Raw Report for October 17, 2005
by Richard Trionfo
After a week vacation (thanks Mike for filling in), it is time to return to the world of writing television reports. What will happen when Mick Foley goes into the Cabana? Will ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin appear on tonight’s show? What will Mickey James do for Trish Stratus? What will happen when all four McMahons appear on television together for the first time since Stunnerpalooza two weeks ago? Will we have any matches announced for Taboo Tuesday which is two weeks from tomorrow? Will we see any of the new ‘Juniors’ division tonight? Will the WWE do a ‘burial’ of Jim Ross?
Make sure to check out Brian Richey’s excellent reports for the WWE Unlimited content. The only WWE Unlimited content that will appear in this report will be for matches that go to commercial.
We begin tonight’s show with Vince McMahon recapping Stunnerpalooza from two weeks ago. Then we see Coach and Jerry Lawler beg for their jobs. Then we see Jim Ross tell Vince that he was sorry that Austin stunned Vince’s wife. Then we see Stephanie come out only to have Jim apologize for her mother being stunned. Then we see Linda ‘The McAssassin’ McMahon firing Jim Ross only the way that Linda could do it, and then she kicked Jim Ross in the family jewels.
We are live from Sacramento, California and your announcers are Jonathan ‘Scherer’ Coachman and Jerry ‘I miss JR’ Lawler.
The show begins with Vince McMahon coming out and welcoming everyone to Raw. Vince says that in two weeks, we will have Taboo Tuesday, which is the most interactive pay per view in the WWE. Vince says that he has challenged Eric Bischoff to choose a main event that is innovative and has everyone involved. Last week, they were not involved when Jim Ross was fired. Vince reminds the fans that they could do nothing about that. It was Linda who did it, and she did it with a touch of class. Linda put her arm around Jim Ross and looked into his eyes and said with her southern accent, ‘You’re Fired’. Vince was never more proud of his wife. Linda will be appearing live from Connecticut. Vince says that there is a nasty rumor about a certain individual coming here. That man alleges to be Jim Ross’s best friend. That man is Steve Austin. Vince tells everyone not to be surprised if Vince kicks Steve Austin’s pickup driving, beer swilling ass. Vince is not here to appease Steve Austin, the fans, or Jim Ross. Vince says that Jim Ross has made some contributions in the past to the WWE. Vince has asked the executive producer to prepare a video package of Jim Ross’s bigger contributions. We see Jim Ross being whipped, kissing Vince’s ass, being set on fire, kicked in the groin, and other humiliating things.
Vince says that they will never forget JR. Vince introduces the new lead announcer for Raw. That man is Jonathan Coachman. Coach comes out in a cowboy hat, and Vince says that he is ‘good ole Coach’. Coach takes the mic and he thanks Mr. McMahon. Coach says that business is about to pick up. He always looked at JR as a father figure. A fat, past your prime, father figure. Coach is here to pick up the slack that Jim Ross left behind. Coach is the new voice of the people.
Vince walks in the back and he is stopped by Kurt Angle. Kurt says that Vince was going to announce a number one contender last week before Jim Ross was fired. Kurt reminds Vince that he pinned John Cena last week. Vince says that he is going to talk to Eric Bischoff about Taboo Tuesday, but Angle wonders why Vince needs to talk to Eric. From out of nowhere, Hurricane stops by and he says that Jim Ross was the voice of Raw. Hurricane gives us a Watupwitdat when asking about Coach’s desires to be the number one voice on Raw. Vince tells Kurt to ‘sic him’. Angle sends Hurricane into some cases in the back. Angle with a European uppercut to Hurricane and they fight into the crowd. Angle throws Hurricane into the ringside area. Angle with a reverse chin lock to Hurricane on the floor. Angle rolls Hurricane into the ring and Angle kicks Hurricane. Angle punches Hurricane and kicks him in the corner. Angle chokes Hurricane with his boot. Angle with a European uppercut. Hurricane with punches to Angle, but Angle reverses an Irish whip. Hurricane with an elbow followed by a missile drop kick. Hurricane misses the Shining Wizard and Angle locks in the ankle lock with a leg lace. Hurricane taps and referees finally come to the ring to separate Angle and Hurricane. Angle leaves the ring and goes through the crowd.
