Up to this day during my time here on the planet, I have generally led a calm, peaceful lifestyle. I’ve only gotten into fisticuffs with another person one time… and even then I was maybe 10 or 11 years old, so that doesn’t really count. Very rarely do things truly get me angry nowadays, and to some degree that can be both an asset and a flaw of mine depending on the situation. But one of the few things that does really bother me and grind my gears is an attention whore.
For those of you not familiar with the term, look no further than Bret Favre of the Minnesota Vikings as an example. This man, no matter how you guys want to put it, had ESPN wrapped around his fucking finger as every uptight sports anchor with god-knows-what shoved up his/her already-puckered asshole awaits his next press conference or public statement. For fuck’s sake, he even had Rachel Nichols in front of one of his homes, reporting on how he just mowed his own grass!
No 40-year-old quarterback coming off an elbow injury deserves attention of this magnitude, but you know Favre basks in this crap, thinking to himself “They never learn… same shit year after year”. Anyways, the reason I’m bringing Favre up, albeit maybe a week too late, is because all the coverage surrounding him had me thinking about some of the top attention whores in wrestling… and let me let you in on a little secret – there are plenty of em!
As much as I love the guy, Chris Jericho may be the biggest media whore around. I don’t know what it was that so radically changed him during his recent hiatus from wrestling, but the guy not only came out on the other end of it attaching his face to every garbage VH1 “Top x” lists, but he came out thinking his band – for some reason – was freaking U2. Now, I’m not knocking his wrestling talents at all – for the record he’s #2 on my list of top assets in the WWE. But if I ever have to put up with him Tweeting away like an idiot (oh wait…), or worse yet, promote his band on RAW again, I may have to swallow a gun barrel and call it a life.
Another attention whore who hogs the WWE limelight is the Schizophrenic Top-dog Unable to Put together Impressive Disputes. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, the one and only S.T.U.P.I.D.!!! Yes, I know part of his character is to be theatrical and over-the-top, but when this fool makes a mockery of wrestling by flexing at the front and center of shows (see: The Stan Kroenke segment, any of the Million Dollar Giveaway segments, etc) just so he can entertain him and only himself, the entire product suffers. Yes, we get it Vince, the WWE wouldn’t be the same without you… it would be better! But I won’t hit you guys with that same old rant yet again… that has been discussed ad nauseum throughout my columns.
Let me admit something: John Cena is the best wrestler the WWE has… on paper. He has an extreme work ethic, he eats and breathes the WWE, and the guy appeals to many different demographics. The thing is though, I can see right through him (and no, that’s not me making a tacky pun of Cena’s catch phrase). This guy, although he doesn’t win as much as he used to, definitely carries a big stick behind the scenes and uses his position as Vince’s but-buddy to his advantage.
It was just recently made public knowledge that when he first came into the WWE he saw a stale product. So what did he do about it? After solidifying himself as the company man of all company mans, he went to Vince and said that the WWE was so stale that the product needed to become PG. Words… cannot describe… my anger… with that statement. I pray (and I’m not one for praying) that you all see the irony in that. If not, you’re a lost cause. Ultimately, I think Cena is probably good for the WWE at the moment, and his reputation is that of a class-act professional. I, however, see him more as a Triple H-type behind the scenes, but that’s just me.
Speak of the devil, here’s the biggest attention whore the WWE has ever seen… Triple H! That’s right! The man who participated in the most disappointing main event in Wrestlemania history! The man who, by himself, built the proverbial glass ceiling really really low for the entire RAW roster! The man who can’t take it when he doesn’t have a title at least every four months! The man who inspired the Edge-Vicky Guerrero storyline! Had enough? Yea me too.
PS – I threw a subtle Family Guy reference in the column… see if you can catch it!
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