It is a new year, but will we see the same old thing from the WWE as they move on to 2006? What will happen when John Cena faces Kurt Angle in a First Blood match? What new matches will we see for New Year’s Revolution? Who was Shelton Benjamin talking to last week, and will we see them tonight? Due to incompetence on behalf of the place where I go before Raw, I will not be providing the Unlimited segments from the show. Please check out Brian Richey’s excellent Unlimited Reports on the site.
We are live from East Rutherford, New Jersey and your announcers are Joey ‘Exit 16W’ Styles, Jonathan ‘Where is Jimmy Hoffa’ Coachman, and Jerry ‘The King of New Jersey’ Lawler.
We begin Lillian Garcia introducing Vince McMahon. Vince does the ‘Stunt Walk of Doom’ to the ring. Vince reminds us that he introduced a zero tolerance policy last week and that means that he won’t be taking any crap from people again. Not from the crowd, not from Shawn Michaels, not from anyone. That means ‘no more mister Nice Guy’. Vince says that Shawn suggested that Vince grow up and move on. Vince says that he should have spit in Shawn’s face. He should have knocked the hell out of Shawn. He should have fired Shawn on the spot. He is going to move on, but he is going to move on for him, not for the people. He has done that for too many years. Everything he did, he did for the people. From now on, it is all about him. That is why he made tonight’s First Blood match. It was for his own personal amusement. That is also why he made the next match.
Our first match, Kane versus Shawn Michaels
Before the match begins, Vince says that there is a stipulation in this match. If Shawn uses the Superkick, he will be disqualified. Shawn argues with Vince while Kane watches.
Kane charges at Shawn, but Shawn moves and Shawn with a chop. Shawn with a cross body, but Kane grabs Shawn. Kane tries for Snake Eyes, but Shawn gets out of the hold and he sends Kane into the turnbuckle. Shawn with more chops to Kane, but Kane grabs Shawn and throws him into the corner and Kane punches Shawn. Kane with a kick to Shawn followed by a punch. Kane tries for a suplex, but Shawn with a small package for a two count. Kane punches Shawn. Shawn with a sunset flip for a two count. Kane with another punch to Michaels and then Kane chokes Shawn with his boot. Kane with another punch to Shawn, but Shawn comes back with a punch and they exchange punches until Kane connects with a knee and slams Shawn’s head into the turnbuckle. Kane with elbows and punches in the corner followed by a choke. Kane with a slam followed by a forearm to Shawn’s throat for a two count. Kane with an Irish whip, but he charges into a Michaels’s boot. Shawn with chops and punches to Kane and then he clotheslines Kane over the top rope to the floor. Michaels with a pescado to Kane and both men are down. Vince gets up from his seat and he comes over to distract Shawn. Shawn tells Vince that he gave him everything. Shawn turns around into a clothesline from Kane. We go to commercial.
We are back and Shawn with a sleeper on Kane, but Kane backs Shawn into the turnbuckles to get Shawn to release the hold. Shawn reapplies the sleeper and Kane goes down to his knee, but Kane escapes the hold with a belly-to-back suplex. Kane misses an elbow drop off the ropes. Shawn goes up top, but he is met by a punch from Kane and Michaels goes down. Kane chokes Shawn and the ref admonishes him. Kane with a leg drop to Michaels for a two count. Kane works on Shawn’s neck and the referee asks Shawn if he wants to give up. Kane with double sledges to Shawn’s back. Kane chokes Michaels in the ropes and then he goes outside and hits an uppercut on Michaels. Kane covers for a two count. Kane returns to Michaels’s neck. Michaels with elbows to get out of the hold and then Michaels and Kane exchange punches until Michaels gets the advantage. Michaels with chops and Kane with a knee. Michaels with a knee lift to Kane followed by chops to Kane against the ropes. Kane grabs Michaels by the throat, but Michaels gets out of the choke slam attempt. Kane punches Michaels in the corner, but Michaels punches and chops Kane. Michaels with a flying forearm followed by the kip up, but Michaels shows the effect of the match. Michaels with a reverse atomic drop and kick followed by a DDT for a two count. Michaels with a swinging neck breaker for a two count. Michaels comes off the ropes, but Kane connects with a big boot. Kane goes up to the top, but he misses the jumping clothesline. Michaels with two clotheslines and then Michaels goes up top for the elbow drop and hits it. Michaels wants to use Sweet Chin Music, but he remembers the stipulation. Michaels does not care. Vince says that if Shawn uses Sweet Chin Music, Vince will remove him from the Elimination Chamber. Shawn turns around and Kane hits the choke slam for the three count.
