Written by SAMJERRY AND GRANDPA DUDLEY
It’s a warm and muggy Saturday night in Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville (BDLD), with Tropical Storm Fay lurking out in the ocean and threatening to turn Dudleyville into a swamp. Now that I think about it, all of BDLD could end up looking like Not-So-Beautiful Upper Dudleyville (NSB-UD) if that happens. The mere thought of that makes me want to lose last nights dinner. As Little Joe Moe Dudley, my third cousin on Grandpa’s side would say, YUCK! Back to business, it’s time for WEW and Grandpa couldn’t be happier. Actually he could … Grandma Dudley has decided to join us and see why Grandpa is the way he is after he watches WEW. Grandpa tried to talk her out of it, but she ‘insisted’ and Grandpa was only too happy to agree. I wonder is that’s where the old dude got that black eye and cut lip. We have our supply of snacks and fluids to wash them down with, so we are good to go.
The show opened with that strange sounding announcer at the desk again. If he’s Eric Gargulio, he’s had a personality transplant. Either that or he’s pumped full of tranquilizers. Out came two females we have never seen before. Eric said they were the WEW Tag Team, Champions Blond Ambition, (Huh??) The TT Champions change more often in WEW than Douchebag Douphus Page changes his long johns. They were Principal Lazarus, who looked like she had several plastic enhancements installed, one on top of the other. I had to hold Grandma back as she tried to remove Grandpa’s tounge from the TV set. I could tell this was not going to be pleasant. Eric pointed out that he had never had, nor seen a Principal that looked like Laz. Of course if she lost 25-30 pounds she’d look much better. She was going to be in a singles match against Super Model Amy Z, another wrestler we have never seen nor heard of. If she’s a ‘Super Model,’ it’s for Plus Size Clothing. She’s pretty enough, but a few pounds up on the chubby scale. Laz’s TT partner is multi-colored hair, guitar carrying, wildly dressed Rock Star Zona Jonas (I’m guessing here because with the multi-million dollar acoustics WEW uses, one has to guess at most things you hear).
Before the match started, we went off to see and hear yet another up-and-going nowhere band,
whose only claim to fame seems to be they play loud enough to drown out the singer. Then the usual ads for the WEW Site, PPV (which is still ‘Locker Room Lust’) and videos.
When we got back, two buxom refs were leading the blind ref, Stevie Wonderful, to the ring. Stevie was using his braille techniques on their backsides to make sure he didn’t get lost. All three wrestlers were in the ring and doing their best to keep Stevie’s hands off places they didn’t belong. Stevie has a great sense of feel and very quick hands and the girls weren’t fast enough to stop him. Grandpa mumbled a few words about getting a refs licence. With that, Grandma had seen and heard enough. She stormed upstairs and yelled to Grandpa that she was going to sleep and he best not wake her. Grandpa said he wasn’t worried; he knew what wakes Grandma. I felt like making another trip outside.
Apparently the touch and feel session by Stevie was too much for Chief Ref Isis. She same to the ring and kicked him and his two friends out. She was going to be the ref for this match. Finally the match got underway. I checked the clock and it was 3:15 AM already … better than half the show was over and the first match was just starting. Laz took command right away with a thrust to Amy’s throat, followed by several punches to the face and head. They bounced around the ring (is this a dance or wrestling match?) and then Laz threw Amy to the mat with a Hair Mare and followed up by applying a Chicken Wing. She released it, kneed Amy in the stomach, followed by a Snap Mare. Amy got up only to be taken down again with a Side Headlock. Amy was getting her chunky butt kicked. Oops, it’s that time again. We got to see the standard PPV and Cleopatra Belly Dance lesson … again.
We got back to the action and once again Laz uses a Knee and several Kicks She threw Amy to the floor and distracted Isis while the Rock Star choked Amy and then ‘gently’ returned her to the ring. There she took a Clothesline and a Face Buster. Laz tried to pin her twice, but Amy kicked out each time. Once again she threw Amy out to say hello to the Rock Star, who punched her several times and returned her to the ring. No sooner was she back in, then she was thrown out again. Seems Laz and the Rock Star were playing ping-pong with Amy. The Rock Star got into the ring and embraced Laz. Could they possibly be members of an alternative life style? Amy grabbed the Rock Star’s electric guitar and brought it into the ring with her. At Laz and Star were embracing each other, Amy nailed both of them with a Crotch Shot using the guitar. That had to hurt! I winced at the thought. The Star rolled to the floor holding herself and screaming in pain as Amy rolled up Laz and pinned her. Laz rolled around the ring in pain as Amy had her hand raised. The crowd and Grandpa roared and wished they were all guitars. Was there ever any doubt that Amy would comeback from the trashing she was taking and win? I thought not. Eric said he was going backstage to ‘nurse’ Laz and Star’s wounds. Grandpa wished he was a nurse. I knew it was going to be another sleepless night.
We went off to the SoCalVal lead in to the usual crapola. Please buy WEW videos … blah, blah, blah
When we got back we were ready for another match to start. I looked at the clock said to Grandpa, “Here we go again … another ‘To be continued’ week.” Out came Old Dirty Broad (ODB) in all her uncouthness. She got into the ring and gave the crowd the ‘kiss my a*s’ gesture. Once again I had that queasy feeling. Double YUCK! Out came her opponent, Jazz, who looked more PO’ d at the world than ever. Since she wasn’t wearing the WEW Championship Belt, this had to be the reason … or at least part of it. Having no clue when the show was taped, I couldn’t venture a guess who the Champion is at this point. It could be Tai Killer Weed, who seems to be the Triple H of WEW … Champion, at most times. She slapped a few hands and got into the ring. ODB was all over Jazz as soon as she came thru the ropes. She hit her with a Chop to the back of the head, punches and whipped her into a corner. ODB raced in, but Jazz moved and she ate the turn buckle. Jazz punched ODB several times, followed by her finishing move, a Face Buster. She pinned ODB and the match was over in less than two minutes. I wonder how happy TNA is over ODB taking a major beating and losing as if it were a squash match.
It was barely 3:26 AM and we saw two complete matches. Will wonders never cease. I was wrong about the ‘To be continued’ thing, however, this left us with time for yet a short video by the same Never-Willbes that we saw before. We’d have been better off with the ‘To be continued’ thing.
Grandpa didn’t wait for the video to end, even though they showed the beach bimbo with the single thread bikini. He tore upstairs. I knew what to expect, so grabbed my keys and headed to the BDLD Motel 4 for the night. The place isn’t all that ‘upscale,’ and not the cleanest place you’d ever want to stay at, but anything (other than Douchebag’s Trailer) is better than listening to the noise from Grandma and Grandpa’s room. There’s that queasy feeling again. It’s past 3:28 AM, and I’m outta here. I wonder how Amy and Laz would look if they each lost some weight? Anything to take my mind off the old folks. See you next week … if my stomach allows me to.
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