Tonight on PPV, WWE presents The Great American Bash. Will Batista be successful leave the Bash with the World Heavyweight Championship, or will JBL prove that SmackDown! is his show? How bad will Undertaker destroy Hassan? Will MNM keep their Tag Titles? The answer to these questions will be available later tonight! Until then, here are the predictions of the TBL Staff for tonight’s PPV event.
Joe Balrog’s Predictions
Prediction: Batista
Analysis: I’m probably the biggest JBL fan on the internet. I think this guy is great. I don’t know why – I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I find him extremely entertaining. However, Batista is the hot guy on Smackdown right now so you can’t bet against him. I look for some outside interference during this match on JBL’s side.
Prediction: Animal & Heidenreich
Analysis: It’s disgusting that these guys have the tag team titles to begin with. WWE is going to make it seem like Animal is the greatest tag team wrestler in history (though I’m sure Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard might argue with that). I think the bookers are hoping for a bit of nostalgia from this match and from fans seeing Animal with the belt again. Oh hey – they fired Shannon Moore (my favorite cruiser) but they didn’t fire Heidenreich. That makes sense…right?
Prediction: Orlando Jordan
Analysis: I expect that Chris Benoit will win this match, but since I chose the other two title matches to be won by the faces, I have to predict the heel on this one. WWE’s writers are hokey, so you have to imagine that the “United States Championship Match” will be a somewhat bigger deal than usual at the Great American Bash. I look for outside interference on Jordan’s behalf and for Benoit to put on his usual wrestling clinic.
Prediction: Eddie Guerrero
Analysis: WWE fired The Dudley Boyz and Jim Cornette, but kept the idiot writer who came up with this storyline. Makes sense, right? Eddie has to win this match, if only to put this stupid “secret” storyline to rest. What can these moron writers possibly put together that 1) is not patently offensive (like Rey abusing his son or being a pedophile) and 2) is still shocking (no one will be shocked if Rey is not the kid’s father)? This is a waste of two great wrestler’s time who could easily be engulfed in a best of 7 series.
Prediction: Hassan
Analysis: Again, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if The Undertaker walked away with this match – especially since it’s a #1 Contender’s Match (isn’t the US Champion supposed to be the #1 Contender?). However, since I believe that Batista is going to win the main event, it would make sense for Hassan to get the rub here and to play off of his recent media frenzy. Look for Daivari to interfere and for Undertaker to recover, but for Orton to cost Taker the match, finally setting up the WrestleMania rematch at SummerSlam.
Prediction: Wilson
Analysis: This is strictly for the troops. Ummm…yeah.
Prediction: Christian
Analysis: No one has the hype and the “peeps” behind them like Christian does. I feel for Booker T. because he can really be an impact player if given the right storyline and the right setting. Sadly, I don’t know if either RAW or Smackdown! can provide him with that setting. TNA might be able to, but the level of competition there isn’t quite high enough. The sad part about this match is that only one man can win and with the investment in Christian, I don’t think that even WWE will mess this up.
Trevor Hunnicutt’s Predictions
Prediction: Batista
Analysis: Despite the booking, Batista has remained one of Smackdown’s hottest commodities since making the switch. Not as much as Cena was, but que será será. On one hand there is the argument, and it may very well be valid, that Batista is more effective in the chase of the title, as without either promo ability or wrestling skill there really isn’t much for him to do with the title. Nonetheless, I see WWE as viewing stripping Batista of the title at this point as castrating his drawing power. With the decisions made with the Hassan character, I would strongly expect that view to change. This looks like an awful match unless, again, they pull every gimmick out of the book. It’s really cards like this that prove that Smackdown needs gimmicks like Hell in a Cell, not Triple H’s third match in a world-title program on RAW.
Prediction: MNM
Analysis: Well, there’s no question that this division remains paper-thin. While Nitro may need Hawk’s death to garner heat for this feud, the team is still one of the hottest acts on this brand currently and I see no reasons why Heidenreich and Fat Joe threaten that. This also looks like an awful match.
Prediction: Chris Benoit
Analysis: Orlando Jordan has had nothing to offer in this position. Perhaps less than nothing. The challenge with this match is going to be making it good. Kurt Angle and Benoit were supposed to be an equitable trade, but I’m not seeing how it was anything of the sort at this point.
