Hey! Back again with your Monthly Review, Branded! Boy, thirty days sure do fly don’t they?
Draft Month
In addition to the big televised picks there were several more trades that happened on the deadline of July 1st:
RAW’s Newest Arrivals:
– Rene Dupree
– Mark Jindrak
– Kenzo Suzuki with Hiroko
– Chavo Guerrero
– Danny Basham
SmackDown!’s Newest Arrivals:
– William Regal
– Candice Michelle
– Sylvan Grenier
– Steven Richards
– Simon Dean
Make of this what you will, but I’m not sure how SD can bounce back after losing Angle, Cena, Big Show and Carlito. RAW seems to have gotten some very choice picks while the only one of any worth on SD’s end seems to be Batista. Hopefully Simon Dean will spice things up. I’m not sure who he’ll make fun of since all of the fat people are on RAW now. Oh well. I’m sure he’ll get by.
With William Regal away from Eugene, I’m not sure how he’ll become important unless he challenges for the US title or tag team titles.
Candice Michelle is a throwaway pick in my opinion. She’s going to spend the next year doing that little godaddy.com spin dance that she does, and still no one will care.
I’m glad that Danny is leaving for RAW. Only because together, The Basham Brothers make me nauseous. Apart, I can easily tell them apart now. I don’t know. I was the only person on this planet who actually couldn’t tell them apart.
I love Kenzo Suzuki and Hiroko. They were MIA for the past few months. Hopefully RAW will get them some exposure.
(sigh). I used to complain about SD when all of the people who left were in place. Now there’s literally nothing to complain about because NO ONE IS THERE ANYMORE! But who knows, maybe things will look brighter soon.
This Month On RAW: June 2005
Number One Draft Pick
It was shocking. It was exciting. It was… confusing?
But Mr. John Cena was RAW’s number one draft pick with his WWE title around his waist. Later in the month he’d go to Vengeance and successfully defend his title against Jericho and Christian in a three way match.
E.C.Dub
ECW’s One Night Stand was a spectacular success. Anti-ECW “factions” from both RAW and SD came to try to crash the party, but it still went off without a hitch. Oh except, JBL shot on Blue Meanie pretty badly.
Lillian’s Heartbreak
Lillian has finally fallen for Big Vis. Everything is going gravy until Vengeance when she asks him to marry her. However, she gets her little heart broken when The Godfather shows up with his freak train and convinces Viscera not to settle down. The next night Lillian didn’t show up to announce. She was probably at home eating chocolate and watching a chick flick of some sort. It’s okay honey, it happens to us all at one time or another when we fall in love with five hundred pound love machines who love spicy nachos. Hey, it happened to me last night.
He’s Baaaaack!
Lita and Edge have been taunting Kane for no good reason. She even brings Snitsky out to agree with him (in Kane’s face) that her losing the baby wasn’t his fault. Then she announces that she’s marrying Edge, giving him a one week head’s up. Hmm…I didn’t know divorces happened so fast since technically she and Kane are still married. Oh well. The next week she’s in this really slutty dress and she and Kane are about to tie the knot when Kane emerges from the mat. That’s right from beneath the ring and under the mat. His half-shiny head pops out and he tries to grabs Lita’s ankle. He comes out, chases Lita and Kane away, and then tombstone’s the priest who was hey man, just trying to do his friggin’ job. Geez.
Anyway, later he chokes out the Coach who, I guess got in the way or something and hen he says, “I’m Baaaaack!” Great. No more lubey dubey crying over spilt milk/baby/wife/ Kane. Love it.
Well, obviously Lita and Edge didn’t get to get married. Somehow, somewhere, in a land far far away, I don’t think this matters.
Second Draft Pick
Kurt Angle is the second draft pick. He becomes slated to fight (and lost to) HBK at Vengeance. Also, he had an AMAZING match with Ric Flair in which he also won.
Third Draft Pick
RAW’s third draft pick is none other than Carlito Caribbean Cool, aka “Sideshow Bob”. (sighs). They are taking all of the “cool” people from SmackDown! Carlito wins the IC belt from Shelton on his first night on RAW. He also retains at Vengeance and is now hosting the Cabana on the A show. I haven’t seen a highlight reel since the beginning of the month. Is this the new “highlight reel”? Anyway, during an interview, Maria becomes his first apple spitting victim on RAW. Congrats Maria. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.
