Full Credit: Ryan Mulligan, WrestlingObserver.com
WWE Friday Night SmackDown! Report 5/9/08
Taped 5/6/08 in London, Ontario, Canada.
By Ryan Mulligan
Email: rmulligan82@gmail.com
Myspace: www.myspace.com/TheCivilianExile
Last week on “SmackDown!” Vickie Guerrero banned The Undertaker from
ever using his chokehold-submission move again and then got even more
outrageous by stripping him of the World Heavyweight Championship! Why
not just prohibit him from associating with druids while you’re at it?
Taker didn’t take too kindly to this and responded by putting The
Great Khali in the just-banned chokehold. The video package recapping
this was also notable for including a laughing-hyena sound when
Hawkins and Ryder ran in and snatched the title. What will Vickie
decide to do with the title? Perhaps award it to Festus out of respect
for his sheer awesomeness? Stay tuned to find out!
Vickie is wheeled out by Teddy Long. Vickie and her wheelchair are the
contemporary equivalent of Cowboy Bob Orton and his broken arm. Edge
is there too and he still doesn’t look like Taker injured him at
“Backlash.” She decides to be nice and says that Taker will get a shot
at the World Title at “Judgment Day,” but she again stresses that he
won’t be able to use his submission move in the match. Who will he
face? Tonight, we’ll see a “Championship Chase to ‘Judgment Day,'”
which will consist of five singles matches, with the winner of each
match advancing to an “Over the Top Rope Challenge” in tonight’s main
event, and the winner of THAT match will face Taker at the ppv for the
title. That’s only a pole short of what TNA usually books. The ten
participants are: The Big Show, Kane, Chavo Guerrero, John Morrison,
Finlay, MVP, Matt Hardy, CM Punk, Tommy Dreamer and Batista, all
either current or former champions on “SmackDown!” or “ECW,” in case
you’re wondering why Kozlov was excluded. She says Khali would have
been included, but he’s currently recuperating from Taker’s submission
move in India, and so would Edge, but he hasn’t been medically cleared
yet. I hate the idea of having a battle royal to decide something so
important. Battle royals don’t have anything to do with how
championships are usually decided. It’s like when they have penalty
shots to decide hockey games. Lame. Why not just hold a tournament
over the next two weeks? The plus side to “The Chase” is that we’re
getting a whole bunch of matches that mean something tonight, though.
“Championship Chase” match: U.S. Heavyweight Champion Matt Hardy vs. CM Punk
No other titles are on the line in this tournament. I’m against
putting CM Punk in this, because he already has the Money in the Bank
and a guaranteed title shot. So he’s basically fighting for a second
title shot, which means he won’t win. Plus, Cole points out that Punk
and Kane are challenging Morrison and Miz for the WWE Tag Titles at
“Judgment Day,” so that’s another reason he’s not winning. Punk
defeated Hardy a few weeks back in the first round of the “King of the
Ring” tournament on “Raw.” We get some chain-wrestling to start, which
ends up with Hardy hooking in an arm-bar on Punk. Punk fights out of
that and starts hitting some stiff kicks. He catches Hardy coming off
the ropes with a knee to the mid-section. In a neat spot, Punk goes to
sunset-flip Hardy, but Hardy grabs Punk’s injured arm to counter it.
Soon after, Hardy catches him with an Electric Chair, but misses the
“Ahh!!!” elbow. Hardy shakes off the miss and catches Punk with a Side
Effect, which gets two. He goes for the Twist of Fate, some would say
prematurely, which is countered, and Punk hits the high knee/bulldog
combo up against the ropes, followed by a backbreaker. Hardy goes back
to work on the arm, however, but gets kicked in the head for being
persistent. Go to Sleep and another Twist of Fate attempt are both
countered, after which Punk cradles him, but somehow Hardy stops the
momentum and winds up on top for the three-count to win the match out
of nowhere. I want to see the finish again, so of course they don’t
replay it. Good match, but too short to rate too highly on the Star
Ratings system. Hardy advances to the battle royal later tonight.