Prediction: Eddie Guerrero
Analysis: At once this is the best feud and worst feud at the same time, much like Orton/Foley before anybody understood what was going on and before the Foley promo. Both Mysterio and Guerrero are superior in their roles. Timing has got to be good, because this is one of the few matches on the card that is guaranteed to be good. If Guerrero wins, it gives Mysterio legitimate motivation as a face, and his actions have been limited the past several weeks.
Prediction: Undertaker
Analysis: There really is no other way for this to end with the Hassan character being written off. The person who really suffers here is Mark Magnus. It would seem that this leads to Undertaker/Batista/JBL or something similarly awful.
Prediction: Melina
Analysis: Melina called Wilson old so that means she’s dead. Melina has tons of charisma and promo ability, but she doesn’t have the babyface appeal of Wilson.
Prediction: Christian
Analysis: I would put this match first and pray through the rest of the card (I’d go Guerrero/Mysterio; Melina/Wilson; and then the main event). Bottom line here is that Booker T is dead and Christian really needs the win if they are at least half-way serious about going anywhere with him.
Lou Corsaro’s Predictions
Who will win: Batista
Analysis: This feud hasn’t been handled too badly, unlike most everything else on Smackdown, but I also don’t feel like they’ve spotlighted Batista as much as they should. While I have grown to love JBL as a character, they seem almost too intent on keeping him in the spotlight. He’s quietly becoming the Triple H of Smackdown. Still, there’s no way they’re going to dull Batista’s push by giving JBL the title. Unless they’re complete morons. Ummm … well, let’s just leave it at that.
Who will win: MNM
Analysis: A couple things about this anger me. One, Animal’s willingness to stand in the ring and hear Johnny Nitro say, “Oh yeah, his partner is dead!” First of all, it’s not funny or clever. Second, it was enormously insulting to use someone’s death to further a storyline. Two, all I hear about the Dudleys is that the WWE had nothing for them. Again, I say, would you rather see this match, or the beginning of a long, intense feud between MNM and the Dudleys? Couldn’t a dynamic feud between those two teams give each of them a jumpstart? Isn’t this exactly why you’d want Bubba and D-Von around, to help vault up a young and promising tag team? Three, why does Heidenreich still have a job? I don’t say that because I completely dislike him. Actually, I think he has a great look and he can be a great character. He has a welcome intensity that would serve him well if he can improve in the ring. However, they don’t seem too concerned with pushing him to the top of the card – just like Luther Reigns, another promising big man – so why is he still here? So he can act goofy while he jobs out to everyone in sight? Sigh.
Who will win: Orlando Jordan
Analysis: This match perfectly displays the incompetence of Smackdown. Benoit wins the title on Raw, then sits on his ass for a year after losing it. We all know they have nothing for him there, so they wisely shift him back to Smackdown … so he can go after the U.S. Title? Isn’t this beneath him at this point? Why knock him down on the card? He should be a stud on Smackdown. In this case, the likely scenario seems to be that JBL will cost Benoit the win, leading to possible interference in the title match, but either way a feud between Benoit and JBL seems to be inevitable so Batista can move on to someone else.
Who will win: Eddie Guerrero
Analysis: Sorry, but unlike other people, I really, really hate this feud. Hate every second of it. It all feels way to forced, and this “secret” thing is destined to be a huge disappointment either way. I don’t mind a great long-term feud, especially against two great workers like Eddie and Rey, but this is getting ridiculous. It’s been going on since before WrestleMania 21 and it was only done because the writers were too inept to come up with something else good for two of the show’s biggest stars. I’m guessing Eddie gets the win for two reasons: One, he cannot continually lose to Rey over and over again and make this feud worth a damn, and two, what good is having the “secret” if we never find out what it is? Having said all that, they’ll probably do something stupid, which is why I won’t be buying this crappy PPV.
Who will win: Undertaker
Analysis: I’m going to say something that might piss people off here. I generally like the way this feud was set up, and the Smackdown that aired after the London bombings didn’t bother me at all. My explanation might deserve an entire column, but suffice it to say that even with the warning airing on the show, I couldn’t figure out what people were so concerned about. The “sacrifice” thing, to me, was entirely different than a bunch of sickos blowing themselves up a subway. Now, if the WWE brought out guys with backpack bombs, threatening to blow up Taker, I’d cry foul. Whatever. Either way, the one problem with this feud is the same thing that’s wrong with every feud Taker has had since Brock Lesnar – his opponent isn’t taken seriously enough to be credible. Bottom line, if they want Hassan to be a top heel, they have to commit to giving him clean wins against big-name opponents. If he’s just standing around playing the fool so he can put another face over, then what’s the point? I’ll also predict this: If they start taking Hassan more seriously in the ring, he has the potential to flip and become a huge babyface. But they’ll screw all this up and discard him once the character becomes stale. Again, sigh.
