Source: Pro Wrestling Torch
TNA IMPACT REPORT
DECEMBER 21, 2006
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV
1 — KAZARIAN (Maverick Matt & Johnny Devine) vs. STING
Sting tossed Devine and Matt out of the ring, then beat up Kazarian. Sting fended off interference from Devine, then he finished Kazarian with the Scorpion Death Drop.
WINNER: Sting in 1:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — Nothing to it. What’s the point of having Sting beat a member of a debuting heel faction that has gotten weeks of build up on TV with vignettes? There’s no downside to just having him squash a jobber.
-After the match Sting said he’d return the NWA World Title belt that he stole as long as he gets a rematch for the title. Sounds fair. Give me something in exchange for blatantly stolen property. I’m going to steal Sting’s car out of his driveway, then say he can have it back as long as he gives me his pet cat. Sting told Abyss not to bring James Mitchell.
-The show opening aired, then they went to to the arena for a pyro show. They showed the goof-off X Division wrestlers goofing around on the stage. Then Mike Tenay and Don West introduced the show from the announce desk. They plugged Kurt Angle & Rhino vs. Samoa Joe & A.J. Styles. Does that pairing mean Joe is supposed to be the heel in this feud?
-They went backstage to Jeremy Borash, who interviewed Rhino. Rhino growled into the camera and ended by yelling at Joe and Angle, “You’ve got your own problems; stay out of mine.” Angle then approached Borash. He said Joe’s reasons for saying no to his rematch request are beyond his understanding. He said he’s going to get his rematch. Then he said, “Oh, it’s real. It’s damn real.”
-They went to Raven in the ring, whipping Kazarian for the loss. I guess this segment, furthering the relationship between Raven and his minions, gives a purpose to Sting squashing one of them earlier. It still seems like a risky move to make them out to be jobbers, but if you want to establish that Raven beats his guys for losing, then they have to lose, and who better to lose to than one of the top acts in the company.
[Commercial Break]
-They went backstage to Borash. Eric Young ran up to him, holding a mannequin leg lamp. Young said he thinks Ms. Brooks wants a rematch from the bikini contest. He said he beat her fair and squash, though. Young rubbed the leg. Borash told him to maybe not be so friendly with the leg. Young said it was a gift for Santa. Team 3D walked up to Young. Young walked away. Brother Ray asked if Borash remembers them. He said everyone wants to know where they’ve been. He said they’ve been fighting in Japan the last month. He said they haven’t forgotten what The Naturals did to them last time. “Tonight, we have our three minutes of fame, because that’s all it’s going to take for you to get the receipt you deserve.” Brother Devon said, “Testify!”
2 — THE NATURALS (Andy Douglas & Chase Stevens w/Shane Douglas) vs. TEAM 3D – Tables Match
Man, Vince Russo packed a lot into the first 15 minutes of the show – with a commercial break, even. Team 3D dominated pretty much from the start. Douglas got the headbutt to the crotch by Devon as Ray held his legs spread apart. The crowd yelled, “Get the tables!” Team 3D did, but then they gave Stevens a 3D. Then they drove Douglas through the table in the ring for the win.
WINNERS: Team 3D in 2:00.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — Not much to it, but fans got the table spot they wanted.
-After the match, Douglas said he was done with The Naturals.
-Borash stood outside of Samoa Joe’s locker room. Tomko bumped into Borash and asked where the production truck was. He held up a disk and said everybody’s going to want to see what’s on that DVD.
-They went to Ron Killings asking the crowd “What’s up?” Then he rapped a holiday theme song about himself, the “Sun-tanned Superman.” Jay Lethal and Sonjay Dutt threw TNA CDs to the crowd as Lance Hoyt danced in the background. It looked like some weird TNA acid trip.
[Commercial Break]
-Time for the Paparrazzi Championship segment, a pogo stick contest. TNA’s resident fat, sweaty guy in a thong failed to do it. Alex Shelley said, “Look at his ass as he bounces.” Senshi grunted and blew off an invite to participate. Nash said, “Alright, looks like you’re pretty much happy with that one point.” Lethal went. When it was Shelley’s turn, Lethal called him Mr. Chlamydia. Shelley said, “Well, wouldn’t it be an inspirational story if someone with chlamydia won this event.” That was funny – thanks 80 percent to Shelleys’ deliver. He’s hilarious. Dutt then went, and won one-handed. Shelley implied he was on steroids, so it didn’t count. Senshi shook his head behind Nash’s back after Nash said, “I wonder what he looks like it stirrups.” Funny segment. Bizarre. Not sure if it serves a purpose outside of being irreverent and entertaining. Might hurt X Division more than it helps. But still funny. Shelley is the star, but everyone – including Senshi now – are all playing their parts really well.