We see a shot outside the arena as we await the arrival of Steve Austin and we go to commercial.
During the break, Rosey checked on Hurricane in the ring and Hurricane slapped Rosey before taking his mask off and leaving the ring.
We are back and Jerry Lawler joins Coach at the announce position. Coach asks Lawler how he looks. Lawler tells Coach to pull back his ego.
Vince is in the BischOffice and asks Eric if he liked the ‘sic him’ part. Vince tells Eric that he wants to give the audience something they never had before at Taboo Tuesday. He wants to give them choices and a main event that is so compelling. Eric says that he is glad that Vince asked because at Taboo Tuesday, they will have a Triple Threat match with John Cena facing Kurt Angle against a man chosen by the fans. There will be three qualifying matches. The first match will be Shawn Michaels versus Carlito. The second match will be Big Show versus Edge. The final match will be an eighteen man battle royal. The winners will get to choose the third man in the match. Vince says that it is innovative.
It is time for our first match, Edge (with Lita) versus Big Show in a qualifying match for Taboo Tuesday. Show sends Edge out of the ring on a collar and elbow tie up. Edge with a go behind and Show with the Andre the Giant butt bump and Edge goes into the corner. Show corners Edge and Show throws Edge back into the corner. Edge punches Show in the corner and tries to Irish whip Show, but Show will not budge. Show throws Edge over the top rope to the floor and we go to commercial.
Over on Unlimited, Lita checks on Edge and kisses him before he returns to the ring thanks to Show. Show tosses Edge back into the ring. Show with a head butt to Edge and then chokes him on the top rope until he sends Edge to the mat. Show with a biel and then he chokes Edge with his boot. Show picks Edge up and hits a step over leg drop on Edge. Edge rolls out of the ring to the floor. Edge gets on the apron and drops Show’s throat across the top rope. Edge goes up top for a cross body, but Show catches Edge and hot shots him in the corner. Show stands on Edge’s chest as we return to USA.
Show with a Shhh chop attempt, but Edge rakes the eyes. Edge punches Show, but Show with a chop in the corner. Show connects with the Shhhh chop in the corner. Edge goes out of the ring and Show chases after him. Show sends Edge into the steps, but when Show charges at Edge, Edge moves out of the way and Show hits the steps. Edge punches Show and they return to the ring. Show with a single leg sweep on Edge. Edge with a top wrist lock on Show, but Show with a take down on Edge. Lita grabs Show’s arm, but Show pulls Lita onto the apron. Edge with a double sledge to Show’s back and then Edge returns to the arm. Edge with a Tornado DDT on Show for a two count. Edge with a step over arm bar on Show, but Show lifts Edge up and hits a belly-to-back suplex. Show grabs Edge by the throat, but Edge is able to counter. Edge tries for an arm bar, but Show throws Edge down. Show charges at Edge, but Edge moves and Show runs into the turnbuckle. Edge comes off the second turnbuckle and Show grabs him by the throat. Edge is able to distract the ref and he hits a spear on Show for a two count. Edge grabs a chair, but the ref takes it. Edge grabs the briefcase from Lita and Bradshaw’s music plays. Bradshaw does not come out, but it allows Show to hit the choke slam on Edge for the three count.
Winner: Big Show
The Cabana is next, but we see footage of the people who waited in line for WrestleMania 22 tickets in Chicago. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, we see the Cabana being set up, and Carlito comes to the ring.
We return to USA and Edge and Lita are yelling at Eric about what happened. Eric says that Raw is the number one brand so they are not going to be worried about Smackdown. Edge reminds Eric that Bradshaw cost him his chance. Eric reminds Edge that he mentioned Bradshaw last week. Eric asks Edge what he is going to do about it. Edge tells Eric to tune into Smackdown to see what he is going to do about it.
