Irrespective of whether each individual segment and match was a success in its own right, it has to be noted that this week’s WWE Raw took certain aspects that have come under criticism of late and made improvements. Cena and Jericho turned up the heat in their feud and did more than be satisfied with the non-physical bragging rights, Chris Masters was in a wrestling match and Shelton Benjamin wasn’t fighting Carlito, the Diva Search continued its trend of being under ten minutes in length and wasn’t a total embarrassment, Matt Hardy did more than an unsurprising run-in, Kane and Edge took a week off and HBK was allowed to entertain rather than fail to stoically put over his feud with Hogan as if his career depended on it. Of course, not doing the wrong thing doesn’t always equate to doing the right thing.
Seeing as it opened and closed the show, I’ll start with Cena and Jericho. The portents were not good after the first segment of the night as the WWE seemed content with Y2J recapping his current feud in person whilst utilising some pretty tired clichés (surely we’ve done the ‘rap is crap’ stuff before?) until Cena ran-in and forced Bischoff to instigate another sporadically successful pull-apart by referees, security guards and small girls selling cookies. To further increase the likelihood of Cena losing his WWE title against Carlito at the end of the night, Bischoff then made Jericho the least popular referee since Vince found Earl Hebner’s ebay account and the trap was set. On a related subject, I have been reliably informed that Jericho looked ‘hot’ during his Raw promo but, in just a white tee-shirt and jeans, he should have been temperately comfortable in my opinion. I’m not a big fan of the biased ref angle because it leaves way too many plot holes open for casual scrutiny. Why didn’t Y2J just count Cena down even when he kicked out? Why didn’t Cena just leave, as he would have kept the title? Or beat up Jericho? Anyway. The match itself was pretty good and an improvement on last week’s effort by the same people. Carlito seems to be developing a keen mind in terms of psychology and structuring his own offence but the exchanges between the two lacked a little fire at times and Cena’s moves are still being executed at three-quarter speed. Despite my cynical pseudo-‘smartness’, most of the interaction between the three worked and the one-sided interference from Jericho appeared to be adding to rather than spoiling the action. I was particularly satisfied with the ending. Not the result (as that was obvious) but the way in which the finish was booked and performed. Each step of the process built the crowd’s hope that Cena might come away with the win and by the time a second referee came down to administer a proper three-count the fans were ready to pop, and they did. Don’t you just love it when a plan comes together? I was also pleased with the post-match beat down and colour. Some real aggression is what’s been missing from Cena and Y2J’s recent connections and it was reassuring to see that finally the bookers are seeing a hole in the writing and filling it. As a premise, the idea of putting Cena in the underdog position week after week is fairly sound. In life, those that side with the corporations and money will always have an easier path to success than people who have to ‘fight’ their way to the top and the association isn’t wasted on a wrestling crowd. My only concern is that keeping the title on Cena for too long might undermine his credibility as the struggling bohemian so I’m already anticipating a new champion at Summerslam, if only to allow Cena to stay in the main event circle as the deserving challenger.
After weeks of bursting to be the class clown and ruining his heel persona, HBK was finally given licence to ‘act the twat’, which was lucky because I don’t think his straight face would have survived another promo in Hogan’s absence. In a performance worthy of his DX days, Michaels ripped on Hogan’s recent Larry King live appearance with all the vigour and enthusiasm of a captive animal released back into the wild. Every dig was suitably near the knuckle to wind up the ‘Hulkamaniacs’ and yet ring some truth with Hulk’s detractors but ultimately the segment relied on HBK’s ability to entertain and he excelled. Some of the best drama comes from comedy and Shawn’s hair-trigger seriousness at the end was far more convincing than his previous wasted frowns and scowls. Unlike some other blasts from the past (which I’ll mention in a minute) the video package of HBK highlights was a timely reminder that he has more than enough right to call himself the ‘showstopper’ and ‘the main event’. It’ll be interesting to see how Hogan responds, but I’ll bet you it won’t be as entertaining.
Vince McMahon strolled out to the ring to thank himself for Raw’s 636 episode run and then displayed his forgiving business acumen by giving Matt Hardy an open live mic so he could be more of a company bitch than he was before he was fired. In what was a bizarre hybrid of a shoot and a write (which I have renamed a ‘shite’) Hardy vociferated the well-prepared spontaneity and left those who didn’t know confused and those who did disappointed. I’m not against using real life as motivation for a storyline but not when the two are so clumsily cobbled together and self-contradictory that anyone involved in the feud must be a moron for going along with it. Just like with the Invasion angle and the return of the NWO in previous years, the writers have assumed that not even they could screw up something as easy and wanted as this and then promptly screwed it up by getting all excited and shooting way too early (so to speak).
Last week I commended Shelton Benjamin for trying to ‘spot’ his way out of his recent high-risk uncertainty but to perform a near impossible ring entrance with the assistance of the Big Show (who can barely fart without getting it wrong) is borderline stupidity. He may have landed vaguely on his feet and managed to complete the double-clothesline but he should be finding his surety by solidifying his stance and rebuilding his confidence. I’m amazed that fans are still mentioning Snitsky and Chris Masters in the same breath when discussing who should be next to be released or sent back to OVW. I understand people disliking his gimmick, hating the Masterlock challenge and finding his voice too nasal but he is wrestling to a more than acceptable standard right now and his non-move attention to detail is above that expected from a rookie. I don’t like the way he’s been used since he debuted but I refuse to be blinded by poor writing and I have no problem with Masters getting a tentative push at some point in his early career. If you want to send someone down or even home, look no further than Big Show who’s had more chances than most and can’t even be bothered to get himself into shape.
Val Venis continued to split his occupation between wrestler and lights inspector, this time jobbing for the latest incarnation of Rob Conway. I would assess his new gimmick if I knew what the hell it was. Is he a con-man? A transvestite? Has he joined ‘The Village People’? Whatever the case, I spent most of the match hoping that his brain wouldn’t pop out the side of his shorts and it distracted me from a decent effort and some well performed moves. Aren’t gimmicks supposed to enhance a wrestler’s workrate, not obstruct it?
I’m starting to get worried that my past is coming back to haunt me. Hogan, Piper, Animal and now Tatanka have returned from my early years of watching the WWE and none of them are looking any better in this millennium. What’s next? Will Lita leave Edge and get married to Bastion Booger ‘cos he’s sex and a meal all in one? Will Kurt’s gold medal be stolen by the Repo Man? Maybe Viscera could put his pyjamas back on and reform ‘Men on a Mission’ just so Oscar can battle-rap John Cena. Who needs Todd Grisham when we could have Todd Pettengill back? For those of you who were lucky enough to miss it the first time, Tatanka had a long unbeaten run in the WWF because he was too dull to beat and turned heel to less fanfare than a Torrie Wilson promo. If he returns full time, I may have to poke my own eyes out with a plastic tomahawk.
The Diva Search contestants were on for eight minutes and weren’t the most embarrassing thing in the segment. It says a lot for an actor’s confidence in his own product that Rob Schneider is willing to be a bigger whore than a phalanx of perpetually jiggling breast-carriers. For those of you who will vote for a winner only to be disappointed that five or six of them eventually turn up on WWE television, you have been warned.
‘Brother’.
Lee