Winner: Kane
After the match, Vince walks up the Rawest Ramp in Sports Entertainment and he stops to talk to Todd Grisham. Vince continues to the back as Todd walks to the ring. We go to commercial.
We are back and we have a WWE Unlimited Moment where Todd tells Vince that Shawn will be the number one entrant in the Elimination Chamber match. Todd wants Shawn’s thoughts, but Shawn walks away. Todd reminds Shawn that the number one entrant never won the match.
They talk about how Shawn has his work cut out for him in the Elimination Chamber. Coach talks about another man who has their work cut out for them, and that is Jerry Lawler who Gregory Helms has some issues with. We go to footage from Unlimited last week. Gregory says that there is a conspiracy to keep him down with an open microphone with nothing better to do than say things about him. Gregory mocks Jerry’s ‘puppies’ chant. Gregory does not like having his career mocked like that. Gregory says that he is going to shut Lawler up. Coach says that he thinks Helms punked Lawler out.
Gregory Helms comes out and he has a mic with him as he walks to the ring. Helms says that it is no surprise that Lawler is talking trash about someone while he hides behind his announce table and microphone. Helms says that if he has anything to say, he does it face to face. Helms suggests that Lawler come into the ring to hear Helms out. Lawler gets into the ring and Helms says that it is different face to face. Helms wonders where the funny comments are. Helms says that if anyone should be made fun of for looking ridiculous and being a joke, it should be Lawler. Jerry says that when Gregory had the costume on, he was halfway entertaining, but now he is just a guy who sucks. Helms slaps Lawler and Lawler responds with punches of his own. Lawler says that if Helms wants to face him, why not do it at New Year’s Revolution. Helms walks to the back as we go to commercial.
We are back with the video package of the Elimination Chamber.
We go to the McOffice where Vince is with Mickie James. He wants to know about the kiss from last week. Khosrow Daivari and Kurt Angle storm into the McOffice and Vince tells Daivari to shut up. Vince says that he is not interviewing anyone for the general manager’s position. Angle says that he does not want to be general manager. Angle says that he is worried about a biased official like Mike Chioda because of his comments about the troops. He was screwed last week, and he does not want to be screwed this week. Vince tells Angle that he is on the side of the troops and thinks that the troops would like to see Angle get his ass kicked. Vince says that he wants to see someone bleed, and see them bleed profusely. Angle says that he loves violence and he will make Angle bleed so much that Vince will have to take Cena to the hospital. Angle says that he likes the zero tolerance policy and he is not going to take any crap either. After he makes John Cena bleed tonight, he is going to make Shawn Michaels tap at New Year’s Revolution. Mickie says that she looks up to Trish, but we go back to the announce position.
Before we go to the back where Todd Grisham is with Trish Stratus, we see the LLA (lukewarm lesbian action) between Trish and Mickie from last week. Trish is running up and down the steps getting a nice sweat going on when Todd stops her. Todd wants to know about the kiss and how she felt. Trish said that she felt uncomfortable. She says that she has been a champion for a year and she knows what to do. Todd wants to know if the kiss was some sort of mind game by Mickie. Trish tells Todd that she needs to hit the showers so we go to commercial.
We are back with the Unlimited ‘Kiss Cam’ hosted by Maria, but Victoria’s music plays and she comes to the ring with a neck brace along with Candice (with wand) and Torrie Wilson (with ‘Little Billy’). They surround Maria and Maria asks them if they want to be on the kiss cam. Victoria asks Maria if she had a good New Year’s. Maria said she did, but Victoria says that she didn’t because she was recovering from what happened with Carlito. Victoria asks Maria if she is stupid. Victoria asks Maria if she knew about their match for tonight. Victoria kicks Maria and then Candice throws Maria down.