Carlito is in the ring for the Cabana. Carlito mentions that he will face Shawn Michaels for the first time, and he will beat Shawn Michaels tonight to qualify for the main event at Taboo Tuesday. According to Carlito, that is cool. Carlito wants to talk about something not cool, and a picture is worth a thousand words. We see a photo of Jim Ross on the TitanTron. A car crashes and Mick Foley walks to the ring. Mick gets a mic and he says that it is cool to be in the same ring as Carlito. Mick says that it is so rare to see someone with worse looking hair than him. Mick says that he is kidding and Carlito’s hair is cool. Mick says that he is here to talk about something uncool. Maybe Jim Ross is not cool, but he is the best announcer in WWE history. Mick considered Linda to be a good person and someone honest. From out of the TitanTron, Linda ‘The McAssassin’ McMahon appears. The response on WWE.com has been massive. Sometimes in business, you have to make the tough decision. Linda talks about the surgery that Jim will have tomorrow. Linda talks about how the kick last week, exacerbated things, but that is not true. On behalf of the McMahon family, Linda wishes Jim nothing but the best in his future endeavors. She wants everyone to join the McMahons in wishing Jim Ross the best in the surgery. Linda tells Mick to ‘have a nice day’. Carlito says that Jim Ross is gone and he is an out of shape unemployed loser, just like Mick Foley. That is why Carlito brought him on the Cabana. Carlito says that Mick is the ‘least coolest’ person he has ever seen. Carlito wants to know from Mick how it feels to be so uncool. Mick is here to make a shocking confession. The Hardcore Legend is not cool. He is not sure if he wants to be cool. Mick wants Carlito to be heard because there is an ironic twist here. Even though he does not wear cool clothes, have cool friends, or travel to cool places except for ‘Mick Foley Cheap Pop’, Sacramento. People still tell Mick that he is cool. Carlito is cool with his shirt, Cabana, hair, and accent. However, people say that Carlito is a horse’s ass. Mick has a question for Carlito. He wants to know what Carlito is going to do about it. Carlito grabs an apple and Mick tells Carlito to spit the apple in his face because it was not the first time he has had someone spit in his face. He wants to know if Carlito can produce in the ring tonight against one of the greatest WWE superstars, Shawn Michaels. Mick feels that Shawn Michaels will beat Carlito like a government mule, and that would be cool. Mick tells Carlito to have a nice day and he leaves the ring.
We go outside the arena and we see some vehicles in the parking lot in case Steve Austin shows up.
Over on Unlimited, Carlito tells the crowd that he can beat Shawn Michaels because he is the true number one contender. He says that the fans are jealous of him. He tells the crowd in Spanish that they are idiots who know nothing.
We return to USA and it is time for our next match, Carlito versus Shawn Michaels in a Taboo Tuesday Qualifying match. Carlito comes out and meets Shawn as they exchange punches. Carlito sends Michaels into the ringside barrier. Carlito continues to work on Michaels’s back and sends him into the apron. Carlito rolls Michaels into the ring and makes the cover for a two count. Carlito chops Michaels in the corner and then kicks him. Carlito with a punch to Michaels and then he chokes Michaels in the ropes. Carlito with more punches and a kick that sends Michaels to the mat. Carlito with a slam for a near fall. Carlito slams Michaels’s head into the turnbuckle and the punches him. Carlito with a back elbow off the ropes for a one count. Michaels goes to the apron and Carlito with a forearm across the chest that brings Michaels back into the ring. Carlito with shoulder blocks in the corner. Michaels chops Carlito and then kicks Carlito before chopping him in the corner. Carlito with a hard Irish whip for a two count. Carlito tries to wear Michaels down with a reverse chin lock. Michaels punches Carlito and chops him. Carlito with a kick when Michaels telegraphs a back body drop. Carlito chokes Michaels and chops him for a near fall. Carlito stomps on Michaels and then clotheslines Michaels over the top rope to the floor. Carlito rolls outside after Michaels and then rolls Michaels back into the ring. Carlito with another cover. Michaels punches Carlito in the gut, but Carlito with a knee to Michaels followed by a leg drop. Carlito goes up top for a cross body, but the momentum rolls Michaels on top. Michaels chops Carlito while Carlito punches Michaels. Michaels with a sleeper on Carlito. Carlito tries to get to the ropes, but Carlito with elbows to escape the hold and he hits a belly-to-back suplex on Michaels to get Michaels to release the hold. Michaels backs Carlito into the corner and he chops Carlito, but Michaels’s back is still hurting. Carlito with an Irish whip followed by a running drop kick in the corner for a two count. Carlito punches Michaels and then puts Shawn in an abdominal stretch. Michaels with a hip toss to escape followed by chops to Carlito. Michaels tries to suplex Carlito, but Carlito blocks it. Michaels with forearms to Carlito’s back and then Michaels suplexes Carlito over the top rope and both men go to the floor. We go to commercial.
