(Source: Wade Keller of PWTorch.com)
RAW REPORT
JANUARY 30, 2006
LIVE FROM ORLANDO, FLA.
-The show opened with a close-up of Edge saying he was going to invoke his rematch clause right away tonight. He told John Cena to spit shine the belt nice because he’s taking it back to prove he’s not a transitional champion.
-The Raw opening aired, then Joey Styles, Coach, and Jerry Lawler introduced the show.
-Vince McMahon walked to the ring with what Styles described as a “sinister” look. The announcers said when Raw starts with McMahon walking to the ring, you know it’ll be a big show. McMahon bragged about Shawn Michaels’s luck running out the night before. A clip aired of Shane attacking Michaels. Vince said, “Give it up for Shane-o-Mac.” Vince admitted he might have abused his power a little bit. “I guess I have to admit I did, but as chairman of the company, what’s the point of having power if you don’t abuse it once in a while.” He pointed at one section of fans and said he could throw them all out if he wanted.
Michaels’s music interrupted. He walked to the ring with a determined look. Vince had that look of “How dare you interrupt God when he’s speaking.” Michaels got in Vince’s face as fans chanted “HBK, HBK.” McMahon asked him “what the hell do you want?” Michaels said he wants to kick Vince’s teeth down his throat, “but I know if I do that, Mr. Zero Tolerance is just going to fire me.” McMahon said he would. Michaels said if he quit, Vince would sue him for breach of contract. McMahon said that’s true, he’d take every cent.
Michaels said the only option that remains is to roll back the clock and give him the pill poppin’ partier that he once was. Michaels said, “I love my wife and children and that is never going to happen,” Michaels said. Vince asked, “If none of that is going to happen, I guess maybe, Shawn, you’re screwed.” He said he’s more screwed than Bret Hart was. Michaels then suggested they settle their issue inside the ring. McMahon said, “How are you challenge me.” Michaels laughed and pointed at Vince and said, “You’re not sure. Are you having to stop and think about this?” He mocked Vince for having king side grapefruits and more money than god. “Don’t tell me at 60 years old those king sized grapefruits are all shrivelled up? Come on, you’re Vince McMahon. You single-handedly took on the U.S. government and took them to their knees. Surely you can’t be afraid of little old me.” Vince said he isn’t afraid of any man alive today. “No chance in hell,” said Vince, in response to Michaels’s challenge. Vince said if he returns to the ring ever again, it will be on his terms and under his conditions.
Vince then said he would allow Michaels to do something never done before in the history of Raw. He said he would give him a chance to commit career suicide. “All you’ve got to do is hit me,” Vince said. “You hit me and I fire you and sue your ass. What do you say? Hit me!” Vince stuck his chin out. Vince then put one hand behind his back. Then he got on his knees. Shane then struck Michaels with a stiff chairshot from behind. A “Shane-o-Mac” chant broke out. Shane didn’t dance away his dignity after this chairshot. Instead, he helped Vince to his feet and helped him put his suit jacket back on. A loud “asshole” chant broke out, drowning out any chant for Shane.
Good opening segment. Really strong performances by both Vince and Shawn. They were both fully in the moment.
[Commercial Break]
-Todd Grisham caught up with Vince and Shane as they were leaving the arena. Shane explained their actions and then said they were off to a party at the hotel. Shane said nobody should cross a McMahon or they’ll be a taught a hard lesson, such as Bret Hart and Steve Austin.
1 — ROB VAN DAM vs. GENE SNITSKY
A loud “RVD” chant broke out early. RVD slipped in an attempted leap off the second turnbuckle, then grouped and dove at Snitsky, but was met by a clothesline. Snitsky then settled in a chinlock, apparently thinking Raw had too many viewers at the moment. The announcers talked a lot about whether RVD was at 100 percent since he was just returning from rehab. Snitsky continued to dominate offense with methodical battering of RVD. RVD took a nice bump in the corner off of a corner clothesline. RVD made a comeback with a corkscrew legdrop and Rolling Thunder for a near fall at 5:00. Snitsky raked RVD’s eyes to slow his comeback. RVD hit Snitsky with a reverse sidekick followed by his signature Five-Star Frogsplash for the win.
WINNER: RVD at 6:07.
STAR RATING: 3/4* — Clunky offense from Snitsky filled most of the match. RVD did his usual spots that pleased the crowd.
-The announcers hyped the return match between Cena and Edge, who maybe will put together an exciting match tonight – or at least try, unlike last night.
[Commercial Break]
-The announcers plugged the official theme song of WrestleMania 22, Peter Gabriel’s “Big Time.”
