One of the main drawbacks with writing about an industry that relies so heavily on current events is that you sometimes forget to look over your shoulder and address that which is out of sight and out of mind. Oddly, like most Internet writers I have waxed lyrical about the ‘old days’ on many occasions but it is very easy to forget those who, whilst still involved in the wrestling scene, are primarily kept there through mainstream media interviews and in the hearts and minds of those wrestling fans who want them back where they ‘belong’. Not that I’ve ever subscribed to the theory that you shouldn’t talk about people behind their backs, all of the people that I mention in this column are still using their former full-time wrestling careers as a way of keeping their profiles in the wrestling media, thus ensuring that the bait needed to lure them back to the ring has more zeros at the end than it did last week. And that makes them fair game. Or not. Do I care?
BROCK LESNAR
I was a big fan of what Brock Lesnar did in the ring. Week in and week out I was amazed at the downright reckless zest that Brock put into throwing and taking even the most basic series of moves. He was strong, quick, agile and he knew how to land a ‘shooting star press’ (albeit right on his forehead). Towards the end of his WWE run they diluted his character too much as Brock was always more threatening as an unstoppable machine rather than the begging, dribbling lunatic he eventually became. I find the “you sold out” chants that Brock received during his last match at Wrestlemania XX a little confusing. In going after his dream of playing in the NFL he took a massive risk on his future and an enormous cut in pay, even if he had made the reserve squad (which was his best chance). The weird thing is that most of what casual fans (myself included) have read about Brock since he left the WWE has been pre-empted by the expression “according to reports” and it’s difficult to paint an accurate picture of the man. He’s either a bitter, whining failure who is now trying weasel out of a signed contract or a determined dream-chaser who’s fighting the corporate monopoly of personal freedoms. Based on things that we know, Brock wanted back into the WWE but on a reduced schedule for more money so it’s safe to say that the knock back from the NFL hasn’t dented his confidence. His recent lawsuit against the WWE over a clause in his contract that he considers to be tantamount to a restriction of fair employment shows that he’s desperate to keep his name in the wrestling press, although I feel that if a man’s signature means nothing then his word doesn’t either. I’d love to see Brock Lesnar back in the WWE but under the company’s terms otherwise every other performer on the roster gets screwed. He should wrestle a regular schedule, for appropriate financial award and repay the jobs and put overs that were afforded to him on his way up to the main event. Somehow, I don’t think that’s how Brock sees his future.
GOLDBERG
Even though his streak was partly made up of ‘phantom’ victories, the thing WCW did best with Bill Goldberg was to give the fans what they wanted and that which highlighted his talents to the maximum. A protracted entrance, major crowd pop, jackhammer, spear and the three-count. When the WWE tried to take him out of his element and engage him in a symbiotic, equal wrestling match the limitations of Goldberg’s abilities and intentions became apparent. His reluctance to add colour to his character meant that the only way to advance his feuds was to have him get sneakily beaten down and then build up the anger that was to be unleashed at the proposed PPV match. Ultimately, this left us with a version of Goldberg that was a monster at PPV’s but came across as gullible and feckless on television. Now Goldberg claims that the WWE are “morons” for mishandling his character. My problem is that the WWE didn’t (and still doesn’t) need the ‘streak’ to restart. Whilst it would still be the best use of his talents, most dedicated wrestlers would have progressed since requiring such a structured process to cover their flaws but Goldberg seems intent on sticking to his one-dimensional routine and waiting for the wrestling world to want to see it again. Unlike the first streak, there’d be no desire for Bill to start with the jobbers and lower-card performers and his new streak would rely on a greater density of put-overs from the upper-card and main eventers, something that would almost certainly guarantee Bill the World title, a long run with the belt and the focus of the company for some time to come. I found Goldberg to be an great athlete with unbelievable intensity and if successful transitional athletes like Kurt Angle or JBL could have got in his ear and promoted the team/company ethic then we could have had a franchise player on our hands. But they didn’t, and now wrestling doesn’t need Goldberg back.
THE ROCK
It would be very easy for me to take a negative stance against the Rock, as my wife considers him the husband she never married, but I find it so hard to find any breach in his abilities. His vocal work was smooth and entertaining, his wrestling style dynamic and sudden and it’s only since the emergence of Shelton Benjamin that I have seen footwork and timing that flawless. He comes across in appearance and in the words of his fellow wrestlers as a selfless worker and an all-round decent guy. If I were to look for a fault, I would say that his charm, now enhanced by his dealings with an industry that puts wrestling’s ‘fakeness’ to shame, is more forced than ever but than can easily be attributed to the promotional machinery of Hollywood. As with Brock Lesnar, I am not a subscriber to the theory that Rock ‘sold out’. Whilst his desire to make the move from wrestling to films was partly motivated by money, coupled with the reduction in working hours and the physical toll that wrestling takes on the body, I don’t see how this decision goes against a moral or principle (which would denote ‘selling out’). It would have been blind stupidity to turn down the offers that were afforded to him and, as his wrestling career was built on the strength of his own hard work, he owed wrestling fans no personal sacrifice. In fact, after some less than welcoming reactions that he had received at various times during his WWE tenure you couldn’t blame him for feeling a little unappreciated but, in interviews at least, he has remained upbeat about his wrestling past (when he chooses to refer to it) and normally makes good on his promises to return whenever possible. Don’t you just hate him?
ULTIMATE WARRIOR
I’m not going to waste too many words on this because I don’t feel the need to merely confirm what most people seem to think. Warrior was a bad wrestler. It took the talents of Rick Rude and Randy Savage respectively to drag good matches out of him and I don’t count the Wrestlemania XI main event because the spectacle far outweighed any ability that was on show from either man. His promos were meaningless shouting laced with conceit and delusion which added nothing to any feud he had. His post-wrestling life has been so ridiculous that I am reluctant to comment on it just in case one day he decides to say “I was joking all along and you lot fell for it”. I must however commend him for the sheer level of ignorant belief that it must take to convince yourself when promoting such utter garbage.
CHYNA
For a lot of people, there must be only one Chyna. A cosmetically distorted media freak who’s only good for a vomit-inducing sex tape, bizarre drug-fuelled interviews and desperate reality show humiliation. It’s a far cry from the Chyna I first saw running into the ring to save HHH from a Bret Hart beating on a televised WWF European tour event. Although it’s fair to say that back then she wasn’t going to win any beauty contests, she had an amazing aura about her that transcended traditional looks and, whilst muscular, her body wasn’t un-feminine. She maintained her emotionless mask until, during a particularly childish crotch-chopping session from Hunter and Shawn, she let slip a wry smile and it suited her. Even her new breasts were welcomed by DX with humour and modesty so it didn’t appear too excessively manneristic. In the early stages of the rebuilt DX, she had an appealing immature/maternal duality to her character being both the voice of reason and the secret joker in the pack (including initiating the DX ‘split’ by baring her more than shapely rear end). It was then that she took some time off to get some ‘dental work’ done and came back with someone else’s face. All of the (mostly) natural, non-conformist appeal that she had evaporated immediately. After that, she developed a superficial demeanour of which Barbie would have been proud culminating in the ultimate contradiction of dignity, posing nude for Playboy, which finally proved that Chyna never wanted the system to change and accept her for what she was, she just wanted to be a part of the system. Through a mixture of good luck and choice, I’ve managed to avoid most of Chyna’s televised descent into self-destruction despite all aspects of the press taking no little amount of glee at her fall. I wonder if they’d take such joy at her weaknesses if she’s found overdosed in a hotel room?
Lee
