Sex Gone Bad
January 9, 2006
Just moments after shocking the world by defeating John Cena for the WWE Championship, Edge unloaded another bombshell when he told WWE.com that he and Lita would celebrate the momentous occasion by having hot, torrid sex in the middle of the ring on RAW. Edge said that he waited 14 years to achieve his dream, and now that he has, he was going to celebrate the victory his way.
But before Edge could consummate his WWE Championship win, John Cena kicked off RAW. The Champ acknowledged the mixed reaction he has been getting from the fans, but said that he will continue to go to bat for each and every one of the soldiers that ride with him. He said that Edge made a smart choice when he used his Money in the Bank title shot, and then Cena made a choice of his own and invoked his rematch clause, calling out Edge.
Edge’s music hit, but it was Lita who came out and addressed Cena and the Hershey, Penn. crowd. Lita said that Cena will have his chance, but not on RAW. She said that after some “oral persuasion” she convinced Mr. McMahon to make the rematch for the Royal Rumble.
Mr. McMahon also crossed paths with Cena during the show. After complimenting Cena on his win in the Elimination Chamber, the WWE Chairman commented on how he loves “firsts” in WWE. He said that this will be the first time there would be live sex on RAW, so he wanted it to go smoothly. To insure that Cena didn’t interfere, Mr. McMahon told the former Champ that if he got involved, then he would lose his rematch at the Royal Rumble.
So, the scene was set. A bed decked out in red and black sheets was in the middle of the ring just waiting for the new WWE Champion and Lita. Before long Edge and Lita were ready to go at it and fulfill their promise of hot, torrid sex live on RAW. Edge slowly took off Lita’s boots and then her shirt revealing a black bra. Lita then returned the favor and took off Edge’s jacket and shirt. Edge then moved back in and took her skirt off, so Lita returned the favor and removed Edge’s pants. Just when you thought they had gone as far as they could, Edge unhooked Lita’s bra. Lita clutched the bra to her chest, and moved into the bed and under the covers. Edge quickly followed her and tossed the bra out of the bed. Edge then slithered his way farther down the bed and reemerged from the covers with Lita’s panties in his mouth. Lita was now completely naked under the sheets.
Before anything could spiral further out of control, Ric Flair’s music hit. Edge had brutally attacked the Nature Boy with his Money in the Bank briefcase at New Year’s Revolution, but apparently couldn’t finish the job. Flair said that Edge was a disgrace to the WWE Championship. He said that not only was Edge a bad champion, he also remarked that Edge looked “dead in the bed,” and wanted to show him how it was done.
Flair knocked Edge out of the ring, but before Flair could give Lita a ride on Space Mountain, Edge nailed him with a chair. The WWE Champion didn’t stop there, though, as he brought Flair over to the RAW announce table. He placed a chair on the announce table, and then placed Flair’s head on top of the chair. Edge then grabbed another chair and blasted the Nature Boy with a Con-Chair-To. Before he could inflict any more damage, Cena came out through the crowd and chased Edge off, leaving Lita in the bed, all by herself. Edge refused to come back, so Cena ripped off the covers on the bed, but Lita had managed to get her panties and a shirt back on. That didn’t stop the former WWE Champion from hoisting her up for a big FU, though. Cena saved Flair and ruined RAW’s first ever live sex, but did he cost himself his shot at the WWE Championship in the process?
RAW was filled with plenty of great wrestling action as well. Shawn Michaels was forced to team up with his arch-rival Kurt Angle to take on Carlito and Chris Masters. Masters and Carlito were also at odds, however, after Carlito turned on Masters the night before in the Elimination Chamber. Carlito vowed that Masters could trust him, but The Masterpiece was weary. With all of the tension in the ring, this one was bound to explode like a powder keg, and it didn’t disappoint.
Angle and Michaels started out working well as a team, but all good things must come to an end. Angle fell to the outside after missing a charge on Masters and then Carlito knocked Michaels off the apron as well. Angle yelled at HBK for not backing him up, and things went south from there. Angle was able to tag Michaels in, but it wasn’t long before the Showstopper was in need of a tag. On two occasions, HBK got to the corner, but Angle was nowhere to be found. Michaels couldn’t take it any longer and brought him into the ring and gave his own partner Sweet Chin Music. After that, Angle was ripe for the pickings, and Masters hooked him in the Master Lock. Angle refused to give up, but he was out on his feet and the ref had to call for the bell giving Carlito and The Masterpiece a huge win.
Following the match, Mr. McMahon saw HBK in the back and said that was the Shawn Michaels he wants. The Shawn Michaels that turns his back on his partners and stabs them in the back. He also said that Michaels would be facing Angle next week on RAW in a rubber match of their classic rivalry.
With the Royal Rumble just a few weeks away, there were also three Royal Rumble Qualifying Matches. Chavo Guerrero was able to keep his hot streak going with a big win over Rob Conway. Thanks to some help from his mama, Shelton Benjamin was able to defeat Val Venis. Shelton’s mama stabbed Venis in the rear with a hair pin, allowing Benjamin to hit his T-Bone for the win. And Kane made short work of Snitsky. Kane said that this was just the start of his path of destruction leading to WrestleMania 22.
Things continued to evolve in the Trish Stratus and Mickie James “relationship” as well. Trish Stratus was defending her Women’s Championship against Ashley, but Mickie James came to the ring as well. After Trish was announced to the crowd, Mickie grabbed the microphone and demanded that they start the introduction over, because the crowd didn’t give her idol the ovation she deserved. Trish just looked on in bewilderment at what was going on. Early on in the match, Ashley was able to capitalize on a Trish miscue and went for the pin. Mickie inexplicably jumped in the ring and started attacking Ashley causing a DQ. Trish pulled Mickie off, telling her to stop. Mickie had cost Trish a win. Following the match, Trish caught up to Ashley backstage on WWE.com Unlimited, but Ashley didn’t want to talk about what happened. She told Trish that Mickie was a psycho and that who Trish hangs out with is a reflection on herself.
Todd Grisham also caught up to Triple H who said that he would win the Royal Rumble and go on to win the WWE Championship at WrestleMania. He said the King of Kings would be back on his throne.
Matches
Carlito & Chris Masters def. Shawn Michaels & Kurt Angle
Kane def. Snitsky (Royal Rumble Qualifier)
Shelton Benjamin w/ his mama def Val Venis (Royal Rumble qualifier)
Chavo Guerrero def. Rob Conway (Royal Rumble qualifier)
Ashley def. Woman’s Champion Trish Stratus (via DQ)
