Source: Wade Keller of The Pro Wrestling Torch
KELLER’S WWE RAW REPORT
OCTOBER 22, 2007
OMAHA, NEB.
WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR
-They opened cold with Mr. Kennedy standing center-ring in the dark waiting for the mic to drop as his music played. Jim Ross briefly introduced the show. They saved tens of thousands of dollars with no pyro this week, as they often do these days in a smart business move. It all adds up.
-Kennedy gave himself a push for fan votes. He said Jeff Hardy is like Hillary Clinton, getting a round of boos. He said they both have “their pretty little blond hair, they both have a famous last name, but let’s face it, Jeff Hardy’s not going to be able to get the job done because, like Hillary, he has no testicles.” Kennedy moved on to Shawn Michaels. He said Michaels is like Rudy Giuliani, “they both talk real tough, they both have very, very impressive resumes, but let’s face it, they both live in the past.” He asked Michaels what he’s done lately. He said he, Kennedy, has held the U.S. Title and won Money in the Bank, plus holds victories over Rey Mysterio, Batista, and Undertaker. He said, “Ask not what Mr. Kennedy can do for you, but what you can do for Mr. Kennedy.” He said if fans elect him, he will defeat Randy Orton and there will be a new WWE Champion.”
Jeff Hardy appeared in the crowd. “Yo, man. You say you’re the best candidate, but by standing out here with all of these great fans, man, I can tell you you’re approval rating sucks,” he said. Kennedy said he doesn’t want to get into a debate with him. He said his success speaks for itself. He asked if he wants to sit out there with the people and eat their stale popcorn and kiss their ugly babies and beg for their votes. The crowd chanted, “Hardy, Hardy, Hardy.” Hardy interrupted Kennedy and said he tried to pass himself off as a McMahon and failed. He said last week he tried to kick his ass and he failed. He said if he thinks fans are going to vote for him, he’s going to fail at that, too.
Kennedy said he didn’t have to listen to that. As he was about to walk out of the ring, Hardy asked the crowd if they wanted him to beat the holly hell out of Kennedy’s. The crowd popped. Ross called it a “landslide,” sticking with the political theme (although when was the last landslide in a big election? 1994? 1984?) Hardy jumped Kennedy. They had a pretty even brawl for five seconds, then Randy Orton ran out and joined in. Kennedy held Hardy from behind as Orton pounded on him. Shawn Michaels ran out to even the score just as Orton was about to Legend Kick Hardy. He took Orton to the mat and pounded away at him. He chased him to the back seconds later. Meanwhile, Hardy made a comeback against Kennedy and clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor.
Ross called it an electric start to Monday Night Raw. Jerry Lawler hyped the WWE Women’s Championship Match for later – Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle, best two out of (we are short on over talent these days and so we are resorting to stretching out the diva appeal with a longer match) three falls stip. Good opening segment, for sure. The political theme was timely and well done (and surprisingly even-handed, in the sense that it didn’t offend either side’s poll leader exclusively).
[Commercial Break]
-A recap aired of the previous segment. Then they hyped the tag team main event with those four.
1 — BRIAN KENDRICK & PAUL LONDON & MICKIE JAMES vs. LANCE CADE & TREVOR MURDOCH & MELINA
Lawler said Ross usually talks faster than people can wrestle, but London and Kendrick are wrestling faster than he can talk. After the L&K flurry, the women tagged in briefly, then Cade& Murdoch took over offense against Kendrick at 2:00. London got a hot tag and scored a near fall on Cade. Six-way action broke out briefly, with Mickie throwing Melina out of the ring, then Cade went for a clothesline against Mickie. Murdoch shoved Mickie out of the way and took the clothesline instead. London standing-moonsaulted Murdoch and scored the pin as Kendrick knocked Cade out of the ring. They didn’t stick with things long enough to get a reaction from Cade and Murdoch other than Cade entering the ring and giving Murdoch an evil eye and a little pie-face shove.
WINNERS: London & Kendrick & James.
STAR RATING: *
-Another Diva Search video aired with hornball Todd Grisham being “put in his place” and “dominated” by contestants dressed in a bikini and police gear. They made Grisham get on all fours and kiss their feet. The three finalists were at Raw: Eve, Brooke, and Lena. Since Gail Kim is long-gone, WWE is due for an Asian Diva, so odds are in Lena’s favor. All three, though, look like tremendous athletes who will surely challenge Glamazon for the Women’s Title once they, you know, learn to wrestle and stuff.
-A plug aired for Rey Mysterio’s new DVD titled, “Rey Mysterio: The Biggest Little Man.” That’s a bad title.
