Welcome back to another edition of The White & BlueLet’s jump into things with The Last Resort. So click on that link above (which will open into a new window) to ask me stuff, whether you need advice or just wanna dick around. I’M WISE BEEAYTCH!
Who’s smarter, guys or dames?
T Relish
Well T,
Guys are stupid because they don’t think about things enough. Women act stupid because we drive ourselves batshit by thinking too much. So in a nutshell, we’re all stupid. Thank you, and goodnight sir.
And that’s all I have to say. But you know what, sometimes you need a…
Second Opinion!
And our Second Opinion comes from The CURRENT Big Thing! Check out his regular wrestling column CURRENT History at Saltyham.com and his HILARIOUS weekly RAW review at the Salty Ham forums! Here goes:
From the beginning of mankind, there has always been a little tension as to who’s smarter between girls and guys. Luckily for you, you got “Tha Thang Man” answering your question so you’ll have no doubts by the time you read this whole thing. You see, when you live in a world where women f*** men over and men f*** women over, you got yourself a race full of MORONS! You wanna know who’s smarter?? Wait for someone to find the cure for AIDS. That person will determine who’s smarter – guys or dames. Or maybe the person that figures out how to bring peace to the world. Until then, you might as well consider men and women imbeciles.
That said, you got a whole bunch of women saying that they’re smarter than men, and a whole bunch of men saying they’re smarter than women… And how f***ing dumb is that?! Those are the types of people you lock up in your basement and feed them broccoli all day. That way the nutrients from the broccoli can rush to their heads and make them realize how f***ing stupid they are. Until you meet every person in this God-forsaken planet, you can’t really say what gender is smarter now can you? You might have friends that make you think, “Gee, they’re really smart. I wanna be just like them!” but then they do something so insanely stupid that they actually make you feel good about yourself. Point being: you can’t determine who’s smarter between males and females until you realize if either one is actually SMART!
Wow, this might be the first time ever when the second opinion directly agrees with mine. You go Big Thang.
If you have a question or want to be a TLR panelist, click here and have fun.
On with the show.
For Airdate: 7/7/05
I’d just like to open up by saying, that this show is buckwild crazy, and not in the good way.
Blue World Order
ECW’s BWO comes out in the middle of JBL’s promos against Batista (warns, “tick tock, tick tock” to Batista since the Great American Bash is coming up in only two and a half weeks), imitating him and his defunct assed cabinet.
Okay. Retarded. These guys just look retarded. Sorry I’m committing ECW blasphemy but maybe Blue Meanie should’ve got his ass busted at One Night Stand, and every day of his natural blue life for wearing those shorts. BWO got out of JBL’s limo, and Richards was on the stick introducing Meanie—who wore a straw hat—as JBL or “John Blue Lamefield”, (wait, I’m sorry, I can’t stop laughing. Really) Nova (who didn’t even try to bear any resemblance to a Basham at all) as “Bash Me” (OMG. I’m going to pee my pants. Seriously.) and himself as OJ or “Bluewheat” (Wowee! These WWE writers are pure genius!). He wore an afro wig, so that automatically makes him Orlando Jordan. Oh yeah and “Bluewheat” was very clever. Yeah. I think it would’ve worked out better if he had come out in blackface or something. Let’s just get all out offensive, because after all, that is the theme of the night.
Seriously, this whole segment sucks.
BWO paints “BWO” on JBL’s limo. There’s a match later between Meanie and JBL no DQ. JBL nearly annihilates Meanie but he manages to get hit with a steel chair by Richards when he goes after the other BWO members, and this busts him open. Of course OJ is there to help, and JBL almost has this thing won when Batista comes out and spinebusts him and then drags Meanie over to cover him. Ding ding ding! Meanie wins!
Eddie’s Still A Jerk
Guerrero forces Mysterio to be his tag team partner tonight, blackmailing him with the threat of revealing their “secret” which involves Mysterio’s son. Mysterio hates Rey’s guts but he’s forced to do everything the man says, even in the ring with MNM. Eddie tells him when to tag in, when to tag out and it’s really humiliating. What’s even more humiliating is when Rey goes to do the 619, Eddie jerks him back, stopping him. See, Eddie doesn’t really want to win, because right before he hated on Rey’s 619, he basically had a pin. He pulled up on like two, two and a half and tagged Rey in. Eventually Eddie leaves the ring and lets Mysterio get double-teamed.
