Full Credit: Wade Keller, PWTorch.com
KELLER’S WWE RAW REPORT
MARCH 17, 2008
LIVE FROM LAFAYETTE, LA.
WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR
-Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced Raw and hyped John Cena & Randy Orton vs. the entire Raw roster (the photo of the “entire roster” most prominently featured Chris Jericho).
-Chris Jericho introduced The Highlight Reel. He began by introducing his first guest, saying, “she’s shiny, she’s spicy, she’s sassy, and she’s been around the block, but she always comes home to daddy – ladies and gentleman, the Intercontinental Championship.” He keeps getting these luke-warm reactions from the fans. It’s weird, like they haven’t forgiven him for leaving in the first place or maybe they saw him on that singing talent show he stunk up. In any case, he introduced The Big Show as his guest.
Jericho thanked Show as he arrived in the ring for providing them finally with a new clip other than Floyd Mayweather was “using your face as a pinata.” They went to a clip of Big Show tossing Mayweather over the top rope to the floor. Show, sitting on a stool in the ring to be eye-to-eye with Jericho, said that the clip reenforces that nobody likes Floyd Mayweather. That got a mix of cheers and jeers. Show said the wrestlers, his peers, and the fans don’t like him. He said he hopes Mayweather gets how much trouble he’s in.
Show said Jericho outweighs Mayweather by 60 or 70 pounds and he has more skills than Jericho, but they both know he wouldn’t last two minutes against him, “so what chance does Floyd Mayweather have?” Again, a mix of cheers and mostly jeers. A “Y2J” chant broke out. Jericho said fans may not like Mayweather, but everybody agrees he’s still a jackass. Show rubbed his goatee. “Maybe not as big of a jackass as Mayweather, but still a jackass,” he said. Jericho said he’s not Mayweather, he’s Y2J, the first undisputed champion in WWE history. “I beat The Rock and ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin in the same night to so.” Boy, he finds a way to slip that in a lot; not that it’s a bad idea.
Jericho said when he’s clutching his Money in the Bank briefcase, Show will looking for the teeth that Mayweather knocks out of his jaw. “Easy Napoleon,” said Show. “Obviously I touched a nerve.” He said Jericho isn’t Mayweather, but he’s WWE’s equivalent. “You’re loud, you’re arrogant, you’re disrespectful, and you are in way over your head.” He said if Jericho doesn’t believe him, he’s thinking Jericho vs. Show for the IC Title tonight. Jericho soaked in the challenge without saying anything.
Show said, “With that fancy haircut you’ve got, you look like you’re out for a night of singing karaoke to Justin Timberlake.” (Ouch! He just struck a few points that have probably tempered Jericho’s popularity since returning.) “Then again, I’ve heard you sing. Probably not a good idea.” Jericho laughed to stop from crying. “Very funny, even though I’m bringing sexy back to WWE,” Jericho said. Jericho added that he was funny as co-host of Saturday Night Live eight years ago, “but unfortunately, you’ve been bombing every since.” Jericho said, “If you want it, you got it!”
-Ross and Lawler reacted, then threw to comments from Vince McMahon. Vince talked about buying (I mean, getting) a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. He plugged being on Larry King Live on Wednesday and touted WWE stock going up when the stock market otherwise goes down. McMahon said he wants to top it all with a victory over Ric Flair himself to end his career tonight. “I’m going to retire Ric Flair,” he said. “Tonight is his last match.” He said it’d be a street fight. He made crazy faces, and he’s not acting.
[Commercial Break]
-A commercial aired pushing the Triple H DVD, touting that for the first time he comments on his career. Could be pretty interesting.
1 – C.M. PUNK vs. CARLITO
Seriously, is there a brand split anymore at all? He’s an ECW roster who already appears indiscriminately on Smackdown as part of that working agreement, but now he’s on Raw without explanation? The crawler plugged Big Show on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” this Friday night. Carlito caught Punk in mid-air with a dropkick and scored a near fall at 3:00. He went for a Back Stabber, but Punk held onto the ropes, then set up a Go 2 Sleep. Carlito slipped out and gave Punk a neckbreaker for a believable near fall. Punk fired back with a surprise roundhouse kick to the back of his head. Punk then finished Carlito with his Go 2 Sleep. He showboated a bit before going for the three count, which usually is reserved for wins over jobbers.