Over on Unlimited, the referee checks on Carlito and Michaels. Both men get up and roll into the ring. Michaels chops Carlito and Carlito chops back. They continue to exchange chops. Michaels chops Carlito to the mat and gets a two count. Michaels with a hard Irish whip to Carlito. Michaels chops Carlito and then Carlito floats over Michaels and hits a DDT.
We return to USA and Carlito had Michaels in a reverse chin lock. Michaels with elbows and chops to Carlito. Carlito with an elevated Flatliner on Michaels for a two count. Carlito with another near fall. Carlito punches Michaels in the corner. The ref tells Carlito to stop as Michaels is down in the corner. Carlito suplexes Michaels and gets a two count. Carlito with a chop to Michaels, but Michaels responds with chops of his own. Michaels gains control with chops, but Carlito with punches and chops to Michaels. Carlito with an Irish whip and Carlito charges at Michaels, but Michaels moves and Carlito hits the turnbuckles in the solar plexus. Michaels with a flying forearm and Michaels with a kip up and reverse atomic drop. Michaels with punches to Carlito followed by a slam and he goes up top. Michaels with the elbow drop from the top turnbuckle and he sets up for Sweet Chin Music. Carlito ducks down and gets Michaels up for an electric chair. Carlito rolls through for a two count. Michaels chops Carlito. Carlito sends Michaels into the corner, but Michaels stop short of the ref. Carlito sends Michaels into the ref. Carlito sends Michaels into the ring post. Carlito tries to hit Michaels with a chair, but Michaels moves. Michaels with Sweet Chin Music to the chair for the three count.
Winner: Shawn Michaels
As Michaels heads to the back, Ric Flair’s music plays and he comes out and shakes Shawn Michaels’s hand as Flair walks to the ring. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Ric Flair is in the ring. He thanks the crowd for the ovation. He came back to the WWE in 2001 and Triple H came up to him and said that Ric did not look like himself. Flair said that he did not feel like he was in the right place. Hunter told Flair that he was the man. Flair said that he appreciated it, but he did not feel that way. From that day on, they were as close as any two people could be. Hunter gave him the opportunity to walk the aisle to perform at a level unequaled anywhere. He gave Flair back his dignity and his pride as well as an insight into how someone could be on the top of the sport for more than 30 years.
