Credit: James Caldwell, PWTorch.com
WWE Smackdown on UPN
April 7, 2006
Taped April 4, 2006 in Peoria, Illinois
Report by James Caldwell, Torch columnist
– We began with a slightly different video intro. Angle is still holding the belt in the rapid-fire clips. Michael Cole said there are two huge main events: Taker-Henry and Rey-Randy for the Heavyweight Title.
– MNM’s music hit. The WWE Fanatic on the front row had a “Melina hotness” meter. Funny, Mike Roe and I discussed that in our VIP-exclusive audio update last week. Before Melina could complete her entrance, Brian Kendrick and Paul London ran to the ring and grabbed her. They dropped her ringside as MNM tried to make the save.
1 — MNM (MERCURY & NITRO w/Melina) vs. PAUL LONDON & BRIAN KENDRICK — non-title match
Kendrick snapped off a head scissors out of the corner on Mercury. MNM took control with double team offense behind the referee’s back. They cornered Kendrick. Nitro ran into the ring without a tag and threw Kendrick to the outside. Cole said the referee was losing control of the match. Mercury and Nitro continued to work on Kendrick in their corner. Kendrick had a small package pin for at least a five count, but Mercury had the referee distracted. Melina screamed. And screamed. Cole told the director to turn the mic off ringside. With the referee distracted, again, Melina kicked Kendrick in the face. Kendrick kicked out of four successive pin attempts from Nitro. “We want London” was the chant from about five out of the 10,000 fans in the arena. The fans rallied behind Kendrick at 6:45. He broke free from a headlock and tagged in London, but the referee was distracted, again. He disallowed the tag. Per the formula, Kendrick escaped a two-on-one situation and tagged in London. He slammed MNM together then hit a spin kick on Mercury for a nearfall. London hit a dropsault on Nitro with the sault on Mercury for a nearfall. MNM cheated behind the referee’s back and Mercury rolled up London for a close nearfall. MNM went for the snapshot, but Kendrick broke up the move. London rolled through on Mercury for a very, very close nearfall. London rolled through a Boston Crab attempt by Mercury and scored a pin for the win. Afterwards, Mercury and Nitro were beside themselves as Melina tried to figure out what happened.
WINNERS: Paul London & Brian Kendrick at 9:35. That’s how you book cruiserweights to give them a strong program to work with. Great nearfalls at the end. Kendrick and MNM didn’t keep things interesting during the heel beat down, but the final three minutes were top notch. Good start to this program, which is advertised for upcoming house shows.
– Teddy Long was on the phone with someone. Booker T and Sharmell came into the office very excited. Booker tried to kiss up to Teddy. He reminded Booker and Sharmell that they lost at Mania and Sharmell had a disgusting Mania moment. Sharmell nearly gagged at the thought of an open mouth kiss with Boogeyman. Booker kept his smile and said Teddy couldn’t take that smile away. Booker pulled out a restraining order and presented it to Teddy. He said he would sue Teddy for every dime he has if Boogeyman comes within 100 feet of him. Oh boy. Reminds me of those horrible WCW storylines where the storyline is tied up in knots.
[Commercial Break]
– Michael Cole thanked the WWE fans for supporting WrestleMania. I’d like to take this opportunity to not thank every cable company nationwide for not supporting WrestleMania. Brent Albright was in the ring as Booker’s opponent. His ring name? Gunner Scott.
2 — BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) vs. BRENT ALBRIGHT
I refuse to write the words “Gunner Scott” for Albright. Booker and Albright locked up. Booker grounded Albright with his patented reverse chinlock. Albright slipped out of a suplex then took a kick to the face. This would be the perfect opportunity to make Albright a star with the 1-2-3 Kid vs. Razor Ramon formula. Albright blocked a right hand and delivered a series of right hands. Booker caught him off the ropes with a front slam. Boogeyman’s music came on at 2:30. Booker was scared. Sharmell was scared. Albright rolled up Booker for a quick three count. Cole and Tazz tried to sell the upset victory. After Albright had his hand raised, Teddy came to the ring and said there must have been some sort of unexpected miscue. Teddy waited for Albright to walk by and he raised his hand to remind Booker that he lost.
WINNER: Brent Albright at 2:52. Well, the ring name sucks. However, the debut was decent and well executed. Unless this is the start of a program to push Albright, who is tremendously skilled as OVW’s top wrestler, I would have preferred a series of video packages building towards his debut. Maybe even set up a program where he gets inside Fit Finlay’s head for a few weeks before debuting in the ring.
[Commercial Break]
– Cole and Tazz discussed Albright’s improbable victory. They said it was a huge upset. Backstage, Chris Benoit congratulated Albright on the victory. He even had a few words of self-congratulations. Ok, that works.
