Impact Wishes: Double Gore Through a Table!

I hope that you enjoyed the inaugural edition of TNA Impact Wishes which was published last week. It was so much “fun” to write, that I decided to do it again this week.

Remember, general comments and “wishes” appear in basic white while random or rhetorical questions appear in this orange color. In addition, “Quotes of the Night” are at the bottom of this page.

Segment One:

And we start with a recap of last week – very nice.
Wow, Road Dogg kinda sucks, huh? He’s actually getting worse on the microphone – weird.
I wish I knew something about this little blond haired guy that the James Gang is talking to.
You know what? I really wish that these folks at TNA would try to find a way to fit more people onto that Orlando soundstage. It might give off a better look.
Oooo, a random ass-kicking to start the show. Very nice!
Dude, Spike Dudley can’t possibly think that he’s got a shot against this Abyss character. Is this guy crazy?
And what color is Raven’s hair exactly? Does he even have hair?
I wish Borash didn’t look like half a flake back there.
Why is this Monty Brown guy yelling so much? The videocamera is right in front of him. Weird…
Did this guy just say something about the Serenghetti? Will someone teach this guy how to do a proper promo?
I like the fact that there was a recap to open the show, a random ass-kicking, a backstage interview, and now we have a match. That’s a lot to cram into 8 minutes so far!
So would these guys be like Cruiserweights in WWE?
I’m pretty sure Shark Boy just bit some guy’s ass…
Yeah, he did.
Oh sweet Heavens – I WISH that they didn’t have commercial breaks in the middle of matches!

Segment Two:

And we’re back…finally…
This Shark Boy guy isn’t that bad.
Look at Sonjay Dutt! He’s pretty good.
Holy Sweet Jesus! Petey Williams just did the most ridiculous over the back piledriver thing that I’ve ever seen! WOW!
Brother Runt, huh? What a sloppy name…
Actually, not a bad promo by Brother Runt. I wish that he had some more microphone time back in the other promotion!
I really like the idea of having a host that tells you exactly what’s coming up next.
How hot is Christy Hemme?
Much credit to the TNA people for letting me know that Bound for Glory is their premiere PPV event. Honestly, I would have had no idea that this was their WrestleMania or Starrcade.

Segment Three:

I love the fact that Kevin Nash’s current role is killing the small guys. Hilarious!
Big fan of Christian Cage – he probably shouldn’t be wearing a Rosary around his neck like that…little disrespectful to the religion, but let’s see where this is going.
Christian is just so much better on the stick than the other TNA folks. Good for him for making it big in TNA.
They publicly tell Jarrett that he’s a cancer in the company? That’s awesome.
Sting is still in the rafters? Weird. You’d think it would get dusty up there after a decade.
Well, that was a short and sweet promo with two of the big guys – nice and sweet. I like it.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Earl Hebner was a snake during his TNA stint, too. Ha ha ha!
I wish that TNA didn’t have a Jean Paul Levesque (*cough* Jeff Jarrett *cough*). At least Jarrett is somewhat bearable.
Somewhat…
Oh look – my wife Ms. Hemme is back. Hello love.
So how great is it that we’re a half hour into the show and there’s only a half hour left? Alright, maybe that’s only great for those of us who have to go to work in the morning! Hey Spike TV, make Impact start earlier!

Segment Four:

I’m so sick and tired of Konnan doing the pissed off Latino role. Fucking weak, dude. I wish they would give him a better gimmick.
Ahhh, Gail Kim. Remember her everyone? She debuted on RAW, won the Women’s Title that night, lost the title, and was fired. Idiot WWE “Creative” Team!
Are Road Dogg and Billy Gunn doing a playoff of DX? Yeah, that’s how you break away from the dominant brand. See Rhino’s awkward anti-ECW promo from two weeks ago…
This really isn’t a bad match at all – good job by all of the guys.
And why exactly is Eric Young hugging this other guy?
Ha ha ha! Kevin Nash just pounds these little guys. Hilarious.
Maybe it’s just me, but I’m missing the point of this particular Eye Spy promo…

Segment Five:

Two quick comments on the commercials from Segment Four to Segment Five. First, here in NJ, we get promos for “the most exciting promotion in wrestling” Jersey All Pro Wrestling. Just funny to watch the commercial! Second, this “Clix” commercial with Nick Lachey becomes so much funnier when you consider that Lance Bass came out of the closet a few days ago.
One more comment – can TNA really produce “Best of” DVDs yet? Especially “Best of” DVDs for guys who have only been in the promotion for like a year or less? Just something to think about.
This is supposed to be a big time main event. Let’s see what these two have. Actually, let’s just see what Samoa Joe has – I’ve seen Rhino a million times.
Why does Monty Brown come out? Just let these two have a good match, damn it.
And how great is this match so far??? Awesome!
Did these cocksuckers really just take a commercial break? You’ve got to be kidding me…

Segment Six:

And we’re back – Rhino is in charge, but I couldn’t tell you how he got there. Samoa Joe was kicking ass a few minutes ago before the commercial break.
I wish that Samoa Joe would just wear his trunks normally. He looks weird with them jacked up around his belly.
And the ref is down!
Dude – Samoa Joe just dives through those ropes like it’s nothing. Ridiculous.
Awesome belly-to-belly by Rhino on Samoa Joe!
Do we have ourselves a table here? My goodness – yes we do!
Referee has been down quite a long time, huh?
Good Lord! Let’s see here – Monty Brown interrupts, gets mollywhopped by Samoa Joe, Rhino gores the two of them through a table! Awesome!
These post-show recaps aren’t that bad. Just sorta reminds you of everything that you’ve just seen. I could get used to it.
Can you believe the show is over already and the main event storyline was actually exciting to watch?

Quotes of the Night:
“We’re crazy, we’re Latins, we’re proud, and we’re all over.” – Konnan doing the stereotypical pissed off Latino role…again…

“And if you’re not down with that, we’ve got three words for ya: Don’t Fire Eric!” – Kip James

For direct feedback, my e-mail address is listed below (I respond to all e-mails). Please feel free to submit your own wishes via the Feedback Form listed below. You never know – your wishes may appear in the next wish list!

– Joe Vincent
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