Who will win: Torrie Wilson
Analysis: Bottom line, Torrie never loses these matches and I’m not taking a hit on my prediction percentage because I picked against her in a bra and panties match. Screw that. Besides, both of them will end up in their underwear anyway. Still, there is a chance for Melina, since they’re setting her up as the alpha female of Smackdown. Let me say that I like Melina a lot. She’s endlessly sexy in that dirty kind of way, she’s funny and she goes all the way on the mike. There’s a lot of potential there, and so far she’s showing the rest of the “divas” how to make an impact beyond T&A when you’re not a wrestler.
Who will win: Christian
Analysis: I take it all back. THIS match is the reason Smackdown sucks. THIS match makes me so angry I could sit in a corner and just cry. Booker T should have already been heavyweight champion by now. Christian should be waaaaaaay higher up on the card than he is. Both were moved to Smackdown with, presumably, an eye on capitalizing on their popularity on a show that needed fresh stars. Booker has instead languished for the past year, and Christian comes in and immediately gets into a feud with a guy he’s already wrestled 1,000 times on Raw. This match is nothing more than filler because the writers are too stupid to put these guys in a more meaningful match. Horrible. I’ll take Christian because a win here will allow them to continue the madness for another month as Booker goes for revenge. A big, fat middle finger to the Smackdown writing crew for forcing these guys to stay stuck in neutral.
Ring Master T.’s Predictions
Prediction: Batista
Analysis: In what should be a straightforward, knock down, drag out slugfest, Batista will go over. This match will be passable, because their styles are similar. JBL has more ring experience, but Batista’s drive and intensity will push him forward. Batista’s first successful title defense on a Smackdown PPV will define him as the show’s premiere star. JBL will live to fight another day.
Prediction: Road Warrior Animal & Heidenreich
Analysis: This one is for the fans, as well as the legacy of the Road Warriors. Bringing Animal in at first seemed like an afterthought, since the DVD was out, and he was there to promote it. What better way to capitalize on past glory. Besides, Heidenreich’s latest making friends gimmick is stalled, so this gives his character another direction. A lot of people don’t agree with Heidenreich filling Hawks shoes in this spot, but just take this for what it’s worth. It’s going to be a nostalgic, at best, especially if they win. Giving Animal a small push isn’t going to hurt, and maybe they can get some mileage out of him as well. If MNM retain the belts, it wouldn’t bother me in the least. Should they lose, and drop the straps, it wouldn’t hurt them either, as long as they eventually regain them soon!
Prediction: Benoit
Analysis: Benoit is a wrestling machine, pure and simple. For the record, Benoit is the actual “Wrestling God” in WWE, with several other superstars, not including JBL, right after him. Jordan has definitely improved from his early days. Aside from his youth, he has a different look, and is better on the mic. There is some confidence there as well. Benoit can carry Jordan to a good match. Hell, everyone who wrestles Benoit, with the exception of Kurt Angle, has come out of the match looking good. At first, I’d like to say there will be interference, or that Jordan will lose by DQ, retaining his title for another month. But having Benoit go over adds major credibility to the Title he actually held years ago in WCW. And Jordan doesn’t lose a step in dropping the strap to the likes of Benoit, either!
(If Guerrero wins, he will tell Rey’s “secret”. If he loses, he will never reveal it.)
Prediction: Rey Mysterio
Analysis: This one is a toss-up. I’m going with Rey, simply because he’s been taking a mental and physical beating from Eddie for weeks leading up to this. This feud has been going on for quite a long time. Speaking of getting mileage out of two wrestlers? WWE hit the jackpot with these two, because they are such good performers in the ring, and cutting promos. If Rey wins, this secret will turn out to be nothing. We all know how the writers tend to lose a story line, or fail to give us the payoff. It really doesn’t matter here! For me, this is all about the match itself. These two can flat out go in that ring. I just want to see the wrestling here, and I wouldn’t mind a quick handshake, regardless of the winner, as well as a conclusion to this lengthy feud. WWE needs to move these guys away from each other now, and in totally different directions.
