By: Daniel Wilkenfeld, PWTorch.com
The Show: Cage—Captains—Chaos!!!
Most of the wrestlers are on the ramp, with Cornette in the ring. Cornette explains the rules of Lethal Lockdown, which isn’t a good idea, since the match is much cooler than the rules would make it sound. Tonight we’re having a 20 man TNA Cage Gauntlet match, with the winners getting to captain their own team. Since it’s in a cage, the only way to be eliminated is by pinfall or submission, with the last two getting their own team. It’s not clear what you get for winning—maybe you get the early numbers advantage? Anyway, Cornette says that the point of this is to give everyone equal opportunity. Kurt’s seemingly having none of that, as the MEM come out now and join Cornette in the ring. Shouldn’t he be complaining about Mick getting a title shot? Instead, he says that he doesn’t understand how Cornette can talk about giving all the other jabronis a chance, when the MEM is all set to position Angle to win the match tonight. There’s nothing any of us can do about it. Jarrett disagrees. He comes down to the ring in wrestling gear, and says that he’s entering the main event for the sole purpose of making sure Kurt doesn’t win it. Jarrett takes a cheap shot, but the roster breaks things up before they can get too hostile. I swear that if we get Team Kurt vs. Team Jarrett as the second main event at Lockdown I’m throwing something at the TV.
[Commercial Break]
We recap what we saw moments ago.
JB is in the MEM locker room. Booker is annoyed that Nash has a woman Jenna Morasca with him. Kurt tells him to take it outside. JB asks for Kurt’s response to Jarrett. Kurt doesn’t think that Jeff’s even going to make it to the main event, then has Steiner hand him a lead pipe. JB asks what Kurt plans to do with that. Steiner points out what a dumb question that is, but Kurt lays out his plans explicitly anyway. They involve the pipe and Jarrett’s rectum.
(1) SUICIDE vs. KIYOSHI (w/NO LIMIT)
X Division Championship Match
Suicide flips Kiyoshi to start, but Kiyoshi rallies and nails an elbow off the top rope from two. Suicide hits some head butts, but Kiyoshi hits a Body Slam and a Sitting Clothesline for two more. He tosses Suicide out of the ring, where No Limit does some damage. They roll him back into the ring, where Kiyoshi hits an Inverted DDT for yet another two. Suicide gets in a couple of right hands, but Kiyoshi stops him with an Overhead Belly to Belly Release Suplex for two. Kiyoshi tries to finish things off with a top rope Splash, but Suicide rolls out of the way. Suicide gets up kicking, and nails an Impaler DDT for a long two count. Kiyoshi comes back with some sort of overhead slam for two of his own. He tries to go to the top, but Suicide brings him back down and nails some knees to the face. A member of No Limit tries to get up on the apron, so Suicide drives Kiyoshi’s head into him, then nails his flip finish (the “Suicide Solution” for two). If they have switched who’s behind the mask, whoever it is now gets mad props for learning the last guy’s finisher.
WINNER: Suicide in 4 minutes. * He’s like the anti-Glacier—horrendous build-up followed by ridiculous delivery. The crowd was into him the whole time.
[Commercial Break]
Angle is trying to attack Jarrett, but the faces have congregated in his office to ward Angle off. Jarrett assures Kurt that one of those people will step up tonight.
Lauren is in the back with The Beautiful People and Madison Rayne, who doesn’t get a throne yet. She (Lauren) reminds the people of a verbal shot Love took at Kong last week. So this week, they’re in a match with Kong & Saeed. Love says that The Beautiful People don’t sweat Kong, cause they don’t sweat, period. The Beautiful People get what they want, and they’ve decided that they want the women’s title. Velvet Sky tells Rayne that her hazing will continue this week, when she cuts Kong’s hair like she did The Governor’s last week.
[Commercial Break]
In today’s Rough Cut, Brother Ray talks about breaking into the business. He says that he wasn’t trained well, and resents it to this day. Brother reminds us that in ECW there were 9 Dudleys, but he and Devon clicked perfectly. They’ve seen each other more in the last couple decades then they’ve seen their families. He knows that people don’t pay to see Ray or Devon, they pay to see Team 3D. He also knows that Austin’s said that if you don’t want to be the champion, then you shouldn’t be in the business, but he feels rather that if you don’t want to be one half of the greatest tag team in the world then you shouldn’t be.