Our next match, Victoria versus Maria begins with Victoria choking Maria in the corner. Victoria with a snap mare and then Victoria with a surfboard on Maria and then a kick to the back. Victoria with a kick to the ribs and then Victoria chokes Maria on the bottom rope. Torrie rubs ‘Little Billy’s’ rear end in Maria’s face before she slaps Maria while the ref is distracted. Victoria distracts the ref and Candice gets on the apron, but Maria punches Candice. Victoria pulls Maria down by the hair and then Irish whips Maria into the turnbuckle. Victoria tries for a splash in the corner, but Maria moves out of the way and Maria with a rollup for the three count.
Winner: Maria
After the match, Torrie, Candice, and Victoria surround Maria and Victoria punches Maria. Candice and Torrie hold Maria while Victoria rips off Maria’s blouse. Candice pulls off Maria’s skirt and then Victoria, Candice, and Torrie attack Maria. From out of nowhere, Ashley comes to the ring and Ashley with a double clothesline to Candice and Torrie followed by a spear to Victoria. Torrie and Candice kick Ashley and then they give Ashley a double DDT.
Edge and Lita are walking in the back as we go to commercial.
We are back and Joey Styles talks about Unlimited and reminds us that there is footage during the commercial breaks. We go to the latest Unlimited segment when Vince McMahon announced a match for New Year’s Revolution with Maria, Ashley, Torrie Wilson, Candice, and Victoria in a bra and panties gauntlet match.
We go to the locker room where Trish is taking a shower and Mickie enters and takes Trish’s towel. Trish opens the curtain and Trish is shocked that Mickie is there. Mickie says that this is the only way that she can get Trish’s attention since Trish is not answering her calls. Mickie wants to apologize for last week. Mickie gives Trish her towel and then she comments on Trish’s breasts before leaving.
I think you know that Edge and Lita are coming out to the ring and Edge has his briefcase. They go to the ‘interview area’ where the Raw announce table was located. Edge says for the last few weeks, he has caught a lot of flak and criticism for the way that he treated Ric Flair. How could he disrespect a sixteen time World Champion like that? A man who paved the way for superstars like himself. A man who gave so much to the business. Edge tells those critics that they are full of crap. That is because Edge is a one of a kind. He would be the ‘Rated R Superstar’ if there was a Ric Flair or not. Everything he says about Ric Flair is the truth. Edge happens to have a home video that would prove otherwise.
We go to a video of ‘Ric Flair’ driving and he gets angry at a man who cut him off. ‘Ric’ woos and then he gets out of the car. He goes up to the person who cut him off. ‘Ric’ says that he cares about himself and wonders who he is to cut off ‘Ric Flair’. The driver apologizes. ‘Ric’ pulls the man out of the car and ‘Flair’ chops him and then pokes him in the eyes. ‘Flair’ puts the driver in the figure four. “Ric’ says that he only cares about himself because he is the Nature Boy. ‘Flair’ says to just ask Tully and Arn.
We return to the arena and Edge says that Flair is pathetic. The people are laughing at him. Whether it is road rage incident or his divorce. Lita says that she hopes his wife takes everything he has. Edge says that Flair’s life is going to be a living hell because on Sunday, he is going to rescue the Intercontinental title away from Flair’s pathetic life. Flair comes out and he punches Edge and then chops him. They fight down the Rawest Ramp in Sports Entertainment and Flair punches Edge. They get into the ring and Edge punches Flair. Edge knocks Flair down, but Flair slams Edge’s head into the turnbuckle and chops Edge. Flair with a back body drop to Edge and then Flair sets up for the figure four. Lita comes in and climbs on Flair’s back. Flair with a snap mare and then he puts Lita in the figure four while Edge goes up the Rawest Ramp in Sports Entertainment. Edge comes back to the ring and pulls Lita out of the ring. We go to commercial.
We are back with a Stacy Keibler video package for ‘Dancing with the Stars’.