-Backstage, Shelton’s Mamma chewed out Shelton for losing the Rumble. Then Goldust came up behind her and caressed her. She freaked out and called him a freak. He said she’d never forget the name Goldust. She called for Shelton and said, “You’re mamma needs you!” She seemed only half into her performance.
-Maria interviewed Triple H about how close he came to winning the Rumble. She recapped his elimination at the hands of Rey Mysterio. Who? He won the Rumble? You’d hardly realize that from watching this. One of the downsides of the dual brands is that the day after a big PPV, Raw downplays anything that happens with a Smackdown wrestler that affects Raw. Hunter said his guaranteed shot is gone, so he needs to take it out on someone. He said he can’t take it out on God or Eddie Guerrero or even Rey Mysterio, so he said “the next best thing” is Chavo Guerrero. Oh, nice. Triple H said he better hope for help from whoever helped Rey win last night. I hope they’re paying Eddie’s family for all of these mentions because Eddie’s getting as big of a push now as he did when was alive. It’s one thing to keep someone’s memory alive in a tasteful manner, and this is not that.
2 — TRIPLE H vs. CHAVO GUERRERO
Lawler said Hunter wants to beat up Chavo to get back a Rey for eliminating him. Styles said Chavo wanted to headline WrestleMania and Triple H eliminated him, so he had reason to want revenge, too. Coach talked about the Guerreros never got along with anyone but themselves, and Rey wasn’t really friends with Eddie. After three minutes of action that was like a typical Triple H promo – fundamentally sound but unexciting – they cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
When Couch doubted whether Chavo could headline WrestleMania, Styles said there was a time when people doubted Eddie Guerrero could. Chavo having to live in Eddie’s shadow is difficult because he isn’t anywhere near the character that Guerrero was. He just doesn’t have that extra something that Eddie did. Chavo went on an offensive flurry late, hitting Three Amigos, but then he missed a frog splash. Hunter then hit the Pedigree for the clean win.
WINNER: Triple H at 10:15.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — Eh. Like a Triple H promo, he could defend this match in court and make a good case that it made sense, told a logical story, was well-executed, and fulfilled its purpose, but it doesn’t mean it was interesting to watch. Chavo gets some credit/blame, too, as this was typical of his matches, too.
-Backstage, Carlito talked about the angle with Shaq hitting him with a chair. He said he is still standing. Chris Masters sat by and didn’t look Carlito in the face. Finally he turned to look at Carlito and angrily crossed his arms. Carlito said if he’s upset about how he accidentally eliminated him from the Royal Rumble or pinned him in the Elimination Chamber “accidentally” (funny), he was sorry. He said tonight it’s about being a team. He asked if they were cool. Masters nodded, but then slapped Carlito hard across the face. Masters said, “Now, we’re cool.” Good segment.
[Commercial Break]
3 — KANE & BIG SHOW vs. CARLITO & KANE — World Tag Team Title match
Carlito took an early beating, but then tagged in Masters. He went for an early Masterlock. First Kane was fading, then he made a comeback, then Show punched Masters to force a break. Show tagged in and took Carlito and Masters down with clotheslines. When Show bounced into the ropes, Carlito yanked the top rope down. Show fell to the floor. When Show re-entered the ring, Masters clipped his legs and then tried to put Show in the Masterlock. Before he could, Kane intervened. Show and Kane together double-chokeslammed Masters for the win.
WINNERS: Kane & Show at 6:10 to retain the World Tag Team Titles.
STAR RATING: * — Solid action, with the four using their strengths and hiding their limitations effectively.
-They plugged that Mickie James was going to “celebrate Trish Stratus” next.
[Commercial Break]
-Maria interviewed RVD about what he just did to Carlito (during the commercial break). RVD said he was upset that the piece of trash went after his injured knee. He returned to beat the snot out of him. He said he is through talking about it. “I’m nobody’s stepping stone, I’m Rob Van Dam.”
-Grisham interviewed Mickie, asking why she was going to “celebrate Trish Stratus.” She said she deserves a true celebration. She said it was tough to tell her how much she loves her. She said when she counted a pin in her match, Trish proved she loves her back. She said she’d prove her love a zillion times over in the celebration.
-A recap aired of the two title switches between Cena and Edge.
[Commercial Break]
-A clip aired of Candice Michelle at the shoot for her new GoDaddy.com commercial.
4 — SHELTON BENJAMIN vs. GOLDUST
Shelton wheeled his Mamma to the ring in a wheelchair. She was breathing through an oxygen mask. Coach and Lawler laughed. Goldust gave Shelton the Golden Globes kick, then made a pass at Mamma at ringside, rubbing his butt seductively. She put the oxygen mask up to her face again. Lawler and Coach had to laugh as if it were funny. When Goldust returned to the ring, Shelton gave him the T-Bone for the win. Shelton and Mamma hugged afterward.
