It is time for the event that everyone has been waiting a week to see. What will happen next during Diva Search II: Saline Away? Some people might care about the latest in the Matt Hardy/Edge/Lita soap opera or the latest with Hulk Hogan and Shawn Michaels, but everyone who reads this site wants to know what Buck Woodward has to say about the latest edition of Diva Search.
We are live from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and your announcers are Jim ‘BBQ Cheese steaks’ Ross, Jerry ‘King of Steaks’ Lawler, and Jonathan ‘Can I get mayo on my cheese steak’ Coachman.
We start off tonight’s show with Eric Bischoff coming to the Rawest Ramp in wrestling. Eric interrupts what appears to be an Intercontinental title match to talk about the most heinous event that needs to be addressed. We see footage of John Cena giving Eric Bischoff a gingerly placed fireman’s carry slam (copyright Mike Johnson) from last week. Eric says that if it is ‘new Raw’ or ‘old Raw’, Eric Bischoff is in charge. Eric could suspend Cena, or he could fire John Cena. Instead, he had an idea. John Cena versus Gene Snitsky, live on Raw. That is only half of the equation. There will be hand picked superstars because it is a lumberjack match. Cena will be in no shape to defend his title by SummerSlam. Bischoff predicts that we will see the beginning of the end of the championship reign of John Cena. Who wants some music?
It is now time for the Intercontinental title match, and the title can change hands on a count out. Out first is the champion, Carlito. His opponent is Shelton Benjamin. Carlito attacks Benjamin when he enters the ring. Carlito with a back elbow followed by a punch in the corner. Carlito with n Irish whip, but Benjamin with a clothesline and slam. Benjamin with the Stinger Splash and Carlito heads to the back. Benjamin goes up top and hits a clothesline onto Carlito on the floor. Benjamin with a shoulder followed by a springboard shoulder tackle. Carlito goes outside the ring again and he takes his belt and looks like he is going home. Carlito remembers the stipulation for the match and he gets back in the ring before he leaves the ring again. Carlito has some words for a fan at ringside and Benjamin with a clothesline from the apron. Benjamin with a clothesline from the top turnbuckle. Benjamin charges at Carlito, but Benjamin lands on the top turnbuckle. Carlito crotches Benjamin and sends him into the Coolest Tree of Woe. Carlito with a snap mare. Carlito punches Benjamin, but Benjamin responds with punches of his own. Benjamin with two clotheslines to Carlito and then Benjamin tosses Carlito in the air. Benjamin tries for a monkey flip, but Carlito tosses him off. Carlito with a DDT, but he can only get a two count. Carlito charges into an elbow. Carlito with a flap jack, but he only gets a two count. Benjamin with a small package for a two count. Carlito with a rollup and a handful of tights for a two. Benjamin with the dragon whip and then he tries for the Exploder. Carlito with a low blow and the ref calls for the bell and disqualifies Carlito.
We see footage from Piper’s Pit from last week when Shawn Michaels gave Roddy Piper some Sweet Chin Music after telling Piper the reason why he did it to Hogan the week before. We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week: Kurt Angle almost losing the Kurt Angle Invitational to Matt Striker.
It is time for Kurt Angle to come to the ring and he has ‘security’ with the gold medal. Angle says that last week, he had everyone fooled. He made everyone believe that Angle was going to lose his gold medal. Angle could have finished off his opponent ‘just like that’. He likes drama and making people believe. Losing the gold medal is like the Philadelphia Eagles winning the Super Bowl. He will make this week’s short and sweet. Matt Striker comes out again. Striker takes the mic and wonders why Angle didn’t ask him. He says that his name is Matt Martel and he is from Philadelphia. He took Angle to his limit last week. He wants another shot at the gold medal. Angle tells Martel not to take his mic away from him. He calls Martel the biggest liar because his name is Striker, not Martel. He was from New York last week, now he is from Philadelphia. He lost his job for lying. He wants the ref to get Martel out of the ring. Angle attacks Martel and says that he changed his mind. Angle with European uppercuts and then the straps are down. Martel chokes Angle and Angle tries to escape, but he is unsuccessful. Angle looks like he is going to lose consciousness. Martel adds a body scissors. Angle ducks and sends Martel’s throat into the ropes. Angle with a clothesline followed by the Angle slam. Angle with the ankle lock and leg lace and Martel taps with 24 seconds to go.
