RAW opened up with the normal WWE video followed by a solemn moment of silence for 9/11 which wasn’t really silent thanks to the crowd. The USMC Color Guard then came out to present the colors as Lillian Garcia sang the national anthem against shots of the flag, WWE overseas, and other patriotic images. As the song ended, we saw a shot of the twin towers from heaven and a big USA chant to cap it off. Very tasteful segment and pretty much what I expected. For some reason, I just didn’t expect to find any normal WWE bullshit on this show. Of course, the Irwin line last week didn’t do much to back me up on this, but still. Not wasting any time at all, Ric Flair then sauntered his way down to the ring in a bright pink robe and we got a pretty weird opening match.
Ric Flair Vs. Umaga
Why weird? Because it’s freakin’ Umaga taking on Ric Flair again opening up RAW. What are they even doing with Ric Flair after Summerslam? Is he even going to be at Unforgiven? Well, at least the match was fun for what it was. Flair took it to Umaga right off the bat with an eye rake and then some good ol’ Flair chops. Umaga dusted him off, but Flair flew right back at him with a shoulder block, which didn’t really work. Flair was a man-on-a-mission tonight as he popped back up and hit a chop block followed by some more chops. Of course, none of this was working, but it was pretty sweet to just watch Flair run with it. Umaga then grabbed Flair and went for the Spike as Estrada jumped on the apron, but as the ref got distracted, it was time for Flair to get down and dirty with two low blows and then a crotch punt. As the ref figured out the match was still going on. Flair hit more chops and some great punches to Umaga, but Umaga tossed away Flair like he was nothing…which is pretty much how WWE feels about him these days. On the outside, Flair got overly pissed off and grabbed a chair before hopping back into the ring. He hit two hard chair shots…well, one hard and one weak, but the second hard one was pretty sweet especially with it followed by Umaga selling it and slamming down the chair like he’s New Jack wanting some Sprite. Oh, in all the confusion, the ref apparently called for the bell so Umaga won via DQ or something.
Winner: Umaga
Star Wrestler: Ric Flair
Flair was just going full blown at this point. It would have been great to see what would have happened if it went longer, but I don’t think they could have done much else without making Flair look ridiculously weak or killing the aura of Umaga. For what it was, I really enjoyed this and it definitely opened up RAW pretty well.
After the bell rang, Ric Flair got on the outside and grabbed the steel steps to slam Umaga with, but Umaga, being a pissed off monster, just swatted them away…kind of…and then picked them up and slammed them down to show he means business. Flair then hit another chop, but Umaga hit a shot to the neck and finally gained the advantage. It’s really hard to believe that Flair basically had Umaga on the defensive this whole time but also kind of cool. Umaga then picked up Flair like he was nothing (again) and then nailed a Samoan drop to the outside because…well, again it’s WWE and Flair has to be fodder for any newcomer for some reason. Umaga then tossed another steel step set into the ring, but Kane’s music hit and a pissed off Red Machine made his way down. Kane hopped into the ring and they traded blows until Kane nailed the uppercut and got the upper hand. Umaga then did the same and went for the Spike, but Kane grabbed him for the chokeslam. Umaga powered out of it and then hit a nice belly to belly suplex as Estrada handed him a chair. Umaga nailed Kane on the back and then on the head with it and celebrated with Estrada, but as his back was turned, Kane sat up and then gave a big boot to Umaga. He then laid in two hard chair shots to Umaga that only knocked him out of the ring and down to one knee. Kind of reminded me of the Hardyz trying to take down Lesnar in 2002 except Umaga’s…Umaga. He might surpass Lesnar one day, but I doubt it’s going to be anytime soon.
A sweet spot then came as Kane tossed the steel steps right at Umaga from inside the ring to the outside. Umaga got his hands up in time and it did look a bit telegraphed, but God damn that was a pretty fun spot. I would have loved to see a bigger bump from Umaga, but considering who is in this segment, I’m getting a lot better than I ever expected. Kane then went outside and slammed the steps on the ramp to scare Estrada back and then Kane pushed Umaga over the barricade. Umaga got up and tried to go after Kane from here, but Kane’s pyro/fire went off and threw off Umaga completely as Kane stood tall. This was a pretty cool segment considering it’s WWE and had Kane & Umaga. I feel like I’m going to enjoy this RAW a lot more than I should, but since I drop my standards to watch WWE weekly shows, that’s not that much of a surprise.