WINNER: Shelton at 4:05.
STAR RATING: 1/2* — Another “eh” match. Not much to it, but not terrible. Featuring Goldust without a formal reintroduction seems half-hearted. If he’s worth having on TV, reset his gimmick for everyone viewing who wasn’t around ten years ago when he was first introduced. Otherwise, why even bother?
-They plugged that the Trish Celebration was next.
[Commercial Break]
-Shelton wheeled his Mamma backstage, then walked up to Ric Flair – who was chatting with women backstage – and said he had his confidence back. He said he wanted his U.S. Title back, also. Flair told him wanting the belt back is a good thing, but messing with the Nature Boy is a bad thing. He said Mamma’s Boys don’t beat Nature Boys for the IC Title. He strutted and whoo’d away.
-Mickie James stood in the ring and said last night was the greatest night of her life. A clip aired of Trish counting her pinning Ashley. Back live, Mickey said last night she not only got to beat Ashley, but she got to proclaim her love for Trish. She then introduced Trish. Trish came out, looking a little leery of the whole situation. Mickie jumped up and down in excitement, then punk and red balloons fell from the rafters and filled the ring. Trish said she only agreed to come out to set the record straight. Mickie interrupted and said she invited special guests to help her celebrate. Out came the Spirit Squad, who sang a couple cheers for Trish. Their choreography is bad, which only adds charm to this gimmick. (Rumor has it, Shane McMahon is lobbying to join the troop.) They returned to the back. Mickie said she’s wanted to be just like her for years. Trish was about to speak, but Ashley’s music interrupted. Ashley said if Trish isn’t going to set her straight, she would. “Mickie, Trish does not love you. In fact, she thinks exactly what everyone here thinks. Mickie James is a psycho.” Mickie began crying – like, over-the-top psycho crying. The crowd chanted, “We love psychos! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) We love psychos!” Mickie could barely get herself together to ask Trish, “You don’t feel that way, do you?” Trish said, “You’re a special woman.” Mickie freaked out and said, “I don’t even want to bother you again. God, I hate you!” Mickie then attacked Ashley. Trish pulled them apart, pulling Ashley away. Mickie then reverse kicked Ashley. Mickie then happily celebrated at ringside and skipped to the back, wiping away her tears.
-Edge and Lita approached the entrance tunnel.
-A highlight video aired of the Royal Rumble promoting the replay.
[Commercial Break]
5 — JOHN CENA vs. EDGE (w/Lita)
Lawler wondered if Edge won if he and Lita would celebrate with live sex again. Now that would be an obvious attempt to go to the well twice with the same ratings gimmick. I wonder if it would work? Moment of truth was Cena’s entrance. Not too bad. A mix of cheer and boos, but nothing scary. Maybe they messed with the sound mix as insurance. At 4:00 when Edge climbed to the top rope, Cena shoved Edge off the rope onto the announcers’ table. Styles asked, “Are we still on the air?” They cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
They showed a clip of Edge knocking Cena off the ring apron during the break. Back live, Edge was battering Cena on the ring steps. Cena did get booed as he made a comeback and went for near falls, but not overwhelmingly so. Edge went for a pin with his feet on the ropes at 9:30, but Cena kicked out. Scattered boos followed. Cena came back and did the You Can’t See Me bit, then blew Lita a kiss, then pumped his shoes and went for the FU. Edge slid out and shoved Cena into the ref. Edge then hit Cena with a low blow from behind and added an extra crank for good measure. Edge then hit his Spear. He made the cover, but the ref was still down. Lita ran over and grabbed the title belt. She entered the ring. Cena lifted Edge for an FU, and Lita charged at him. Cena swung Edge in the path of the belt. Lita looked worried about her mistake, but didn’t seem bothered when the ref declared Edge the winner. Edge seemed confused. Lita seemed emotionless. Cena looked even more confused. On the replay, it appeared to the announcers that Lita intentionally hit Edge. They wondered what was up.
WINNER: Edge via DQ at 11:40
STAR RATING: **1/2 — Just okay action. Not bad. Not particularly dramatic. Bad finish if it was a copout, but good finish if it’s a cliffhanger leading to tension or a split with Edge and Lita, and perhaps a double-turn with Lita joining Cena and Edge turning babyface? Nah. In any case, the finish will have people talking this week. Well, those who watch Raw.
FINAL THOUGHTS: A routine show. Some highs, some funny moments, some typically average wrestling, with the highpoint being Michaels-McMahon interaction.
Thank you for choosing TBL!
Joe