It is time for our next match, Shelton Benjamin versus Chris Masters (with Golden Shower Version 4.0 and Amazing Technicolor Ring Robe)
Masters picks up Benjamin and carries him into the corner. Masters with shoulders in the corner followed by a punch. Benjamin with a crucifix rollup for a two count. Benjamin with a rollup for another two count. Benjamin with a kick to Masters and then he tries for a small package, but Masters blocks it and gets Benjamin up for a suplex. Benjamin floats over and tries for a backslide, but Masters blocks it and hits a short arm clothesline. Masters punches Benjamin and then hits a leg drop. Masters with an elbow drop off the ropes for a two count. Masters gets Benjamin up and hits Snake Eyes. Benjamin and Masters exchange punches with Benjamin getting the advantage. Benjamin with an Irish whip followed by a Stinger Splash and flying forearm. Benjamin with a clothesline to Masters and running knee lift. Masters grabs Benjamin’s leg, but Benjamin with the dragon whip, but Masters gets his foot on the ropes to break the count. Benjamin punches Masters and then hits a clothesline to Masters for a two count. Masters punches Benjamin in the abdomen and then misses a clothesline. Benjamin tries for a cross body, but Masters catches him and tries to put Benjamin in the Master Lock. Benjamin is able to block it and hits a neck breaker for a two count. Masters punches Benjamin in the abdomen and head. Benjamin with a clothesline. Benjamin tries for a second one, but Masters moves and puts Benjamin in the Master Lock. Benjamin tries to get to the ropes and he rolls through and almost gets to the ropes, but Masters pulls him into the center of the ring and Benjamin goes out. We go to commercial.
Winner: Chris Masters
We are back with footage of Ben Roethlisberger at last week’s Raw show in Pittsburgh. Cena talks about the respect to see athletes come to the shows.
It is ‘Game Time’ as Triple H (with GameFountain) comes to the ring. We see footage from last week when Big Show got hit in the hand by the GameHammer on the ring steps. Hunter has a mic and he is going to address the crowd. He says that there are a lot of people who talk about getting things done, but they fail miserably. If Hunter says something is going to happen, it will happen. He assesses the situation and figures out the tool or action to make sure things favor him. When he executes that plan, he nails it every time. Everything he does in the ring is calculated. There is no coincidence, there is no chance. Everything is premeditated. He will always figure out something to benefit him. It does not matter what the situation is. He is sure that Big Show is sitting at home saying that this is information that he could have used last week. It is time to see footage of Show threatening Hunter five weeks ago. Hunter realizes that it was not the footage from the contract signing and he says that he will just wing it. Hunter reminds us of what happened last week when he jabbed a pen in Show’s eye and then broke his hand. Hunter says that he appreciates someone else’s misfortune. However, it was not meant to be funny last week. It was dead serious. Show stuck his nose in the middle of things with Hunter and Flair and both men got hurt. At New Year’s Revolution, Show will learn ‘the bigger they are, the harder they fall.’ Show’s music plays and he comes out with his hand in a cast and he comes to the ring. Hunter gets a chair and he stands outside the ring while Show walks around the ring to Hunter and Show punches the chair with his cast. Hunter grabs a monitor and Show punches it and the announce table collapses. How punches the ringside barrier and then the ring steps. Hunter walks up the Rawest Ramp in Sports Entertainment while Show stands in the ring with his cast held over his head.
We go to the Smackdown Rebound and then a commercial.
We are back and Shelton is in the locker room and from out of nowhere, his momma arrives. She says that she didn’t come all the way from South Carolina to see him get his behind kicked. She says that she doesn’t want to hear any excuses. She says that Shelton has gotten soft. She tells him that Benjamins don’t take ass whoopins, they give them. She says that she will stay on his behind until he gets things fixed. She threatens to use the belt on him.
It is time to go through the card for New Year’s Revolution:
Triple H versus Big Show
Trish Stratus versus Mickie James for the Women’s Title
Jerry Lawler versus Gregory Helms
Ric Flair versus Edge for the Intercontinental Title
Maria versus Ashley versus Torrie Wilson versus Victoria versus Candice in a Bra and Panties Gauntlet match
John Cena versus Carlito versus Shawn Michaels versus Kane versus Kurt Angle versus Chris Masters in the Elimination Chamber for the WWE Title
We go to commercial.
