“It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new life for me… and I’m feeling good….” Classic song. One of the best. It’s 2008 and XHeadlines will be taking it to the next level over the next 358 days! One thing we’ll be doing is showcasing more opinions, views, and columns.
With that being said, welcome to the first installment of The Crap Shoot with your host Jacob Spades! In this weekly column, I’ll be reviewing different televised shows, giving you my opinion on what I thought was the good, the bad, and the ugly… and what was just plain dumb! I promise to pull no punches and do my best to entertain you. So playing along with the play on words with my name and column title, I’ll be using a different ratings system. Instead of a scale of 1-10, we’ll be evaluating items on a scale of poker hand strengths. But don’t worry, I’ll always give you a numerical rating beside it, for those who aren’t so up to speed on poker as yours truly. Here’s what the scale will look like, beginning with 1 (low, weak) to 9 (high, strong):
High Card, Pair, 2 Pair, Three of a Kind, Straight, Flush, Full House, Four of a Kind, and Royal Flush. Not that confusing, is it? Now let’s get down to it!
RAW opened with William Regal awaiting the arrival of Mr. McMahon in his office so that he could explain his actions last week. After Vince revealed the RAW Roulette wheel, he immediately sanctioned a match between Regal and Triple H, with the added stipulation of it being a First Blood match. I enjoyed the opening segment and it was great to see one of Eric Bischoff’s creations used right away. It got even better, though, when Regal exited McMahon’s office only to get assaulted by a furious Triple H.
After the opening video package, we get treated to another great showing involving Shawn Michaels and Mr. Kennedy….. Kennedy. “What’s the catch for something so great?” you may ask- the stipulation that the match is now a Strange Bedfellows match, uniting HBK and Kennedy as a tag team against Charlie Haas and Trevor Murdoch.
The match itself was nothing spectacular, but there were a couple of noteworthy moments. First, Charlie Haas has now brought out his Luche Libre gimmick. It really pisses me off to hear JR and King question if he is a superhero or not. Hopefully they will get it right next time he’s out in his mask. I was fortunate enough to see him use this gimmick in a dark match during last week’s New Year’s RAW in Greensboro. The crowd in Uncasville didn’t pop like we did in Greensboro, which also concerns me. The second note is that the chemistry between HBK and Kennedy was phenomenal during their match. The aggressive tags, Kennedy’s stepping away from the ring really added to their feud and match at the same time. The icing on the cake was definitely when Kennedy tagged himself in just before Michaels hit the Sweet Chin Music on Haas. After Michaels hit his finisher, Kennedy stormed the ring and hit Shawn with the Mic Check before pinning Haas for the 3 count.
Rating: Straight (5 of 9) Again, the match was nothing spectacular, but the advancement of Shawn and Kennedy’s feud is what held this match together and made it worth watching.
Next up was a Trading Places match where the two competitors had to dress as each other. Apparently the wheel was spun earlier in the night (perhaps during the commercial break for the live audience). Seeing Bob Holly dressed as Carlito had to be one of the highlights of the night. Anytime a no-nonsense type guy can rib himself, it makes it all the better.
Much like the previous match, this one didn’t do much for me other than for comedic purposes. The match was under 4 minutes and lacked momentum. I understand that WWE is trying to establish credibility in regards to the team of Carlito and Santino, but surely there is a better way.
Rating: 2 Pair (3 of 9)
Backstage, Maria is spinning the wheel to determine her match stipulations. After the wheel lands on Submission, Vince (being the great guy he is) tricks her and puts the flipper on the Lingerie Pillow Fight slot. Score one for the guys! Word on the street is that Maria recently posed for Playboy and the issue is due out around WrestleMania. In other words, be on the lookout for a LOT more Maria!
Jeff Hardy cut a backstage promo on how he plans to not only take Orton’s championship but also take him out! I’m sorry… but the angrier Jeff Hardy gets, the funnier he gets. And not to mention the fact that he sounded like a nervous auditioning actor rapidly rattling off his lines from a que-card.
For WWE’s sake, we’ll just skip over the audio embarrassment that was Hornswoggle and McMahon. Wait…. damn it…. we have to sit through it again anyways. Is it me or was it better WITHOUT the audio?
In what can probably be dubbed the Gentlemen’s Match of the night, Jillian Hall, Maria, Mickie James, and Melina all took part in the Lingerie Pillow Fight. Oh yeah, and there’s that little thing called “a return”…. Ashley Massaro is back! Doesn’t look like she did on Survivor, for better or worse, but it does look like she fell into Jeff Hardy’s paint can!
It really wasn’t even a match, and to call it one is a slap in the face to the likes of Lita and Trish Stratus. This was pure sex candy. And I’m sure for some pre-pubescent young boy, it was all he needed to get through the night. There were a plethora of humorous quotes between King and JR… and I have the luxury of relaying them to you!
King: “LOOK!! PILLOWS!! WOO HOO!”
JR: “You sound like a dirty camp counselor.”
King: “Jumping up and down on the bed it fun, JR! Try it when you get back to the hotel room tonight… on second thought, don’t. You might break it!”
(After a back body drop onto the bed)
King: “It’s just a unique way to get in the bed, that’s all!”
JR: “I don’t think you could sandblast the smile off your face!”
King: “That was a vicious pillow attack, JR!”
JR: (sarcastically) “Wow, a VICIOUS pillow attack, ladies and gentlemen!”
