It’s Grandpa Dudley’s favorite day of the week. It’s Grandma Dudley’s nightmare time. What day is it? What could it be other than early (very early) Sunday morning and that means WEW. I am going to write to Sun Sports Network (formerly Sunshine Network), and beg them to give WEW a better time slot here in Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville. As an old boss of mine on the Midnight – 8 AM tour used to say, “These hours are for bats and whores.” It will be an exercise in futility on a par with Fat Tony losing five or ten pounds … it aint gonna happen! Enough of this crap, it’s about show time.
Tonight’s show opened with General Manager Bill ‘Fonzie’ Alfonso talking on the phone. The ‘Queen Of Extreme’ Francine rushed up to him screaming. She wanted to know why she had to wear a referee’s dress. He told her she could either wear it or hit the bricks. She asked what she needed to do to put things back the way they used to be. He whispered into her ear and she slapped him across the face and stormed away. He smiled and said, ‘What a bitch.’ Francine was her usual self, having more plastic in her enhancements then was produced in China all year.
Time for our weekly video. As usual, it was by a band that we will never hear or see again. The video was about this months PPV, ‘Nude Booty Kick,’ and was followed by the standard WEW ads.
We then saw Serena Steele and ‘Rock Star’ Roni Jonah talking about their exploits last night. They talked about their ‘Screw Jobs’ while smiling ear-to-ear. I suspect when the ‘gentlemen’ they were with last night sober up, they will report to the nearest skyscraper and jump.
This was followed by Lucy Furr, who has had a complete make-over and doesn’t look all that bad. She was working out and when she got up, we saw the ring attire she was wearing. If it weren’t for a few well placed strips of material, she would have been arrested for indecent exposure. She modeled for the camera, flexed and showed off her ‘new’ body.
Francine came out to the ring as the still unnamed announcer (I will call him Mr. X) said she was the Special Referee for our first match. It was for the WEW Tag Team Championship. Serena Steele and Roni Jonah came out first. They are known as ‘Blonde Ambition,’ although Serena has jet black hair and Roni has ‘Raggedy Ann’ red hair. Mister X said they both used to be blonde and still plan to call themselves Blonde Ambition. I’d call them Ugly and Uglier. Serena cut a promo about her opponents and how she ‘loved’ all the fans. The drunks responded in kind.
Their opponents, ‘Team Extreme,’ Lucy Furr and Becky Bayliss came out and it was apparent they were the fan favorites. If it weren’t for Lucy’s make-over and the outfit she was wearing, this would have been a ugly match in more ways than one. Grandpa gave thumbs up to Lucy’s new look and her attire.
Before the match began, we went off to commercial land.
When we returned, the match began with Lucy in against Roni. Lucy is much taller and taunted Roni with an test of strength. Roni kept jumping up trying to reach Lucy’s hands, as Lucy kept switching them. It frustrated Roni, and Lucy laughed at her. The fun was over as Lucy kicked Roni in the chest and sent her reeling. Roni recovered at applied a Full Nelson, with Lucy on her knees. The ref (Francine) lifted Lucy’s hand to see if she was still among the living. On the third attempt, Roni shrieked at Francine to ask Lucy if she wanted to submit. Lucy raised her hand and apparently also her middle finger. WEW always puts their logo over gestures like that, costume malfunctions, etc. Instead she broke free and tagged Becky in. Serena flipped Becky over with a Hair Mare and followed up with a Drop Kick. Roni tagged back in. Serena greeted her with a punch to the face. Things looked like they were going to break down, prompting Francine to ask all of them to play nice. Action resumed with Serena and Lucy in the ring. Serena took Lucy down and almost pinned her. Becky came back in and went for a Clothesline at the same time Serena did. They both connected and both went down. They crawled towards their corner to tag their partners. Lucy nailed Roni with a European Uppercut and two Clotheslines. Lucy came back with a Snap Suplex and tried in vain for a pin. Things got wild as all four got involved and Francine lost control over who the legal two were. In the middle of the confusion, Becky got pinned and Francine called for the bell. Mister X said it Lucy and Becky got screwed and as going to look at the tape to see who the legal two were. If he thinks that will make a difference, I have some swamp land to sell him in Not-So-Beautiful Upper Dudleyville. Blonde Ambition retained the Titles.
Off to more of WEW’s weekly Sell-A-Thon.
We next saw Fonzie discussing business with his secretary. His office is in the middle of a pile of crap and another pile of more crap. Jazz stormed over and interrupted them. Fonzie’s secretary told her she needed an appointment, but was totally ignored. She demanded to know if the rumor she heard about no longer being WEW Heavyweight Champion were true, and if she had to face Simply Luscious in a match for the Title. He told her that was the way it true. She scowled that she would regain the Title and Luscious was going down. As she departed, she told the secretary, ‘I’m Jazz, and I don’t need an appointment.’ Fonzie uttered some words under his breath. I don’t think they were Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas.
Fonzie came to the ring holding the WEW Heavyweight Championship Belt. The ring announcer (not to be confused with Mister X) said Fonzie had an important announcement to make. The drunks quieted down long enough for Fonzie to spit it out. He said he had vacated the Title (no reason given) and the next match was for it. Out came Simply Luscious, who also had a complete make-over. She has been scrubbed down and cleaned up. She no longer wears the ugly purplish outfit she always wore. She now wears a black outfit, with several cut-outs in the back. She has combed her hair and looks human. She went around the ring and actually shook hands with some of the fans. It looks like she also underwent a personality transplant. Luscious a fan favorite? It appears wonders never cease. Jazz then came out wearing the same outfit, doing the same shake and bake routine she always does. She also went around the ring and shook a few hands. Unless one of them changes in the ring, we will have two fan favorites wrestling. Somehow I don’t see this happening. A quick peek at the clock told me we weren’t going to find out on this show.
Just then, the old ‘To Be Continued Next Week’ appeared at the bottom of the screen. With that, the show was finis. Grandpa wasn’t all that happy … No Lollipop, No Amy Love, and I suspect No Action, as he headed up to bed. I was looking forward to a good night’s sleep … at least what’s left of it.
Until next week, bye from Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville.
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