(Source: James Caldwell of PWTorch.com)
– We begin with Triple H wearing a backwards baseball cap thinking things over in his locker room. The brother-in-law stepped in and said he wanted to talk to Hunter. He said he knew the sledgehammer shot was an accident. Shane said it’s embarrassing to see Vince’s backside. Hunter said he didn’t want to be part of the club. Shane said he doesn’t want to see Hunter part of the club, but it’s not an “us” thing; it’s a “you” thing. Shane said Vince likes Hunter being “part of the family.” He told Hunter to go reason with Vince or else…
– After the usual Raw intro, we went to the ring for the Cena-RVD contract signing. Lawler sighed deeply at the sound of the ECW PPV. Paul Heyman argued with The Miz…scratch that…The Coach about introducing Rob Van Dam, who came out first. Heyman grinned as RVD saluted the crowd with his briefcase. Small “ECW” chant. Coach introduced John Cena to the most boos he’s received in several weeks. Yep, back on the east coast where the boos are. Lawler said, “It would be the blackest day in the history of our company if our champion lost the WWE Championship at an ECW PPV.” Lawler said each of the ECW fans will have to check with his or her parole officer before going to the ECW PPV. Coach introduced the contract signing. Mixed boos for RVD. Coach said each man’s counsel approved the contract. Something about RVD and a lawyer doesn’t mix. RVD took the mic before signing. “Cena” chants mixed with boos. RVD claimed the title would be around his waist in six days, “and renamed the E-C-W World Title.” Mild cheers with plenty of boos. RVD said he hopes Cena is prepared for the hardcore fight. RVD said the crowd would be ready to boo Cena out the door at the PPV. Boos, which could have been because of RVD’s comments or because they wanted to boo Cena. Heyman interrupted and said, “It’s not about sports entertainment; it’s about hardcore action.” Heyman took a shot at the WWE fans. He said the ECW fans would be at the Hammerstein Ballroom to rip on Cena and cheer for RVD.
Cena laughed and took the mic. “Passionate fans?” Cena claimed to be an ECW fan. He said he watched and respected everything that ECW did for the business. Heyman laughed. “Just because I got to your house and play by your rules and have 2,500 of your best friends boo me out of the Hammerstein Ballroom, don’t think I’m just going to lie down and hand over this championship, jack.” Cheers for Cena. Cena said he fought and he has bled to keep his belt. Cena said he has stepped into a cage with Pitbulls and he’s been booed out of the building before to know what that’s like, but he’s still strong. Cheers for Cena. Cena said RVD probably only has one shot at a title. He told RVD to get ready. He signed the contract after RVD had already signed it.
Cena began to leave, but Heyman said he wanted to introduce Cena to some of the ECW wrestlers who would be in a ten-on-ten battle royale at the ECW-WWE special on USA on Wednesday night. From various points of the arena, Sandman, Terry Funk, Balls Mahoney, and Tommy Dreamer descended upon the ring. Cena smirked. It took a while for Funk to get in the ring. He said they obviously weren’t there for autographs. Cena said he would go down swinging then took a shot at Sandman followed by Dreamer. He turned around and accepted a stiff cane shot to the head from Sandman. ECW pounded on Cena until Sabu ran out. He barely hit a flying Arabian Facebuster using a chair while Cena was face-down on the contract table. Fortunately, it was a collapsible table. Babyfaces, who normally would be labeled lower-card talent, but in reality are all that WWE has, hit the ring for the save. Included in the mix was Harry Smith. ECW wrestlers scattered throughout the arena. Cena came up with a clenched jaw. He didn’t look happy. He was also bleeding from the forehead.
[Commercial Break]
– Carlito came out for the opening match followed by Shelton Benjamin.
1 — SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. CARLITO — non-title match
Shelton landed stiff right hands to the face, which drew admonishment from the referee. Carlito came back with a drop kick. Shelton came back with a stiff kick to the head then applied a reverse chin lock. Shelton knocked Carlito to the outside. A WWE-style match doesn’t fit these two in the ring. Both men collided in the ring. Carlito hit a running knee lift followed by a left-arm clothesline. Carlito hit a springboard back elbow smash for a nearfall. Lawler said going into the ECW locker room was like going to the unemployment office, rehab center, and mental hospital. Carlito avoided a corner move then hit the lungblower for the win.
WINNER: Carlito in 4:00. Carlito has lost considerable edge since turning babyface. It wasn’t as if fans were knocking down the door for the babyface Carlito and he hasn’t made a smooth transition to the new role. Disappointing.
– We saw clips from See No Evil. If you think you’ve had enough of these video packages, just wait until it comes out on DVD when WWE can make some real money. J.R. and Jerry Lawler discussed the movie. J.R. said there were moments when it seemed as if Kane wasn’t really acting.