We recap the history between Team 3D and Beer Money Inc. Tenay has a sit-down interview with all four men. He asks what they think about the match being in Philly. Storm says it doesn’t matter, since wherever they are they’ll be becoming the best tag team of all time. Devon disagrees—he thinks Philly is a special place. It’s their backyard, and they’ll be wrestling before the most bloodthirsty fans in the world. Storm says that he’s been in TNA since day one, and so all of TNA is his backyard. Ray says he respects that, since he knows what it’s like to build a company. He tells us about a friend he had, who used to tell his opponents: “beat me if you can…survive if I let youWell Ray wants to say that Beer Money should beat them if they can, and survive if the fans in Philadelphia let them.” I don’t suppose this means they’re courting Taz? Roode points out that Jackie isn’t there, and they don’t have beer bottles or money—this is a big match, and that’s how they’re treating it. This might have been one of the more effective feud-building interviews I’ve seen lately.
They hype Lockdown, with a look back at Sting-Foley.
Lauren is in the back with Sting, who says that he doesn’t know what he’s going to say to Mick when he sees him in the ring later tonight. What Mick did last week (attacking him with a chair) didn’t make a lot of sense, but then Mick’s been doing things that don’t make sense his whole career. It doesn’t matter—just like with AJ and Joe, there will be no excuses. He warns Mick that if he brings a weapon, he’ll fight fire with fire.
[Commercial Break]
Lauren asks Mick Foley what he’s going to talk to Sting about later tonight. He says that he’ll be covering what’s been on everyone’s mind—the controversial finish to The Bachelor. No, he’s watched the tape, and realizes that he was wrong last week. He’ll be doing what wrestling fans love to see, and apologizing. Lauren warns him that Sting will be bringing his bat, and Foley thinks that’s silly—there will be no need for violence. Tonight we’ll see what all wrestling fans enjoy—two men hugging.
(2) THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (w/MADISON RAYNE) vs. AWESOME KONG & RAESHA SAEED
Saeed and Sky trade go-behinds to start. Sky gets the advantage, but it’s short lived. Saeed goes for some sort of submission, but Sky fights it off and floors her with a clothesline. She tags in Love, who signals that she wants Kong. Kong’s happy to oblige, so she tags in and the two of them lock up. She backs her into the corner and pounds on her. Sky tries to interfere, but eats a Choke Slam for his troubles. Kong tosses Love across the ring and squishes her in the corner. Kong’s bored, so she tags in Saeed, who retains control for a minute before being on the receiving end of a Neck Breaker. Love makes the tag, and they work the five count. The crowd rallies for Velvet Sky. Really? Love tags in, but gets knocked around with a few chops. Saeed hits a one-woman Flapjack that Sky has to break up at two. Kong doesn’t care for the interference, so she goes to deal with Velvet Sky. But while Kong is busy Love hits the Lights Out for the win.
WINNER: The Beautiful People in 3 minutes. There’s nothing really to see here, but it was mostly harmless.
After the match, the Beautiful People try to hold down Kong so Rayne can cut her hair. It doesn’t go very well for them.
[Commercial Break]
Sting hits the ring, with a bat but without any makeup. He says that he’s been trying to work it out, but can’t. So he invites Mick to come out and explain himself. Here he is—it’s time to see if TNA can get him booed. It doesn’t look good, since he’s met with a “Foley!” chant. He says that he doesn’t blame Sting for being angry, but thinks that in a few minutes they’ll be past all this. It was just a big misunderstanding. He reminds us that he was probably in an altered state of mind after receiving a multi-minute beat down from Angle. He also shows video of when he came back to the ring last week; Sting was holding a guitar and looking at Jarrett, so he saved the life of the founder of TNA. That gets a few boos. Sting doesn’t think this is funny. He’s seen the pain Mick’s in, the look on his face when he tries to do something as simple as getting out of a chair. Mick’s body has been ravaged by his leaving a bit of himself in rings all over the world. Last week Sting tried to protect Mick out of respect, but he’s starting to get a bit pissed off now and lose some of that respect. Mick thinks Sting’s philanthropy is impressive; he knows that things are bad out there. The market is in decline, houses are getting foreclosed, and lots of people could use Sting’s help—but Mick isn’t one of them. Who the hell is Sting to pity Mick Foley? Maybe a couple weeks ago he needed it, when he was sitting in a chair talking about Hardcore History 101, whoop-dee-woo. Oh, so there was a point to that segment. But everything changed last week when that steel chair hit Sting’s head. The hands of time turned back, and Mick’s ready. No one’s talking about that other wrestling show in April, they all want to talk about Icon vs. Legend at Lockdown. He’s not some guy reliving his glory days anymore, like that drunk in the bar talking about the feel he copped at Homecoming. Now he’s living his glory days. And all those falls he’s taken off high places…well he still has a few more left in him. Bang bang!
