Greetings, fellow line-crossers!
Your Empress of “Impact” is here, with a review of tonight’s go-home show and predictions for Sunday’s “Sacrifice” pay-per-view. Tonight’s episode is titled “Double J in Jeopardy.” Will the TNA Founder remember to phrase the answer in the form of a question? Let’s find out!
We open with a video package recapping the Jeff Jarrett/Mick Foley history. Jarrett himself enters, walking with a bit of a limp as he makes his way to the ring. Taking a mic, Jarrett says that when an action takes place, a reaction needs to happen. Newton would be so proud! Tonight Jarrett is reacting to the actions of Mick Foley. He claims the fourth and final spot in the “Sacrifice” main event for the World Heavyweight title for himself. Foley, Jarrett claims, has caused more chaos in TNA than the entire Main Event Mafia, and is not fit to be the World champion. Foley will not be walking out of “Sacrifice” with the World championship. For the next three days, Foley should “have a nice day.”
Mick Foley enters. He tells Jarrett that he had gone to Nashville and the Asylum to mend fences with him, but that in that building, something inside of him snapped. He remembered how much he hated Jarrett’s guts, and hated his old man too. Foley has heard all kinds of rumors about Jeff Jarrett’s hamstring injury, and that part of it has completely torn away from the bone. Great line about how Jarrett was screaming like a woman so loudly that Foley couldn’t tell how much damage was actually done. Foley asks Jarrett what he is willing to sacrifice to get in the ppv title match. He suggests Jarrett’s voting rights in TNA. He continues to push Jarrett until The Founder of TNA agrees with “I’m all in!”
Jarrett starts to leave, but Foley gets back on the mic and cuts him off. Since Jarrett saw fit to book himself into the World title match, Foley is going to exercise his match-making ability. To make sure that all four participants in the main event are in proper shape at the ppv, they will each have a singles match tonight. Foley books Sting against “your whiny little buddy” Eric Young, Kurt Angle against Matt Morgan, and Jeff Jarrett against Samoa Joe. Foley himself will face a “former World Heavyweight champion” who is here tonight.
Drowgoddess Thoughts (DGT): Very solid opening segment. The dynamic between Foley and Jarrett is improving all the time, with Foley becoming ever more unpredictable and heelish and Jarrett trying to figure out how to control the monster that he accidently unleashed on his own company. Everyone thinks that Foley will be facing Taz, which means that it will be someone else. The set-up for the main event has been quite well-done, which is often the case with TNA. Unfortunately, that good set-up is often at teh expense of everything else.
To the back! Kurt Angle is looking for Sting, and is quite out of his mind. He feels that Sting needs to know his role in the main event on Sunday. Scott Steiner tries in vain to calm Angle and convince him that he and Sting should be cool.
To the video package! The efforts of the Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences to unmask Suicide are shown. Don West’s commentary on this is brilliant!
To the back! Lauren interviews Daniels and Suicide. How can they coexist as a tag team tonight when they’ll be opponents on Sunday in an X-Division title match? Daniels says that he is back to prove that he is among the elite of the sport, and that everything will be fine tonight. Sunday will be different, and he will win Suicide’s X-Division title. Daniels slaps the title held across Suicide’s chest for emphasis. Lauren asks Suicide that, if he isn’t Daniels, who is Suicide? In a deep and raspy voice not unlike that of an obscene prank caller, the current X-Division champion responds with, “I am…Suicide.”
DGT: Why was this match tossed out there at the last second? An X-Division title match between Daniels and Suicide could have scored some buys! That some kind of match with these guys needed to happen at “Sacrifice” was a given, but this isn’t it. It’s too soon for this particular match. Building to it with a few more tag matches would have been better. More on that in a minute.
