The Wrestlemaniac is a short film from Fluffy Boy, Inc. out of England that was written and directed by Tony Sergeant, who some may remember as columnist Tony Hudson who penned a column series earlier this year of the same name. Sadly, the column series showed more promise than this. No, wait; that’s not fair. That’s not fair at all actually. Well, let me tell you about it first and then we will get down to it.
The Wrestlemaniac is a film about an obsessed wrestling fan named Colin Normal (a fact revealed in the trailer & credits, but not the movie) who is so obsessed that he has created a persona that he lives in every hour of the day it seems; a persona named “God’s Gift.” He is literally a wrestlemaniac [insert laugh track]. Colin, who is played by Paul Hine, is obviously in need of a trip to a mental hospital (though no one seems willing to commit him), but is drudging through everyday life working at the Preston Branch of Heyman & Sopp Loans somewhere in England while hilarity ensues as his version of his life & actions conflict with a little thing we, the clinically sane, call “reality.” That’s the premise of the movie basically. Well, not basically; that is the premise of the movie. Now, I have to admit, reading that doesn’t make it sound so bad. In fact, it seems like something that Hollywood would jump all over to make, place a talented young actor who will later regret doing it, and make millions of dollars off it in the end. So what’s the problem? Well, how about the fact that the short film is eleven minutes long. Yes, this film is eleven minutes long and I don’t even think it was that long to be fairly honest, but I have no desire to go back and try to see if I am a victim of false advertisement.
Now, there is nothing wrong with making a short film under twenty minutes or any type of pre-determined cut-off for an acceptable film or what-have-you. However, this type of movie, at eleven minutes, leaves a lot to be desired. On a good note though, I didn’t say or believe it needs everything to be desired. The acting by Paul Hine was actually quite good and I found myself chuckling as he would say the mannerisms of famous wrestlers and stables (Flair, Austin, Rock, Foley, Hogan, Savage, et cetera) in completely weird accents and odd timing. The writing, though it practically wrote itself, was pretty good as well in two scenes specifically; the first being when God’s Gift quickly entered a room, scrambled to plug in a jukebox, hit play, and then quickly tried to escape without anyone noticing (which they did) before he made his grand (re-)entrance accompanied by his own theme music. Sounds typical, but the delivery followed by the camera showing us what the room appeared to look like through his eyes made it stand-out to me. The second scene worth noting would be a “practice” session between God’s Gift and a dummy named Guy, I believe. Well, you can pretty much expect everything that would happen in that scene, except the addition of the dummy actually kicking out of a three count, actually locking a headlock to the main character, and finally getting his head kicked off for having the nerve to do both aforementioned spots in a “practice” session easily made it stand-out as well.
So there is some good in this movie, but the problem again lies with the length. I remember watching the trailer before the film, watching the film, and then watching the trailer again. Outside of missing the dummy lock on a headlock, I don’t know why I watched the eleven minute film. Everything I needed to know was in the trailer. Most of the key jokes were there, the plot was there, all the actors were in it I think; the only thing missing were the key dummy parts and very, very opening scene. They basically gave away an entire film in thirty seconds. Sadly, films twenty times this length have done the same and still made a hell of a lot of money along with good reviews. Still, the movie opens and then just kind of progresses with no real timeline or connection, though most of it is self-explanatory. Then, after the kicks the head off the dummy like I mentioned, the credits come on like a finish to a match that came seven minutes too soon. That was it. Quick opening, some kind of middle, and then credits. Basically what I’m dancing around here is that there is no point to this. Watching it once seemed pointless to a degree and I can’t imagine ever having the urge to watch the full thing again unless I’ve got exactly eleven minutes to kill and literally every other thing I could fill that time with is broken or whatever.
The short film shows a lot of promise if it was designed to be a teaser to something full-length coming out in 2007 or at the end of this year. But it wasn’t. It was designed to be an eleven minute short film and thus, has the promise of a politician with a solid investment in oil. Like I said before, there is a lot of good with the film and I’d love to see Paul Hine & Tony Sergeant team up in a full-length movie as they both have a lot of promise and potential as an actor and writer/director respectively, but as it stands, this is something that is probably not even worth a couple bucks as it’s something you’ll watch once, laugh twice, never touch again, and then probably lose it without ever remembering you once owned it until Hollywood does make a movie like it, probably with the same name. Basically, this short film is something that I’d only get if someone was giving it away for free.
Well, you’re in luck, kind of, because I am giving it away for free. Yep, I actually received three copies of this DVD (two for the United States and one for the United Kingdom) with the extra two copies being designed as prizes. I gave away both in June, I think, as a contest for my radio show The Wrestling Crossfire, but the UK winner never got back to me with his address so it never got shipped. So basically, I’ve got a UK copy and want to give it away. If you want it, just e-mail. The first person, from the UK, to e-mail me with his or her name and address will get it. Simple as that. I would do something more elaborate and fair, but this is an eleven minute DVD that probably two of you reading this will be interested in. My e-mail is listed at the bottom of the review, by the way. For those of you who are interested in it, I would say to go to Fluffy Boy Inc’s website, which you can visit by clicking here, and inquire about getting a copy.
To sum it up and end it, The Wrestlemaniac does have some good moments to it, but in the end, it’s too short to make a point or do anything other than getting a cheap laugh the first time watching it and a vacant stare the second as you’re wondering why it was inserted into your DVD player again. I doubt that’s something you’d be interested in, but I have been wrong before and sadly, I will be again. With all that said though, if Fluffy Boy Inc. ever decides to re-do this film and add on at least thirty to forty-five more minutes, I would certainly wish to buy it, would no doubt enjoy it, and will definitely recommend everyone to as well. This one though? I would certainly not wish to ever buy it, would certainly not enjoy it for lack of point, and would definitely not recommend it to anyone except those just looking for a free prize.
Well, that’s it; first review back in months and I slammed a free DVD I got from a very generous and nice person that took me a couple of months to review because I’m backed up and slow (code for lazy). Yeah, I’m an asshole. Sadly, it took me longer to write this than to watch it, but they don’t call me longwinded for no reason. Wait, make that “in-depth;” yeah, that sounds better. Anyway, the next five reviews I’ve got coming are iMPACT! from the 17th (you’ll see why), Deep South Wrestling TV from the 20th, Summerslam from the 20th, the Extremely Crazy Wrestling Fans DVD, and the New Jack: Hardcore DVD. Make sure to look out for them in the next few days followed by a bunch of game, DVD, and wrestling show reviews right after it. If you’re a new reader to my reviews, you can find some of my old ones by clicking here and actually, all my new ones will be up there first so you should check it out. ‘Till next time though, this is “Squared Circle Reviews” signing off and hoping you enjoy what you watch, granted it’s a movie over eleven minutes long.
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