Written by: SAMJERRY & GRANDPA DUDLEY
Today’s WEW Report is a bit later than usual, not than anyone would recognize or care. Why you ask? Grandpa and I were watching the Gold Medal Basketball Game between the USA Redeem Team and Spain. Until tonight’s game (tomorrow afternoon Beijing time), the USA team has been blowing their opponents out by an average of over 30 points per game, including a 37 point win against Spain during ‘Pool Play.’ We both had a feeling this game would be a lot closer. The USA Team felt that way going in. It turned out to be a heck of a game, with Spain holding the biggest lead (5 points) of any team during the Olympics against the USA Team. They came as close as 2 points in the 4th quarter after USA had opened a 17 point lead. We couldn’t be prouder than we were at the end of the game and during the awards ceremony. This team had the greatest talent in the world, but as shown four years ago, that isn’t enough; they had to play as a team and they did! The Spanish team is to be congratulated for the game they played. Many of the USA players had tears in their eyes during the playing of The Star Spangled Banner during the Awards Ceremony. Grandpa and I did likewise. After the Ceremony, Grandpa went back to one of his favorite argument: He maintains the USA Flag should have 51 Stars – he says Dudleyville should have one. Like I said, arguing with Grandpa is like pushing a giant bolder up Mt. Everest.
Now down to WEW. Grandpa restocked our goodie supplies and we have enough snacks to satisfy Mark Henry, along with plenty of Steveweiser. The show appears to have changed what used to be their standard opening. They always had the opponents in one of the matches, usually the Main Event, cutting a promo on the other wrestler. They again began with the opponents in the opening match coming out. We saw Rock Star Roni Jonah, who is one of the Tag Team Champions, walk down the ramp carrying her trusty guitar, and accompanied by the other half of the Tag Team Champions, Principal Lazarus, who you may recall is a real foxy blonde with major plastic enhancements. In fact, her enhancements probably equal the amount of plastic in all the toys and other junk exported by China so far this year. If she ever felt down, there is no way she could ever injure her face. Grandpa was never big on recycling, but it appears Principal Lazarus has changed his thinking. The Rock Star might not be that bad if she was scrubbed down and all her make up removed. Also with The Rock Star were Missy Samson, who looks like she hasn’t missed too many meals lately, and Becky Bayliss who has definite potential, if not there already.
Next out was her opponent, Pryme Tyme Amy Lee, who is either a young T-Rex or a small condominium. As the late, great Gorilla Monsoon might say, “You can play a movie on her back.” In her case, it would be a Todd A-O size screen. If she was ever to face TNA’s monster, Awesome Kong, they would have to double re-inforce the ring. She was accompanied by “The Devil Herself” Luci Furr. We wondered how much WEW pays the genius who comes up with these names? I wouldn’t call her scary, but she could scare Rosie O’Donnell straight! The Undertaker may send souls to Hell, but Luci Furr personally takes them there. All six of the women who came out were carrying weapons, garbage cans and lids, etc. The match was an Anything Goes, Falls Count Everywhere (except Not-So-Beautiful Upper Dudleyville). No one goes there by mistake, let alone on purpose. It’s even out of bounds for Luci Furr! The ref was in the ring as the women entered. It was The Queen of Extreme, Francine. She came in second to Principal Lazarus in the recent “Percent Of Plastic Contained” Contest … a distant second.
Now that the stage was set for the first match, it was time for our weekly made in N-S-B UD video, by another “Please let us show our video on TV, there will be no charge” band. At least this week the video had some relation to one of the people who opened the show, Luci Furr. It was related to her home down below. They showed clips from this months (and a half and counting) PPV, Locker Room Lust. There seemed to be more clips and shots of barely clad WEW ‘talent’ than usual. Grandpa just loves the young lady on the motorcycle (almost as much as Principal Lazarus). This was followed by the usual crap for the WEW Web Site and the PPV. I have had several (OK, it was two) requests for the address of the Web Site: WExtremeW.Com. They promise material on the talent, not available anywhere else. Does the Post Office Count?
