“Ivory’s World Wrestling Entertainment television contract will not be renewed. She will make her final appearance on The WWE Experience this weekend. WWE wishes Ivory well and hopes to work with her again in the near future.”
This is a headline that was recently posted on WWE.com.
Now, I consider myself to be an extremely smart man. I have been taught facts about subjects that most people do not even care to delve into. I have read books upon books upon books in my day. Again, I consider myself an extremely smart man.
But how does “contract will not be renewed” and “WWE…hopes to work with her again in the near future” make sense? I spent the last half hour or so running these two basically contradicting statements through every last philosophical argumentation structure that I know. I even spent a few minutes thinking about how these words might be too simple to apply any formal argumentation structure to their foundational meaning. That didn’t work either.
Someone please e-mail me and let me know why WWE is releasing Ivory only to hopefully rehire her in the near future. Is there a contract dispute? Ivory has stated on many occassions that she’s a team player and you know that she’s making less than $200K per year with the shit position that she’s been tossed into (not really a woman’s wrestler any more, but not really a featured television host). Is it perhaps that WWE would like her to get another new set of breasts? You know, so she can match the rest of the bimbos that are parading around as women’s wrestlers? Hey, maybe if she gets a bigger set she will start to resemble some of the “women’s wrestlers” that WWE has – maybe she’ll absolutely suck.
Perhaps WWE wanted her to change her name to Trish Stratus. On a side note, to echo Ringmaster T.’s latest column, where is Trish Stratus anyway?
Ah, I figured it out. Ivory has been trying to fill that awkward low-level television commentator position for the past year or two. Maybe if she changed her name to Coach and caused hundreds of thousands of viewers to turn off the television whenever she was speaking they would have decided to renew her contract. Oh, and at the point where she was ruining the commentary whenever she got behind the microphone, she could have even been shoved down our throats each week as an unwanted third member of the best commentating team in the industry!
Side note: She actually would have been a better choice for that third spot on RAW or a potential third spot on Smackdown!
Mandatory “Jean Paul Levesque is ruining wrestling” comment: Anyone else think that JPL is the one forcing WWE to push Coach down our throats so the ratings purposely go down a tick while he is away? Thank God that Hogan and Michaels’ star power is enough to overcome that waste of talent (Coach).
So I stand here confused. Ivory has been doing her job, making appearances, showing more heart and excitement than any other television commentator (except Jim Ross when he’s calling someone a bastard and Jerry Lawler when tits come on the screen) and she is rewarded with not having her contract renewed. I need this explained to me.
Truthfully, I am pretty sure that her contract is not being renewed because WWE would like her to sign a contract as either only a television commentator (with a reduced salary) or only as an in-ring talent (with a reduced salary). And truthfully, this is a dumb move by a company that should know better. WWE has decimated their women’s division. They have destroyed a division that once boasted names like Ivory, Molly Holly, Tori, Sable, Chyna, Gail Kim, Trish Stratus, Lita, Luna Vachon, Jacquelyn, Jazz, up-and-comers Nidia, Miss Jackie, Linda Miles, and legends who could still wrestle around Mae Young, and The Fabulous Moolah. And those are only the names that come to me off the top of my head. That doesn’t even count the diva-only women like Stacy, Terri Runnels, Christy Hemme, Lillian Garcia, Maria, Torrie Wilson, Joy, etc.
Putting the women listed above who are still employed aside as well as the only-employed-for-their-looks women and the 80 year olds (and Chyna…poor woman), you are still left with a tremendous collection of talent that any wrestling organization would love to have at their disposal. Personally, if I was a wrestling organization who, let’s say, just cinched up a national cable television contract, then I would definitely be looking at women like Ivory, Molly, Jacquelyn, Nidia, and Miss Jackie. Hell, there are a tremendous group of talented women out on the independent circuit and in Japan who are looking for more exposure in the North American market, too.
There are also a large group of wrestling fans who seem to boo Diva Search contestants, yet cheer good women wrestlers (this has to boggle the minds of the WWE Brain Trust).
Maybe I don’t need the question of what the WWE.com new blurb means answered. What really perplexes my mind is why WWE gave up the bulk of their women’s division when their only competition just signed a national television deal…with their current broadcast partners, Spike TV.
Can someone please explain this to me?
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