Match #1: Suicide & Daniels defeat the Motor City Machine Guns and Lethal Consequences: Lethal Consequences enter first, followed by the MCMG, and finally Daniels and Suicide. Suicide appears out of nowhere again. Daniels and Lethal start off. Daniels is targeted by both Lethal Consequences and the MCMG, and takes quite a bit of punishment from all of them. At one point, the MCMG double-team Daniels repeatedly. Lethal breaks up an MCMG cover on Daniels. Creed hits a DDT on Shelley. Suicide finally tags in. Sabin plants Lethal with a gorgeous tornado DDT. Daniels breaks up an MCMG pin on Lethal. Daniels sends Lethal to the floor with a clothesline, followed by top rope moonsault. Is it really a split-legged moonsault if the legs are together? Shelley and Suicide are the legal men, and Shelley goes for a Sliced Bread #2 in the corner. Suicide counters and nails Shelley with double knees to the chest for the pin and three-count.
DGT: Good match! It got six minutes, but really should have gone longer with three tag teams involved. Why is it so hard for most people who write reviews of “Impact” to see the stories being told in matches like this? Honestly, too many seem to have already made up their minds that matches involving particular wrestlers are rushed spotfests with no point to them. Firstly, two tag teams that hate each other practically work together to get at the third tag team. Secondly, Daniels and Suicide didn’t do much together as a team, implying friction. Finally, Alex Shelley getting pinned by Suicide is significant. The previous X-Division champion got pinned by the current X-Division champion, a man whom he accused of stealing the title. This sets the stage for a number of future possibilities, regardless of what happens with Suicide and Daniels.
To the back! Angle and JB are still looking for Sting. Angle wants to search the rafters.
To the announce table! Tenay and West run down the card for “Sacrifice.”
To the video package! More Sting. Who is presumably not in the rafters at the moment.
To the next video package! Booker T and Kevin Nash, both shirtless, prepare for their respective ppv matches. Push the mute button on your remote when this comes on. It hurts.
To the ring! Team 3D comes out, carrying all of their tag team gold. We see a video recap of the Team 3D beatdown by the British Invasion. Team 3D is not pleased. They think that the tag team tournament is going well. They wanted to give back to tag team wrestling, and when they retire some day, they want to leave a legacy of great tag team wrestling in TNA, but one team has “crapped in the hand that was trying to feed them.” Even Beer Money is behaving with class now, and the British Invasion needs to do the same. The British Invasion comes out, and Brutus Magnus has the mic. He informs Team 3D that they were coming out whether Team 3D called them out or not. Team 3D carries on like they’re some kind of royalty, but the British Invasion is not impressed. The only royalty around here is – . Team 3D attacks the British Invasion. The British Invasion takes out Team 3D, but Beer Money makes the save.
DGT: Beer Money are total faces now. Apparently, Team 3D made them that way, having taught them that if they want to fight, fight fair. WTF??? Beer Money were awesome heels, and as popular as they are, they’ll make good babyfaces, probably. That they decided to stop cheating in matches because of the influence of Team 3D is laughable. The Lords and Saviors of tag team wrestling will make them all see the light, eh? Team 3D didn’t make a career of being good guys. “If God were a heel, he’d be the Dudleys!” More importantly, those hands of Team 3D shouldn’t be feeding anyone. Every single one of the tag teams in TNA can find their own food. It’s not giving the rub. It’s not giving back. It’s insulting, it’s condescending, and if they really wanted to give back, they wouldn’t be the champs right now. This tournament is garbage.
To the back! Lauren is in Jarrett’s office with Jarrett and Eric Young. Young complains that having to fight Sting tonight is hardly fair. Jarrett tells him to stop whining and be a man for a change. When Jarrett found him he was an independent wrestler in southern Ontario up in Canada. This challenge against Sting should be treated as the great opportunity that it is. Young tells Jarrett that, as a friend, he’s going to regret telling him that. Jarrett yells at Young to get out, and Young smiles.
DGT: Come on, heel Eric Young! He comes across more angry than whiny. Apparently it’s time to recycle the Chris Harris complaining gimmick, but it really doesn’t play that way. Why is it that TNA seems to feel that any wrestler who complains about a lack of opportunity or criticizes the company is portrayed as a whiny heel? Management must be sending a message.