It is time for the seven remaining Diva Search II: Saline Away contestants to walk in the back.
We are back and it is time for Christy and Coach to bring the seven remaining finalists to the ring. Which one will go so we can get down to the Dirty Dozen? Before we find out it is time to see which contestant they would eliminate if they had a vote. They got thirty seconds. Ashley said that she would vote off Cameron. Leyla would choose Simona. Summer said that she would vote off Simona. Kristal would vote off Elisabeth. Elisabeth thinks that Kristal needs to go. Simona would eliminate Summer. Cameron says that she would eliminate Ashley. The next Diva to go is Simona. We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for a Boogeyman promo video.
Kerwin White is practicing his short game in Eric Bischoff’s office. Eric likes his swing and would love to play a round with Kerwin. Kerwin says that golf is a sport and wants to join a country club. Eric says that he should think about Scottsdale, Arizona, but it is too close to the border. Chris Jericho enters and gets a high five from Kerwin before Kerwin leaves. Jericho likes the idea for the lumberjack match tonight. Eric appreciates Jericho for suggesting the match. Jericho says that he hand picked the lumberjacks because of what happened to Bischoff last week. Jericho has another idea to embarrass Cena. What about a Battle of the Bands. They are going to be in Cleveland, so why not do it. It is the home of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Eric likes that idea. Jericho says that is if Cena survives tonight.
Shawn Michaels is on the phone in the back and Todd Grisham prepares to interview him. Shawn needs to calm down when he is told by Todd that Hulk Hogan is here. Shawn says that it is impressive that it takes Hogan two weeks to answer the challenge. We will find out if Hogan is man enough to accept the challenge or will he let his Hulkamaniacs down. We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for Chris Masters to come to the ring. It is time for the MasterLock Challenge. Chris says that in three months, nobody has been able to break the MasterLock. Who will be the man to step up and break this thing? Now it is $20,000 if you can break the MasterLock. Stand back . . . because Rosey is coming to the ring. Masters says that Rosey is a big guy and he is happy to get some competition. Masters tells Rosey to have a seat. Masters locks in the full nelson, and Masters rides Rosey like a master bull rider. Rosey is unconscious so the ref calls for the bell and then Masters kicks Rosey out of the ring. Masters says that nobody breaks the MasterLock. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. WWWWWWWWWWell, it’s the Big Show. Masters leaves the ring. Show has a mic. He says that Masters claims that it does not matter how big you are. Show sits down and says that the only thing that is ‘big’ on Masters is his mouth. Masters asks the crowd if they want to see Show try to break the MasterLock. Masters says no and leaves. Show says that Masters is like a squirrel in winter, he has no nuts.