Before the match starts, John Cena gets a mic and he has something to say. Cena says that it is ’06. The chamber is coming up so he is calling out chumps. He has the key to the Master Lock, so he is no threat. Masters cannot even spell W-W-E. He has a body to make the people say ‘Oh my God’, but then he suggests that Chris’s sexual organs are small. He says that Carlito’s nappy roots are like 100 brillos. On television, he bites apples, but at home, he bites pillows. He knows that Carlito won’t go far and then suggests that Carlito’s hair resembles a 70s porn star. Cena says that Angle is ripping the troops, but they risk their lives. Angle’s music interrupts Cena before he can finish.
We are back and it is time for the main event, John Cena versus Kurt Angle (with Khosrow Daivari) in a First Blood Match
We go to commercial before the match can begin.
On Unlimited Angle backs Cena into the corner and then he has Cena in a waist lock before Cena escapes the hold. Angle kicks Cena and then hits him with a forearm before kicking Cena on the mat. Angle slams Cena’s head into the turnbuckle and then punches him again. Angle slams Cena’s head into the turnbuckle again. Cena with two Irish whips followed by a side slam and then he punches Angle. Angle goes outside the ring to regroup with Daivari.
We are back and Cena with an Irish whip to Angle, but he charges into the corner. Angle with the Three Rivers German suplex combo. Angle adds a fourth for luck. Daivari gets on the apron and exposes one of the turnbuckles. Angle punches Cena in the head. Cena blocks Angle’s attempts to slam his head into the turnbuckle. Cena punches Angle. Daivari trips Cena, but Cena punches Daivari and then he back body drops Angle over the top rope to the floor. Cena goes outside the ring, but Angle goes around the ring to avoid Cena. Angle distracts the ref and Daivari hits Cena with the gold medal. Angle has the referee check on Angle’s forehead. Angle slams Cena’s head into the ring apron and then rolls Cena back into the ring. Cena blocks a punch and he responds with punches of his own. Angle with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex. Angle kicks Cena on the mat and then he connects with elbows to Cena’s forehead. Angle with punches to Cena. Angle slams Cena’s head into the exposed turnbuckle, but Cena covers his head and Cena is not bleeding. Angle kicks Cena in the head and the straps are down. Angle with the Angle slam to Cena. Angle goes outside the ring and he gets a steel chair. Cena ducks a chair shot and then he punches Angle followed by a shoulder tackle. Cena grabs the chair while Angle goes outside the ring. Daivari climbs on Cena’s back, but Cena throws him off. Angle attacks Cena, but Cena gets Angle up for the FU, but Angle rolls through and puts Cena in the ankle lock. Cena rolls through and Angle knocks out the referee and everyone is down. Cena grabs the chair and Angle goes down. Daivari with a waist lock to Cena, but Cena punches Daivari. Angle grabs the chair and hits Cena with it. Angle punches Cena in the head and he continues the attack and Cena is bleeding from the forehead. Angle with a crossface to Cena and then he gets Cena up. Cena escapes the hold and puts Angle in the STF. The ref sees Cena bleed while Cena taps.
Winner: Kurt Angle
After the match, Cena punches Daivari. Carlito and Masters come to the ring and Cena punches both of them. Daivari grabs Cena and then Carlito, Masters, and Daivari attack Cena. Angle stops them and tells them that Cena is his. Angle puts Cena in the ankle lock, but Masters with the Master Lock on Angle while Carlito attacks Daivari. Kane’s music plays and he comes to the ring and he gives Masters and Carlito choke slams for their troubles. Kane with a big boot to Angle followed by a choke slam to Daivari. From out of nowhere, Shawn Michaels with Sweet Chin Music to Kane. Cena gets up with Shawn Michaels waiting for him. Cena with the FU to Shawn Michaels as we go to credits with everyone down in the ring.