– Triple H approached “Mr. McMahon’s” office. He entered, only to find The Coach. He said Vince wouldn’t make Hunter wait very long. He told him to get comfortable. Hunter glared at Coach then spotted a poster on the wall. It was Shane forcing Shawn to kiss Vince’s ass. With four or five other KMAC photos to choose from, it was no accident they picked the one of Shawn joining the club. The camera zoomed in on the photo and we saw Hunter’s reflection in the picture.
[Commercial Break. Boogeyman is still on the WWE video package promoting a Smackdown house show in Houston on July 16.]
– They showed Pittsburgh Steelers sitting ringside flashing their Super Bowl rings received yesterday.
– Triple H was staring at the floor in thought waiting for McMahon. Vince walked in smiling and laughing. “What’s with the boo-boo look?” Vince asked. Hunter didn’t respond. Vince said he normally goes up to New York on Wednesday nights for a full manicure, pedicure, etc. He said he got something in addition with a buffering of his backside. Hunter said he wasn’t going to embarrass himself and he told Vince to stick it. Vince said he thought Hunter was a better leader than that for the locker room. He said everyone in the locker room is lining up to kiss his ass. Hunter said, “No way”. Vince said he had a plan B. He said Hunter could go one-on-one with Big Show and if he won the match, there would be no Kiss my ass club tonight. Vince said the catch is that his match was…now. Hunter’s music came on. Hunter smirked then expressionlessly walked off. Vince smiled and did a small dance to Hunter’s music.
– Hunter came out for the match. Apparently, Hunter walks around backstage in his wrestling gear just for the heck of it since he was already dressed to compete without being scheduled for a match thirty seconds earlier.
[Commercial Break]
2 — TRIPLE H vs. BIG SHOW — KMAC avoidance match
Hunter avoided a clothesline, but he couldn’t avoid successive chops to the head. Show landed a series of chops to the chest and Hunter tipped over like a tree in the forest. Show hit a press slam. He went for a splash near the ropes, but Hunter ducked and Show fell to the outside. Spirit Squad ran to the ringside area and jumped Show. In TNA, that would have been as legal as a wristlock. The referee called for the bell, DQ’ing Hunter because of Squad’s interference. Squad took off running as soon as they did their job. Hunter’s calm, cool demeanor turned to frustration as he pleaded with the referee not to DQ him. J.R. declared that Hunter would join the KMAC later tonight.
WINNER: Big Show via DQ in 1:00.
[Commercial Break]
– Vince was on the phone talking to someone about his market value being “around sixteen.” Triple H ran in and said Vince sent the “Spirit jack-offs” to jump Big Show and get him disqualified. Vince snapped that he was in the phone and he has better things to do. Vince asked, “So, wait, you lost?” Vince said Hunter has no alternative but to kiss his ass tonight. He said that if Hunter didn’t complete the task tonight, he would never wrestle for a championship in WWE ever again. Vince walked off and Hunter grunted. He searched for something to throw against the wall.
– Matt Striker was in the ring. Eugene came out. He said he had a tutor to help him learn some skills to challenge Striker. Hacksaw Jim Duggan came out as Eugene’s tutor. Just one year ago, Hacksaw was running around with Dave Nelson promoting phantom ESPN TV deals. Jerry Lawler took a shot at Southern Methodist University, calling it “slow mental university”. First, it was Tech a few weeks ago, and now it’s SMU.
3 — EUGENE (w/Hacksaw Duggan) vs. MATT STRIKER
Hacksaw did a “USA” chant within the first two minutes to get some momentum behind Eugene. Eugene hit a charging shoulder tackle for the win. Afterwards, Striker threw Eugene into the ring steps. Hacksaw chased him. Umaga and Estrada ran to the ringside area. Umaga squashed Hacksaw into the ring apron. He hit a diving head butt from the ring apron. Umaga drove the spoke to Hacksaw’s throat. Armando Alejandro Estrada took the mic and introduced himself. He said Hacksaw became the latest victim of the Samoan Bulldozer. A fan held up a sign that read: “10:40 club.”
WINNER: Eugene in 3:00. Straightforward push of Umaga after a filler match.