Typing up a Mick Foley promo really does not do it justice. If he can get back into ring shape by April, I might be willing to overlook their burying of the rest of the roster after all.
[Commercial Break]
3) 20 MAN GAUNTLET to determine team captains at Lethal Lockdown
Abyss and AJ Styles start things off. The crowd is pretty unanimously behind AJ, who begins with a leap frog and a dropkick. He tries to follow up with mounted punches, but gets tossed off and eats a boot. Abyss works him over a bit, flooring him with a right and choking him against the ropes. He tries to hit a Press Slam—AJ slips out, but then gets nailed with a Train Wreck Back Breaker. Shelley is out—he spits something in Abyss’s face, then nails a leaping, spinning kick. He dropkicks Abyss, but then gets hoisted up for a quick Press Slam. AJ has climbed to the top rope, from which he nails a forearm to the head of Abyss. Shelley is back up, flooring AJ with some shoulders to the chest. Black Machismo is out. He takes down AJ with a Leg Lariat off the top rope, then hits some jabs and a Handspring Elbow on Shelley. He charges him in the corner, but when he tries to come off the opposite rope Shelley follows him and cuts him off with a clothesline.
[Commercial Break]
We’re back just in time to see Morgan come in. Sabin entered during the break. Morgan goes right for Abyss. He then tosses Shelley into the cage. Lethal goes for a Hurricanrana, but Morgan blocks him and rams him into the cage too. He goes for a Choke Slam on AJ, but AJ slips out and nails the Pele. AJ then shoves a dazed Morgan into Abyss for a Black Hole Slam and the elimination. Here’s Homicide. He hits Suplexes on both Guns, as the crowd finally has someone other than AJ they’re happy to cheer. He drives Sabin into the steel and floors Shelley with a Back Drop. People pair off. Shelley works a Boston Crab on Lethal as Homicide hits mounted punches on Sabin. Steiner enters the match. He slowly clotheslines people as they attack evil-ninja style.
[Commercial Break]
Sabin eliminated Homicide during the break, and Consequences Creed came out. Lethal hits a Moonsault off the top rope on both members of The Guns, but doesn’t even get a two count on either. They hit a Flapjack on Sabin for two. Rhino is out at number 10. I guess no one gave him the memo about the demise of The Frontline, so he zooms in exclusively on Scott Steiner. Shelley gets a bridge roll-up on Creed for two. Creed gets out and Jukes and Jives Sabin for two. He follows it up with a Face Plant off the top rope on Shelley that Sabin breaks up at two. Shelley nails a knee to Creed’s face while he’s at it. Jarrett starts to come down to the ring, but is ambushed by Kurt Angle on the way. He slams Jarrett into the barricade, fights off TNA security, and whacks Jarrett’s arm against the barricade with a steel chair. In the ring, Sabin hits a wicked Tornado DDT on Lethal, but Creed breaks up the cover. Naito, half of No Limit, comes out next. He hits a dropkick off the top rope on his way into the ring. Lethal tries to toss him into the cage, but he climbs the ropes and comes back with a Springboard Cross Body Block for two. He briefly aligns with The Guns to hit poetry in Motion on Lethal. He goes to follow up with a Corkscrew Moonsault, but Lethal gets out of the way and quickly hits Shelley with a Lethal Combo for the pin. Angle is up, and he takes a quick detour on his way to the ring in order to whack Jarrett again on the ramp. He does some quick house cleaning, making Creed tap to the Angle Lock, then eliminating Sabin and Lethal with Olympic Slams.
