BY JERRY AND GRANDPA DUDLEY
Well citizens of Dudleyville, it just happens to be early Sunday morning and that can only mean last call at the local watering hole and time for WEW. Grandpa has reset all the clocks to EST and loaded up on goodies. We are set to go.
The show opened with a black limo pulling up to the back of the arena. Two very large gentlemen dressed all in black got out of the limo. They opened the trunk and pulled what looked like a hot blonde out and dragged her into the arena. One of the men said, ‘Now you can make us some money.’ I’m not sure if they were talking about her wrestling, her working at a beer stand, or just ‘working.’
Off we went to this weeks video, with clips from ‘this month’s PPV, ‘Nude Booty Kick.’
We returned for the first match of the show. Out came Trinity, accompanied by Steve ‘The Sound Guy.’ Announcer Eric Gargulio kept rambling, wondering what Steve was doing there. Oh yeah, Steve was carrying a small guitar (a mandolin?). Her opponent then came out. It was Valentina, a fairly good looking girl, who was the fan favorite. Trinity was dressed from neck to boot in black. If I called her ugly, I’d be insulting the real ugly witches of the world. Some unnamed guy was at the announcers position with Eric and spent the whole show yapping away. Eric eventually asked him to shut up. Valentina got onto the second turnbuckle and shaked her ample plastic enhancements at the drunks. If she wasn’t a fan favorite before, she was now. Grandpa certainly approved, although he kept wondering about the blonde from the trunk. He’ll have to settle for Valentina until we see and find out who the blonde is.
WEW’s Chief Referee Isis, checked both wrestlers very closely. She apparently was looking for a date after the matches, or expected one or both to be concealing a foreign object or two. Needless to say, she didn’t examine Steve’s guitar. The match started with Trinity slapping Valentina across the face twice. This didn’t sit well with the drunks; Valentina wasn’t real happy either. Valentina opened with an Arm Drag. When Trinity got to her feet, she went down again as the result of a Leg Trip. She dragged Valentina down by her hair and stomped her. They exchanged Head Locks, then Trinity threw Valentina
to the corner where Steve was uglying up the place. He pulled Valentina her by the leg and she went face first into the mat. She then stomped Valentina again and went to the second turn buckle and gave the crowd the finger and crossed-arm salute. They roared back at her. She climbed the ropes and came down on Valentina and went for a pin, but Valentina kicked out. Steve came into the ring as she got up and knocked her on her butt. He swung the guitar and nailed Trinity in the face with it, as the usual powder flew out. Eric and his pal both agreed several times that they ‘couldn’t believe’ what they were seeing. Sure, it’s the first match for both. Isis checked both wrestlers as they lay on the mat. They both got to their feet and Valentina hit Trinity with a Insiguri. She covered her for the pin and victory. Steve raised her hand in celebration as Eric and friend went into convulsions over the swerve. Despite this, Valentina went along the guard rail and slapped hands with the crowd (now there’s a misnomer if there ever was one!). Off we went to commercial.
We returned for the second match. The two guys in black dragged the blonde from the trunk to the ring. It was Bar Room Barbie and she is a hottie. Grandpa had a grin on from ear-to-ear. It wasn’t Lollipop, but she’ll do for tonite. In the ring was her opponent, Jaime Mae, one of the Mae family. Papa Mae was at ringside. Papa is a sloppy version on Haystacks Calhoun. Eric said this must be a Handicap Match. Jaime in the runt of the Mae litter, and oh yeah, Jaime is Papa’s son. Eric said since WEW is the pinnacle of female wrestling, the females sometimes wrestle males. The fruit of Papa’s loins is a but shorter, but about the same weight as Barbie, so … what the hell. Jaime began with an Arm Bar that Barbie reversed into a Top Wrist Lock. Eric wondered if Barbie was working off a gambling debt to her two friends. Jaime pulled Barbie’s blonde locks and down she went. She got to her feet and knocked the little guy to the floor. He applied a Head Lock. Barbie broke free and came off the ropes with a Shoulder Block that sent Jaime to the floor. Papa went over to help his little boy up, but Barbie came off the top turn buckle onto both of them, making a Mae Family Pancake … a fat Pancake. Barbie and Jaime fought out into the crowd. He smashed Barbie’s face into a table, manufactured by the Acme Steel Chair and Table Company, Division of The Acme Corporation, Grandpa Dudley, CEO. She quickly returned the favor. She grabbed a steel chair, also from the Acme Steel Chair and Table Company, Division of The Acme Corporation, and stuck his head thru the opening. As she prepared to slam the chair shut on his head, he hit her with a Crotch Shot. He should be arrested for some sexual crime … but he’ll go to jail a happy camper. He then dragged her back into the ring as the drunks all wished they were him. He went to the top rope, set to deliver the coup d’ gras, however, Barbie recovered in time and slammed him hard into the mat, but couldn’t get the pin. He got to his feet and hit a Suplex and a Slam that took Barbie to the mat. He went for a pin, but she reversed it and they both got to their feet. She kicked Jaime in the stomach and he doubled over. Barbie was on him quickly, took him down, covered him and got the victory. Barbie’s two friends were into the ring in a flash. They dragged her out of the ring and kicking and screaming away. Eric and his buddy again wondered what they had to do with her. He said we’ll find out in the near future. Don’t hold your breath.
We went off for more commercials. I checked the clock and it was 3:20 AM, so there had to be more to the show.
We got back and believe it or not, a third match. Grandpa said it will be another ‘To Be Continued.’ Who am I to argue with him? Out came Lady Soul Keeper, carrying a long double edged sword and dressed all in black. She was big and nasty looking. The ring announcer said she was from Death Valley. She is a Poor Woman’s version of The Undertaker. I wonder if they are neighbors. The crowd didn’t appreciate her. She glared out and a few of them got under their chairs in absolute fear. Her opponent then appeared. It was Persephony, who has changed her look, so she now looks half-way decent. Her outfit is now tight pants and a halter top. Grandpa said he hoped there was a costume malfunction. I didn’t have the heart to remind him the show was taped, and if it was allowed to happen, we would be blocked out by the WEW Emblem they use to block out the finger and other stuff they consider improper for 3:00 AM viewing.
Persephony began the match with a Hammer Lock. Lady reversed it and followed up with a hard punch to Persephony’s plastic enhancement area. Persephony responded with a Clothesline and slammed her to the mat. Lady rolled out to the floor for a breather. Persephony went out after her and threw her back into the ring. Lady grabbed a hand full of Persephony’s hair and whirled her to the mat. She then proceeded to choke her. The ref pulled Lady off. Lady hit Persephony with a Side Slam. Persephony got to her feet and threw a few hay makers into Lady’s face. Lady then threw Persephony into the ropes, however, Persephony came off with an Implant DDT. That was all she wrote as Lady Soul Keeper went off to Never Never Land. Her return home to Death Valley will be a long, slow trip.
The show ended with Persephony celebrating and Lady Soul Keeper considering a new vocation. Maybe Paul Bearer needs a gofer.
Until next week kiddies, keep it real … or at least keep it.
 |
 |
 |
||
 |
 |
 |