[Commercial Break]
– Kurt Angle came out to a rousing ovation in his hometown. This is expected to be him addressing the open challenge. Lawler said it was a black day in WWE when Angle was drafted to ECW. Loud “Angle” chant when he hit the ring. He said he’s proud to be part of ECW, not Raw, and nothing would prevent him from showing up at his hometown. Mick Foley’s music hit. Well, the anti-ECW shtick didn’t get Foley heel heat, so the best way is to interrupt Angle’s speech in his hometown. Foley said Angle stole his deal about getting the cheap local pop. Foley said ECW is a bunch of second-rate rip-offs. Angle said Foley is a “glorified stuntman,” just as Ric Flair said. He said everything Flair said is true. Foley was indignant. Angle asked Foley why he’s out here. Foley said he heard about Angle’s open challenge on Smackdown, but thought it was a lie coming from Paul Heyman. Angle said he wanted Foley to face him so Foley could get another paycheck and take another whooping. Lita came out. Angle said there’s another hairy prostitute. Miss Congeniality smiled sheepishly and smirked while standing next to Foley. Foley introduced Edge, who Foley said owns more wins over Angle than anyone else. Edge came out and reminded Angle that he once shaved Angle bald. Edge said Angle is like the Steelers against everyone else, but against Edge, he’s like the Pirates. Edge said Angle is like the rotting corpse of Willie Stargell. Angle told Edge to explain his point or he’d snap his ankle. Edge said no one will ever see Angle again because his career ended when he was the first ECW draft pick. He said Angle wouldn’t fit in. Edge took Angle down memory lane when Angle walked out of disgust at his first ECW show. Uh oh. Edge said he’s the #1 Contender to the WWE Title. He said Angle has his “riveting” open challenge at the ECW PPV, but he’s gone from the penthouse to the outhouse. “If you think you’re going to last longer than two weeks in ECW, you’re full of crap,” Edge said. Angle said Edge’s expert analysis isn’t worth anything. He said he’s always proven the critics wrong. Angle said the ECW he walked out of ten years ago won’t be the same ECW when he changes the face of ECW forever.
He dropped Edge with the ankle lock, but Foley grabbed him. Angle hit the Angleslam. He locked in the Anklelock on Edge, but Lita dragged him out of the ring to safety. Foley, Lita, and Edge recovered. From behind, Randy Orton ran out. He spun Angle around then hit the RKO. Randy did his pose and smirked at the camera as if to say, “I’m back.” J.R. asked what Randy was doing there.
[Commercial Break]
– They replayed Randy Orton’s surprise sneak attack on Angle. WWE.com showed Randy walking backstage. Todd Grisham asked Randy why he returned. Randy said Angle snapped his ankle and he was out with “an injury” for 60 days. He accepted Angle’s open challenge for the ECW PPV. An added spike for the ECW PPV to grab the WWE audience.
– Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch were in the ring. Murdoch said Cade would take care of Kane without the music, masks, or “spooky stuff,” because Cade’s a real man. Kane’s music cut Murdoch short.
4 — LANCE CADE (w/Trevor Murdoch) vs. KANE
Kane dominated early on with a sidewalk slam followed by a top rope clothesline. He knocked Murdoch off the apron. He hit a chokeslam on Cade. Kane’s mask spoke to him. It told Kane to “come on back.” Kane left the ring. The referee counted Kane out giving Cade the win. Murdoch celebrated.
Backstage, Kane looked for whomever was challenging him. The lights backstage went out. They came on to show fake Kane standing behind Kane. Lights out and fake Kane was closer. Lights out a third time and fake Kane was right next to Kane. Fake Kane landed a series of punches then threw Kane into the wall. He chucked a trashcan at Kane, who slumped to the floor. Fake Kane walked off.
WINNER: Cade via countout in 3:00. We’ll see where this goes.
[Commercial Break]
– Roby and Rory Highlander did a video intro promo. They said they were from Scotland. Rory said the Highlanders were coming to WWE. They spoke in front of the Statue of Liberty then we saw postcards and a virtual video blog from the Highlanders as they toured America.
5 — JOHNNY NITRO (w/Melina) vs. CHARLIE HAAS
Haas ran to the ring for the match. Nitro fed him for basic scoop slams. Nitro retreated to the corner for a break. Lawler and J.R. discussed both men needing to make a name for themselves on Raw with a victory. Nitro dropkicked Haas to the outside. Melina dug her fingernails into Haas’s grill. Back in the ring, Nitro worked on Haas. The fans chanted for Lillian, who apparently took a fall off the apron after doing ring introductions, as she was receiving medical attention. Haas hit a monkey flip in the corner sending Nitro head-over-heels onto his stomach. Melina entered the ring and tripped herself, selling an ankle injury. The referee tended to Melina. Haas was distracted, which allowed Nitro to roll up Haas for the quick win. Melina quickly grabbed Nitro and took off with him. She has got some Jezebel tendencies,” J.R. said.
WINNER: Nitro in 5:00. Very little emotion in this one. WWE hasn’t established Haas’s character and Nitro isn’t as intriguing on his own. M&N hasn’t proven to be as hot of an act as MNM was.
[Commercial Break]
– They showed video of Lillian Garcia being escorted from ringside during the commercial. She was holding her arm.
