Impact Wishes: We Have a New #1 Contender

We’re back after the Against All Odds pay-per-view! The LAX defeated Team 3D, Christian Cage retained his belt, Sabin beat up on Jerry Lynn, and Kip James ripped off Christy Hemme’s clothes! Among other things…

Remember, general comments and “wishes” appear in basic white while random or rhetorical questions appear in this orange color. In addition, “Quotes of the Night” are at the bottom of this page.

Segment One:

I didn’t watch the PPV, but the opening of the show tells me that Christian Cage retained his belt
And here comes the Big Bad Booty Daddy, Scott Steiner to open up the show!
Steiner runs down a long list of WWE wrestlers that he beat while managing to get Kurt Angle to the ring
Did Steiner just call Kurt Angle’s wife a bitch?
Oh man, someone tell Angle to shut up about going head-to-head with his former employer…
How great is Scott Steiner with the “Screw you, screw the company” line?
Good Grief! Kurt Angle just put Steiner, Christian, and Tomko in the Ankle Lock!
Ah, but the entire lockerroom clears out to run Scott Steiner and the gang out of the ring
And NOW we get the official opening the show!
Did Konnan just call Team 3D some hoes? How stupid…
Hey look, Konnan is a pissed off Latino… Ooooo, how original…
Come on already – just let these guys wrestle as the ridiculously good wrestlers they are
Mercifully, we cut to commercial

Segment Two:

Can someone fix the audio on this show? Sometimes Christian is talking and you can’t hear a damn thing he says!
But I can tell that Christian is yapping in the lockerroom area about this #1 Contender’s Match for tonight
Here come the pissed off Latinos to completely destroy Shark Boy and Norman Smiley
Wow! What a squash match – but hey, nice to see Smiley
Team 3D pops up on the screen and hey, they’ve got a friend…
It’s Steve Schirripa from the Sopranos!
I think we’re supposed to call him, “Cousin Steve”
LOL! Schirripa is absolutely hilarious on the mic!
Ooooo, a “Belting Pot Match” – it’s a Lumberjack Match with belts
Wow. Does TNA know how to ruin a great promo or what?
Was there a need for that stupid “Oh my Brotha, testify!” from Devon?
Did Konnan really have to continue to put LAX over even after that great promo from Schirripa?
What a disaster the end of that was…
Awww, Eric Young got played by Ms. Brooks and Roode
This looks like it has bad angle written all over it…
So I guess that Eric Young is Robert Roode’s bitch or something
Is Robert Roode supposed to be like a business man or something?
What the hell is Bob Backlund doing just walking around backstage?!? Ha ha ha!

Segment Three:

We get a recap of James Storm and Jacquelyn Moore’s history against Petey Williams and Gail Kim
Gail Kim and Jackie come out for an arm wrestling match
Is there anyway that this can end without a catfight?
Why is Storm out with Jackie, but Williams isn’t out with Kim?
And Gail Kim wins the arm wrestling match!
Oh hey, look – cat fight!
Who would have thunk it?
And now Petey Williams comes out – a little bit late…
Chris Harris hits the ring and James Storm runs for the hills
Chris Sabin is in the back making fun of Jerry Lynn again
And I think that Bob Backlund just told Sabin that he was going to get him or something – someone, fix the damn audio!!!
So we cut to the Paparazzi thing and are they spoofing American Idol?
Ha ha ha ha ha!!! Nash is playing Simon Cowell and some hottie is playing a drunken Paula Abdul! Hilarious
Jay Lethal does a mean Macho Man impression
It appears that the impression just won him a trip to potunka or something

Segment Four:

Ugh, this Ron Killings in Hollywood stuff is just stupid. Someone please stop it.
We’ve got another recap of the Sting vs. Abyss feud
Does someone at TNA think that we don’t watch each week and thus they need to “catch us up” every Thursday?
Sting comes to the ring to take on AJ Styles in the beginning of the Gauntlet Match for the #1 Contender’s spot
Some pretty decent action until Rhino comes out and we have to cut to break
By the way, it’s nice to have Cornette on commentary for this match

Segment Five:

Oh boy. We’re back and we’ve got 6 guys in the ring and Abyss on his way. I think I see Kip James, Abyss, Sting, Rhino, Sabin, and Styles among others
Wow – Abyss is just manhandling everyone. He just tossed Chris Sabin out
And now Kurt Angle comes into the fray and puts a stomping on James Storm
It’s sorta funny – Kip James is a stiff worker in TNA, too
And Kurt Angle back body drops Storm out of the ring
Tyson Tomko enters the ring and puts a beatdown on Kip James as Styles has Rhino tied up in some manuever as they both are eliminated
Here comes Samoa Joe and I have to say that you’ve got a bunch of ex-WWE stars in the ring right now – looks weird
And Joe tosses out Kip James before we go to commercial
Can you believe how quick this hour of television is flying by?

Segment Six:

Scott Steiner enters the ring as we return from the break
Ha ha ha! Eric Young is holding onto the bottom rope!
Steiner tosses BG James
Good God! Samoa Joe hit Abyss with a standing inseguri (sp?) and then hit a drop kick on the big man to eliminate him! Awesome!
Kurt Angle gets tossed and taunted by Scott Steiner
Robert Roode just put a big-time clothesline on Sting in the middle of the ring
Lots of action to follow here, folks
Sting with a Stinger Splash on Robert Roode and then a clothesline to eliminate him
But wait, Steiner tosses Sting in the process!
The remaining participants are Tomko, Steiner, and Samoa Joe
We get some nice double teaming on Samoa Joe until there is some dissension in the ranks and Samoa Joe tosses Steiner over the top
Is there any question that Samoa Joe is going to win now?
I’ll tell you what, Samoa Joe can move pretty good in that ring
And Samoa Joe gets the victory with a pin in the middle of the ring
Who does the ring music for TNA? Hearing Samoa Joe’s music after the match did absolutely nothing to pique the audience’s excitement
Kurt Angle comes in to help Samoa Joe fight off Team Christian as we hit the Impact replay and end the show
Not a bad effort tonight. Not bad at all

Quotes of the Night:
“And I don’t care how many times Triple H had to sleep with the boss’ daughter, I beat him!” – Scott Steiner saying how many of us feel about Triple H’s position in WWE

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– Joe Vincent
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