Winner: Matt Hardy
“Championship Chase” match: MVP vs. Finlay (with Hornswoggle)
Hornswoggle rolls tennis balls into the ring to distract MVP, and
Finlay is able to get him down into a leglock. Finlay seems like too
much of a stand-up guy to want to resort to troll-trickery to win
matches. Finlay gets his clubberin’ on, then uses a headlock takeover
on the valuable-one. MVP throws him off, though, and gains the upper
hand when Finlay misses on a charge and rams his shoulder into the
ring-post. Single arm-ddt by MVP gets two. Fujiwara armbar by MVP!
Let’s go to a commercial at the least opportune moment possible!
We’re back, and Finlay is still in the hold and consequently still in
trouble. Finlay fights out of it and hits a short-arm clothesline, but
he uses the injured arm for that and sells it. Ring-psychology seems
to be in full-effect tonight. MVP boots him in the head, and Finlay
goes flying to the outside. Hornswoggle momentarily distracts MVP to
allow Finlay to get the advantage on the outside, which is dangerous
because MVP definitely strikes me as someone who would choke a dwarf.
Back in, MVP takes back over, then takes Finlay outside and rams him
into the barricade. MVP hooks in an arm-bar, and the ref asks Finlay
if he wants to give it up, to which Finlay calmly responds “No
chance.” It would’ve been better if he started singing “No Chance in
Hell.” Finlay fights out, then catches MVP coming in with a drop
toehold into a leg-lock, but MVP makes the ropes. Finlay does the spot
where he slams his opponent’s injured leg onto the ropes. You know the
one. He continues to work on the left-leg and hooks in a single-leg
crab. In the second unique spot of the night, we get simultaneous
submission moves, as Finlay works the leg, and MVP hooks in an
arm-bar. Once both get back up, they ram heads. Perhaps not
intentionally. Finlay gives MVP a belly-to-back suplex, but neither
man lifts his shoulders off the mat and both men are counted down.
This match is ruled a draw. I have no idea what this means in terms of
who advances to the battle royal. I’ll assume neither man, so probably
both will. Good match if you like the methodical pace Finlay usually
sets in his matches.
Kelly Kelly vs. Natalya (with Victoria)
Holla! I finally get to review my first Kelly Kelly match. My journey
is complete. Unfortunately for Kelly, she’s about to get owned.
Natalya fires off a snap-suplex off the bat and then rams her into the
corner. Natalya hits some insane version of a tilt-a-whirl slam, as
Michelle McCool is shown watching on a monitor backstage. I thought
they were setting McCool up for a feud with the Glamazon. Guess not.
Kelly fires back with some boots from the ground. That’s her MMA
training coming through there. Kelly goes for the handspring-elbow,
but Natalya catches her in mid-air and gives her a belly-to-back
suplex. Surfboard by Natalya! Kelly gets in a few shots, then goes up
and gets yanked unceremoniously off the top. You ever been yanked
ceremoniously? It’s preferable. Natalya finishes the match off with a
sharpshooter, which the Canadian crowd of course goes crazy for. That
was the most brutal squash I’ve seen since at least last week’s
Kozlov-match.
Winner: Natalya
We hear from some fans about what they thought of Vickie’s decision to
strip Taker of his title. Pretty much everyone hated it, but this one
kid says it’s justifiable, because Taker’s hold was dangerous and
caused internal bleeding. Mark. Stuff like that makes me wonder how
much more I’d be enjoying this if I thought it was legit. I’d
certainly be less cynical if I didn’t know people were writing this
stuff. I wonder what that kid thought when Rey Jr. won the World
Title, though. He probably just thought it was a fluke.
Vickie comes into my living-room to inform me that both MVP and Finlay
have advanced into the battle royal, which makes no sense. Who rewards
people for not winning? She must be behind the Chuck Palumbo push too.
“Championship Chase” match: Batista vs. WWE Tag Team Champion John Morrison
Is it weird that I look forward to Batista matches now? It didn’t used
to be that way, let me tell you. Morrison dismisses Miz pre-match,
which doesn’t seem intelligent to me. He should want all the help he
can get. Morrison bails at the start, only to sucker Batista in and
hit a nifty dropkick through the ropes to the outside. Batista fights
back on the floor and rams him into the turnbuckles back inside. He
telegraphs a back-body drop attempt, however, and gets kicked in the
face. He manages to get Morrison up for a powerslam, but Morrison
slips out and dropkicks him down. Outside, Batista gets rammed into
the steel steps. Story of his life. Back inside, Morrison hits a sick
knee to the jaw and a neckbreaker, before cinching in a headlock.
