Impact Wishes: Steve Borden Goes Nuts

We’re back with another edition of TNA Wishes! This week, we have Sting beating up Mitchell, Angle taking on AJ Styles, and Team 3D pairing up against LAX!

Remember, general comments and “wishes” appear in basic white while random or rhetorical questions appear in this orange color. In addition, “Quotes of the Night” are at the bottom of this page.

Segment One:

Before the opening segments, we are treated to a video of Steve Borden beating the hell out of James Mitchell. It’s always nice to start a show with a good old-fashioned ass-whipping.
Is it just me or is there a problem with the audio on this show?
And here are the Dudleys, going crazy on Spike Dudley. More blabbing from Brother Ray, a threat from Brother Devon…ugh – enough is enough with these guys already.
Oh great. Not only are the “been there, done that” Dudleys getting stale, but they’re followed up by yet another mad Latino group.
When will a great Latino wrestler just be known as a great wrestler?
So the deal here is that Brother Runt is a problem for the Dudleys. I wish that was made abundantly clear…oh wait, it has been!
This is actually a pretty decent match with Team 3D (and Brother Ray, especially) beating the hell out of LAX. Very impressive. You don’t see good, brawler-style tag matches on the competition any more.
And the LAX pick up a victory. Not a bad match at all, just boring characters being assigned to good wrestlers.
Oh boy – it’s Jeremy Borash again. Uh oh – he’s back there with Abyss!

Segment Two:

We come back from commercial with Jacqueline and Gail Kim beating the piss out of each other in…that’s right folks, the bathroom!
Glad to see Jackie is out there – I was wondering what happened to her.
Hey I should take a side note here and say how good Don West has become as a color commentator.
Oh, and congratulations to Christian Cage for winning the NWA Title.
So Christy Hemme is the one that is going to stop TNA’s waste of television time by defending Joanie Laurer.
Does this make sense to anyone?
If I’m not mistaken, Christy Hemme just accused someone in the WWE of telling her that to get ahead in the company, she had to sleep with him. Right? Can’t she be sued for that? I’d rethink this part of the storyline asap!
There is Christian Cage – your NEW NWA World Heavyweight Champion! Good for him – he deserves it.
Is it just me or does that NWA “World” Title look like something from Toys R’ Us?
Oooo – Christian said “asshole” on Spike TV!
Oooo – Angle said “asshole” back to Christian AND called him a gay!
I don’t know – something just looks a little off with Kurt Angle. Like he’s got a glaze over his eyes or something.
Ugh! And the dreaded spit to the eyes from Angle to Christian…gross!
Ah, the dreaded “secret consultant” is helping out Christian Cage against Kurt Angle.
Is the rabid TNA crowd chanting “what” to each of Christian’s lines? Maybe the secret consultant is a Texas Rattlesnake…
I don’t know if they just did a “What” chant but that is certainly an RVD chant!
And before the commercial break we have Sting continuing to beat the shit out of James Mitchell.

Segment Three:

While I don’t think I could ever get enough of Sting beating up this guy, I think I could quickly get tired of this stupid, “What is Abyss hiding,” stuff.
Does anyone else notice the weirdness of having Sting, a reformed Christian, being so violent against a “Satanic” minister?
Kevin Nash and this PCS thing is hilarious. Funny stuff.
Boy, Nash looks pretty old, huh?
James Storm’s gimmick is “Cowboy” James Storm – he actually has a type of modern edge on the Cowboy thing. It might actually work out.

Segment Four:

Always nice to see Jim Cornette on the tube.
Oooo – always better to return to the Impact Zone through a polka-dotted ass shot!
Apparently Lance Hoyt has a problem with the Demon and his buddy.
Oh, they call Jacqueline Miss Tennessee now. Weird. They should just call her Miss Jacqueline or something simple like that.
I should also mention that this is why I like watching Impact – it’s more than halfway over! And that’t not a knock on the show or anything – it’s just that my free time is so limited these days.
I also have to mention that while this really great match is going on, there are promos on the bottom of the screen for new TNA DVDs. One of these is for a “50 Greatest Moments” DVD. Which begs the question…
Is TNA old enough to have 50 greatest moments?
Oh boy – Storm is just putting a beating on Gail Kim. I see that still has that constantly confused look when the action gets hot.
Petey Williams to the rescue and BAM! James Storm with a whalloping super kick. Damn!
Ha ha ha ha ha! Eric Young is fantastic.
Do you guys think that AJ Styles really has it in him to be a great heel?

Segment Five:

Sting is back from abusing the Demon Minister as we go to the main event of the night – AJ Styles vs. Kurt Angle
I like how TNA changed WWE’s entrance announcement for Kurt Angle from, “The only Olympic Gold Medalist in WWE History” to “The Only Olympic Gold Medalist in Professional Wrestling History.” Sneaky…
And here we have another good match with these two – accented by Kurt Angle throwing AJ Styles directly over his head!
Tyson Tomko out to observe apparently.
Oh Dear Lord – a commercial break now? Ugh!

Segment Six:

We’re back as AJ Styles goes outside to get a chair.
He misses with the shot, but Angle recovers and dumps him on the steel for the victory.
And this, boys and girls, is why cheaters never win.
In a bit of a “surprise,” Angle attacks Tomko from behind only to have Christian run out and attack him.
AJ Styles joins the fracas as Samoa Joe saves Kurt Angle.
Uhhh…so Samoa Joe is the consultant? I don’t get it.
You gotta like these little video recaps of the night that TNA puts together. Ah, the benefits of taping a few weeks worth of shows in one night.
Steve Borden calls out Abyss to the ring – oddly enough, Sting has a baseball bat and Abyss has a steel chain…
How many times has Sting been on camera without make-up in his career?
This storyline is almost as aggravating (at this point) as the fact that Abyss doesn’t speak.
So Sting leaves the ring with the threat that he’s going to find out what Abyss’ secret is in the public record.
If Abyss kneels in the ring and yells, “Noooooo” as the show ends – doesn’t that count as him speaking?

Quotes of the Night:
“Abyss is a piece of shit. A piece of garbage!” – James Mitchell to Sting

“Let’s go shopping for condos.” – Eric Young talking to JB about male protection

“Hey, I won a blue ribbon! I was all-county in the long jump!” – AJ Styles comparing his accolades to Kurt Angle’s

For direct feedback, my e-mail address is listed below (I respond to all e-mails). Please feel free to submit your own wishes via the Feedback Form listed below. You never know – your wishes may appear in the next wish list!

– Joe Vincent
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