Todd Grisham is with Edge in the interview area. He is with Lita. Edge wants Todd to acknowledge Lita with him. Edge talks about being locked in a cage with a seven foot deranged monster. It will also keep all the psychotic losers out of the ring. Edge talks about someone who could not keep things separate and got fired, the guy who called into Byte This when Lita was on the air. Edge talks about how everyone got on their computers and complains about his life. Edge utters a nasty word to describe the situation. We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for Real American to play and Hulk Hogan (with boas) comes to the ring. Hogan has a mic. Hogan tells the crowd, brother, something. He wants to thank them for making Hogan Knows Best the highest rated premiere on VH1. He has been traveling all over the country, but he would not miss being in Philly, brother. Shawn Michaels said that he Super kicked Hulkamania to get his attention. Hogan gives Shawn Michaels three brothers and tells him to come out, face to face. Shawn Michaels comes out and apologizes for stealing some of Hogan’s thunder. Shawn Michaels is all about stealing the thunder. Shawn says that he would come into the ring, but we would have to wait another two weeks for his challenge because the last time they were in the ring together Hogan was laying on his back after some Sweet Chin Music. Shawn does not want any excuses or press junkets for Hogan Knows Best to get in the way of this. People have said before that they would be the ones to take down Hulk Hogan and end Hulkamania. What would make Shawn Michaels any different than the best? It hit him like a bolt of lightning. He has never faced someone with the unbridled passion of the Heartbreak Kid. Everyone has fallen prey to Hulkamania and the aura and myth of it once they get in the ring. Shawn does not see it. Shawn is going to push Hogan like he has never been pushed before. Shawn wants to know that Hogan’s immortality has a price. Does Hogan have what it takes to pay that price? Hogan talks about how he paid the price and a few brothers. Hogan sold out the Spectrum, brother while Michaels was in school. Michaels was not the first person to try to take down Hulkamania, along with three more brothers. Hogan accepts the match and gives us two more brothers. It will be Shawn Michaels against Hulk Hogan at SummerSlam. Hogan tells Shawn and another brother to answer one question while he trains. What will he do, along with another two brothers, at SummerSlam when Hulkamania destroys him.
We see the lumberjacks in the BischOffice and Eric gives them a pep talk before Chris Jericho addresses them. There are three types of people. He wants all of them because they do what it takes to be done. If Snitsky or Cena fall out of the ring, they have ten seconds to return them to the ring. He tells Carlito it is time to teach Cena a lesson. Jericho wants to teach Cena a lesson about respect.
The cage comes down and we go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for the SummerSlam commercial.
It is time for our cage match. Out first is the former Mr. Lita (for storyline purposes), Kane to come to the ring. I think you know it is time for his opponent to come to the ring as Edge (with Lita and briefcase) approaches the ring. From out of nowhere, Matt Hardy attacks Edge from behind. He is taken down by security. Edge tells Hardy to go back to the Indies and has a few fun words for Edge. Matt calls some of the people trying to take him down a piece of s***. Matt escapes through the crowd as we go to commercial.
We are back and Kane punches Edge as the match has begun. Edge tries to escape over the top of the cage, but Kane throws him down to the mat. Edge with an Impaler DDT after Kane telegraphs a back body drop. Edge punches Kane in the corner and then rakes the eyes. Kane with a back body drop to Edge followed by a clothesline. Kane with a side slam and then he goes outside the ring and climbs the top turnbuckle, but Edge stops him. Edge spears Kane into the cage. Edge slams Kane’s head into the cage and then hits a Stinger Splash against the cage. Lita has some words of advice for Edge. Kane is bleeding. Edge runs Kane’s head across the cage. Edge punches Kane and tries to run his head into the cage again, but Kane blocks it. Kane throws Edge into the cage. Kane with clotheslines followed by a back body drop. Kane with an Irish whip followed by a running clothesline and side slam before going up top to finish his moves of doom with the Robb Nen jumping clothesline. Kane smiles before continuing the attack. Kane goes up for the punches of ten, but he does not stop until he approaches the mid-twenties. Kane with an Irish whip, but he charges into a boot from Edge. Edge with a missile drop kick. Edge tries to climb over the top of the cage, but Kane pulls Edge’s foot and Edge is crotched on the top rope. Kane slams Edge’s head into the cage. Kane with a big boot that sends Edge’s head into the cage. Kane sets up for the choke slam, but Edge with a low kick. Edge tries to go up top again, but Kane grabs Edge and hits a powerbomb. Edge with a spear to Kane, but Kane kicks out. Edge calls for the door, but Kane pulls him back in. Lita gives Edge the briefcase. Kane grabs Edge before he can use the briefcase and Kane hits a choke slam. Both men are down. Kane tries to climb the cage, but Edge hits Kane twice with the briefcase. Edge climbs the cage and he is about to get over, but Kane grabs Edge by the throat. Edge hits Kane with the briefcase and Kane goes to the mat while Edge hits the floor. We go to commercial.