The Undertaker vs Muhammad Hassan
Prediction: Undertaker
Analysis: Everyone already knows that Hassan has been pulled off of television, courtesy of UPN’s statement. We can discuss the Hassan character, and the affects of the gimmick, as well as how they will repackage him down the road. Undertaker will go over, probably in a killer-like fashion. The Hassan character will be buried, and we will have to wait for the ramifications, if any. I also believe that most viewers, especially the casual fans, will forget about him, especially if Taker just destroys him, in mere minutes. An alternative would be to have them engage in a great battle. Undertaker will overtake Hassan, hitting a tombstone, maybe multiple times, and just stretcher him off. Either way, Taker wins convincingly, and they will have to build a major storyline with him facing Batista.
Melina vs Torrie Wilson
Prediction: There really isn’t a winner or loser (okay…Torrie)
Analysis: Finally, a really watchable, and I mean that figuratively, bra and panties match. It’s been quite a while since we’ve had a good one, and these two could really light it up! No matter what, everybody wins here. A gimmick match like this is pure eye candy and fluff. Torrie has already gone over in just about every conceivable fashion during her tenure in WWE, so look for Melina to be given the strip down, courtesy of Torrie. From what I’ve seen out of Melina’s work thus far, she is well on her way. Figure this to be a short, sweet, explosive catfight with great camera shots!
Prediction: Booker T
Analysis: This one is very close to a toss-up, like Guerrero vs Mysterio. Christian sort of exploded on to Smackdown, courtesy of the recent draft lottery. Booker T established himself very convincingly in his recent feud with Kurt Angle. This could be just a one-time, one-time, one-time PPV match, and they might use this quick feud to transition either man into another story line. I am going to make this my “Sleeper” match of the night, because I believe they will give a very strong showing here. Again, it doesn’t matter who goes over, because both guys are upper middle card stand outs. Expect some real intensity from both Christian and Booker T. Since they both have a little momentum going, so let’s see who they put over here. Christian’s mic works seems as fresh as ever. He has a newly charged charisma, and I really hope they don’t drop the ball with him again. (Personally, like many of you guys, I would rather see Christian go over, but they might want to extend this feud a little longer.)
The Crow’s Predictions
Prediction: Batista
Analysis: I don’t think this will be an easy win for Batista, but he’s certainly not lacking in the confidence department after three straight wins against Triple H, including last month’s victory in Hell in a Cell. This should be a long and brutal match with lots of low blows and interference from Chief of Staff Orlando Jordan. I honestly don’t see Batista losing the belt on Sunday. Especially since next month’s Summerslam is in Washington DC, which is Batista’s hometown and everybody knows what happens to belt-holding superstars in their hometowns.
Prediction: MNM
Analysis: Although this is a nostalgia-type match, I think MNM will come away with the win here. Animal and Heidenreich have the weight of “wining one for Hawk” on their shoulders, but I think MNM will retain the title to keep the feud going. I have a feeling Animal and Heidenreich will get another shot down the road and will take it then, but I don’t think it’s going to happen on Sunday. Besides, I’m sure Heidenreich has plenty more poems for Animal so it would be in his best interest to stick around.
Prediction: Chris Benoit
Analysis: It’s about freakin’ time for Benoit to win another title and I think Sunday will be his night. This is going to be another grueling match, but I think the Rabid Wolverine’s return to Smackdown holds a new beginning for him. However, I wouldn’t underestimate Orlando Jordan, who’s been looking better and better everytime he gets in the ring… minus that microwaved black poodle he’s been wearing on his head.
Prediction: Rey Mysterio
Analyisis: I think Rey Rey is going to win this one and it will send Eddie even farther over the edge, therefore revealing their little “secret’ to EVERYBODY. Spearated at birth? Closet lovers who shop at Ikea on weekends? Both huge fans of Becker? Who knows? You didn’t think Eddie was going to keep his promise did you?