We got back and the chaos began with Becky coming into the ring and blasting Amy from behind with one of the tag team belts. It looked like a mosquito attacking an Abrams Tank. Amy grabbed her by the neck, but before Amy could do anything, Rock Star jammed her guitar into her back twice. Amy picked up the belt that Becky brought into the ring and nailed Rock Star in the ribs. The Rock Star rolled out to the floor, with Amy in hot after
her. The fun began in earnest. Rather than give you a blow-by-blow description of what went on, suffice it to say there was total chaos on the floor. with all six women involved. Francine was smart enough to keep her distance from all the junk (garbage cans, lid, cookie sheets, frying pans, chairs and every imaginable piece of junk that they could get their hands on. Amy Lee and Rock Star took the brunt of the beatings, with Principal Lazarus getting the Bronze Medal. Everyone out there got smacked several times. Missy did her best to hide her fat behind and stay clear of the action, but still took a bunch of hits. Amy Lee gave Rock Star a lesson in how to beat the crap out of someone with a Kendo Stick.
Announcer Eric Gargulio (and I am still not sure it’s our Eric, but lacking a proper identification, I’ll call the guy Eric) told us that Missy started all the crap last week when she came out and “… committed Gimmick Infringement on Amy Lee, and you don’t do that to her.” I saw and reported on last weeks WEW show and don’t recall this happening. It had to be what took place during the ‘lost two minutes.’ This was just before we went to our next commercial break for the PPV, Web Site, and all the videos WEW ever made This is the one where Cleopatra gives her Belly Dance lesson. This was with no hint we were leaving. The production value on WEW is beyond compare. When we left Amy had just grabbed a chair from someone in the crowd. Whoever gave up the chair probably saved his/her life by doing so.
We got back and Amy was stomping the proverbial mud hole in Rock Star and stomping it dry. She grabbed a rope and strangled Rock Star with it. The Principal came up from behind, but Amy saw her and kicked her in the stomach. She heaved Rock Star into the steel steps and ring post by the rope around her neck. The action continued with Rock Star using her guitar on Amy, but eating a steel chair as a reward for the beautiful music she was making. The six women played ring-around-the-ring as Amy chased Rock Star and her friends with Luci Furr following and cheering her on. With all that was going on, I couldn’t tell if Missy was there or not. Amy cracked the Kendo stick beating on Becky, then broke it in two and threw the pieces into the crowd. Again without notice, we left and went to another commercial break. This was the regular one led into by SoCalVal, who is either working for both WEW and TNA, or they are using a very old commercial, which is more likely. Buy our videos, watch Locker Room Lust, blah, blah, blah.
When we returned, Amy was playing ping-pong with Becky’s head and the floor. As Amy was making nice with The Principal, Missy reappeared and with Becky’s help, got a table from under the ring and put in into the ring. Missy set it up against one of the corners (the one that the video cameras could get a good shot of). Meanwhile, Rock Star ran Amy into a ring post. We knew the end was in sight as Luci Furr headed up the ramp with The Principal, Becky and Missy in hot pursuit. Rock Star threw Amy back into the ring and tried to whip her into the table. Amy reversed it and Rock Star ate the table and went thru it. She lat against it as Amy charged into the smash her. In an obvious blown spot, Amy hit the table and was nowhere close to Rock Star, who was too low to take the blast.
Not to worry, Amy shrugged it off and covered Rock Star for the victory. Francine raised her hand and she got out of the ring. Francine tried to revive Rock Star, then called for medical assistance. She was help out of the ring and Eric said she looked badly hurt. If we ever hear, I can see it now: a mild concussion and bruised ribs, etc., etc., etc. Naturally she’ll be alright in a week or so.
Amy headed out, while Missy appeared at the top of the ramp. Amy took off after her, and Missy ran as fast as her fat little legs could carry her. Do we have the makings of yet another chaotic show? Stay tuned and find out. The crowd was into the action the entire show, but they really didn’t know who to cheer for. They have never cheered for Amy Lee, and the only reason they would ever cheer for Rock Star or Principal Lazarus would be for The Principal to have a wardrobe malfunction. The show ended right on time in the usual 28 minute half-hour.
I knew what to expect from the horny old dude as he headed up to bed, so I grabbed my keys and headed to the BDLD Motel 4 for the night. Like I said it aint the cleanest place, but it was fun watching the cockroach races. I wouldn’t call them big, but they wear standard size saddles for the races. Now I know where the jockeys go when Dudleyville Downs is closed. I am positive that Douchebag raises the roaches in his trailer. Until next week.
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