To the back! Angle has found Sting. Kind of like finding Jesus, one assumes. Only with more face paint and a really hideous coat. Angle is angry that Sting doesn’t return his calls once Sting gets in the World title picture, and says that he can’t go through all this again like they did before. Sting asks Angle, “Do you actually watch the shows, Kurt, or are you just on them?” Awesomeness! Sure, Angle might have gotten screwed at “Lockdown,” but Sting got screwed by Mick Foley just as badly! Stinger explodes on the Godfather that it’s about bringing the World title back to the MEM and bringing the respect back. Angle interprets this as a plan to tag team against the other guys on Sunday to keep the title in MEM hands, and he loves it. Angle and Sting make nice.
DGT: Sting did not appear to mean what Angle thinks he means. Look for some problems between Sting and Angle in the “Sacrifice” main event when Sting doesn’t let Angle win.
Match #2: Sting defeats Eric Young: Young gets in some decent offense at first, but Sting traps him in the Scorpion Deathlock in the center of the ring and forces him to tap out.
DGT: I have never cared for Sting’s version of this hold. He never sits down low enough, and now, he seems to be physically incapable of doing so.
To the back! JB shills the latest hirings and firings on the free texting service. Yes, it still counts as shilling if it’s free. JB asks Mick Foley who his opponent is, and they have a “play on words” exchange. Foley tells that little muskrat JB to get out, and bring him a steel chair. His opponent tonight may be so tough that the TNA champ needs to bring his own back-up.
To the video package! The history of Awesome Kong and The Beautiful People plays out.
To the in-ring contract signing! Jim Cornette has Angelina Love (surrounded by security guys) sign, and Raisha Saeed signs for Kong. Cornette asks if either of them have final thoughts. Angelina does. The promo that follows is GOLD, both for what was said, and the visual images that it inspired. While HOW it was said was half the fun, Angelina tells Kong she knows they’ve had their differences, but they should put it all behind them. She’s done some terrible things, but wants her to know that she’s truly sorry. She thinks that at “Sacrifice,” they should go out and tear the house down, have an awesome match. After the match, she’ll treat Kong to a makeover, because she’s nice like that. They’ll get rid of the big rope things she has growing out of her melon, then they’ll buy her some real make-up, because Love’s not feeling the clown look. She’ll get her a new wardrobe, because she wears that one all the time. Then she’ll send her to the best fat farm in the world, and if that doesn’t work, there’s always lipo. Then they’ll officially bring her into Mi Pi Sexy and she’ll be one of the Beautiful People! The attempt at hand-shaking goes awry, as Kong attacks Love, but is held off, and settles for putting referee Rudy Charles through a table.
DGT: Angelina Love is one of the few seriously talented wrestlers remaining in the Knockouts division, and this work with Kong has been her best yet. Absolutely loved the promo!
To the video recap of what we just saw five minutes ago before the commercial break!
To the doctor’s office! Apparently, this is from earlier in the week. Lauren in furious, dragging Abyss into Dr. Stevie’s office and snapping at him the whole way. Dr. Stevie is out of the office and unavailable until Monday. No way is Abyss going to be involved in a Monster’s Ball match with that psycho Daffney against Lauren’s best friend and sorority sister (and that’s a bond that just doesn’t break!) Taylor Wilde! Abyss was very pitiful here.
DGT: Isn’t there a way to play this out without constantly humiliating Abyss? I feel sorry for the guy, he’s difficult to watch. He shouldn’t be.
To the Kurt Angle video package!
To the back! Lauren interviews Legends champion AJ Styles. What are his thoughts on his “I Quit” match for the Legends title against Booker T at “Sacrifice?” AJ says that it’s more about pride than about the title. He talks about all the times in his life that he did not quit, and that he won’t quit at “Sacrifice.” Lauren asks AJ about his issues lately with Samoa Joe. AJ angrily says that there is nothing between him and Joe.
To the back! Lauren interviews Matt Morgan. Morgan says that his interest in joining the Main Event Mafia is purely business, and he wants to play for a winning team. He hopes Angle doesn’t take this loss personally.
