Written by: SAMJERRY & GRANDPA DUDLEY
It’s another early Sunday morning in Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville and that means WEW is on TV. Grandpa saw his doctor today and has been cleared to watch WEW. Grandma Dudley was very happy that Grandpa is back healthy again, but at the same time she knows what to expect after the show; Grandpa goes to bed, but he certainly hasn’t got sleep on his mind. It promises to be a great day in BDLD as the forecast is for strong breezes to the north. When that happens, the air is clear and clean, and the stench from the garbage pit known as Not-So-Beautiful Upper Dudleyville, will blow away from BDLD. Yup, WEW and a clear day; could life be any better?
The show began with a very short, partial repeat, of last weeks promo by Talia Madison. You may recall it was the shot of her that didn’t look at all like her. We immediately went to this weeks opening seven minute video by yet another Brand X group. I think WEW may be hiring relatives of their employees because it’s for damn sure nobody else has (or will) ever hear of them. As usual, the video consisted of shots from the latest WEW PPV (Locker Room Lust) interspersed (Grandpa’s word) with shots of several femmes wearing bathing suits made out of dental floss. Grandpa is already working up a lather.
The video was followed by the usual ads for the WEW Web Site (which promises to reveal stuff that can’t be shown on TV. I might mention that you can get to the Site, but WEW charges for a lot of the content – they offer a special three month deal on the show. This was followed by a promo for WEW’s tape of Locker Room Lust, which includes a Pole Dance Championship.
Finally we got to the match between Talia Madison and Mercedes Martinez (MM). This is the one that ended last weeks show with the infamous “Continued Next Week.” The more I see of Talia, the more she looks like one of The Beautiful People of TNA’s Knockout Division. We skipped the usual ring entrances and when right to the match. I mentioned last week that Talia was accompanied to the ring by her ‘surprise’ manager, Tammy Lynn Sytch (who really looks bad) and Mike Berk, some muscle bound yo-yo. Tammy Lynn had to be helped into the ring and was a bit shaky on her feet. The match began with MM kick ass and taking names for the first minute or so. As Talia came back, announcer Eric “I wish I was Joey Styles” Garguilo, gave a speil about how great an athlete she was. Fat Tony would be proud of how Eric shills. Talia knocked MM down and while she distracted the ref, Tammy Lynn and Berk choked MM repeatedly. This put Eric into a hysterical fit and his blood pressure must have shot up over 200. MM tried to come back, but again went down and clubbed her; what a true gentleman. He threw a chair into the ring for Talia, but MM intercepted it. She swung it at Talia, but Talia kicked it back into her face. She will be visiting the doctor soon to have her face restored. Talia covered her for the pin and victory.
Tammy and Berk joined Talia in the ring for a celebration. Some fat slob named Benny Brothill (or something like that – the sound quality on WEW TV shows is a bit below that at a high school football game with the announcer yelling to the crowd. After hugging Talia, he cut a promo on former tag team Champions, Hell’s Belle’s. Hell’s Belle’s (Annie Social and Jane Hardcore) hit the ring and chased Talia, her entourage and Benny. The caught the fat sludge bucket on the floor as he tried to run away (running is not his strong suit). He lost his pants as he ran for his life. The Belle’s got back into the ring and Annie said they accepted fatso’s challenge and would meet him and a partner of his choice anytime, anywhere (does the next WEW PPV sound about right?). Jane grabbed the mic and yelled their line, “Welcome To Hell.” The bit ended with Eric saying Benny was screwing with the wrong two ladies (ladies?).
Another ad for Locker Room Lust and the standard Belly Dance Lesson. The more WEW shows don’t change, the more they stay the same .. and the operative word is ‘don’t.’
Time for another match. This was to be a Three Way Elimination, Low Blows Legal Match. It pitted ODB (yup, the same ODB) vs. Lacey (a hottie) and Lollipop (a ‘hot’ hottie), who came out without her trademark lollipop. The crowd (and Grandpa) hardly noticed, as they gawked at Lollipop’s pants that looked like they had been sprayed on. The announcer said ODB was from The Mustang Ranch, Las Vegas, Nevada. If ODB was from the Ranch, she must have worked as either a janitor, or on the day shift handling truckers who had been on the road three weeks without a break. The match began with ODB and Lacey going at it. Lollipop then teamed with Lacey and both did a number on ODB. Their alliance fell apart after they threw ODB to the floor (the fans all backed away). Lacey nailed Lollipop with an Implant DDT and pinned her, much to the crowd’s (as well as Grandpa and me) unhappiness. This left ODP and Lacey, as we again went to ads.
We got an ad for the same video game they advertise at this point in the show every week. Next up was So Cal Val, leaning into the camera, with another plug for the WEW Web Site. They use it week after week after week This was followed by the same old ad by Joey ‘Oh, My God’ Styles’ for 1Wrestling.Com. Then yet another ad for Locker Room Lust.
After what seemed like an eternity, we got back to the match. ODB was all over Lacey as we returned. Lacey came back and we got to see some actual wrestling holds. The crowd looked on dumbfounded, having never seen more than one or two a show. ODB took over and covered Lacey with both her feet on the second rope. The ref was old ‘Slow Count’ and didn’t see a thing. He is not only slow, but blind as well. He was the only one at the matches or in the state that didn’t see it. ODB went to the floor and grabbed a sign from one of the fans (the one who had more than three teeth and no beer at the time) and used it to wipe her butt. Eric commented about the feet on the ropes and how crude ODB is. Back in the ring, Lacey pleaded her case to Slow Count. He didn’t listen and as result took a Low Blow from Lacey, and doubled over in agony. Eric reminded us that Low Blows were legal in the match. I guess they were also legal to use on the ref after the match.
The close closed right on time at 3:28 AM. I wonder what happens to the other two minutes. I also have to wonder if WEW is a farm for TNA, or vice versa. Grandpa disappeared up to bed. I had to cover my head with a pillow to block out the noise from Grandpa and Grandma’s room. I am now positive the old guy is OK. Like I said, a good day in BDLD … for Grandpa and Grandma anyway.
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