Back to USA, he talks about how Triple H took it upon himself to tell the Nature Boy it was time to retire. Hunter told Ric that he was through. Hunter told Flair to stay home because there was no place for him. This was the same person who said last week that Ric Flair was the greatest wrestler. Hunter said that he worshiped the ground that Flair walked on. There is a soft spot in Hunter’s heart and that means that he has a weakness. Two weeks ago, a fire was lit under Flair’s ass. Flair says that he is ready to do something at a level he has not been able for the last fifteen year. For twenty years, he carried the brass ring as the best wrestler alive. Everyone knew that. Nobody walked out of an arena without saying that Ric Flair put on a show. Now Hunter has that ring since people consider him the man. Flair questions that call right now. Flair knows that he is twenty years older than Hunter. Flair gives his jacket an elbow drop. Flair mentions that in 1975, a plane crashed from 4,000 feet that killed a man and paralyzed two other men. People said that Flair would never walk again, but six months later, he was wearing gold. In 1981, Ric Flair was hit by lightning and it killed a man standing three feet from him. Ric Flair is not afraid of Triple H. Now he has to wake up every day and look at his forehead because of what Hunter did. It still hurts. The stitches were taken out a few hours ago. Flair punches himself in the head until he bleeds all over his face and shirt. Flair has taken Hunter’s two best sledgehammer shots. Flair tells Hunter to come out to see what The Nature Boy has for him. Flair says that nothing can hurt him. It is Game Time as Hunter comes out. Flair goes under the ring and he pulls out a baseball bat. Hunter backs off and Flair chases after Hunter and they go backstage. Flair wonders why Hunter would run from Flair. Flair throws the bat and says that he will find Hunter.
On Unlimited, Victoria, Candice, and Torrie Wilson-Kidman come to the ring.
We return to USA and we are told that Survivor Series tickets go on sale this Saturday.
We go outside the arena and there are a few cars driving by.
Maria is in the interview area with Carlito. Carlito blames Mick Foley for his loss tonight. He does not care if Mick Foley is retired. He challenges Mick to a match at Taboo Tuesday.
It is time for our next match, Victoria, Candice Michelle, and Torrie Wilson versus Mickey James, Ashley, and Trish Stratus. Before the match begins, we see footage of Mickey James’s debut. Victoria and Trish start things off. Victoria punches Trish, but Trish with a Louise Thesz Press. Trish with a kick and a handstand tilt-a-whirl head scissors. James tags in and hits a cross body. Mickey goes outside the ring and pulls Candice and Torrie off the apron to the floor. Victoria with a clothesline and a back breaker. Victoria slaps Mickey followed by an Irish whip. Victoria charges into an elbow and James with a rana on Victoria. Victoria with a small package for a three count.
Winners: Victoria, Candice, and Torrie
After the match, Mickey apologizes to Trish. Mickey with a spin kick to Victoria and then she hits Stratusfaction on Victoria. Trish approves of the move.
We go to the garage and the Stone Cold Ford has arrived. Austin drives into the arena and he is in the ring. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Steve Austin is in the ring and then he goes on the hood of his truck to drink some beer.
We are back on Raw and there are a line of beers in the ring. Steve has a mic so you know ‘what’ time it is. He says that he is going to try to maintain his composure to get his message across. Austin has been in the WWE for ten years. He gave this place blood, sweat, and tears as well as drink some beer. He has had some good times and bad times. He has never backed down from a fight. There has only been one person who he can call his friend. Jim Ross has always been there with him. He saw Jim Ross get treated like a pile of trash and it was horrible. Austin says that it is time for Steve Austin to address one man, and that is Vince McMahon. Austin wants Vince to come to the ring to settle some business. Austin says that he has 48 beers so he can stand here all night so it is going to be done. Instead of Vince, it is Stephanie ‘Hootie McBoob’ McMahon who comes to the ring. Stephanie says that Steve looks disappointed to see him. Austin says that he was looking forward to beating up her daddy. Austin wonder what the deal is with the ‘balls’ of the McMahons. He wonders if he is going to stun his first transvestite. Stephanie says that Austin will not touch any McMahon if he wants Jim Ross to ever return to the WWE. It was Austin’s fault that Jim Ross was fired. Austin wants to know why Jim Ross was fired. Was it because he gave Vince, Shane, Stephanie, and Linda stunners. Stephanie wonders where Jim Ross is. She says that it is Austin’s fault that Jim Ross is not on Raw. Austin says that he came here to take out his frustrations on Vince, but since Stephanie is in the ring, why not put Stephanie over his knee and spank her. Coach gets up from the announce position and tells Steve that he better not attack a defenseless, beautiful woman like Stephanie. Coach says that Jim Ross is not coming back, and nobody wants him back. Coach tells Austin to drive out of the Arco Arena like the scalded dog he is. Austin calls Coach a ‘kiss-ass’. Austin tells Coach that he was going to kick Coach’s ass after he was done with Vince. Stephanie has a proposition for Austin about Jim Ross’s job. Stephanie says that if Austin defeats Coach at Taboo Tuesday, Jim Ross can have his job back. Austin wants to make sure he has everything right. Stephanie says that as a McMahon and his boss, she guarantees it. Austin will drink to that so it is time for Austin to spill beer on his shirt and in the ring. Stephanie stops Steve and tells him that if he loses to Coach, he is fired. Austin understands that if he loses he will be fired, but he gives Stephanie a ‘one finger salute’ before she goes to the back. Austin comes over to the announce position and talks to Coach. Austin tells Coach that he is giving him the first shot. Austin takes off Coach’s sunglasses and asks Coach if he is going to do anything. Austin rips Coach’s shirt and takes off his hat. Austin pours some beer in Coach’s cowboy hat before putting it back on Coach’s head. Austin tells Coach there is a war machine named Stone Cold Steve Austin gunning for him at Taboo Tuesday.