-LAX walked to the ring. Konnan said LAX is the best team in wrestling today and they will knock down all the gringos they have to in order to prove it. He brought a small, silver Christmas tree to the ring. Konnan said where he came from, they were poor and they had a small celebration. He called a Santa to the ring. He said he’s still waiting for his Miami Dolphins jersey from back in the day. Konnan said Hernandez likes to beat up white people on the holidays. Konnan went into a Spanish rap. Tenay apologized for not having subtitles. Konnan told Santa to go to hell. West said that was sacrilegious. The thin Santa entered the ring and said LAX is being naughty and not very nice. He offered Konnan a Christmas present. Konnan said no. Santa said he’d like for Konnan to shut his dirty, stinkin’ mouth. He then attacked them. They stripped Santa of his beard and hat and revealed Brother Runt. They gave him a border toss. Young, Killings, Hoyt, Petey Williams, and Dutt stormed the ring.
-A VKM segment aired. Kip James revealed to B.G. James they’re headed to a Raw event in Knoxville, Tenn. B.G. said: “Heck, we’re on the road with you. The only thing we’re missing is the dress code and the wellness program.” The crowd outside the arena chanted, “VKM, VKM.” B.G. reiterated that DX stands for Dumb to the Xtreme. He threatened to shave Triple H’s mutton chops.
-Borash interviewed A.J. Styles backstage. Styles said it sounds to him like Rhino is a sore loser. Styles said if Rhino had walked away, they wouldn’t have a problem. He said Rhino is a big boy, but not a smart one. Styles said he doesn’t trust Joe even a little bit. Joe walked out of his locker room and eyed Styles. Styles walked away. Joe said if Styles is worried about trust, he’s in the wrong business. Joe said by the time he’s done, Angle will wish he never asked for the rematch.
-Shane Douglas talked about quitting cigarettes killing his father. It was a PSA for 1-800-QUIT-NOW. (For what it’s worth, many of my friends have had great success easily and permanently quitting with this inexpensive book: The Easy Way to Stop Smoking)
[Commercial Break]
-Tenay had a sit-down interview with James Storm, asking him to explain his turn on his partner Chris Harris. He said Harris always thinks for himself and was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He called him a prima donna drama queen. He said America’s Most Wanted is not over. He said it’s not over until he tells Harris what he thinks about him to his face.
-Back at ringside, Tenay and West talked about the AMW break-up. They were interrupted by Abyss’s music. Tenay said, “Uh oh.”
-Abyss walked to the ring without Mitchell. Sting followed with a full ring intro of his own. Sting said it’s obvious he has something he wants, his World Title belt. Sting said Abyss has something he wants, too. Sting said it’s time he goes down a different road and stop thinking about his past because you can’t change the past. Tenay said, “Wow, Sting really does care.” Sting said he can change his future. He asked Abyss to shake his hand and agree to a World Title match at Final Resolution on Jan. 14. A video interrupted featuring Christian in what appeared to be a prison yard. Christian said he was there to gather some facts before he revealed what he had done. He said it was unforgivable. He said, “You can call me a private dick.” He told Abyss he could take Sting’s advice and look to the future, but his past will never let him forget. He asked for a title shot. Then he pointed to a prison guard tower window and asked if that was his view. Tenay said, “That must mean he was in prison!” Sting extended his hand. Abyss extended his – right to Sting’s throat. Sting fought back and escaped Abyss’s grip. Then he dragged Abyss to mid-ring and set up an Scorpion Deathlock. Security stormed the ring to separate them. Tomko then walked to ringside and asked Abyss for a decision. Christian, disguised as a security member, attacked the other security guards with a night stick, then hit Sting and Abyss, too. James Mitchell yelled at Abyss at ringside as Christian and Tomko double-teamed Sting. Abyss charged into the ring with a bat, clearing it of Christian and Tomko. Mitchell entered the ring, looking irate at Abyss for coming to Sting’s aid. Abyss handed Sting the bat. Mitchell yelled at Abyss, trying to talk some sense into him.
[Commercial Break]
3 — A.J. STYLES & SAMOA JOE vs. KURT ANGLE & RHINO
Joe and Angle brawled at ringside at the start. Rhino and Styles brawled into the crowd. Styles knocked a cell phone out of one fans’ hands inadvertently. Angle whipped Joe into the railing at ringside. Joe came back with a headbutt.
[Commercial Break]
Styles and Rhino were in the ring. Angle quickly entered and cleared the ring. When Joe entered, Angle clotheslined him to the floor. Angle then put Styles in an Anklelock. Joe gave Angle a running knee to the back of his head. Rhino re-entered the ring and charged Joe in the corner. Then he clotheslined Styles on the rebound off the ropes. He belly-to-belly suplexed Joe. When he went for the Spear, Joe caught him with a front kick, then applied the rear naked choke. Angle surprised Joe with an Angle Slam. Styles schoolboyed Rhino for a win in the midst of the chaos.
WINNERS: Styles & Joe in 8:00.
STAR RATING: 3/4* — Fast-paced, hot action, but not much of an actual match.
-Angle put Joe in the anklelock after the match. He screamed that he wanted the rematch. They cut away with Joe screaming in agony.
-The showed closed with the “Adrenaline Rush” music video recap of the show.