[Commercial Break]
-Michaels approached Hardy backstage. When those two stand next to each other, it just drives home how ridiculous it is that WWE has held back Hardy’s push over the years due to his size, because he’s slightly taller and bigger than Michaels (depending on who had bigger heels on their boots). Michaels told Hardy that “good lord willing, I’ll be voted in Sunday and bring home the championship.” Hardy said, “Unless people want something different.” He said they want a Swanton instead of a superkick. He said he needs his chance now. Michaels asked if given the opportunity, he’ll drop him like that during their tag match later. Hardy said, “No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying is I’m gonna do exactly what you would do.” Good segment.
-Backstage Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas walked up to Cody Rhodes who was reading the latest WWE Magazine. They made fun of him for how many times he lost to Hardcore Holly lately. Shelton said the good news is he won’t get beat up by Hardy again, but the bad news is he’ll get beat up by him. Holly said the difference is Holly doesn’t look like a tool with blond hair, plus he respects Holly. Shelton said he’s just letting him stand there now so he can embarrass him in front of the world later in the ring. “After I’m done spanking you, you can dye your hair blond, that way you can be a thinner, less attractive, younger, certainly less talented version of your old man. See ya’ in the ring, kid.” Haas just laughed, then said, “Aww, snap!” This is what Raw needed – mid-carders getting quality TV time to give meaning to their matches and establish their personas. That goes further than Triple H needlessly beating them up.
-Coach told William Regal he wants a match against Hornswoggle later. Regal said Mr. McMahon wouldn’t like that. Regal said he heard a rumor that it was McMahon who double-crossed him last week after he went under the ring to get Hornswoggle. Coach said McMahon wouldn’t do that; he said he’s embarrassed that he has a leprechaun for a son. He said if Regal makes that match, he’s doing the entire McMahon family a favor because the little guy is cutting into their inheritance. (Someone should tell Mr. McMahon that he can write anyone out of his will he chooses, including a son.) Regal said he’d make the match he wants against Hornswoggle. Coach said he misunderstood him. He wanted it to be Hornswoggle vs. Umaga. Regal walked away thinking about it, but didn’t give an answer.
[Commercial Break]
2 — CODY RHODES vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN
Some back and forth action led to Haas yelling out Cody’s name to distract him, then Shelton rolling up Cody from behind for a pin attempt. Cody rolled through and got the pin. Holly ran out to stop a post-match double-team. Holly stared at Cody, checked out his body with eyes scanning him head to toe, then nodded yes.
WINNER: Cody in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — Good while it lasted, but WWE sure didn’t trust them to hold the audience for long.
[Commercial Break]
3 — D.H. SMITH vs. CARLITO
D.H. Smith introduced himself as the proud son of Davey Boy Smith. He dedicated his Raw debut to his father. Are fans supposed to chant “D.H., D.H.” when he gets popular? Not very catchy. Lawler said regarding Smith, “He’s probably got butterflies in his stomach the size of eagles.” After some methodical early action, Smith hit two nice dropkicks and a northern lights suplex for a two count. Carlito came back with a springboard elbow and went for the cover. Smith’s right shoulder was off the mat, so the ref wouldn’t count it at first. Carlito complained to the ref. Smith then tossed Carlito into the corner, then hit a running powerslam for the clean pin.
WINNER: Smith in 3:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4* — Pretty mundane debut. He had a nice dropkick, but overall didn’t seem like a particularly special athlete or performer. Charisma was just average, too. I’m surprised they jobbed Carlito out to him cleanly in such a short match. Carlito, whatever his limitations, deserves better than that. A little Cody Rhodes treatment would have seemed more appropriate. If Smith was a Rock/Lesnar/Orton obvious prodigy, that’d be one thing, but he’s not.
-Candice and Phoenix had a nose-to-nose staredown backstage. Phoenix said she’d make her worship her when she makes her get down on her knees. Candice said she’s going to take the belt back and nobody, not even her, will make her get down on her knees.
-They showed Umaga with Coach heading toward the entrance tunnel.
[Commercial Break]
-A plug aired for Big Daddy V vs. Kane on ECW tomorrow night.
-Ross and Lawler plugged the scheduled main event tag match, then threw to clips of last week’s Hornswoggle happenings.
4 — UMAGA (w/Coach) vs. HORNSWOGGLE
In a nice touch, Lilian seemed reluctant to announce the match and worried for Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle stood on the ring apron, but then sprinted to the back. Lawler called him “smarter than the average leprechaun.” Umaga is sans the elaborate braids now. As pointed out here several times a couple months ago, it totally worked against his character to have the dreds because it required this “savage” who doesn’t speak English to sit quietly in a chair for hours to get his hair done and to care enough in the first place about how his hair looked. It never made sense. We’ll see if it’s permanent. If so, nice attention to detail (finally).
WINNER: No match began.
WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR
-As Umaga stood in the ring, Triple H stepped onto the stage as his music played. He walked to the ring determinedly. “Game on!” said Ross. “And it’s not even Cyber Sunday.” Umaga stood in the ring and awaited Hunter. They had a pullapart brawl in mid-ring. Four referees unsuccessfully tried to separate them. Next came out a batch of ex-wrestler agents including Rick Steamboat, Mike Rotundo, and Tony Garea. Next came several younger workers. Hunter dove off the announce table and tackled Umaga and several run-in victims. Numerous times they were separated, only to see Hunter break through and attack Umaga again, who remained ready and eager to fight. Finally, Umaga began heading to the back, but not in a cowardly manner.
[Commercial Break]
-They cut backstage to Umaga throwing a huge fit, tossing around a table and yelling as he was surrounded by more than a dozen refs, agents, and workers. Good chaotic scene.
-Ross and Lawler were shown on camera talking about the Hunter-Umaga intensity. They plugged the match stip voting.
-Grisham stood on the stage and introduced the Diva Search 2007 Finalists. He announced that Lena has been eliminated. So much for my lame “Asian slot” theory. That leaves a blonde and a brunette. They both have a typical WWE Diva look. They each filled 30 seconds asking for votes. They were both enthusiastic, but brunette was much better on the mic than the blonde. They both did the signature WWE Diva runway dancing as the segment ended.
Mr. Kennedy [artist Grant Gould (c) PWTorch]
-They went backstage to Orton and Kennedy having a pre-match chat. Orton said they both know there is no way next Sunday that Kennedy would challenge him because “people don’t like you, and when people don’t like you, they don’t vote for you.” Orton spun that into a plea for Kennedy to work with him, not against him, in their match. Orton said if it wasn’t for Kennedy, he might not have taken out Cena so easily. Kennedy said he tries to win any match he’s a part of no matter what the circumstances, but after the match is over, he may be in the mood to make a statement and may have more to worry about than a Superkick. No mention of a Swanton. Orton spun a departing Kennedy back toward him and warned him not to make an enemy out of him. Kennedy said, “See you out there, partner.” Really solid hype throughout the show for the main event tag match.
-Ross and Lawler hyped the two main events. They’ve done a nice job making quarter hours six and seven seem more relevant than usual with the considerable promotion of the women’s match.
[Commercial Break]
-Santino Marella and Maria walked out. Ross said again he thinks Santino “outpunted his coverage.” Santino held up the 500th Anniversary Issue of WWE Magazine. He said, “Everybody is in there. The Rock. The Undertaker. The Bret Hart [funny]. Stacy Keibler. My Maria. Andre the French Giant. Lilian Garcia.” He said Steve Austin was mentioned, like, “283 times.” Steve Austin. He said he’s not mentioned even once, referring to himself as the greatest superstar in WWE. He said, “Even Mantaur is mentioned. Seriously. Mantaur.” He told Maria to open to that page. Then the Save_Us video aired, an extended version, with the number 29 not so subtly added to the Save_Us tag, giving the Internet all it needs to hype that the mystery will be resolved (meaning Chris Jericho shows up) next Monday, Oct. 29. He said, “Is that you, Stone Cold Steve Austin? Are you trying to send me a message? Of course you aren’t. That would require guts unless you have a director there to protect you. ‘Cut. Don’t touch him, he’s a movie star.'” He then said, “If you ever come here to try to mess with me, I’m gonna open a can of the Ass Whip [funny] so big, I’m going to spread all over your big fat head. And that is the bottom lines.” Santino is a riot. A weekly highlight of Raw. The Bret Hart. The French Giant. Ass Whip. Classic.
5 — RON SIMMONS vs. SANTINO MARELLA
Did I look away when they hyped this earlier. This is a big enough deal – Simmons returning to the ring, these two wrestling for the first time – that it deserved hype. Santino went after Simmons’s leg early. Simmons came back with an elbow to the chest. Santino bailed out. Back in the ring, Santino took over and then applied a chinlock on the mat. At 2:00, the ref DQ’d Santino for a low kick. Lawler said it could have been accidental. Ross said he seriously doubted that.
WINNER: Simmons in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — Not pretty, but passable given the circumstances.
-Grisham interviewed Triple H backstage. Hunter said it doesn’t matter to him whether it’s first blood, cage, or a street fight on Sunday. He said if he had his way, it’d be all three. He said he saw doubt in Umaga’s eyes, and this Sunday he’ll see fear. He said he’ll see when all is said and done, he has stepped into the ring with the one true destroyer and the King of Kings. If you close your eyes, his promo is beginning to sound in tone and cadence like some of those “classic” Ultimate Warrior promos. “It’s time to play the game,” he closed.
-They showed Candice heading toward the entrance tunnel.