Batista fights out, but Morrison nails him with a missile dropkick,
which gets two. He hits that spinning legdrop, which Foley finds too
flashy. He goes back to the headlock, but gets rammed into the corner.
Batista charges in, but is caught with a drop toe-hold into the
buckles. Morrison, in a completely non-heel move, goes for the
ten-count corner-punches, but Batista pulls him away. Morrison is on
fire, though, and hurrancanranas Batista while he’s on his shoulders.
He then clotheslines Batista down. What’s going on here? He is OWNING
Batista right now! He goes for his finisher, but Batista shrugs him
off and catches him with a back-body drop. Morrison briefly regains
the advantage and goes for the Tidal Wave, but Batista spears him in
mid-air! Best spear since the now-infamous Elijah Burke off the
top-rope one. The Batista Bomb shortly thereafter ends this one, and
Batista advances to the battle royal. Completely weird match there
that was almost entirely dominated by Morrison.
Winner: Batista
“Championship Chase” match: The Big Show vs. Tommy Dreamer
Show dominates this one early-on with knees, chops, elbows and a
headbutt, possibly not in that order, before eating a boot on a
corner-charge. Dreamer has the advantage for about ten seconds, then
Show chokeslams him to pick up the victory and advance to the battle
royal. I shouldn’t have used the phrase “early-on.” I would’ve guessed
Mark Henry would’ve interfered, but maybe in the battle royal he will.
They’ve gotta keep that program hot. I should point out that Show
wrestled like a heel and certainly wasn’t over as a face until the
chokeslam, so he’s still stuck in tweener-limbo.
Winner: The Big Show
“Championship Chase” match: Chavo Guerrero (with Bam Neely) vs. ECW
Champion Kane
Chavo catches Kane coming in with a back-elbow in the corner, but
Kane’s a monster and doesn’t feel that much pain, so he gorilla slams
him almost immediately afterwards. He goozles Chavo, but Chavo makes
the ropes. Kane goes to boot him in the face, but winds up crotching
himself awkwardly on the top rope. I hate that spot. Chavo targets the
leg and gets surgical on it. Neely gets in a cheapshot on Kane’s leg
while the ref is tied up with Chavo. “One man fence” they call him.
It’s much better listening to commentators who aren’t constantly
attacking each other, by the way. Hell, they’re barely even attacking
Adamle tonight. Chavo with a bridging-leg-lock, then a dropkick off
the second turnbuckle, which prevents it from being a true missile
dropkick. Kane responds to that by sitting up. Chavo responds to that
by getting scared. Kane boots his head off when Chavo runs off the
ropes, then hits a back-body drop, a slam and an elbow drop for two.
He connects with his corner-clotheslines, but Chavo slips out of the
sideslam and chopblocks him. He comes off the top and lands with his
throat in Kane’s grasp. Chavo escapes that and goes for a sunset-flip,
but Kane sits down on it and gets the three-count! Interesting way to
end a Kane-match. Kane’s going to the battle royal. Neely tries to do
something productive after the bell, but Kane knocks him off the apron
for good measure.
Winner: Kane
In a wwe.com exclusive, Deuce N’ Domino fire Cherry! They say she
betrayed them by doing her own thing, so now they’ve got Maryse on
their side! Maryse calls her a dog, so Cherry responds by slapping the
crap out of her! Seriously, she killed her. Took her off her feet with
a slap. I gotta say, though, I had higher hopes for Maryse. Perhaps
with time she’ll amount to something.
Vladimir Kozlov vs. Phil Atlas
Atlas is billed as being from London, Ontario, just in case you
weren’t sure he was about to get completely owned. I wonder what’s
gonna happen when they travel to a city without a home-grown talent
for Kozlov to squash. It’s bound to happen sooner or later. He should
probably advance to the Funaki-level of jobber at this point anyway.
Kozlov kills him with a belly-to-belly throw, then boots him so hard
in the chest that Atlas goes flying into the turnbuckles. He drops
Atlas on the top turnbuckle, then punts him off, which is hilarious if
you think about it. The inverted ddt ends this one. Send me some ideas
for a new finisher for Kozlov, and I’ll post the best one next week.