Match #3: Kurt Angle defeats Matt Morgan: Morgan actually gets to look pretty good against Angle, so he’s better off than most. The match went eight minutes. Eight minutes of Angle/Morgan, while the opening match featuring three tag teams got six. Still, a very solid match that showcased Morgan as well as he has ever been. Angle counters the Hellevator with an inside cradle for the win. Post-match, Angle shakes hands with Morgan.
DGT: Interesting. Morgan is certainly being set up to do well. If I cared at all about the MEM (and it has to be said that this is supposed to be a HEEL faction that tried to take over and destroy the entire company, so their internal doings really shouldn’t concern us), I’d be intrigued.
To the Jeff Jarrett video package!
To the back! Lauren interviews Jeff Jarrett in a locker room, where he isn’t even dressed to wrestle yet. Lauren asks about Jarrett’s hamstring injury. Jarrett says that this is a battle of wills between him and Foley, and he isn’t going to blink first. When someone pins Foley at “Sacrifice,” it will be buisiness as usual.
To the back! Lauren interviews Jenna Morasca, asking her what her role in the Main Event Mafia is. Morasca says that some kind of contract involving financial support of the MEM was being drawn up, but that one snag was the apology of Sharmell. If Sharmell doesn’t apologize to her by Sunday, there will be serious problems.
DGT: No. No. Unholy fiery passion of burning rage NO!!! What on Earth kind of contract can they possibly be talking about? No such thing is required for bankrolling the MEM, and the very idea that the MEM needs a sugar mama completely cheapens them. This woman does nothing for the product, and should not have a contract with TNA.
To the Mick Foley video package!
Match #4: Jeff Jarrett defeats Samoa Joe by DQ: This match was all over the Impact Zone. Joe annihilates Jarrett, targeting the injured hamstring again and again. The DQ comes when Joe throws the referee around. Post-match, Joe continues to assault Jarrett, but AJ Styles runs out to help Jarrett. Joe and AJ brawl on the floor, but get separated by security.
DGT: Good match for both. Joe’s short, brutal matches are helping build him back into the killing machine that he used to be, and a legit destruction of The Founder has to bode well for the future. Jarrett now goes into the ppv match as a heavily-injured underdog, which has to be good for him.
To the ring! Mick Foley comes out, and takes the mic. He announces that his non-title match will be against a household name, one of the greatest superstars ever to step in a ring. Rocky Balboa. Yes, read that again. Rocky Balboa.
DGT: ….
Match #5: Mick Foley (w/ steel chair) defeats Rocky Balboa (w/ really old guy): Actually, it was a life-sized cardboard cut-out of Rocky Balboa from the first movie, but that’s as may be. Foley actually fights the cut-out, getting the inevitable victory after a clothesline, punch, suplex, piledriver, and elbow drop. Post-match, Foley thanks Rocky for fighting him, thanks the fans, and delivers the speech that ends the “Rocky II” movie.
DGT: This looked awful. AT first. It was actually really funny, and suited the people involved. Foley sets Jarrett up to be destroyed even more, and he takes on a carboard cut-out. Malicious, yet unexpected, and certainly crazy. The more I think about it, this was actually very good.
Post-match, Jarrett comes out with a mic. He’s not listening to any more of Foley’s crap. Foley has made a mockery of his promotion. Jarrett punches him in the face. They fight. Angle rushes the ring and hits an Olympic Slam on Jarrett, following up with an Angle Lock. Sting hits the ring, and Angle releases the hold. Foley smashes Sting with a chair, Jarrett hits the Stroke on Angle, and Foley smashes Jarrett with the chair. The end.
DGT: Certain parts of the ppv were set up well. The Knockouts title match, the finals of the Team 3D tournament between Beer Money and the British Invasion, and the World title 4-way match look great. Everything else, not so much. The “I Quit” match for the Legends title, the X-Division title match, and Joe/Nash are just kind of there. All the same, on to predictions for “Sacrifice!”