After all that, we get a McMahon segment with Vince and Shane outside walking into Madison Square Garden and Vince said it’s the Walk Of Fame and you have to be someone special to be apart of the walk. They listed some names like Muhammad Ali, Walt Frazier, Carl Lewis, and even Larry Bird which awakens the old Celtics mark inside me. Of course, this is all just build-up to Vince’s idea of the biggest name on the walk…Vince McMahon. Of course, it’s marked off for emphasis. “No one steps there,” said Vince. No one steps on him. Well, if that’s how Vince wants to re-write history, let him. Vince then said he has an inkling they will be walking all over DX tonight and it’s time to go to work. Typical McMahon segment here. Not bad, but not good enough and all it makes you think is how many more we have to go in this show. For some reason, they then showed Kane leaving the ring which makes me think he just pulled up a chair and watched the segment in the ring with the rest of the crowd. JR and King then hyped up the main event of Triple H & Vince McMahon as well as a Trios match with John Cena, Carlito, & Jeff Hardy going up against Edge, Randy Orton, & Johnny Nitro later. God, none of those sound appealing at all and I have a feeling the best match of the show already happened.
Commercial break number one actually left me optimistic and pessimistic about the rest of the show. I got my hopes as they delivered a good tribute, fun & short match, and then a good Kane-Umaga segment, but then they had Vince & Shane come out and the announcers reminded me of what else is left.
Back from break, they showed a clip of Triple H & Mick Foley in the HIAC from No Way Out 2000 with HHH back dropping Foley through the cage and making a dent in the ring. I guess we’ll see about ten more of these throughout the rest of the show to either show the dominance of DX or the brutality of HIAC. Probably the first one.
The NYPD Pipes & Drums band performed for the crowd here and who should come out but the Highlanders. But behind them, in the surprise of the night, comes “Rowdy” Roddy freakin’ Piper. This show instantly just jumped up in quality. They make their way to the ring and hop in to deliver a promo. Piper got people to root for the band first off and then a huge Piper chant broke out causing Piper to say he loves them too and he’s happy to be back in New York. He then said that he was waltzing down 8th Street and saw a magazine rack with the 51 Worst Offenders In WWE History magazine. Of course, Piper’s numero uno. Quick side-note: why the hell would anyone buy this new magazine? I got a chance to browse through it in CVS the other day and I couldn’t believe how mind-numbingly stupid it was. This is remembering how moronic the other WWE magazines are as well. I can’t fault WWE for making it because people buy it. I can definitely fault those people though. Anyway, Piper’s proud as ever about being number one and then he said he’s proud to be here with the Highlanders who are the number one contenders. He talked to Rory & Robbie, they exchanged pleasantries, and before they could make a play date, they got over excited and Robbie & Piper started to get into it with their respective names. Shutting him up, Rory slapped Robbie and Piper inquired as to why he did that with Rory just saying that Robbie likes it. Roddy got intrigued by this and delivered a very hard slap to Rory.
From there, the three of them started to trade slaps back and forth to the delight of the crowd. Roddy then said he hasn’t had this much fun since he beat up Mr. T, meaning since he sold a punch from T that missed by a mile. From here, the Spirit Squad made their grand entrance. Nicky, of all people, was the one elected to talk here and he said that they were watching and it doesn’t matter if they call them kilts or skirts, the simple fact is that Piper, the Highlanders, and even the band were dressed like a bunch of girls. Wow, didn’t see that one coming. Piper, of course, made a crack about them being male cheerleaders, but not in the way you’d think as he said tough talk from guys who voluntary replaced their balls with pom-poms. God, I missed Piper. He then said it’s been a long time since he had a fight in MSG so he invited them up for a Six Man Tag match. The Squad then made a huddle to figure out what to do and said Piper’s on. Piper then ordered the marching band to march their way out & told the Squad to show some respect for the band. The Squad kind of obliges, but looks more scared of the band than anything as we head to a break. It’s a great feeling when your Tag Team Champions are scared of a marching band. Good segment though until the Spirit Squad came out. Why? Because it has to be the dumbest decision ever to put Nicky on the mike. They literally picked the worst of the bunch and slapped a mike on him. There’s a reason he didn’t talk much when he was a caddy for Kerwin White.
Commercial break number two still has me wondering why put Nicky on the mike. You’ve got Mikey who literally is dripping with charisma (though not workrate) and Doane & Jeter can cut some decent promos as well. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised considering all they’ve done to kill the faction.
