hours and 45 mins of them milking the first appearance by Hulk Hogan. Another ten minutes of Hogan lumbering to the ring followed by the obligatory YOU’RE A LEGEND and YOU STILL GOT IT chants by the Impact crowd and we’ll finally get to the promo. Someone will come out to challenge Hogan and he’ll get beat down only to make the comeback and throw the guy out of the ring.
I probably just summed up the entire segment no matter when it happens on the show. Hogan. To Hogan’s credit he claims that he hates wrestling writers and that people should just go off the top of their head promo wise.
In the Toronto Sun, Hogan said the following.
“It’s a creative executive position … Jan. 4, we’re going head to head with WWE. We’ve got to pick a fight. I don’t know what’s going to happen that night. If we get bodyslammed by WWE, we’ll get back and go at them again.”
“What we have now is the writers telling the wrestlers what to say and do. I’m coming in to push the writers aside. Sure, they still have to make it flow and block time.”
“If the wrestlers need a writer to tell them what to do, they can pack their bags and go north to WWE. Writers don’t have a feel and instinct for the business. They’ve never been in the ring. If I can’t make it work, I’ll pack my bags and leave.”
Impact is going to get killed in the ratings; there is no doubt about that. It is just a matter of how badly Impact gets killed. Will it be them drawing their usual 1.0 number vs. RAW in the mid 3’s or will it be something of a blood bath with Impact drawing under 0.9. I honestly don’t know because at best TV ratings are a funny thing. Luckily for both shows, there is no Monday Night Football on ESPN so basically it will be TNA vs. WWE and the ratings will be solely on who can draw better. I would hope that in the week leading up to this Impact, Hogan hits at least one of the late night talk shows. I doubt he’ll be on any NBC show and Letterman doesn’t have wrestlers on his show so all that’s left is Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson. Hogan needs to do the mother of all carnie pitches if he’s on any show and put over TNA big time so that at least they can say the promoted the hell out of the show.
TNA’s biggest problem has always been they do not know how to advertise anything. How the hell are they expecting to go to war with the WWE if no one outside the core fans they have know who they are? Granted both the WWE and TNA are desperate to get the mainstream viewer. But with a nearly crippled Hulk Hogan and a totally inept production and marketing scheme TNA might as well shoot themselves now and get it over with. TNA needs such a major overhaul production and marketing wise and there might be some hope depending on what role if any that Eric Bischoff and his production company with Jason Hervey has. TNA is banking so much on this show and if things stay the way they are now it’s going to be all for nothing.
Some will say I am being negative. I like to think I am being realistic here. I would love to be wrong and TNA finally lives up to all the potential it’s had for years. It would be great if there were some competition between the WWE and TNA because it would light a fire under Vince’s ass and he would stop coasting like has been for the last decade. Ah well we shall see what happens. I’m not holding my breath but stranger things have happened.
Speaking of reorganizing things, apparently the WWE is not content on having Smackdown and ECW be the best “wrestling” shows so there is talk that in 2010 they will be making big changes to both shows. Mostly by pruning the roster and possibly renaming ECW. I honestly don’t know why they would want to change Smackdown because it’s had a formula that’s worked pretty damn well.
As for ECW, there was this news bit from the Figure 4 Online http://www.f4wonline.com
According to the source, WWE has been on the receiving-end of pressure from SyFy, which is unhappy with ratings for the Tuesday WWE show. From that pressure stems a feeling that WWE should overhaul the program to spark a ratings turnaround. At press time, there was nonetheless no concrete talk that a change was forthcoming. And, even if WWE were to decide the ‘ECW’ initials should be dropped, there is no evidence that WWE is considering changing the format, which currently sees the show serving as a breeding ground for up-and-coming WWE Superstars. Some rumors going around claim that WWE is considering turning the program into another “Superstars” of sorts, but said stories could not be definitively confirmed at press time.
