The Crap Shoot: SummerSlam Predictions and Thoughts

I. Predictions and Match Thoughts.
1. Hell in a Cell — Edge vs. The Undertaker
Storyline Thoughts: This has been one of the crown jewels as far as recent SmackDown! storylines go… and by recent, I mean within the last few years since the draft began. I often read that this has also been one of the most ever-changing storylines in recent memory, but the way it’s been presented looks like they actually sat down and planned it from start to finish. Kudos for WWE creating such a dominant storyline without it feeling like it’s already run its course.
Match Expectations: There are only so many ways you can say ‘Blood Bath’ without actually saying it, but I’m not going to ignore the elephant in the room. It’s going to be a blood bath! Look for early advantage being on The Undertaker’s side but I expect Edge to dominate for the majority of the match. Let’s also not count out the wild card of Vickie Guerrero…
Prediction: Logically, the winner SHOULD be The Undertaker, but I think I’ll venture out onto a limb and pick the Ultimate Opportunist Edge.
2. World Heavyweight Championship — C.M. Punk (champion) vs. JBL
Storyline Thoughts: If anyone were given as many chances as JBL has been granted recently, there’d be no need for so many welfare programs that the Democrats try to pass off on the nation while you foot the bill for it. I am very pleased to see that Punk can actually form a complete sentence last week on RAW, and I hope this match will turn out better than the first time they fought on RAW.
Match Expectations: This definitely won’t be one of those on-the-edge-of-your-seat type matches, but I think it could be one that the crowd finds themselves into, whether they like it or not. It’s not so much that the fans are cheering for CM Punk as it is they just hate JBL.
Prediction: I can’t see an end coming to Punk’s reign so quickly- even though I truly believe he IS a transitional champion. Give him until Survivor Series and maybe we’ll see the Elimination Chamber return.
3. WWE Heavyweight Championship — Triple H (champion) vs. The Great Khali
Storyline Thoughts: Wait, what? There’s been a storyline for this match? The real storyline is that Triple H probably knew when the draft would be, where he’d be heading, and who he’d be facing, therefore impregnating Stephanie at just the right moment to duck out on some of the SmackDown! tapings. Pure genius!
Match Expectations: It’s going to be boring. I’m not even going to lie.
Prediction: Triple H retains
4. Batista vs. John Cena
Storyline Thoughts: I hate it. From start to finish, I hate it. Way too early for a match between these two, the story has just been so cheesy from the start and I can’t stand the one-week tag team titles around their waists. Talk about premature excitement (yes, that’s a semi-bathroom joke which is right up Cena’s adolescent alley)!
Match Expectations: Just because I’m not a fan of their story doesn’t mean that the match won’t be good. I’m looking for this fight to be more intense than Taker/Edge and perhaps just as physical. Here’s to hoping that they don’t pull out all the stops, because they have better use for it at a grander stage.
Prediction: I have to stick with Cena- there’s no way he can lose back-to-back PPV matches. And if he does, the world WILL end.
5. ECW Heavyweight Championship — Mark Henry (champion) vs. Matt Hardy
Storyline Thoughts: Of all of the championship matches on this card, this has been built the best in my opinion. If you aren’t rooting for Matt Hardy, the world’s biggest underdog (now that Colin Delaney has been fired), then you aren’t mentally right. Hardy is everything that is right with the new ECW and Mark Henry is everything that is wrong with it, in storyline sense. I disagree with one of my colleagues on Tony Atlas’ involvement. I think he’s gold and he’s a great mentor for Mark Henry, although I still think he’s George Foreman everytime he comes out until they flash his name up on the marquee.
Match Expectations: The crowd is going to be much hotter than expected and they will do everything short of jumping in the ring themselves to help out Hardy. I hope that they don’t run this as a squash match. I’m fine with Henry retaining, but you need to give Matt a fighting chance, otherwise you run the risk of dismantling his marketability. And the same is true vice versa.
Prediction: It’s too early for Matt Hardy. I don’t want to see him win it yet. Henry lives to defend another day.
6. Intercontinental and Women’s Championships Winner Takes All — Santino Marella and Beth Phoenix vs. Kofi Kingston and Mickie James
Storyline Thoughts: Fake unibrow for Santino: $7. Custom-made catsuit for Beth Pheonix: $354. A love-sick Italian puppy second guessing a slap on the ass from The Glamazon: Priceless.
Match Expectations: On one side, you have the serious team of Mickie and Kofi, whereas on the opposite side you have one of the best comedic sketches since The Three Stooges, only here there’s two. I’m a bit intrigued in how this match will be presented- will Kofi/Mickie lighten up and share in the comedy or will there be some creative friction between the two teams? Ahhhh, who cares?!
Prediction: New Champions!!! Beth Pheonix as Intercontinental Champion and Santino Marella as the Women’s Champion. I’d like to see him beg her to switch titles the following night, only for the two of them to wrestle and her take the Women’s Title AND Intercontinental. There’s your priceless!
7. Jeff Hardy vs. MVP
Storyline Thoughts: Relatively good build, but way too repetitive for my liking. How many times do we need MVP interferring in Hardy’s matches to get revenge? SSDD, my friends.
Match Expectations: I don’t think this will be a very good match for Jeff. He has looked incredibly banged up over the past few weeks, most notably at Saturday Night’s Main Event and he may be needing some time off soon.
Prediction: MVP
8. Shawn Michaels’ Announcement
Thoughts: To be honest, I don’t really care. To have this on a PPV is absolutely absurd and I don’t like it one bit. Jericho better appear on this show in some capacity, otherwise they have wasted his talent yet again.
II. SummerSlam Personal Favorites
1. Personal Favorite SummerSlam Edition: SummerSlam 2001. I had only been watching wrestling for about a year and a half at that point and I was strictly a WWF guy. I enjoyed seeing the influx of WCW and ECW wrestlers I had never seen before and watching them interact with my favorite wrestlers made for an exciting night. I own the DVD of this SummerSlam and I watch it often. It was purely a spectacular night for all involved! Plus, it had Chris Jericho defeating the Rhyno and the Man-Beast Stephanie McMahon!!
2. Personal Favorite SummerSlam Match: SummerSlam 2000. Chris Benoit defeats Chris Jerich in a best 2-out-of-3 Falls Match