3 — CHRIS BENOIT vs. SIMON DEAN
Benoit jumped Dean as he rode around the ring on his scooter. Benoit threw Dean into the ring and went to work. Cole said Benoit could “perhaps be a Hall of Famer one day.” Perhaps? Simon raked Benoit in the eyes to take control. He rammed Benoit into the corner then drove knees to the shoulders on the mat. Dean snapped off a suplex and scored a nearfall. Benoit came back with the Crossface and forced Dean to submit. After the match, a JBL campaign video came on. The voice over man said JBL would have a huge celebration next week to celebrate his U.S. Title victory.
WINNER: Chris Benoit via submission at 3:07. Three minutes too long when trying to re-establish Benoit after losing the U.S. Title.
– Randy Orton was shown warming up backstage. Cole said Randy wants to be known as the “dream killer” for his title match against Rey Mysterio.
[Commercial Break]
– They showed still shots and post-match video of Rey’s title victory. Cole said dreams come true if you work hard enough. Randy was still warming up backstage. Kurt Angle interrupted and went face-to-face with Randy. Randy said Kurt’s missing something around his waist. He said he would help Angle find it because it would be around his waist after his match with Rey. Angle huffed and puffed then smacked Randy in the face. Cole pointed out that Angle was never pinned and he didn’t submit in the title match. Randy walked to the ring for the title match.
[Commercial Break]
4 — REY MYSTERIO vs. RANDY ORTON — World Heavyweight Title match
Rey came out to a strong pop. They focused on Rey for a few minutes and Cole discussed Rey’s journey to the title. Rey went to all four corners and held the title up. This was almost a better introduction for Rey as the new champion than having him cut a promo. They danced around the ring for the first minute before locking up. Randy applied a head scissors on the mat. Randy grounded Rey with a shoulder tackle and clubbing forearm blows to the back. To silence “Eddie” chants, Randy dropped to one knee and delivered a European uppercut. Randy applied a reverse chinlock. The front few rows of fans facing the hard camera were behind Randy. Tazz said he doesn’t envision Rey winning the match. There’s your giveaway of the finish. Rey escaped the ground attack then drop kicked Randy to the outside. He hit a majestic springboard seated splash from the ring to the outside. More “Eddie” chants as Rey rolled Randy back into the ring. He went for a cover for a nearfall. Rey mounted Randy in the corner and applied two separate rounds of ten punches. The fans popped as Randy slumped to the mat. Randy quickly came back with a counter off the ropes and scored a nearfall at 7:35. Randy re-applied a reverse chinlock. He twisted the hold to apply more pressure on the neck. Cole said the fans were trying to “spiritually motivate Rey Mysterio.” Maybe I have it on the wrong channel, but I didn’t see anyone giving a sermon during the latest chinlock. Cole said Randy came to the match “on point.” Rey escaped the chin lock, but Randy threw him to the outside. Rey went splat on the floor. Randy smirked.
[Commercial Break]
Another reverse chinlock from Randy. He’s challenging Booker T’s Smackdown record for most reverse chinlocks in one match. Rey broke the hold at 11:00. Randy caught Rey’s legs in the corner and slammed him stomach-first. Tazz said it appears Randy is one step ahead of Rey. He applied yet another reverse chinlock. Randy avoided a drop kick off the ropes. He breathed a sigh of relief then went up top. He took forever to measure an elbow drop and Rey caught him with a boot to the chin. Randy avoided the 619, but he couldn’t avoid a wheelbarrow into a front face slam. Rey hit a springboard seated splash that Randy sold perfectly. He scored a nearfall at 14:25. Randy delivered a thumb to the eye. Rey caught Randy sleeping with a reverse DDT off the ropes. Rey knocked Randy down with a right hand. He went up top for a cross body splash, but Randy caught him in the gut with a missile drop kick. Rey avoided a three count by putting his right foot on the bottom rope. Randy stalked Rey and called for the RKO. Randy became impatient and grabbed Rey. Rey spun around and gave him a roundhouse kick to the head. Great sequence playing off the “impatient heel” characteristic. Randy caught Rey off the ropes with a sick clothesline. He made the cover for a very close nearfall. Randy charged Rey in the corner and ran into the ringpost. Randy slumped to the corner and Rey caught him with a 619 around the ringpost. Randy bounded to the opposite side of the ring and Rey hit the 619 once again. Randy dropped to his knees in the middle of the ring. Rey hit a springboard leg drop to the back of the head. Rey made the cover for the win. Rey celebrated with the belt and saluted all four corners.
WINNER: Rey Mysterio in 19:00 to retain the World Heavyweight Title. Great wrestling action. Good heat. Good crowd involvement. Good chemistry. The reverse chinlocks became tiresome, but they didn’t take too much away from the match. It’s too bad Randy can’t get his attitude in check because he’s been very good in the ring lately. Good start to Rey’s title reign.
