Recently released WWE star Kizarny posted a new blog on his MySpace page making comments on his time in WWE and his recent release. Below is the blog in its entirety:
Howdy ho ho ho ghouls and goblins!!! Your favorvite freindly neighborhood sideshow freak (ME!— Formerly known as KIZARNY)! is back with my Revised Seizecond Feizucking Bleizog to answer questions and drop some road apples of wizdom and insight on the super high that is the Rasslin Universe! I just want to take a moment to thank the Rasslin Universe for your kind words and support for me both in the WWE and beyhond!!! I am not gonna complain or be bitter. I will simply prove myself even more as I am One of a Kind AND too stupid and crazy to ever quit!!! It is an honor to entertain you lovely humanz whether I am in a Smackdown ring or not!!! Heizeck Yeah I’m gonna take bookings! I am taking this rasslin-sideshow on the road!!!…
Btw I wasn’t kidding in my Feizirst Bleizog when I told you that I suck at technology, I almost threw my laptop from my porch into the waves of Wizard Beach because just as I had finished typing my Seizecond Bleizog I hit the wrong button and poof… GONE!!! F&$#@ZZZ!@^%$^#^%#$$^%$&&^*%*&!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, deep breath… So ‘Take two’ here we go…
The good people of the Rasslin Universe have asked why WAS Kizarny in the WWE???… Weizell, let me just tell ya’ll… Ever since I was an itty bitty lil circus run-a-way I have dreamed about one day being a WWE Superstar (And hopefully the WWE has NOT seen the last of ME!!!). I WAS in the WWE to cheizew bubble gum and kick eizaaaahhhh wait a sec, sorry, I was just having a Rowdy Roddy Piper moment. Now where wuz I? Ohhh yes… I WAS in the WWE for two reasons!…
REASON NUMBER ONE: GOLD!!! I like gold! Gold is good! I want all the gold to be had in the WWE Universe! I want WWE World Championship Gold! I want ECW Championship Gold! I want Intercontinental Gold! U.S. Championship Gold! WWE World tagteam Gold!… But for that last one I’ll need a partner that I can stand (I am more of an animal person and am not so down with the humanz! Partners? Partners? Hmmm? Maybe Kamala? Heizornswoggle? HillBilly Jim? Eve Torezzzz? Or stand back!… maybe a Hurricane???). I even want Diva Gold! I am way hotter then that troll Maryse!!! Now I have the Opportunity to gun for all the Gold to be had in the entire Rasslin Universe!!! Muuuhahaha!!! RoH Gold??? American Dragon, I’d like you to meet Tullula Bella (My sweet, faithful finishing hold)… Colt Cabana, down the Dradle without a Paidle??!! I hear they gotz Gold over in Japan too which sounds delicious even though I’ll be hungry an hour later! Puerto Rico Gold!? AAA Gold??? Vampiro vs ME winner gets the Gold and the pasos??? TNA Gold? How can Kirk Angel tap a guy who likes pain, silly???? Gold! Gold! Gold! I like Gold! Gold is shiny and I want it!!!
REASON NUMBER TWO: Theeee main reason yours truly WAS here in the WWE Universe is to convince Vinnie Mac to dress up as Doink the Clown and be my tagteam partner!!! I can see it now… Wrestlemania: Kizarny and Doink MacMahon vs The Miz and Morrison!!! Summer Slam: Kiz and Doink MacMahon vs Demoltion!!! Unforgiven: Kiz and Dionk MacMahon vs Edge and Vickie G!!! HHH can keep his sledge hammer! Kiz and Doink MacMahon will ride the rollercoaster of success as we hit all comers with rubber chickens and pet rocks!!! The whole concept reaks of pure genius (NOT Lanny Pofo) if I do say so myself!!! And I doooooo!!!
And now, as the cabuuussss to this derailed train of brilliance that is my Seizecond Bleizog, I will give you something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue…
SOMETHING OLD: Once apon a time in the land of TN in the city of Memphis… A young Kizarny (Wrestling under the terrible name of Nicholas Doom) was facing the King Jerry Lawler. At the time King Jer’s manager was Jimmy ‘The Mouth of the South’ Hart. Mouthy Jim was at rindside shouting advice to King Jer from his infamous Megaphone. I wanted to put a cork in the Mouthy Jerk so I lundged from the middle of the squared circle threw the ring ropes clawing for the Megaphone. Mouthy Jim flew backward in fear flying Megaphone over tea kettle into the first row! Mouthy Jim looked at me with distain as he was covered in fear and popcorn (Just the way I like my enemies!)… Nevertheless I had King Jer beaten to a pulp but took too long laughing at the Mouth of the South pick popcorn outta his hair so when I turned my attention back to the match I ate a big fat-free knuckle sandwich smothered in brass knuckles! Yummy!
SOMETHING NEW: Last month in front of my Rocket City peizeeps at a Smackdown Live Event in the fun-fun city of Huntsville AL yours truly earned a delicious victory over former ECW Champ Chavo Guerrero! I was honored to rassle Chavo even though he lied, cheated and stole throughout the entire match! But even so, at the end of the day Vickie G’s nephew twitched like a fish in a boat with little cartoon birdies buzzing around his lil El Paso head as TullulaBella (my trusty finishing hold) and I tucked Chavo in nighty night all the way to Lalaland… 1…2…3 I was so thrilled that I grabbed Justin Roberts (WWE Announcer and Full-Contact Checkers Champ of Italy) up out of his chair by his tie and together we did a tasteful and skilled victory tango all around the ring! O’Lay!!! That my freizendz is why you need to attend the Live Events ’cause you never know what craziness will ensue!!??
SOMETHING BORROWED: Way back during the turn of the century in the year 2000 A.D. (After Dude Love)… I was set to have my first rasslin match. I had my knee pads, tights and eye liner—a rassler’s essentials— but no rasslin boots! Soooo my good ol’ pal Captain Charisma himself, Christain (Then with the Brood) was kind enough to lend me a pair of his! These boots were the coolest, equipt with white Brood crosses on the sides and Road Doggs blood on the toes! I used those hand-me-down-boots to stomp many a muddle hole into many a bonehead! Thanks Christain! I still have that pair of Brood bootys stashed at my crib in Wizard Beach… Ebay, here I come!!!
SOMETHING BLUE: It was the happy-happy week Christain returned to the WWE to challenge that very dangerous yet very lispy Jack Swagger for his nifty ECW championship… After a long day of planes, trains and automobiles I finally arrived at my hotel looking forward to hanging with Captain Carisma at the hotel bar (maybe have a Shirley Temple drinking contest?)… As I opened my hotel room door I witnessed Edge punting Hornswoggle into the cold, cruel hallway. Edge was yelling, “Get outta here you filthy little beast!!!” Hornswoggle was half scared and half giggling—maybe what ever lil Horny had done to Edge was worth getting kicked in the turd cutter? Weird? What was weirder still was that Hornswoggle was wearing only a tattered pair of underwear and Edge was wearing what appeared to be Hornswoggle’s BLUE jeans! The short pants fit Edge like a pair of Gay Pride capris… I am really not sure about the whole bizzare incident to be honest… Maybe the Ultimate Opportunist saw it as a way to finally wear the pants—however short they might be—in his shady relationship with Vickie G???…. Excuse me!!!
Theizanx for reading!!!
The Wizard Beach Wildman,
‘The KiZarnival FreiZeak’ SiNN FeiZuckin’ Bodhi
Breaking News: ANOTHER WWE Superstar RELEASED Earlier Today! [>>]