The Vicky/Christy Saga.
This thing between them just gets uglier when Victoria smashes some sort of glass object against the back of Christy’s skull during an interview. They fight at Vengeance and Victoria kicks Christy’s ass.
Diva Search
The Diva search has began. Eight finalists have already been picked, and none of the girls stand out like Christy did, hell, none of them even stand out the way Carmella did. One girl tried to be “heel-like” but she just wound up looking like a Gail Kim knock off with Wannabe Stone Cold tendencies, (she pounded a beer from her purse down her throat). She also said, “As Ric Flair would say, to be the woman, you have to beat the woman…”
Umm no. He’d never say that ’cause see, he has a penis. In the latest news the girls are slated to go through a Bikini Boot Camp on the first show of July. No one really is saying whether the fans will get to “pick” the girl this time, but they might as well stop pretending anyway since they do whatever they see fit.
Still The Champ
Batista retains his title at Vengeance in the Hell In a Cell Match against HHH. He also manages to get traded to SD as the fifth pick.
Fourth Pick
Big Show. On his first night he beats down Snitsky.
Fifth Pick
Rob. Van. Dam. He may be the fifth pick, but he’s the first guest on Carlito’s Cabana on RAW. He’s obviously injured and wearing a knee brace, but after a heated verbal exchange between he and Carlito, Carlito beats up on RVD and works on his knee.
Hulking Up!
Hulk Hogan shows up to be HBK’s and Cena’s surprise partner in a six-man tag team match against Christian, Jericho and Tyson Tomko. The heels lose and then Hogan and friends pose in the ring for minutes afterwards. It was great.
Other Things To Mention
This Month on SmackDown!: June 2005
Kurt Vs. Sharmelle
After Kurt’s win in the Winner’s Choice tourney last month, he wasted an opportunity for a title shot to face off with Sharmelle. Booker T demanded that Sharmelle be taken out of the match but instead, Teddy made it handicapped allowing Booker to fight along Sharmelle’s side. After getting Booker out of his way Angle molested his way to a win by pinning Sharmelle. This angle is over now, and soon after Angle gets drafted to RAW anyway.
Angle & Tazz
Angle has been taunting Tazz for sometime in May about ECW. He wants him to choose between joining his anti-ECW group or out right aligning himself with ECW. Tazz chooses not to make any choice verbally, but Angle forces him to act when he beats him down with a chair. Towards the end of a show The SD anti-ECW division headed up by Angle and JBL are met with a bunch of ECW folk. When a brawl starts in the ring a bloodied bandaged Tazz gets involved and puts someone into the Tazzmission. He really wanted Angle, but Angle immediately left the ring once Tazz came in.
A Show With No Champion
For nearly the whole month of June SD had no Champion. Cena left, and then there was a scramble for a newly created championship by JBL (of course)Draft Picks Chris Benoit and Muhammad Hussan, Booker T, Undertaker and Big Show. This culminated into a six man elimination match at the end of the month for what would be known as “The SD Championship”. Big Show was replaced with Draft Pick Christian when he left, and was nearly close to winning when JBL emerged victorious. After the win, JBL is ecstatic that he gets to become champ of SD again. However, there’s a catch. There’s no longer any need for the SD championship because Batista has been drafted, right along with his world title. So now JBL becomes the number one contender for the belt.
Cabinet, No More?
The Bashams quit JBL’s Cabinet and even he and OJ aren’t getting along anymore. It appears that the Cabinet has disbanded for the most part, at least for now.
New Wrestling Divas
Michelle McCool and Melina from MNM had their first match on SD with Melina winning (via cheating, using the ropes). This feud started from a beef between MNM and Heidenrech. The SD divas support Heidenrech who they consider their “friend”. When Melina insults him Michelle steps up to the plate by spearing her. Even though Michelle lost, this feud is probably far from over.
Orton on SD
Orton, a new SD draft pick came out and helped JBL win a match with his nemesis The Undertaker when he snuck an RKO on him. It’s been hinted that these two will begin their feud again.
