Written by SAMJERRY & GRANDPA DUDLEY
It’s another Saturday night and that can only mean one thing … yup, WEW! It’s Grandpa’s favorite night of the week, and Grandma’s least favorite. She went upstairs to bed wearing woolen PJ’s with feet, but Grandpa just chuckled and said, “Wont mean a thing.” He loaded the cooler with Steveweiser’s and stacked the table with loads of goodies: we have potato chips, pretzels, pork rinds, and a whole lot more. You would think he invited everyone in Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville. Well the show’s about to start.
This weeks show opened with the ring announcer in the ring and giving us the participants in the first match. Now I know they have definitely changed the way they start things. The first match pitted One Dirty Broad (ODB), Jessica Dalton (WTF?? ODB has a name. That must be to set her apart from ODB in TNA) vs. The Native American Princess, Nav-A-Ho (Another wonderful name by WEW’s Vice President In Charge of Coming Up With Names). ODB was as ugly and nasty as ever: she went around the ring and gave the crowd (there appeared to be about 63 of them … there was one for every three empty seats) her usual pleasant greeting. One guy tried to grab her as she went by (he was drunker that the others in attendance) and she came close to decking him. Ho is a foxy Native American … if she is really a Native American. There was no doubt who the fans or Grandpa’s favorite was in this match. She came to the ring carrying her Tomahawk, and that gave announcer Eric Garguilo (the poor man’s Joey ‘Oh My God’ Styles) a chance to tell us that Ho was an expert at the ‘Tomahawk Chop Of Death,’ which was her finishing move. I just knew that we would not see the start of the match before this weeks video. Damn!!
I was right … we were graced with last week’s video. That had to be in case anyone watching didn’t memorize all the words. At least last week it had some relation to the match as you may recall. It was six minutes out of my life that I’ll never get back again. It was followed by promos for this month’s PPV, Locker Room Lust. Someone needs to tell WEW how long a month is. They’ve been showing this like forever. More crap hawking every WEW CD ever made and … trumpets please … the same old ‘Visit WEW’s Web Site.’ The only thing different this week was a bit more T&A during the video. Looks like they are getting a bit desperate about the PPV Buy Rate.
We finally got back to wrestling, after all, this is a wrestling show … a least I think it is. ODB (Jessica Dalton hiding under an alias to protect her family, and maybe to piss off TNA) was in the ring, as was (the) Ho. ODB grabbed Ho’s Tomahawk and began her version of the Native America war dance. Eric said that if anything pissed off Ho more than mocking her heritage (Grandpa says he’s sure she’s from the South. I pointed out to him that there are many Native American tribes in the South. I should know, I’ve left many a coin at one of the Seminole Gambling Mecca’s), he didn’t know what it was. Right on cue, Ho blasted ODB with several Chops to the chest. They went back and forth and then Ho delivered the dreaded ‘Tomahawk Chop Of Death.’ ODB went down like she was hit with a Pole Axe. For those of you have never encountered (a) Ho,The ‘Tomahawk Chop Of Death’ is a Chop delivered right to the middle of the face. Ho covered ODB, but to Eric’s total screaming surprise, ODB kicked out. They exchanged moves (not many wrestling moves) and eventually ODB caught Ho with a Back Breaker on her shoulders. That was the end of (a) Ho! She submitted and that was that. ODB (Jessica Dalton to her friends) was the victor. Isis, the referee leaned over Ho and protected (Grandpa thinks they were swapping spit) her from ODB doing further damage. ODB left and more commercials.
This time we got the regular Belly Dance lesson from Cleopatra. By now viewers should be ready to dance professionally. The usual PPV and Web Site promos were included for those who have never seen them.
We then saw Team T&A, Talia Madison & April Hunter. The VP coming up with names was at it again. They each said they were going to win the Tag Team Titles tonight against Team Blondage. The made the “L” for Loser signs on their foreheads and then went into a rant about the place smelling like fish because Team Blondage was in the building. Talia used to team with her sister (I think her name was Dolly, and that makes perfect sense the way the VP in WEW names people/teams) as The Madison Sisters. Talia is a definite hottie, while April is about 25 pounds overweight. I seem to recall her being a model in some men’s magazines, but that was before she discovered pizza … lots of pizza.
We next saw Team Blondage, Amber O’Neill and Lollipop. They cut a promo on Team T&A, as they checked their make-up and told each other how pretty and sexy they were. They said Talia and April were SLUTS in capital letters. They said there was no way the two SLUTS would ever get their hands on the Tag Team titles. She said T&A were ‘going down … a position they were both very familiar with’ as Amber put her head into Lollipop’s crotch to demonstrate what they meant. Not nice ‘ladies,’ not nice at all. If you’ve been following along with WEW each week, you know Lollipop is a real fox. She’s Grandpa’s favorite, though I swear every girl there gets his boat rocking.
So there you have it: The Losers (who smell like fish) vs. The Sluts for the WEW Tag Team Championship. Anyone recall Team Blondage winning the titles? I didn’t think so, but this week they are the Champions.
Time for the weekly promo led into by SoCalVal. Naturally they pushed WEW videos, the PPV, and the WEW Web Site. We also got the Joey Styles promo for 1Wrestling.Com and an ad for the same video game as always.
Back to the ring for the second match. It was Team T&A vs. Team Blondage (in case you forgot, I know Grandpa wasn’t paying attention) for the WEW Tag Team Championship. I looked at the clock and it said 3:25 AM There is no way the match will take place tonight. Anyway, Talia started for T&A against Amber, but she quickly tagged April in. Amber started for Team Blondage, but when April tagged in, she tagged Lollipop. Lollipop stood on the apron playing with her hair. Eric said he knows she’s blonde, but she must have a clue about tag team matches, especially since she is co-holder of the titles. He volunteered to give her private lessons after the show … right Eric, you, the entire crowd and everyone watching at home … Grandpa included. I made a note to wipe the tongue marks off the screen when he went to bed. Amber reached up for a test of strength with Lollipop, who finally got into the ring. When Lollipop reached up, April switched hands and turned to Talia indicating she was making a fool out of Lollipop. They danced around with nothing being exchanged, other dirty looks and T&A holding their noses again. The dreaded ‘To Be Continued Next Week’ appeared on the screen as the show ended it’s twenty-eight minute half-hour.
Grandpa stood there, obviously unhappy. He then remembered that Grandma was upstairs and away he went, as fast as his feeble old legs would carry him. He stopped momentarily at the table by the stairs for his Viagra and was gone. I knew what to expect, so got my keys and drove over to the Motel 4, to watch the cockroach races and hopefully get some sleep.
Until next time …
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