The reason why ECW is tanking in the ratings is pretty simple. The WWE puts no effort into it what so ever. ECW is just there for people to be in a holding patter before the ones with real talent get yanked onto RAW and the other’s get thrown to Smackdown to shine. Why would anyone want to invest into ECW if you know say the next Sheamus is only going to be there for two months or so before he’s called up to the main roster. I love Christian and he has been by far one of the best wrestlers consistently for years, but he and he alone cannot carry a show.
Christian apparently has his detractors including Vince McMahon who feel he is not a major star and I’m sure they all look at ECW’s ratings and say SEE HE CAN’T DRAW. ECW is in the worst time slot possible. It’s up against the powerhouse Tuesday night slot on FX when it’s on against shows like Sons Of Anarchy and Rescue Me. There’s just so many things to watch at that time. For me personally I just record ECW on the DVR and skim through it. Cutting through the commercials and stupid video packages recapping RAW the show sometimes is 35 minutes at best. You can always count on a solid main event on ECW but the rest of the show is filled with guys who no one knows who they are.
Just listen to the crowd when some of these guys come out, it is DEAD. People just sitting in the crowd quietly waiting for the Smackdown taping to start. As for Smackdown, I read a bit of news that the idea to change up Smackdown comes from the fact that the WWE wants Smackdown to be like RAW. They want it in the sense that there is celebrity involvement of some sort. Just something to put more entertainment into the mix because it absolutely kills some people in the WWE to do a “wrestling” show.
The people in charge of the WWE as we know are some of the most insecure people around. They hate it when things they plan out do not go over how they want. The people they push because they have decided these people will be the stars of the show fall flat to silence from the crowds. The people who do get over with out really trying are relegated to comedy spots. Santino Marella is by far one of the most over people in the entire WWE and he does nothing except comedy matches and skits. Vickie Guerrero is by far the most over heel in the company. People really hate her and she doesn’t do much except say EXCUSE ME. So what does she get for her troubles (aside from being shafted on Eddie RIP royalties)? She gets never ending fat jokes because some people in the WWE feel unless you can count the ribs on a woman then they are fat.
These are the same people who have been doing this crap where Michelle McCool calls Mickie James fat. Apparently the Mickie James thing was the WWE’s little way of telling her don’t you dare think of trying to make a career for yourself with out us. You’re no good to us if we don’t have a piece of the action.
For those of you who don’t know, Mickie is recording some demos and songs for a country music career. She’s apparently got some top-notch management and is working with some great songwriters and musicians in Nashville. I would love to hear Mickie sing and if Mickie is half as good as Gretchen Wilson, Mickie could have her self a very good thing. Hopefully in the coming weeks and months some of her vocal ability makes it’s way onto the net and we can all see how she sounds. I just wish she would win back the WWE Women’s championship all ready. McCool is probably the worst champion ever. Technically speaking she’s fine. I mean she’s passable in the ring, plus it’s the WWE so it’s not like you are expecting an All Japan’s women’s contest. But personality wise she is so horrible. She does nothing to get people to want to hate her.
Perhaps if she really became the super bitch that people like to say she is then maybe her title reign wouldn’t be seen as the time when to make a run for the bathroom or concession stands.
I’ve said this before about how she only has her spot because of whom she is with. If it were me I would say run with that. Sure you don’t have to say his name but you can just be like YOU KNOW WHO MY MAN IS. Maybe it could be something like one of those Real Housewife’s shows that people seem to watch (why I don’t know). My point is McCool is horrible character wise and aside from whom her man is can anyone give me a reason why she is the Women’s champion?
On that note I am done for this week. Hopefully I will have one more column before the end of the year so I can at least try to start some sort of streak. I make no bones about it, wrestling at times bores the hell out of me and as such it reflects what I write about. While I am starting to get into MMA…I am not about to turn this into some sort of MMA column. So hopefully 2010 will be a much more entertaining year but like what I said with TNA I’m not holding my breath.
Until next time take care and remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.
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