We have a Smackdown Rebound and then we go to commercial.
We go to Unlimited where Lawler wants to see Austin pour beer into Coach’s hat and makes him wear it. Coach says that he will have two weeks to get ready for Austin.
The members of the battle royal (or is it royale) come to the ring. We see Shelton Benjamin, Eugene, Trevor Murdoch, Lance Cade, Tyson Tomko, Val Venis, Rob Conway, Rosey, Carlito, Kerwin White, Viscera, Tajiri, Romeo, Antonio, Gene Snitsky, Chris Masters, and Edge.
We go back to USA where Eric Bischoff comes out and he talks about how Taboo Tuesday is shaping up to being a big event. It will be bigger than No Mercy. Voting will begin next Monday on WWE.com. One of the matches for the pay per view will be Triple H versus Ric Flair. Mick Foley will face Carlito. We will have a ‘Fulfill your fantasy’ Diva Battle Royale. Speaking of Battle Royales, it is time for the eighteen man battle royal to see who joins Shawn Michaels and Big Show as the choices for the third man to join Kurt Angle and John Cena. John Cena comes out and joins Coach and Lawler at the announce position. Eric says that it is time for the seven foot monster to come out, and it is Kane.
Eighteen man Battle Royale Taboo Tuesday Qualifying Match
Kane grabs Carlito and choke slams him and then eliminates Carlito. Time for the fun to begin. Viscera is the next man to be eliminated. We go to commercial.
Over on Unlimited, Shelton Benjamin punches Edge and sends him to the apron, but Edge does not go to the floor. Masters chops Murdoch, but Murdoch with a knee to Masters. Conway and Eugene exchange punches in the center of the ring. Eugene with an airplane spin to Conway, but Snitsky with a big boot to Eugene. Masters eliminates Tajiri and Tomko.
Back to USA and Murdoch punches and chops Kane. Eugene chops Conway and then hits a thrust to the throat. Kane eliminated Snitsky during the break as well. Kerwin punches Shelton in the corner. Cade and Murdoch try to eliminate Rosey, but they are unable to do it. They finally eliminate Rosey. Kane tries to eliminate Masters. Eugene is eliminated and then he eliminates Rob Conway from the floor. Kane with an uppercut to Murdoch and then Cade with knees to Kane in the corner. Kerwin with a boot to Benjamin. Cade and Murdoch are eliminated as well as Kerwin White. Benjamin skins the cat, but he is eliminated by Kane. Venis is eliminated. Masters, Kane, and the Heart Throbs are the last four men. Kane with a double choke slam to Romeo and Antonio. Romeo and Antonio are eliminated by Kane. Masters with a power slam to Kane and he sets up for the Master Lock. Masters almost locks it in, but Kane is able to hold Masters off. Kane with punches and an uppercut. Masters charges at Kane and Kane with a back body drop that sends Masters over the top rope to the floor.
Winner: Kane
We go to credits.