Mexicools
A new stable, The Mexicools (Juventud, Super Crazy, Psicosis) debut on SD claiming that they will “take over” the Cruiserweight division (or what’s left of it.)
It’s Not Over
Just when you think the Rey/Eddie thing has sort of been resolved (after all, Eddie has just been made to look completely weak against Mysterio) a new angle surfaces. Eddie threatens to tell a secret that he and Rey share to the public including and especially Rey Mysterio’s son. Paternity angle? Perhaps.
Other Things To Mention
June’s WWE News Items
So what happened in June? Find out here:
Edge says, “I still talk to Matt.”—During a roundtable interview at the Electronics Entertainment Expo in California, Matt says that the angle with Kane was obviously spurned from real life. He said that Vince paid attention to the crowd reactions and asked them to go with it: “We could give it 50% and it just wouldn’t work. So we said, okay, we’ve got to take this and run with it. We’ve been put in this position now and we might as well go with it.”
He refers to himself as the Angelina Jolie of the locker room.
Test, Storm Update—Lance Storm has opened his wrestling school in Calgary. Test is wrestling for TCW in Manitoba.
Matt’s “Reality Show”—Matt Hardy is filming and broadcasting his own “reality show” on the Internet. He says: “I just finished five straight days of shooting. If you are a Matt or Jeff Hardy fan, you will NOT be able to miss one single episode. You will see every side of me as well as Jeff, my Dad, Lori, my friends, my Dad’s friends, other MFer’s–everyone involved in my life currently. There will be hilarious bits, wrestling bits, controversial bits, touching bits, inspirational bits–every range of emotion will be covered. I don’t want to be protected by the editing room, I want each and every one of you to see the true Matt Hardy. For all those who are wondering, the show will be available world wide via streaming video on THE MATT HARDY SHOW website. There will also be exclusive video and multimedia updates constantly added to the site. Whether you’re a wrestling fan or not–you will absolutely love this project. THE MATT HARDY SHOW is going to offer one-of-a-kind entertainment as well as groundbreaking insight into the lives of myself and EVERYONE I interact with or have interacted with. I’ll keep you guys posted as always. Thanks.”
Angle says, “ECW Ruined Wrestling!”—Don’t know if he was in character at the time of the interview, but Angle told the Peoria Journal Star (pjstar.com) that ECW and extreme wrestling has “put the business back years and years.” He also said, “They almost ruined the business as a whole….Fans started to expect everyone and everybody to go through tables and get hung by barbed wire.” He also said that more extreme demands on wrestling style have been the cause of multiple injuries of many wrestlers, including serious neck injuries.
New Superstars?—WWE has been looking at ROH stars CM Punk and Samoa Joe as possible additions to the roster. It has been confirmed that Punk has actually inked a deal with the WWE.
Matt Says, “Sex Tapes Do Exist”—On the message board of his official website Matt casually confirms that there are sex tapes of he and Lita in existence.
WWE Wedding—Jackie Gayda and Charlie Haas finally wed this month.
Strip Club Entrepreneur—The Godfather owns a strip club in Vegas called “Cheetas”. Shocking.
Carlito Well Liked Backstage—Despite his on air reputation Colon is actually a well liked person backstage. He’s been described as humble and eager to learn. A lot of people really like his hair and say that it only adds to his character.
Flair’s Personal Issues—Flair has been missing scheduled WWE appearances due to “personal issues” with his marriage, business and personal finances. It’s being said that his relationship with HHH affords him extra flexibility and keeps him from being reprimanded.
SmackDown, Downgraded?—The mood backstage at SD is that McMahon is losing interest and hope in the SD brand as of late. Many feel like he’s taken some of the best SD talent and loaded it up on RAW while losing the hope that it can actually draw viewers in its new Friday night timeslot.
Francine VS. Dawn Marie—These two had an altercation at the ECW show which resulted in some name calling and catty remarks. No real reason as to why/how it started. It appears that Dawn Marie felt “disrespected” by the response she got from Francine when she greeted her. She says when she addressed the woman that Francine “made a face” and brushed her off. However, Francine insists that she didn’t “dis” Dawn Marie, and in fact even shook her hand. After which, she claims Dawn Marie made a sarcastic remark about her being “as pleasant as ever” and then called her a bitch.