Prediction: Either way
Analysis: I won’t even get started on how upset I am that the WWE is considering dropping Hassan’s character due to pressure from UPN, but now isn’t the time or place for a rant. The choices they have are to kill off his character or move him back to Raw. In either case, there are two possible outcomes. If they kill off his character, then Undertaker will most likely win the match and go on to become the number one contender. This would make for a very interesting and compelling storyline with Batista, which would then lead to a dream match between the two heavyweights. Under normal circumstances, I’d be happy with that outcome, but I would really rather not see this happen at the expense of Muhammed Hassan who is one of the WWE’s best new talents. On the other hand, if they move Hassan back to Raw, he’ll most likely win, then go on to face Batista who he’s not likely to beat any time soon. The whole situation sucks and I blame WWE’s creative team for starting a mess they don’t want to be responsible for cleaning up.
Prediction: Melina
Analysis: *Sigh* I have such high hopes for Melina and this is what she’s been reduced to at her first PPV match. The girl trained at OVW and has A LOT of charisma, mic talent and heel heat to boot, so why not give her a push to become a full-fledged wrestling Diva? Oh yeah, the WWE doesn’t give a shit about its Women’s Division anymore. Like we needed another excuse to see Torrie Wilson in her underwear again.
Prediction: Booker T.
Analysis: My money is on the five-time five-time five-time five-time five-time WCW champ for this one. This is a great match-up and I hope a storyline evolves out of this. Both of these guys are so enjoyable to watch both in and out of the ring that it would be a waste not to turn this into something more. Although for pure laughs, it may be hard to top last month’s feud between Booker, Sharmell and Kurt Angle. Sure Christian’s a creepy little bastard, but gutter sluts or bestiality sex? I don’t think he’s quite that creepy.
Eddie T.’s Predictions
Prediction: Batista
Analysis: The weaknesses Batista has that creative managed to hide over the past few months somewhat well on RAW, are now open to the public. As he’s put in a program with a man who’s very good on the microphone, but failed miserably in the final sell promo for the match, as well as a man who’s nowhere near a good worker, Batista finds himself in a very tough spot. This match should have tons of bumps, bleeding, weapons, and all that jazz, if they want success. It worked for Cena and JBL, it could work again if booked well. The smart move here is to keep the belt on Batista and work a better program with someone else. They shouldn’t rush Lesnar-Batista, which will be a huge money-making match if Batista is pushed well beforehand.
Prediction: MNM
Analysis: MNM has been one of the rare cases of OVW talent brought over to the big time with their gimmick getting over and being used right. The problem here is the same problem that the company has had since 2001. There’s simply no tag team wrestling going on in WWE today. Both RAW and SmackDown! lack tag teams. Which is why they have to do ridiculous things, such as pair up Heidenreich with Animal, as well as use Hawk’s death in a storyline. Tasteless, or in WWE’s world – just another day.
Prediction: Chris Benoit
Analysis: This is their only chance to make the US title mean anything, although I’m affraid this is happening way too late. A part of me feels for Chris Benoit. Having been the World Champion and the main event an year ago, he has to play second man to people who are not even close to his level. On the other hand, I think that Benoit is one of the few guys in the business who can be on the lowest level of the card and still bring tons to the table. I hope they smarten up and use him right in the future, once he wins the belt.
Prediction: Eddie Guerrero
Analysis: Good God. This has been a total chaos. And that’s a good thing. It’s also a bad thing. I can go ahead and tell you that this is one of the strongest candidates for best feud of the year. I can also add that this is one of the strongest candidates for worst feud of the year. The storyline twist that they came up with in order to pro-long the storyline wasn’t exactly top notch. However, these two guys are so incredibly talanted that they managed to make you hate it and at the same time love the passion and emotion involved. A Guerrero win makes sense, seeing as they need to elevate the storyline, give the fans more of a reason to cheer Rey, and well – keep this going.
Prediction: The Undertaker
Analysis: This will be Muhammad Hassan’s last match for a while, according to WWE.com. They should be dropping the character right after. This sucks for Daivari, who’s a good worker and deserves a place on the roster in my opinion. I feel Hassan is a great talker and has potential as well. At any rate, an Undertaker win would make sense since Hassan should be leaving, but on the other hand, I can’t really see a ‘Taker vs. Batista feud, so this might end in a DQ, or something. A Lesnar interference?
Prediction: Yeah.
Analysis: Yeah.
Prediction: Christian
Analysis: It’s very important that Christian wins this match. He did pin Booker on SmackDown!, but I don’t see Mr. T doing anything special in the upcoming months. Christian’s push is of a bigger importance here, and hopefully they’ll go somewhere with him. Seacrest Out.