6 — VICTORIA (w/Mickie James and perm) vs. BETH PHOENIX (w/Trish Stratus)
Mickie skipped to the ring to be in Victoria‘s corner. Beth randomly walked to a neutral corner, turning her back to Victoria, who attacked her from behind. J.R. and Lawler speculated what the story is behind Beth’s grudge against Mickie. Victoria worked on Beth near the ropes, kicking her straight in the back. Victoria scored a nearfall. Lawler said he would get to the bottom of the Mickie-Beth disagreement. Beth hit a snap suplex. They exchanged slaps to the face. Beth hit a double-foot drop kick to the stomach. Beth scored a nearfall. Mickie got on the apron. Trish pulled her down jaw-first on the apron. Victoria went for a roll up, but the referee wouldn’t allow it when Victoria pulled Beth’s pants down. “What was that?” J.R. asked. “Thong,” Lawler answered. Victoria occupied herself with Trish’s presence ringside then Beth grappled Victoria and hit a modified Michinoku Driver for the win. Lawler was put on assignment to find out the story behind Beth-Mickie by next week.
WINNER: Beth Phoenix in 4:00. Not much to this one. The audience hasn’t caught on to Beth because we don’t know anything about her.
– They showed special effects from Kane’s movie.
– Vince and Shane had a good laugh looking at the framed photo of Shawn Michaels kissing Vince’s ass several weeks. Shane said he was going to talk to Hunter before the KMAC segment. Vince told Shane to call him right after. Shane said he would. Vince asked Shane if he wanted a preview of Vince’s finely manicured bottom. Shane declined the offer after much pleading from Vince. Shane walked off and Vince called after him to call him after talking to Hunter.
– They did a video promo for the upcoming Dusty Rhodes DVD.
[Commercial Break]
– J.R. and Lawler talked about the opening segment of the show when ECW jumped Cena. They actually did a slow-mo replay of Sabu’s ugly table splash on Cena. J.R. brought up Tazz’s challenge to Lawler from Smackdown. Lawler took a house mic. He said everyone has listened to Tazz talk about how “bad” he is for the last ten years. However, the only thing bad about Tazz is his announcing. Lawler said Tazz has choked out his fair share of people, but choking is illegal in wrestling. He said there are rules in wrestling and life like “you must be this tall to ride the ride at Disneyworld.” Lawler said that probably hits too close to him for Tazz. He accepted Tazz’s challenge. J.R. and Lawler broke down the ECW PPV card.
– Hunter was festering backstage. Shane came in. Hunter said he’s not going to let Shane’s old man play him for a fool. Hunter snapped and scared Shane to the corner of his locker room. Shane said Vince is playing mind games with Hunter. “He just wants a little respect,” Shane said. Shane said Vince is just testing him. Hunter said he’s cool. Shane grabbed his phone and presumably called Vince. He said everything was fine and Hunter would “take his medicine.” Shane smirked at Hunter, who was pacing with a smirk on his face. Shane hung up after convincing Vince everything was fine. Shane hung up and smiled at Hunter, trying to earn his trust. They grabbed Aquafina water bottles and shared the most awkward, in a humorous way, gulps of water. They agreed everything was cool.
[Commercial Break]
– Vince strutted out with Shane to the ring. Vince said there are a number of special clubs out there. “A strip club, a country club, but perhaps the most elite club of them all if the Mr. McMahon kiss my ass club,” he said. Vince said HBK has joined the club and he knows HBK is watching at home because his career over. He said HBK probably thinks of the night he joined the club when he thinks of his career highlights. Vince pointed out that J.R. has joined the club. He said even Shane inadvertently joined the club. The camera focused on Shane, who tried not to think about it. Vince introduced Triple H, who came out to his non-wrestling music. J.R. said he usually doesn’t empathize with Hunter, but he knows what it’s like to join the club, as he joined it in front of his friends and family in Oklahoma. Vince said he was forcing Hunter to do the deed not out of malice, but so Hunter could be a locker room leader. Hunter began to grow sleepy then he stumbled around. Vince asked him what was wrong. Hunter collapsed. Vince said Hunter needed to kiss his ass to return to full health. Vince screamed at Hunter that he isn’t any better than anyone else in the locker room. “I made you, pal! No one is bigger than Mr. McMahon,” he screamed. Vince dropped his pants and the fans ringside screamed. Shane smirked at the sight of his dad’s rear. Shane began to play with his nipples before collapsing to the mat. Vince tried to figure out what happened. Hunter popped up to his feet and growled in Vince’s direction. Vince slowly spun around and stood off facing Hunter. Hunter milked the moment then hit the Pedigree. The fans popped, but not as big as you would expect because of the rough execution of the segment. Hunter stood over Vince as Shane remained face-first on the mat. Hunter posed as the show ended. As a viewer, you’re rewarded for paying attention to the clues throughout the show going back to HBK’s drugging leading to HBK joining the KMAC. However, it wasn’t obvious for the live audience to make it seem like a big moment.
Thank you for choosing TBL!
Joe