Randy Orton Didn’t Poop In Bag—Former WWE Diva Rochelle Loewen clears up the rumors around Orton’s “poop prank” on her. She says it was actually tanning lotion and baby oil that was used to vandalize her belongings. Though it wasn’t actually poop that Orton put in her bag she says, “I wouldn’t put it past him to s**t in my bag.”
Loewen claims that many of the female talent just didn’t like her because she had no prior WWE/ wrestling history and was not brought in through the Diva Search. The company sought her out. She says the reason Randy didn’t like her is because she didn’t know his name. From Wrestlinginc.com:
“‘I didn’t aim to go and work for the WWE. WWE came and asked me to work for them. In lieu of that, I wasn’t a big fan and I didn’t know a lot about wrestling’. Despite being a fan now and loving the business, Rochelle wasn’t familiar with everyone’s name at first and when she met Orton, she told him he looked familiar. He agreed and asked her where he knew her from. ‘Are you from Canada,’ she responded. After looking her up and down, Orton (according to Loewen) said before storming off, ‘I hate Canada and I hate you!'”
She claims that Randy was “obsessed” and infatuated with her and has “issues with beautiful women”. She also claims he was jealous when she moved over to SD and became friends with Mark Jindrak, Randy’s best friend.
Fake Story About Jericho/Goldberg—On his website Chris Jericho disputed ever having said disparaging remarks about Goldberg on a rock radio morning show. According to Live Wrestling Audio.com Chris told interviewers that Goldberg was “…nothing more than hype and good timing. He wasn’t a wrestler and all of the guys saw right through that, unlike WCW where you had to kiss his ass or else feel the wrath of the brass running the show. In WWE, guys didn’t kiss up to him and that really got to big Bill and that is one reason why he probably trashes WWE these days. Sorry Bill, you weren’t worth the money invested in your sorry ass.”
According to his website, these statements aren’t true and he was never even on the show in question. He says that if he saw Goldberg today he’d give him a hug or shake his hand.
Mick Foley’s Book—Foley has a new novel coming out called “Scooter”. From wrestlinginc.com:
“The book is named after New York baseball icon Phil Scooter Rizzuto. The story is about a kid growing up as a baseball fan in the Bronx in the 60s and 70s. He was shot in the leg by his father at the age of 8 and has a bad limp, but his love for baseball as a teenager helps him through a tough period growing up.”
Kid with a physical impairment, abuse father, adolescence, lead character name after someone influential…wow. This sounds exactly like Tietam Brown.
Speaking of Tietam Brown—The movie rights to Mick’s first novel is expected to be finalized soon. Mick wants Terry Funk to play Tietam’s dad.
Brock Wants Back In—Brock Lesnar has stated in the “Bismark Tribune” that he wants to settle his lawsuit with the company and come back to the WWE.
“I’m ready for it now. With the lawsuit and everything going on, I just hope we can resolve this thing, and Vince can open his doors to me and just give me a second chance. I have no idea (where it stands). I guess it stands on the end of your pencil, when it gets out on the Internet. That’s probably where he’ll catch the news. It’s either that or me calling him. But I don’t know what else I’d be. What else is there for me? I wasn’t ready for what (WWE) put on my plate. I couldn’t eat it all. I tried to, you know. That’s just me being me. He asked me, `Are you ready for this?’ and I just said, `Bring it on. Let’s go.’ I wasn’t ready to be traveling 300 days a year. I wasn’t ready for the money. I wasn’t ready for the responsibilities. I wasn’t ready to be a father. I wasn’t ready to be a husband. I wasn’t ready for a lot of things. I had a lot of growing up to do. I was forced to grow up.”
Hogan Wants To Wrestle Cena—During their six man tag match on RAW, Hulk Hogan was impressed by Cena, telling him, ‘Brother, now that I’ve been in the ring with you. Now that I’ve seen how good you are. Now I want to wrestle you, so get ready.’ He was totally psyched, he told me it was like a dream come true, but I want to see what he’s made of.”
Hulk Hogan is supposedly one of Cena’s wrestling heroes.
I thank the following sources for providing the information compiled in this article:
Wrestllinginc.com
Saltyham.com
TBLWrestling.com
Anything you have to say? Here you go.
Till August.
