THE TWO SHEDS REVIEW by Julian Radbourne
E-mail: julian@twoshedsreview.com
Website: www.twoshedsreview.com
The name of Iain Dale will probably mean very little to you, so let me fill you in with a few background details.
Iain was selected as the Conservative party candidate for the North Norfolk constituency at the 2005 General Election. He announced that he was the first openly gay candidate to be chosen by his party to run for political office (although this has later been disproved, although Iain still claims it to be true). Iain’s campaign didn’t actually amount to much, and consisted mainly of publicity stunts, so much so that the winner, Liberal Democrat incumbent Norman Lamb, saw his majority vote rise from around 400 in the previous election to over 10,000 that year, such was the public’s dislike for Iain’s style of campaigning.
Shortly afterwards, Iain was campaign manager for David Davies in the Conservative leadership election. Davies was defeated by current leader David Cameron.
Since then Iain has carved out a nice little career for himself as a political blogger. He claims to be the most popular political blogger on the internet, although the number of hits he claims his website receives has since been disproved.
So what does a political blogger and wannabe politician have to do with a professional wrestling column? Read on, dear viewer, and you’ll see.
As part of his campaign to be elected as the North Norfolk Member of Parliament, Iain was invited to attend the DAM Promotions “Night of Champions” show, held at the Holt Community Centre in May 2004. Iain had been asked by the promoters, Mike and Dave Waters, otherwise known as the U.K. Pitbulls, to present the championship belts as DAM crowned their first singles and tag-team champions. However, Iain had no idea what he was letting himself in for.
The second match of the evening featured The Coalminers against Dutch tag-team The Van Kunders. Iain was sitting in the front row with what I assume was an advisor or agent, and seemed to be having a good time. Then it began. The sound system cranked up, and Electric Six’s classic hit “Gay Bar” began to blast out around the hall.
Then the Dutchmen made their appearance. Wearing feather bowers and thrusting their hips, they began to strut around ringside. It was then that Iain got first site of what Mot Van Kunder was wearing. Now, how can I explain this…..it was a kind of belt with an elephant’s face for the buckle, with the elephant’s rather long trunk hanging down in a certain position. As Mot strutted in front of Iain, the prospective politician didn’t look very happy.
And you could tell what sort of mood he was in as the Van Kunders were announced as Long & Thick. During the first match he’d been sitting upright in his front row seat, paying close attention to the action. As the second match began Iain suddenly began to slump down in his seat, and he started to play about with his mobile phone, paying no attention to the match at all.
But that wasn’t the last of Iain’s embarrassments that night. Later that night, Ricky Knight faced Hot Stuff to determine the first DAM Open Champion. As is usual for the Rowdy Man, he grabbed the microphone so he could give his opinion of the fans gathered before him, and his first line was “I always knew north Norfolk was full of poofs!” Needless to say that Mr. Dale was now even unhappier, and didn’t look too pleased when he presented the belt to Ricky at the end of the match, even though Ricky said he was pleased to meet a fellow member of the Conservative party.
Iain then had to endure the Van Kunders for a second time, before presenting the DAM Tag-Team title to the tournament winners, the Pitbulls.
I sat down in the hall with Ricky after the show, and we began to talk about his match. The first thing I asked him was “did you know that Iain Dale is gay?” “No mate.” Ricky replied. “I didn’t have a clue!”
I have no idea exactly how Iain felt after leaving the show that night, although from what I saw of him he didn’t look like a happy man, as if he didn’t know what he was letting himself in for when he agreed to attend the show.
Now I have nothing against gay people. I have never described myself as homophobic. I did consider making a list of openly gay entertainers that I’m a fan off, but I’d end up sounding like Gareth from The Office (the great English version, not the watered-down rubbish that the Americans have made).
But after this show, and after the way he campaigned in the run-up to the General Election, Iain Dale learned that it takes more than a few publicity stunts to get Joe Public to vote for you. Announcing what your policies are and how you’re going to help your prospective constituents would have helped his cause and public image, but given the excellent job that Norman Lamb has done both in Westminster and in North Norfolk, it still wouldn’t have been enough to defeat him.
He also learned that the professional wrestling industry isn’t exactly the most politically correct business in the world.
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