[Commercial Break]
– Network guy Palmer Cannon gave a disclaimer that the following views do not necessarily reflect the views of the Network. We saw part two of the Miz’s tour of WWE offices. He threw water balloons on cars from the rooftop. We went inside the offices where Miz interrupted various meetings. He even took a pilates class and visited the cafeteria.
– Cole and Tazz discussed Rey’s title victory. Backstage, Kristal Marshall interviewed Rey about his two recent victories. Rey thanked everyone who supported him. He did the “dreams do come true” speech. He said he would never forget the title victory. He said he’s ready to battle anyone for the title. He introduced his wife and two kids, including Dominic. What a change from the Dominic-is-Eddie’s-son storyline.
– William Regal and Paul Burchill shared a moment. Regal told Burchill to dress like a normal person and then they could pretend the pirate nonsense could be forgotten. Burchill said he’s wearing the pirate outfit to honor his family heritage, but now he’s having great fun being able to live out the character. He also pointed out that he’s undefeated since dressing as a pirate. Burchill pointed out that Regal hasn’t won a match recently. He made a deal that he would dress however Regal wants him to dress if Regal wins a match. Burchill added the stip that Regal would dress however he wants him to dress if he beats Regal tonight.
[Commercial Break]
5 — WILLIAM REGAL vs. PAUL BURCHILL
Burchill pulled out jewelry from his coat and tossed it into the crowd. Tazz pointed out that Burchill has yet to give Cole a pearl necklace. That’s wrong on many levels. Regal jumped Burchill before the bell rang. Regal hit a fall away suplex off the ropes. He went to work on Burchill in the corner. Regal grounded Burchill with knee strikes. Burchill came back with a fall away belly-to-back suplex. Burchill made his superman comeback. He hit his finisher, the overhead flip slam. Tazz called it “Walking the plank.” Burchill made the cover for a win. Regal has to dress like a wench now. Fantastic.
WINNER: Paul Burchill at 3:19. Burchill isn’t strong enough of a babyface to take a lengthy heel beat down. Sure, if a match is only going three minutes, you cut out the babyface shine in the beginning of the match. However, the feud isn’t hot enough to keep fan interest during the first three minutes of Regal on offense.
– Taker-Henry up next…in the main event.
[Commercial Break]
– Teddy Long assembled several wrestlers in the locker room, including Benoit, Finlay, Lashley, Matt Hardy, and Angle. Teddy announced the return of the King of the Ring tournament. He said first round matches would begin next week. He said Kurt Angle would be in the first match. Teddy parted the wrestlers aside and revealed that Randy Orton would be Angle’s opponent. Randy, who was sitting down on a chair behind the standing wrestlers, was shocked to hear his name announced. Angle told Randy to bring it on.
– Mark Henry came out. He should be selling the casket gimmick, not wrestling just five days after-the-fact. Henry said he struggled to breath at Mania when he was shut in the casket. He said he passed out. He said he almost died, but “they (who are they?) opened the coffin. Henry continued, “I saw the bright lights that looked like Heaven. I got a fresh breath in my lungs and at that point, I had an epiphany. I had a vision. I saw your future. On this night, it is you, Dead man, who will never ever be the same.” At least he explained the reason why he was back in the ring so soon.
[Commercial Break]
– Cole said the KOTR brackets would be online this weekend. I’m taking Paul London as the George Mason of the tournament. Henry unflinchingly stared straight ahead during Undertaker’s entrance. This week’s toll-to-tell entrance time: 3:27.
6 — MARK HENRY vs. THE UNDERTAKER
Henry tried to jump Taker before the bell, but Taker side stepped him and landed right hands. Cole said viewers should take an old typewriter and slam it against his or her head to find out what it feels like to be hit by Henry. Um…Cole…no one has suggested that anyone should use a typewriter for any purpose in over a decade. The action spilled to the outside and Taker slammed Henry into the ring steps. Taker delivered an elbow to the throat. He followed up with a leg drop to the throat on the apron. Daivari walked to the ring with Giant Singh. Singh breezed into the ring and stared at Taker. Taker walked into the ring and went nose-to-chin. Singh no-sold a right hand then delivered the weakest chop in the history of wrestling. Singh ripped off the turnbuckle pad. He kicked Taker in the face. He grunted as he stood over Taker. They actually showed a replay of the weakest chop in wrestling history. Singh walked out of the ring and the camera went low with the “Andre/Big Show” camera angle to establish his size.
WINNER: No official decision. Well, John Laurenaitis strikes again. Let’s get out some first impressions. He’s large. He has an impressive (enhanced) figure. He grunts. He throws a weak right hand. Will he be more like Giant Gonzalez or Big Show? Time will tell, but I wasn’t particularly impressed when his first move was showing serious light on a chop.