[Commercial Break]
6 — BETH PHOENIX vs. CANDICE MICHELLE — 2/3 Falls Women’s Title Match
Candice came out to her dance club remix entrance song. Phoenix came out to what I think is the most original new entrance song in a long time, although the Save_Us song – seemingly inspired by the great “Borne Identity” theme – is going to easily top it if Jericho uses it. When Candice went for an early sunset flip, Phoenix blocked it and then lifted her by the throat and slammed her to the mat to win fall one easily at 2:00.
[Commercial Break – That computer pen looks crazy-cool if it actually works. Too bad there’s no way a computer would ever be able to translate what passes for my handwriting into typed words.]
Back from the break, they joined the second fall in progress. Clips aired from during the commercial of Glamazon dismantling Candice in various ways. She went for a Boston crab in mid-ring, although it was the sorriest version of one I’ve ever seen. Candice scored a near fall out of nowhere with a cradle at 7:00 for a two count. Phoenix kicked out with power. Candice scored another two count seconds later. Then she climbed to the top rope. Beth charged into the top rope and knocked Candice off balance. Candice fell really hard and awkwardly. Candice looked knocked out. The ref asked her to squeeze her hand if she was just selling. She wasn’t just selling. The ref audibly told Beth to pull her to center ring and cover her. Beth grabbed her by her hair and yanked her. That was pretty reckless considering her neck could have been injured. The ref told her, “Easy.” Then he told her, “This is it,” meaning they were going to the finish early. After the three count, several refs, agents, and medics charged to the ring to check on her. They replayed the fall from several angles. They showed her in Rich Franklin mode after fighting Anderson Silva, groggy and with no memory of where she was and what happened. She could sit up. A ref handed her water. She took a sip, then said she needed to lie down. Someone called for an ambulance to the ring. Ross solemnly said, “At least Candice’s arms and legs are moving. We don’t know the extent of her injuries.” She was taken out on a back brace as the crowd stood and applauded for her. Ross said sometime high-risk maneuvers off the top prove to be disastrous. They finally got around to putting a neck brace on her.
WINNER: Beth Phoenix in 8:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4
-They showed Orton heading toward the entrance tunnel alone.
[Commercial Break]
-Ross and Lawler hyped the complete announced Cyber Sunday line-up.
7 – RANDY ORTON & MR. KENNEDY vs. SHAWN MICHAELS & JEFF HARDY
Michaels came to the ring to his full entrance first. Then Hardy. Then Kennedy. Then champ Orton. The match began at 3 minutes to the top of the hour. Kennedy and Michaels began the match. Michaels executed a neck breaker that was awkward. Michaels, not one to hide his emotions, had a classic perturbed look on his face, and then stomped Kennedy and tagged in Hardy. Hardy flew at Kennedy in the corner, but Kennedy moved and Hardy hit hard. Orton then tagged in. Ross said there were no updates on Candice at that time. Orton beat down Hardy in the corner. At 3:00 Hardy fired back with a punch, but got nailed with a clothesline a second later. A minute later Hardy hot-tagged Michaels. He went to work on Kennedy with an atomic drop and then headed to the top rope. Orton distracted Michaels. Kennedy then took over on Michaels. Orton called for a tag and Kennedy complied. Orton tagged Kennedy back in a minute later and applied a modified abdominal stretch from a sitting position – exactly the type of creative, interesting alternative to the mundane headlock/chinlock. Michaels wasn’t even sure how to position himself at first to take, it, but then did a great job selling it and eventually escaping it. Kennedy gave Michaels two backbreakers for a two count. Orton tagged in and began a methodical Orton stomp. He got so cocky, Michaels popped up and chopped Orton in Kennedy’s corner. Kennedy tagged himself in and went back to work on Michaels. Orton tagged in again a minute later and applied a body scissors/chinlock combo. Michaels escaped the two had a mid-ring chop and punch fest. Orton took Michaels down with a drop toe hold. Michaels went for a tag, but Orton held his leg. Michaels hit an enzuigiri, then crawled over to hot-tag Hardy at at 8:00 right after Kennedy also hot-tagged into the ring. Hardy went to work on Kennedy. Hardy hit his sweet swinging leg kick into Kennedy while sitting in the corner. Michaels dove over the top rope onto Orton on the floor. Hardy then hit Kennedy with a Whisper in the Wind. He threw off his shirt, climbed to the top turnbuckle, and was met by Kennedy. He shoved Kennedy to the mat and hit a Swanton for the three count.
WINNER: Hardy & Michaels in 10:00.
STAR RATING: ***
-After the match, Orton set up an RKO on Hardy, but Michaels superkicked him. Michaels trash-talked over Orton’s fallen body afterward. Orton lay face-down on the mat motionless as Michaels looked down at him, then got down and trash-talked into his ear. They showed a brief shot of Hardy just to be sorta fair, then went back to Michaels as the show ended. They actually were more even-handed than you’d expect in terms of giving Hardy some good moments in the match and the pinfall win, but the personal rivalry with Michaels was played up the most.