WINNER: Punk in 4:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — Solid short TV match. Dramatic and believable near falls moved it up above one star.
-A soundbite aired with Snoop Dogg. He said Maria made a mistake posing for Playboy and said she should have shown her boobies only to her boyfriend. Snoop stopped and said he can’t read the cue cards anymore. Santino walked in and called him “Mr. Snoopy the Dog.” He said he is merely a rapper with a reality show, while he’s a WWE superstar, so he knows more than him about WrestleMania. He told him to stick to reading the cards. Snoop stood up and said the women can do what they want. He’ll holler at him later on.
[Commercial Break]
-Another plug aired for Larry King Live on Wednesday with the WWE wrestlers. See, they plug King’s show, he doesn’t ask any tough questions or do any research for follow-up questions. Coincidence or just King being lazy?
2 — UMAGA vs. PAUL LONDON & BRIAN KENDRICK
Umaga lifted both onto his shoulders and gave them a double-decker Samoan Drop in the opening seconds. He followed by tossing them around the ring like rag dolls and chopping them. Kendrick slipped out of the ring avoid a corner splash. . Umaga dragged London by his hair to mid-ring. Kendrick turned and walked away. Ross didn’t draw attention to Kendrick walking out on his partner or express any outrage or sense of betrayal or cowardice. Umaga lifted London with one arm and Samoan Spiked him with the other.
WINNER: Umaga in 3:00.
-Regal watched the finish backstage on the monitor. Triple H walked in. Regal said Kendrick just walked out on London. Regal said Cena should do that to Orton, or vice-versa. Triple H said that won’t happen because if Cena does, he’ll lose his spot in the WM match, and if Orton walks out, he will strip Orton of the belt. Hunter reminded Orton he is in charge. He can do whatever he wants. Regal asked him why he didn’t just strip Orton of the belt and award it to himself. Hunter said he has had titles handed to him before and there’s no satisfaction in that. He said he will have it soon enough, after earning it at WrestleMania. It’s always nice to see loopholes addressed like that. Well done. Week two of no sarcasm from Triple H, and he’s much more admirable as a character.
[Commercial Break]
-A video feature aired on Triple H at WrestleMania. Ross and Lawler were shown at ringside. Ross asked if the King of Kings will regain his title at WrestleMania 24. Lawler threw to a video feature on McMahon being given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. A clip aired of Vince thanking every WWE Superstar, the fans, and most of all, himself. He declared he’s the biggest star of all-time. He said it’s a big honor, but even more so for Hollywood. He said it was great that his star was placed right next to Kermit the Frog.
-Ric Flair walked up to Shawn Michaels backstage. He said he won’t be losing to him at WrestleMania. “You may be the Showstopper, but you’re not going to stop my show,” he said. Flair said Michaels is there to watch him wrestle Mr. McMahon. He told him not to get involved in his match or anything he’s doing until WrestleMania. He said McMahon has no chance of beating him.
[Commercial Break]
-JBL walked out of his white limo and to the ring. He said Finlay is unavailable because Hornswoggle had complications and he has to be by his son’s bedside. He said instead he’ll face the second-toughest Irishman. Colin Delaney walked out with no pyro or music to zero crowd reaction. Sad that after all of these weeks, the Raw audience doesn’t know who one of the most featured ECW wrestlers is – or even worse, don’t care enough to pop for the endearing underdog character.
3 — JBL vs. COLIN DELANEY
Delaney slapped JBL at the start. JBL slapped him back, knocking him to the mat. JBL finished Delaney with a Clothesline from Hell.
WINNER: JBL in 1:00.
-JBL cut a post-match, anti-Irish promo, saying his ancestors came to his and asked for jobs and a hand-out. He said Irishmen need not apply.
-A split screen showed Mr. McMahon and Flair heading toward the entrance tunnels.
[Commercial Break]
-A clip aired of Flair declaring four months ago he will never retire, then McMahon telling him the next time he loses a match, his career is over.
WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR
4 — RIC FLAIR vs. VINCE MCMAHON
Has there ever been a match on Raw featuring two people fighting whose combined age was 120? There have been many four-person tag team matches with ages adding up to less than 120. Flair took it to McMahon at the start, knocking him out of the ring to the floor. He remained on offense until McMahon reversed Flair into the ringpost. McMahon caught his breath and then began tearing apart the announce table. He swung (we use that term loosely) the monitor at Flair’s head. It looked more like a slo-mo replay. Flair came up bleeding. McMahon began throwing punches at Flair’s head, then rolled him into the ring for a cover. Flair powered out right away. McMahon punched away at Flair’s cut. Flair kicked out of another cover. McMahon retrieved a trash can from under the ring and hit Flair over the head with it leading to a two count. Vince threw the trash can at the announce table in frustration. Vince reached under the ring again and pulled out the air gun from “No Country for Old Men.” Oh, not exactly. Instead, he pulled out a kendo stick, hit Flair several times, and again scored a near fall. Next came a chair. Vince swung and struck Flair flush with a chairshot to the skull. As the ref began to count, Michaels came out to ringside and yanked the ref out of the ring before the three count. McMahon angrily got up and went under the ring again. He looked around and pulled out a table. McMahon set the table up in the corner. Flair gave McMahon a low blow twice. He set McMahon on the table and punched away at his forehead. Flair climbed to the top rope, whoo’d, and then splashed Vince through the table, which got the biggest pop of the night. Flair covered McMahon for the win.
WINNER: Flair in 10:00.
STAR RATING: * — That’s difficult to rate on any usual star-rating standard because in so many ways it was lousy, but dramatic in others. The idea that Michaels had to save Flair from losing to someone older than even Flair who isn’t even a wrestler isn’t flattering for Michaels if Michaels has trouble beating Flair.
-A video feature aired on Cena speaking about what WrestleMania means to him. Another well-produced feature that got across WM as a big night.
-Ross plugged the main event two-on-everyone-else match.
[Commercial Break]
-Lawler interviewed Subway’s Jared – the guy who lost 245 pounds. Jared was holding a gigantic soda and a six-inch sub and talked about how much fun it was doing the Subway commercial with John Cena last year.
5 — MARIA & CANDICE MICHELLE vs. VICTORIA & JILLIAN HALL
Santino joined Ross and Lawler on commentary. Santino said he and Maria are still together, but they’re going through a rough time as Playboy has come between them. Lawler said he enjoyed Maria in Playboy. Santino called him “Jerry Stupid Lawler” and added, “You’re pushing my patience to so mucha levels!” Hall missed a flip splash when Candice moved. Candice then gave Hall her finisher to win. Santino said they cheated. Lawler stood up and told him to leave. Santino threw a drink at Lawler, then shoved him down, stole his Subway, and ran away holding the Subway. “I’ve got your delicious sandwich!” he yelled. He then took a bite.
WINNER: Michelle & Maria in 3:00.
-A biographical video aired on Floyd. He talked about his mother being on drugs and his dad going to prison. He said he was born to be a showman. He said he was blessed by God with talent. He talked about winning a bronze medal in the Olympics, then turning pro as “Pretty Boy” Floyd. Clips aired of his elaborate entrance costumes. He said he’s more than a boxer; he’s also an entertainer. He bragged about earning $170 million this year.
-They showed Big Show heading toward the entrance tunnel for his match against Jericho, which they’ve barely plugged if at all since the opening segment.
-They went to another video spot hyping the Show vs. Mayweather match with various people talking about the fight. They still aren’t saying what kind of fight it is going to be.
[Commercial Break]
-A video announcement regarding the Hall of Fame took place. It plugged the Hall of Fame ceremony, giving top billing to Flair and Rock’s family members. It plugged that it would air the night before WrestleMania on USA Network. Ross plugged that the next announcement would air on ECW. Wow, an exclusive newsy item on ECW instead of Raw. That’s a start.
6 — CHRIS JERICHO vs. THE BIG SHOW
Show fended off Jericho’s initial flurry of punches with a big boot, then almost Jericho when he landed. Show battered Jericho, then lifted and dropped him. Jericho landed on his feet, then ducked a charging Show, who spilled over the top rope to the floor. Jericho attempted to slidekick Show, but Show grabbed him and swung him by his legs into the security wall. Lawler and Ross kept talking about how there were lessons for Mayweather in this match. Jericho avoided a corner swing splash by Show, then dropkicked him and hit a Lionsault for a two count. Show kicked and powered Jerich through the ropes to the floor. A frustrated Jericho grabbed his IC Title belt, ran into the ring, and hit Show with it, prompting a DQ. Show recovered quickly and KO’d Jericho with a right roundhouse punch.