Rating: Royal Flush (9 of 9) I may not be pre-pubescent, but I do have a soft spot for beautiful women… especially Mickie James. HUBBA HUBBA!
JR called it best when he said the show was going to change gears immensely. Next up was Triple H and Regal in their First Blood match. After the results of last week, this booking makes a ton of sense, and after the earlier attack by Triple H on Regal, the emotion is there, too. It’s only been a week but it looks like this feud has been actively brewing for weeks, even months. I went into the match with huge expectations… but were they met?
I’d say so. Both men got a fury of offense in and took their share of beatings. It’s great to see Regal back in the ring. He was always a great technician, but with a rougher style. I really felt the intensity on Triple H’s side as he sold his story of having to overcome all odds to get to the Rumble and get his shot at the WWE Championship. It should be interesting over the next few months watching as Hunter climbs the mountain of impossibility. I’d also like to point out that there was a blatant camera shot of Triple H slicing Regal’s forehead literally seconds before he bled. Someone help me out here, but I thought WWE banned razors and blades to cut opponents open? Am I imagining this or is Trips just immune to the rule?
Rating: Full House (7 of 9) Aces Full of Kings, if I had to pick.
After the 10-minute replay of the 3 week history of JBL and Jericho, we’re treated to a handicap match pitting Y2J against JBL and Snitsky. Ummm, where the hell did Snitsky come from? What’s his business here? A short “match” with Bradshaw getting disqualified and then wrapping a cable cord around Jericho’s neck. He then proceeded to drag him around the arena whilst his cottage cheese thighs jiggled something fierce. Bradshaw has to get in shape, there’s just no beating around the bush. I mean, have a little more personal pride in your appearance. You know you’re returning to wrestling full-time. You know you’re going to wear that black pair of underwear. You know that your FAT IS GOING TO BE EXPOSED! Until he loses some weight and gets back in good enough shape to tolerate looking at him, I will officially boycott him.
But let’s keep talking about him, it’s just so much fun! The segment did do an okay job in advancing their feud. The pure hatred these two men have for each other on screen is really starting to show through. However, when you think about why this began in the first place, you have to laugh. It really is almost a joke that two men could be so against each other because Jericho shoved JBL out of the way. Here’s what I’d like to see happen… I’d love to see a brutal, physical fight between the two at Royal Rumble and then I’d love to see a non-sanctioned match between the two at No Way Out. Just put these two in the ring… no ref, no bell, no nothing, but just let them beat the holy hell out of each other. The last time I saw a non-sanctioned match was when Bischoff signed one on RAW many years ago. If memory serves me correctly, I think it was Michaels and Triple H.
Rating: Three of a Kind (4 of 9)
After Hornswoggle spent the better half of the night trying to find a tag team partner, he ended up with B.H. Smith. WHO?! Oh wait, it’s MICK FOLEY! Things are looking up for Hornswoggle. I believe you would call this match a “DUH!” match. Honestly, who is going to win? This is about as predictable now as Umaga vs. Hacksaw in the qualifying match last week on RAW. Foley and Horny pick up the W over the Highlanders and advance to the Rumble.
Rating: Three of a Kind (4 of 9)
The evening’s main event featured Intercontinental Champion Jeff Hardy against Umaga in a Steel Cage match. Randy Orton made a special guest appearance to help ensure a victory by Umaga. I’m glad to see these two booked as the main event. Hardy and Umaga have a pretty rich history dating back to 2006, most of which involved the trading of the Intercontinental belt a few times. Umaga’s brutality combined with Hardy’s ability to sell the underdog role really gets me involved and interested in what’s going on in the ring.
After a beating at the hands of Umaga early on, Jeff tried to free himself by jumping the cage. But Randy Orton alerted Umaga, likely saving him the match. After the commercial break, Umaga is apparently still applied some sort of sleeper hold of Jeff, using a solid game plan of keeping him grounded. Everyone knows Jeff Hardy is most dangerous when he’s flying through the air. In the end, Jeff overcame the odds once again, beating out Orton’s presence, 3 steel chairs, an unforgiving steel cage, and a 300 pound monster. A Whisper in the Wind onto Umaga from the top of the cage earned Jeff Hardy the pinfall victory much to Orton’s disgust.
Rating: Four of a Kind (8 of 9) As much of an underdog as Hardy was in this match, it’s nothing compared to what awaits him at the Royal Rumble. He’s got a ton of momentum right now, so expect Orton to take some drastic measures within the next two weeks to try to derail him. Basically, Jeff is going into the Rumble like Ohio State went into the BCS National Championship game- with nobody giving them a chance. If their match turns out to be anything like what happened in the Ohio St./LSU game, Jeff will jump out to a quick lead only to have Orton come back and dominate him. Perhaps a small tease of a comeback from Hardy before Orton puts him out to pasture.
Overall, for the amount of hype that RAW Roulette received, I think the show was just average. The show was supposed to be used for great matches and riveting television, but it just seemed stale to me. I thought the booking was good for the most part and it seemed that all of the feuds were taken to their next stage of development. It’s finally good to see these things blossom a few weeks before the pay-per-view. My philosophy when it comes to building for the PPV’s is not to make people decide whether or not they purchase the show on the RAW/SD before the PPV, but rather give them reasons every week to fork over $40 or whatever it costs these days. Hopefully they will continue good booking and program building for the new year.
Show Rating: Flush (6 of 9)
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