“Sacrifice” Predictions:
Amazing Red vs. Kiyoshi: This match airs on the free preview portion of the show.The free pre-show idea is a really good one, as a solid match seen there might entice some last-minute ppv buys. Amazing Red to win, as he’s been the guy getting pushed by the announce team. Also, as Kiyoshi is part of the contingent of foreign brown people, he won’t be winning anything.
Taylor Wilde vs. Daffney in a “Knockouts Monster’s Ball” match: The first-ever Knockouts Monster’s Ball match, and only two people are in it? There should be three or possibly even four. See what firing Roxxi did to you, TNA? Please, merciful god, let Daffney win this! If this match leads to anything, Daffney has to get the win anyway.
Beer Money vs. The British Invasion: This is the finals of the Team 3D tournament. The tournament that never should have happened? Yeah, that one. Hey, at least you know I’ll shut up after it ends here. In any case, the British Invasion should win. They’re new, they’re mean, they’re British. ‘Nuff said. The winner here gets a title shot at Team 3D, and since Beer Money now walk the Path of Light and Righteousness thanks to the influence of Team 3D, a face-face title match is just too soon. I see the Brits winning and going after Team 3D straight away, or waiting for follow-up on “Impact” and rubbing their faces in it. Beer Money is by no means out of the title scene, but I think having them chase the British Invasion for it will be better than trying to follow up the match at “Lockdown.”
Suicide vs. Daniels for the X Division Title: Suicide retains. I don’t see Suicide losing the belt until he loses the mask too. It’s too soon. “Slammiversary” would be a good place for that. Match of the night, easily. Possible interference that goes awry, and accidently helps Suicide retain the title.
Angelina Love vs. Awesome Kong for the Knockouts Title: Love retains. She just won the belt, and tonight’s show proved just how good she is in this role. Several new Knockouts have been signed, one from Mexico and one from Japan, either of whom could turn up as new back-up for Angelina Love in facing Kong. Too much of a deal has been made over the fact that she has no more people to help her, and I’m thinking that she’s going to use this to bring in someone new.
Kevin Nash vs. Samoa Joe: Seen it. Several times, in fact. What’s so insulting about it is that Nash can barely move, in or out of the ring. He never should have been even close to being a match for Joe, and certainly not now. Since Nash beat Joe by cheating or interference in their previous outings, I’m really wanting Joe to take this one. If he doesn’t get the win, he should get DQd for brutalizing Nash so badly that the healing time required makes the staph infection look like nothing. The new mentor should approve of the destruction of the old mentor, I hope.
A.J. Styles vs. Booker T in an “I Quit” match for the TNA Legends Title: This again. This match seems tossed out there, and certainly, the stipulation of “I Quit” should have been a much bigger deal than it was. I’m really not interested in this match, and it’s not the fault of AJ Styles. AJ to win and retain the Legends title. Mr. BT Huffman should look at it as a chance to push his range.
Mick Foley vs. Sting vs. Kurt Angle vs. Jeff Jarrett in a four-way for the TNA Title: Hmm, tough one. I think it’s going to come down to Jarrett and Foley, with Angle and Sting imploding after Sting refuses to let Angle win. Jarrett has been perfectly positioned to win, with his injury made far worse by the match with Joe, and his company on the line. I originally wanted Foley to win by pinning Jarrett, but any “evil owner” gimmick is just going to be negatively compared to Vince anyway. Foley pinning Angle would be nice, with Foley as champ AND running the MEM, and Angle has to do what Foley says. Yeah, that’s my prediction now. Foley pinning Angle.
WHAT??? No Motor City Machine Guns on the ppv card? TNA, I thought that we had an understanding that if you wanted my cash, you had to put Chris Sabin on the card! Hell, I actually paid for the ppv with the “Cuffed in the Cage” match because of the last-minute announcement that he was in it. Based on that alone, I should not watch this show. I shouldn’t. But I will. Hey, somebody has to write the official review! I do it so that you don’t have to. You’re welcome. Check back later for results and commentary on 2009’s “Sacrifice!”
Peace out,
Drowgoddess