We are back and there are some members of the Philadelphia Phillies in the front row.
Time for the Smackdown Rebound with footage of Batista versus Orlando Jordan and Bradshaw standing over Batista after his post-match attack.
Maria is in the back with John Cena. Maria wants to know if Cena is afraid of being hit by an axe or a falling tree. Cena decides to make a sexual reference. Cena says that he forgot his flannel shirt for the lumberjack match. Cena tells Maria to get his flannel shirt. Cena says that last week Bischoff threatened him and he got the F-U. Now he has to swim with the sharks in a lumberjack match. Cena reminds us what he said to Bischoff. He is not like Chris Jericho and he will not have a sleep over and play My Little Pony like Bischoff and Jericho. He will be taking names in the ring. We go to commercial.
We are back with the WWE Rewind: Eric Bischoff getting the gingerly placed fireman’s carry slam (copyright Mike Johnson).
We see the lumberjacks surround the ring and apparently Maria has not found their flannel shirts either.
We find out that in addition to the Battle of the Bands, we will see Kane versus Edge in a stretcher match.
It is time for the main event as Gene Snitsky comes to the ring. Out next is his opponent, John Cena. Snitsky kicks Cena and throws him outside the ring. Cena punches Rob Conway and gets back into the ring. Snitsky charges at Cena, but Cena low bridges and Snitsky goes outside the ring. Jericho has some advice for Snitsky. Snitsky with a clean break, but Conway distracts Cena. Cena with punches to Snitsky, but Snitsky with a kick. Cena with a flying shoulder tackle followed by a back body drop. Snitsky sends Cena outside the ring and Cena is attacked. Cena gets back in the ring, but then he goes outside the ring after the lumberjacks. Jericho sends Cena into the ringside barrier and then they pile on Cena before rolling him back into the ring. We go to commercial.
We are back and Snitsky has Cena in the Cobra Clutch. During the break, Jericho with a big boot to Cena while Cena was being held outside the ring. Snitsky with a spinebuster. While Snitsky distracts the ref, Kerwin ‘Bischoff’ White and Rene Dupree punch Cena. Snitsky with a neck breaker for a two count. Snitsky sets up for a suplex, but Cena blocks it and hits a snap suplex. Cena punches Snitsky. Cena goes off the ropes, but Jericho trips Cena and then he pulls Cena outside the ring and Irish whips Cena into the steps before Jericho sends Cena into the ringside barrier. Snitsky chokes Cena. Snitsky with another Cobra Clutch. Cena with a head butt followed by punches and kicks to Snitsky. Jericho gets on the apron and Cena punches him. Cena turns around and Snitsky with a clothesline. Jericho gets angry at the ringside barrier. Back in the ring, Snitsky with a reverse chin lock. Cena with knees to Snitsky, but Snitsky with a rake of the eyes. Gene with an Irish whip and a clothesline, but Cena moves out of the way on another. Cena has Snitsky up for the Gingerly Placed Fireman’s Carry Slam (copyright Mike Johnson), but Angle clips Cena when the ref was not looking. Snitsky throws Cena out of the ring and the lumberjacks attack Cena. Jericho with a running forearm before Cena is rolled into the ring. Snitsky get Cena up for a pump handle slam, but Cena counters with a DDT. From out of nowhere, Shelton Benjamin comes out with the Big Show. Shelton attacks Carlito. Rosey and Val Venis also come out with the Hurricane and Tajiri. From out of nowhere Viscera comes out and he sees the Heart Throbs spooning outside the ring. Viscera dry humps them. Bischoff comes out to survey what is going on. Jericho gets a chair and he prepares to hit Cena with it but Cena kicks Jericho and then punches him, sending Jericho outside the ring. Snitsky tries to hit Cena with the chair, but Cena kicks Snitsky and then hits the gingerly placed fireman’s carry slam (copyright Mike Johnson) for the three count. Eric Bischoff is not happy and neither is Chris Jericho as we go to credits