Eddie actually takes a seat next to Cole and Tazz. Cole, who you KNOW is all outraged and stuff is apparently giving Eddie the eye. Eddie looks back, and Tazz looks between them and tells Cole to mind his business and call the match because Eddie is unstable.
Something interesting happens though. Rey manages to isolate one of his opponents and does the 619. He dominates aggressively, and he’s about to win. Eddie doesn’t look too happy about this. He runs up in the ring just as Mysterio is about to pin for three and…
You know what happens. MNM gets their bearings back and work over Rey. They get the pin. They remain champs. Eddie yells at Rey and pushes him around after the match reminding him that he has to do whatever he says and then he makes Rey open the ropes for him as he makes his exit.
In Light of Today’s Tragic Events…
I was wondering why a disclaimer for parental advisory kept scrolling in white letters at the bottom of the screen during SD. In light of today’s events? Of course, the bombings in London. Of course the WWE has perfect timing. They enact a completely blatant terrorist angle concerning Hussan, Daivari, The Undertaker and four guys in masks.
This all started when Daivari and Hussan are in Long’s office and Hussan is saying he should be a number one contender because technically he didn’t get pinned in the six man elimination match last week. That’s right, he ran like a bitch from The Undertaker. Since he didn’t get pinned, he feels he didn’t get eliminated.
So, diplomatic man Long is who during the conversation says, “I’m losing my religion” and “I don’t talk that language” grants Hussan a number one contender’s match with The Undertaker at The Great American Bash.
Daivari mouths off though, and then he gets put in a match tonight against Taker. Daivari freaks out, but later Hussan tells him that he’ll be a sacrifice for the greater good, whatever that means. Well, we are about to find out.
Daivari of course gets squashed by Taker. But all throughout this attack Hussan just stands at the ramp looking very calm. And then once Daivari gets pinned, Hussan drops to his knees and opens his arms, looking to the heavens (or the top of the arena. Whatever). As he’s on his knees two guys run out in khaki pants, black tops and black ski masks, and they begin to “terrorize” Undertaker. Then they are joined by two more guys in this get up. And they beat up Taker as well as choke him out with wire until his skin turns color. Before they nearly choked him out, Hussan comes in does the camel clutch. Taker’s eyes are rolled back at this point, and he looks like he’s about to lose complete consciousness if he hasn’t already.
After Hussan is done, he has his terrorist cronies carry Daivari up over their heads up the ramp as if he was actually a sacrificial martyr.
I just have a few questions about this:
Why do self-proclaimed “Americans” who don’t want to be discriminated against as terrorists act like terrorists?
If you were a terrorist would a dead anti-Christ like figure embody the American ideal to you?
How can you choke out a dead guy?
Why do you have to wait until he squashes someone (sacrificing them) to just jump him?
Why would you air this segment/show right after a major terrorist attack?
I don’t know. Just questions I have.
Everything Else
Chris Benoit over Booker for a shot at the US title
I can smell. They’re going to start a feud between OJ and Benoit.
The Mexicools Strike Again
More stereotypical Mexican tomfoolery. Ha ha ha! When The Mexicools interrupt a match between Matt Morgan and William Regal, Psicosis says “You’re ass is grass and we are the lawn mowers!” Shortly before that they sung, “Oops We Did It Again.” I’m serious. They did it.
I thought this was a bad Saturday Night Live skit. Honest.
‘Cause I’m Captain Charisma Bitch!
Christian loses to Batista in some sort of grudge match. It was okay I guess.
Notable Signs
Layfield fan Club—Number of members: 1
We Want Matt Morgan—Apparently you’re the only one who wants him since he just got his pink slip.
Batista Is On SmackDown!—Duh.
Batista Is Champ—Okay, are you like Captain Obvious or something?
Corporal Charisma—Is that a promotion from Captain?
Well let’s see, we’ve got the making fun of the blacks, the making fun of the Mexicans, the making fun of the Arabs and the laughing of terrorism. How American is that?
Well that’s it for this week. If you’ve got something to say, say it.