WINNER: Big Show in 5:00 via DQ so Jericho retained the IC Title.
STAR RATING: *1/4
[Commercial Break]
-They showed a clip of Jericho being helped to the back. He had that glassy eyed look like Troy Aikman after a sack sitting on the sidelines late in his career.
-Kim Kardashian spoke about being guest host for WrestleMania 24 and how excited she was about it. She’s in a reality show titled “Keep Up With The Kardashians.” She said only the hippest, coolest, and best would be allowed into the show. Big Dick Johnson walked in and briefly danced. She said he wasn’t allowed in, but all of the viewers were. What if that viewer happens to look like Big Dick Johnson? Or was it the dancing? Or the g-string?
-A video aired of Randy Orton talking about being better than Cena and Hunter.
-Cena approached Orton backstage. He said their mission is to beat everyone until there’s no one left to beat on Raw. As Cena was about to walk away, Orton grabbed him and said Hunter wants then to get injured before WrestleMania. He proposed they take a dive and lose on purpose. Big deal, he said. Cena said he could lose if he wanted to. Orton said he’s the champion, so Cena ought to lose, not him. Cena said he may not be as smart as Orton, but he’s not a coward and he’s not going to lose on purpose. Orton said as champion, Cena ought to listen to him. Cena got hot and said the day he listens to someone who is responsible for his torn pec, stealing his title, and punt kicking his father in the face is the day loses his mind. He told him to go lose on purpose if wants. He said Triple H won’t stop until they’ve been beaten within an inch of their lives, so he suggested Orton stop scheming and fight like a man. Triple H walked up between them and said the match will continue until they’ve defeated every one of their opponents or until they can no longer continue. Hunter said he wanted them to know he’s rooting for them. That got some laughs from the fans.
[Commercial Break]
-A commercial aired hyping Punk & Jesse & Festus vs. Shelton Benjamin & Miz & John Morrison on ECW tomorrow night.
7 — JOHN CENA & RANDY ORTON vs. “THE ENTIRE RAW ROSTER”
Cena walked out first followed by Orton to their respective full ring intros. Then the Raw theme played as 17 other wrestlers walked out. Snitsky started the match against Cena. Snitsky gave Cena a hard clothesline. After stomping on Cena, Santino tagged himself on. Cena schoolboyed him for a quick three count. Trevor Murdoch entered next. Cena quickly forced Murdoch to tap out to the STFU. Lance Cade entered. Orotn gave him an RKO and Cena scored the pin. Umaga entered and clotheslined both of them. They cut to a break at 3:00.
[Commercial Break]
They showed Orton eliminating Super Crazy with an RKO during the break. Back live, JBL was working over Orton. He tagged in Hacksaw Duggan. Then in came Cody Rhodes. Ross called it the damndest main event he’s ever seen on Raw. Paul Burchill (remember him) tagged in next and stomped away at Orton. Then Val Venis, Carlito, and Robbie McAllister took turns on Orton. Orton tagged in Cena, who climbed to the top rope as girls screamed and legdropped McAllister from behind for a pin. Cena called in D.H. Smith. Cena finished him quickly with the You Can’t See Me routine into an FU. He tagged in Orton who finished Burchill with an RKO out of nowhere. Val Venis fell to an RKO next. Lawler said he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Cena caught a flying Cody and tossed him into Orton’s arms for an RKO. The last seven entered the ring, other than JBL who watched from the ring apron, and attacked Cena and Orton. The ref called for the bell. Ross said the match would continue until Cena and Orton couldn’t continue, contradicting the ref calling for the bell. Cena entered the ring with a chair. Umaga surprised him with a Samoan Spike. JBL swung a chair at Orton, but Orton ducked and the chair hit Umaga. Umaga gave Orton the Samoan Spike. JBL bailed out of the ring and ran away. That left Orton and Cena in the ring alone at 10:00. Triple H’s music played. Ross noted that Triple H was another member of the Raw roster who had not appeared yet. Hunter slowly entered the ring and surveyed the situation. Orton struggled to his feet. Hunter gave him a Pedigree. Cena struggled to his feet. Hunter kicked him in the gut and gave him a Pedigree, too. He stood over them as his music played to end the show.
WINNER: Triple H?
STAR RATING: ** — Some decent action, but it’s a lot to sacrifice for one match. They continue to book themselves into a corner where only a few select stars are portrayed as anything close to main event level.
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