Written by: SAMJERRY & GRANDPA DUDLEY
Before we get started with this weeks WEW Extravaganza, Grandpa Dudley wanted to say a few words about what we saw on TV the night before. We were watching the Olympics and the only things on at the time were Men’s Badminton and Men’s Equestrian (actually preliminary boxing matches were on another channel, but we’ve seen better fights most nights at The Dudleyville Gentleman’s Club. So rather than watch the little feathered thing being hit back and forth or the horses prancing around, we decided to see what else was on. We just happened to hit the beginning of a movie on one of the Premium Channels. Lo and behold, but whose name did we see listed, but none other than Douchebag Doophus Page! The name of the movie was “Snoop Dogg’s Hood Of Horror.”
Most movies are released to play in theaters, those that are expected to lose a few dollars
go directly to video. This classic went directly to playing on the side of a Trailer in Not-So-Beautiful Upper Dudleyville. To think that old Douchebag left wresting (and in his case, I’m being overly generous) to become a ‘star’ in Hollyweird and to end up as a bit player in a 4th rate horror flick. Grandpa feels safe saying he doubts there is an Oscar in Douchebag’s future. How the mighty have fallen.
Now for this week’s business, the WEW TV Show. It opened with two very lovely young, unnamed ladies coming to the ring, smiling and shaking everything. The announcer, who I don’t think was the usual Eric Garguilo and never gave his name, telling us that the two had “… were coming directly from an ‘audition’ with WEW General Manager Bill Alfonso (If you recall, last week the GM was Francine, so we know the shows are out of sequence), where they were probably were taking dictation and typing for the better part of six minutes.” The strutted around the ring as the drunks in attendance spilled their adult beverages all over each other. No problem, the stains will blend in well with the others on the dinner wear. We went to our weekly ‘Made In A Hut In Lower Botswana’ video without ever learning who the two lovelies were. Grandpa could care less about their names or Social Security Numbers, he wanted their pictures and Telephone Numbers.
After the usual ads for this months PPV (Yup, it’s still ‘Locker Room Lust’ and the WEW Web Site, we went back to the program. The two lovelies were gone from the ring and we still had no clue what they were there for, other than to sell replacement drinks.
Simply Luscious, the only female to have ever graduated from The Shawn Michaels Wrestling Academy, (for any woman interested in attending, an SAT Sore of 1600 is required for admittance, along with residence anywhere but N-S-B- UD) headed to the ring to face Barbie, who was 6’2” tall, in a No Count Out, No DQ Match. Since Luscious is about 5’4″ in heels, there is a bit of a difference in size and reach. Barbie started real fast and took early control. We knew Luscious wasn’t the cleanest player in the game (Shawn will be crushed), but we expected Barbie to be a face. Not happening, she was as nasty as Luscious, and the crowd wasn’t sure who to root for. Luscious came back with Kicks and a Surfboard. To the complete disbelief of the crowd (at least the ones still sober), both used some actual wrestling moves (Shawn will be proud of Luscious). They exchanged Punches, and with Luscious having her foot of Barbie’s throat, we went to commercials.
After the standard BS for the PPV and Cleopatra teaching the Belly Dance, it was back to action. They exchanged some more basic wrestling holds, and then a Double Clothesline put them both down. The smashed each other with several Knife Edge Chops and a Face Buster and a Kick by Barbie, who went for a Cover. Luscious reversed it and pinned Barbie with boot feet on the ropes. Naturally the referee didn’t see it. The crowd booed Luscious and she gave then the One Finger Salute, much to the announcers chagrin. After Luscious left, Barbie stood outside the ring and posed for the fans. More spilled drinks.
So Cal Val led us into the same old ads for the WEW videos, a video game, 1Wrestling.Com and the Locker Room Lust PPV.
We saw Angel Orsini (The Full Breasted Italian) rip a promo on Annie Social about their match, telling her Philadelphia was ‘Italian Country’ and she was going to be given an ‘old fashion neighborhood a*s kicking.” Annie Social followed with her promo, saying she was Irish and ‘born to fight.”
Angel came out first and was greeted with a few ‘Bronx Cheers.’ Annie came out and did a lap around the ring glad-handing the fans that were still able to stand up. The ref was Isis, WEW’s Chief Referee who wore pants instead of her usual short hot pants. This didn’t please Grandpa as Annie was wearing paratrooper pants. He had to make do staring at Angel’s more-than-ample plastic enhancements. If only she had a face to go with them. Angel started with a Kick to the gut, a Head Butt, Kicks to the head, a Back Elbow as she whipped Annie into the ropes, Punches and a Clothesline. As Angel told the crowd how wonderful she was, Annie shook things off and came back with Punches and a Snap Mare Takedown. Annie went for an Inside Cradle and then attempted to pin Angel after a Snap Suplex. However, Angel rolled out of nailed Annie with a Double Thrust to the Throat. Annie tapped out as Angel pinned her, after the ref missed the thrust to Annie’s throat.
The twenty-eight minute half-hour ended at 3:28 AM (my how time flies when you’re having fun), without us ever finding out who the two bimbos at the top of the Show were, what they were doing there, and if the announcer was Eric Garguilo or not. These question and many more will be answered next week. At least we hope they are.
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