[Commercial Break]
During the break Sewell came in, but Naito was eliminated with a Steiner Flatline. Well, Sewell was in—Kurt takes him out with an Olympic Slam. Sheik Abdul Bashir is out to replace him. Bashir goes after Rhino, tossing him into the cage and stomping him against the mat. Steiner’s locked up with Abyss, which leaves AJ to go for a quick School Boy on Angle for two. The crowd is back to being wholly behind AJ, till a few of them come around for Angle, who Suplexes him for two. Booker comes out. I’m moderately optimistic, given that we haven’s seen Hernandez. AJ is wobbly, so Booker eliminates him with a Book End. As Booker violently helps AJ out of the cage, he misses Rhino setting up behind him for a GORE, which he hits for the elimination. AJ and Booker fight to the back, as Abyss somehow takes control in the ring. Here’s, Yujiro, the other half of No Limit. A clothesline to Steiner gets broken up by Angle at two. Bashir decides it’s a good idea to team up with the MEM—they share high fives with him, then Angle takes him out with an Olympic Slam. Eric Young is out next, which I believe leaves Hernandez and Joe. Before EY can get to the ring Steiner and Kurt hit a Double Clothesline on Abyss, then both jump on him to get the pin. EY clears Yujiro out of the way, but eats a quick Olympic Slam for the elimination. Again—really? Rhino Gores Yujiro for the elimination, but turns around into another Olympiic Slam for the loss. Angle and Steiner screw with the ref, trading two counts. But here comes Hernandez—he floors both men with clotheslines, tosses Angle with his shirt, hits the Dropping Back Breaker on Steiner, Pounces Angle, and hoists Steiner up for a Border Toss. Angle pulls Steiner down and Olympic Slams Hernadez for the elimination. Damnit. Steiner and Kurt catch their breath as they wait for Joe. Before he can come out though, Jim Cornette sends out Jeff Jarrett. He gets a quick advantage, but can’t compete with the numbers game. A Double-team Suplex gets two. Steiner holds Jarrett up for some shots to the stomach, but Jarrett ducks one and hits a quick School Boy on Kurt for two. As Kurt gets up, Jarrett nails The Stroke on Steiner for the elimination. He and Angle share quick cover attempts. Angle cinches in the Angle Lock, but Jarrett fights it off. Jarrett nails The Stroke on Angle, but the already-eliminated but not-yet-departed Steiner breaks it up. He hits Jarrett with an Olympic Slam of his own, and Angle gets the pin. Angle thinks he’s won, but doesn’t realize that Jarrett doesn’t count twice. Joe comes out. He and Angle trade quick submission attempts. Angle snaps off an Olympic Slam, but Joe just shrugs it off before Kurt can even attempt a cover. Angle for some reason goes to the top rope, where Joe cuts him off with a leaping kick and a Muscle Buster for the win.
WINNER: Samoa Joe (and sort of Kurt Angle) in 45 minutes or so. ***–as a match it might even deserve a bit more, but the booking boggles the mind.
[Commercial Break]
We recap what happened in the last match. Jim Cornette is at the broadcast table, where Don West accosts him for letting Jarrett back in and not telling anyone what was going on. He responds that Jarrett never got his first chance, Cornette didn’t have time to send out an inter-office memo about sending him back in, and even if he had West would have been the last person he’d send it to.
JB is in the MEM locker room with Angle. At first he doesn’t want to comment, but then he gets angry. He says that he eliminated Jarrett three times (what’s the third?), but he was able to come back and cost him the match because he’s the booker. He tells Joe they made a mistake last time, cause they meant to end his career. So Kurt wants him to bring the “Nation of Violence”, which he hopes includes Jeff Jarrett.
Lauren catches up with Samoa Joe brooding in the hallway, and wants to know what he thinks about what the other captain just said. Joe says that he has no interest in being captain. He came back for one reason only, which was to bring a world of hurt to every member of the MEM. So he’ll be at Lockdown, and he’s bringing his knife with him. Lauren wants to know who’ll be the team captain if not him, but Joe says that that’s somebody else’s problem.