Trios Match
Highlanders & Roddy Piper Vs. Spirit Squad
As we came back from break, the match was already underway and Piper had Mikey tied up by the shoulder. He tagged in Robbie who hit a headbutt to the shoulder and continued the work while Piper got into a shouting match with the remaining two cheerleaders on the outside. I guess they want to see who’s the manliest out of the bunch: the skirt guys or the cheerleaders. The ref then got distracted by all this and Johnny hit what looked like an Enziguri in the ring to take out Robbie and set up the Morton role. As order restored, Johnny got Robbie’s arm in a wrench and he brought him over to the corner to begin a big series of tags. Johnny tagged in Mikey, Mikey worked the arm, Mikey tagged in Johnny, Johnny hit some rights and a running clothesline in the corner, Johnny tagged in Kenney, the two hit a double suplex, Kenny got a two-count, and then Kenny locked on the cobra clutch for a rest hold. Phew! I can’t believe the cobra clutch has been relegated to a rest hold move in the E. What a gyp. Robbie didn’t stay in the hold long as he broke out and shot himself into the ropes, but Mikey got a kick into the back to keep the advantage in the champions’ favor. Mikey tagged in again and Kenny launched him into the air at Robbie for a nice forearm shot. While getting on the apron and heading back to the corner, Kenny then just pushed Robbie nonchalantly down to the mat by the face. Subtlety rules.
Mikey then ran down Robbie some more before the Irishman made it up to his feet and fought with Mikey for control. Mikey then came out with an Irish whip and both guys went for elbows with Mikey’s getting the brunt of it. Good ol’ Doane is then tagged back in and hit a jumping back elbow. Man, is he going to be a star. You could tell that just by watching his early stuff in OVW. The guy has it all and is only two months older than me! Robbie made another comeback from here and went for the corner, but Kenny caught him and dragged him back to the corner. This face-in-peril spot or sequence or whatever you want to call it is going on way too long. I mean, way too long. Johnny tagged in and continued to work over Robbie who then made another quick move with a sunset flip for two. For revenge, Johnny hit a hard clothesline and then locked in a reverse chin lock as Piper & Rory finally start to get the crowd somewhat into it. Robbie tried to make his way back to the corner after powering out, but Johnny hit an elbow and took out Rory. As he turned around though, Robbie nailed him with a back body drop and Piper was finally tagged in to put the boring face-in-peril phase of the match to rest. Piper went on the hot tag and took down everyone with punches, low blows, and eye pokes galore. Best part had to be Kenny and Piper going at it, which I dug insanely for some reason. Kenny got the upper hand and then charged at Piper, but Piper back body dropped him over the top rope onto the rest of the Squad. In the ring, Johnny then got up and walked right into an eye poke from Piper which allowed the Highlanders to pick him up and hit their reverse suplex off the slingshot giving Piper the chance to make the cover for the win. Better than I thought it would be, but it definitely needed to have a couple of minutes shaved off in the middle especially.
Winners: Highlanders & Roddy Piper
Star Wrestler: Kenny
I love Piper. He’s one of my all-time favorites, but he didn’t do much in the ring besides the hot tag (or he did a lot during the break, take your pick) and Doane was really the one making the match enjoyable. No doubt in my mind the guy will be the youngest World Champ in WWE History. Will he be ready for it anytime soon? That’s anybody’s guess.
Todd Grisham was then shown with Melina and Nitro, they plugged the second Trios match, and Grisham asked how Nitro prepared for the match. Nitro states that he’s prepared for anything all the time looking like he does. He then wanted to talk about Hardy’s press conference/paint drying comment and he blew up saying they are the hottest thing on TV right now. Melina agreed and said that watching paint dry is Mick Foley coming in and talking about things twelve years ago. Melina said it was boring and she’s glad she fired him to which Nitro agrees and adds that next time Foley has a Dad crush, talk about something other than starving children. Nitro went on a little bit more from here, but Hardy popped up in the back and started painting up a storm like he just did a line of coke and wants to show the world how he feels. Hardy then stood there marveling at what he did until Nitro turned around to shove him. I really hate shoving in wrestling some times. In situations like this, it comes off as a middle school fight in between classes in the hallway by the cafeteria and I feel like the other jobbers are going to pop up and circle them chanting “Fight! Fight! Fight!” until Vince comes in to break everything up causing everyone else to groan. There have been tons of times where it does work, but if you’re that pissed off about something like we are supposed to believe about Nitro, there are tons of things you can do besides a freakin’ shove. I shove my fiancee when I’m joking. You don’t need to do it against someone you “hate.” Anyway, Nitro asked if he thought that’s funny and he kicked the painting down. Hardy literally flipped out saying it’s his painting and shoved Nitro down. Okay, I’m convinced this is middle school. Nitro is the bully who just tore down the painting of the weird kid who will get voted “Most Likely To Disappear Off The Face Of The Planet” four years later in high school. Hardy then threw a blue and yellow bucket of paint into Nitro and that was it. Words cannot express my disdain for this crap. At least it didn’t last long. The announcers then plugged the main event once more and we went to another break.
Commercial break number three has me wondering how long it will take before we get wedgies, Indian burns, and titty twisters in a segment that’s supposed to make me care about a match.
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