Using the same booking, here’s how I would have started Raw this week. John Cena comes to the ring and celebrates his WWE title victory at Summerslam. Usual stuff (“the champ is here”, “chain gang in the house”, blah, blah) until Jericho’s music hits and he goes nose to nose with Cena. Jericho demands his championship rematch and Cena is more than happy to kick Y2J’s ass for the second time in two days. Then, Bischoff’s music hits and he runs through a myriad of corporate clichés stopping only to make it a ‘you’re fired’ match, which shocks the champ while Jericho grins slyly (obviously knowing something we don’t). Now I know I’m not going to win any awards for originality or subtlety but at least the fans would have understood the gravity of the situation through the reactions of the antagonists, something wasted on the live crowd at Raw seeing as the storyline was unfolded backstage and Cena’s only character acknowledgement of its importance was to ignore it, and Bischoff, entirely. Although not similar in style or status, the comparison between Cena’s rebellious underdog persona and Stone Cold Steve Austin’s rejection of authority when he was the company’s number one star is accurate. However, where Austin’s journey was littered with nights and situations that could conceivably have been his last as champion and he defended that position with terminal ferocity, Cena and his opponents seemed to be going through the motions of creating a genuinely nail-biting scenario and the segments suffered as a result. Luckily, Cena and Jericho still had their wrestling boots on from the night before and assembled an exciting main event that hit all the right spots. Whilst it is true that fans deal in certainties whereas promoters and writers are always open to adaptation, most viewers were aware that Jericho had planned some time away from the WWE after Summerslam and the contendership torch was passed to Kurt Angle at the conclusion of the contest and Jericho’s humiliating departure. You don’t need a crystal ball to see that Angle is a bigger threat to Cena’s title reign than Jericho was and, at this time, it is mostly guesswork to predict who will emerge as champion from their first of several PPV title matches. As long as Angle is allowed to continue his psycho routine throughout the feud and not suddenly develop a penchant for gutter-slut white rappers then this should be a good series and I look forward to it.
Speaking of Angle, his match with Shelton Benjamin was not quite an ‘I told you so’ moment, but it does make you wonder how management and the more ‘entertainment’ orientated fans can fail to see that this is exactly what is missing from Raw right now. In reviewing the match, I don’t have to tell you who cheated on whom or what type of pervert they are or who the real father is. I just have to praise the athleticism, mention the great moves and note who won. It’s a shame that Benjamin won’t be feuding with Angle because wrestling someone of that quality appears to have lead to him regaining his balance and execution. The springboard out of Angle’s armlock and, most notably, the back-flip onto his feet from a suplex prove that Benjamin is able to step up his game when faced with a prime opponent. Not to be outdone, Kurt wheeled off his turnbuckle-climb belly-to-belly superplex only to be undone with an Angle-slam reversal into a DDT for one of many near falls. To highlight these moves might suggest that it was a spot-fest but the match was replete with solid mat work, aggressive striking and awesome energy. It’s a shame that Shelton had to lose but if there’s any justice then this ‘loss’ won’t diminish his standing in either the eyes of the fans or those who determine who gets given more screen and match time. I’m not sure if a feud with Kerwin White is the best use of Benjamin for the foreseeable future but he should get a good match or two out of the artist formerly known as Chavo and Vince can be contented that he has more race cards than a Nascar driver’s birthday bash.
In the first of two segments that never played out completely during the course of the show but seem unlikely to yield a long-term feud, HBK vented his considerable spleen by using the medium of sarcasm to take a farewell shot at Hogan and his performance at Summerslam. Even though Michaels carried Hogan’s dead ass like an experienced dead-ass carrier, it should be noted that, whilst HBK’s ‘shoots’ are fun to watch, we can now assume that his “Shawn Michaels doesn’t lay down for anybody” line is most definitely a work. Anyway, Chris Masters interrupted HBK’s train of thought and, ignoring his own shiny tonsure, commented on Michaels’ advancing years and receding hairline, which only resulted in Masters getting the cotton wool slapped out of his mouth. Is HBK the man to break the Masterlock next week? Do we really care?
I was expecting more from Carlito’s cabana with Ric Flair. Maybe because there was no back and forth like the watchable segments Flair had with Christian a few months ago that it all fell a bit flat. Not even a face full of chewed apple bits was enough to make this a suitable return for Raw’s most respected veteran. I don’t see where this is going, if anywhere, so at the moment it’s a little wasted on me. Oh, and women love to say three words to the Nature Boy? Take your pick; “did you fart?” “I’m not finished” or “that’s my bra”.
Edge continued his mega-push to nowhere at the expense of Matt Hardy for the second night in a row. Hardy’s match against Rob Conway (who appears to be turning into a cockroach) was of little importance as Edge lazed on commentary, sauntered to ringside and effortlessly destroyed Matt with a kick to the head, aided by the ring-steps. I’m going to hold off proclaiming this mess as the death of Hardy’s WWE career until I’m sure that there’s no follow up to it. If I had to guess based on what we’ve seen so far, it could be that actual sympathy doesn’t last long with wrestling fans so this is an attempt to create some storyline empathy for Matt’s character. And we all know that storylines are like baby-food; bland to taste and easy to digest. I just hope it gets more challenging than this as it progresses. If it progresses. If not, bye Matt. I hear that Edge only got his haircut after Lita misunderstood what Vince meant when he asked her to trim her twat.
So the big trade news of the week is that Stacey/Christy go to Smackdown and Torrie/Candice come to Raw. Okay, I think it’s fairly safe to say that these moves won’t impact any PPV main events in the future but it does give us a few interesting things to look out for (apart from the obvious). As if the signs weren’t bad enough for Eugene, losing his cheerleader is probably the final indication that he will get some sort of character revamp over the next few months, although I’m still against the knee-jerk reaction to turn him heel for no reason. I would suggest a de-push to the house shows and Heat for a while and see what happens. With Torrie and Candice not being full time wrestlers and the assumption that they are on Raw to feud with whichever Diva Search contestants start making appearances, what does this mean for Trish Stratus? From a wrestling point of view, that just leaves Lita and Victoria on the show and, for different reasons, I don’t see either of these two being used in a title feud once Trish returns.
The in-ring turdage this week was provided by Big Show and Snitsky who drew such interest in their match that fans hit the snack bar harder than Show does after two minutes in the gym. I find it odd that Show feels the need to ‘shush’ the crowd before one of his chops when they’d been pretty much silent since the moment he struggled through the curtain. I will say this. For a guy of his size, Show has good feet placement when executing his moves (especially the short clotheslines) but all it does is remind you how decent a performer he could be (again, for a big guy) if he got his weight down and added some moves to his repertoire. Luckily, the match was so mind-numbingly dull that it erased the memory of the segment that precipitated this shambles where Gene sexually assaulted Maria’s toes and Show made the save. You want to know what a pervert is Maria? Ask Vince. He knows.
I liked Raw. Some good, some bad, but there was some great on the show too and that’s not been the case for a while. Normally, the WWE resets things quickly after a major PPV and at the moment we only have one top line feud set in stone. If you’ve got some ideas Vince, we’d like to hear them. And soon.
Lee