You get bonus points if you come up with something new entirely. I’ve
thought about him using the Jawbreaker Lariat, but he doesn’t seem
graceful enough for it. Perhaps Cattle Mutilation.
Winner: Vladimir Kozlov
They did a poll on wwe.com and it turns out that 76% of the fans who
voted thought Vickie was in the wrong for stripping Taker of the World
Title. So apparently 24% of the people who voted are pricks.
“Championship Chase” Finals/Over the Top Rope Challenge:
The participants are Batista, MVP, Finlay, Matt Hardy, Kane and The
Big Show. This is exciting, because I can’t easily pick a winner. I’m
guessing Hardy’s out, because he’s got the U.S. title. Plus, he’s not
ready, and it wouldn’t make sense at all to have Matt Hardy vs. The
Undertaker for the World Title on a ppv. Kane’s the ECW Champion so
he’s not winning. Plus, he’s already booked for the ppv in the Tag
Title match. The Big Show is seemingly feuding with Mark Henry now, so
he’s out. A Taker/Show feud does have potential, though. Especially if
they don’t fight in a Punjabi Prison again. Batista vs. Taker is
beyond played out right now, so I don’t think Batista’s winning.
Finlay’s not at that level in terms of heat. So that just leaves MVP.
He’s my pick, even though it wouldn’t make sense for him to lose the
U.S. Title and the feud with Hardy, then advance up to World Title
level. Actually, I have no idea what’s going to happen here. See what
happens when you don’t read spoilers? It’s so much more exciting! The
story of the early portion of the match revolves around Show owning
everybody, despite their efforts to team up against him, and MVP
taking as many opportunities to bail out of the ring as possible. Show
double-headbutts Finlay and Hardy down, and Batista and Kane together
aren’t able to do much against him either. Batista and Big Show could
be a good feud too. Everyone teams up against Show, but he’s a giant,
once rumored to even be the son of Andre, and he fights them all off
and clotheslines Finlay, Batista and MVP down. Let’s go to a
commercial for God’s sake.
We’re back, and Show is still in control. He steps on MVP, which isn’t
nice. Batista sees an opportunity here to lift him over from behind,
but Show swats him away like a proverbial fly. Hardy and MVP haven’t
really been mixing it up with any level of intensity. They should be
barred from doing so for a while, actually. Hardy gets in a Side
Effect on Finlay, then walks around until MVP sneaks up and tosses him
over the top to the floor. Show boots Batista down, and we’ve reached
the traditional, sluggish portion of the battle royal. Show goes to
gorilla press Finlay, but Batista spears him! Finlay then picks up his
shillelagh and starts whacking people with it! Kane doesn’t want any
part of that, though, so he decides to boot Finlay out instead. Why
wasn’t he using the shillelagh the entire match if it’s allowed?
Questions. MVP goes for a Yakuza kick on Batista in the corner, but
Batista moves, and MVP goes flying out. Way to eliminate yourself. So
much for my pick. Batista spears Kane! Show clotheslines Kane out!
We’re down to two! Well, maybe this feud wouldn’t be that great,
because Show is boringly dominating Batista right now. Batista fights
back briefly, but runs into a clothesline. Show runs at Batista in the
corner, but gets tripped up with a dropkick to the knees. Batista goes
for a Batista Bomb of all things, but Show counters that by lifting
Batista over his head. Batista stays in that position, however, and is
able to head-scissor Show over the top rope to win the match! Batista
is the new number one contender! Uh oh, here comes Vickie again. She
says that Edge has just been medically cleared to compete and that
this match is not over yet! YOU THINK YOU KNOW HIM!!! Batista’s still
out on the apron, having gone over the top rope with Show, so Edge
comes in and spears him to the floor immediately to win the match!
Edge is your new number one contender! So we’ve got Taker/Edge for the
third ppv in a row. That’s okay by me, as long as the feud ends this
time. Hopefully with Taker beating him decisively and regaining the
title. While Edge is leaving, a giant lightning bolt crashes into the
case holding the World Title! It’s on fire! GONG! This show’s over!
Winner: Edge
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