The best thing about coming up with the title of a column like this is that you can actually hear people’s teeth grinding in anger before they’ve even read the first paragraph. The idea of attempting to create a set of imposed rules for something that is as individual as we are is the sort of dictatorial journalism that gets readers sharpening their pencils, if only to want to ram them violently into my eye sockets, so I’d better clear a few things up first. The title of this column is nothing more than a device, a ‘this way for sex’ sign designed to attract your attention. Whatever is about to come dribbling out of my brain and through my fingertips is NOT a draconian code of conduct for being a wrestling fan. It is however, a mess of things that I have noticed about wrestling fans at live events, through emails and on various forums and comment facilities, and my thoughts thereon. If you recognise yourself in any of the following examples then you have my hearty congratulations or my deepest sympathies, depending on the amount of pride you have in what you do, and you can either take something from my observations or print them out and use them for what they are probably best suited (after all; they are soft, strong and very absorbent).
Quick survey to begin with. Hands up (this isn’t going to work) if you secretly want TNA to fail and go under just like WWE’s previous rivals. Odd question isn’t it. Even though the vast majority of WWE fans know that the output is better when opposed by strong competition, the idea of TNA catching and possibly overtaking WWE in ratings and buy-rates is not a palatable one, if only in that it suggests you are a fan of an inferior product. I started watching WCW in 1989, before I knew that the WWF even existed, and I eventually had no problem dividing my loyalties evenly once I’d discovered both promotions. The two brands offered discernibly unique shows and the inception of the Monday night wars never really affected us here in the UK as Nitro was on at 8pm on Fridays and Raw was straight after at 10pm on a different channel. What started a slight bitterness for me was when WCW became a mirror image of WWF. Hogan, Duggan, Beefcake, Savage and Earthquake all became upper-card players and my favourites like Austin, Regal and Rhodes got pushed so far down the card that they fell off the end. All of a sudden, we’ve got two WWF’s; one current and one from ten years ago – and the ‘seen it before’ version was fast becoming the more popular. The NWO was the last straw for me. I hated it. The NWO was a good idea for about two months and then they messed it up, but the fans kept watching and I couldn’t work out why. Despite knowing that it would hurt the US pro-wrestling scene, I was happy when WCW went under. Not for Vince McMahon or the WWE who need no help in making money, but for me. For the time Hogan squashed Vader like a bug, for sitting through promos by the Dungeon of Doom, for puking up the Renegade Warrior, for bringing back the REAL Ultimate Warrior, for having Austin job to Duggan and for hundreds of other reasons, I wanted to shove WCW’s face in it for ruining a product that I once liked.
I’ve never been a big fan of TNA. Not because I don’t like it but because it’s been sporadically broadcast over here, it doesn’t tour so we can’t see it live and it has little or no presence outside of its shows which are always months behind the US anyway. I want TNA to succeed, but not because it’s becoming more like the WWE. And I’m damned if I’m going to support it so that Jarrett, Douglas and Raven can use it as proof that it’s the WWE’s fault that they never made mainstream World champions. A lot of discussion that I’ve seen by wrestling fans takes the broad view, “TNA sucks” or “TNA’s better than WWE”, but we need to look more at what’s good and bad about both. In Jarrett and HHH we have two main event players who need to drop back a little and find a new motivation for their characters. Younger stars like AJ Styles, Shelton Benjamin, Christopher Daniels and Christian need to be elevated and handled with care. New monsters like Abyss and Batista need to be protected and veterans like Nash and Undertaker need to be using their remaining time wisely. I’d be in favour of the Monday night wars returning but only if us fans decide that the TNA style is worth investing in – and not because it can ‘out-WWE’ the WWE.
Anyway, signs. We’ve all made them (well, most of us have) and they’re our most basic form of on-screen comment, both positive and negative. Whilst there have been some classics (“DEAN IS NOT CLIQUE MATERIAL” or “FAROOQ’S HOOKED ON EBONICS”), I feel the standard is dropping and the majority of signs now seem to contain simply the name of the wrestler being supported or the one-word tag associated therewith (“PEEPS” or “WOO”). The reason why I still decide on a ‘best sign’ in my Raw review is because I feel this is a creative opportunity that simply cannot be ignored and, given the right idea, is as entertaining as the WWE writing which can be a bit clichéd at times. It is grand hypocrisy that the WWE feels the need to take signs away (for reasons other than obscenity) and it is up to us to push these envelopes so that we as an audience can monitor the morals that it sees fit to allow on its television shows. Of course, I was hoping that a steward would swipe the “RANDY EQUALS MOIST” sign from my wife’s hands last year at the first UK Raw taping but it seems as though that’s acceptable.
I touched on this subject recently but I wanted to elaborate on ‘fans who argue about who’s better in a storyline sense’, especially when the strongest argument they can come up with is “that person sucks”. I’ve been reading with interest the messages left on SKY’s teletext service (Page 388 on digital in UK), notably the ones regarding Lita and Trish and the question ‘which one of them is the greatest?’ It started a while ago after their no-contest PPV match before Lita’s injury that involved a spot with Trish getting a ‘broken’ nose. Many viewers were incensed that Lita was allowed to continue wrestling when she was obviously so “clumsy” as to be a danger to others. Oddly enough, in reality she appears to be only a danger to herself (after her two botched dives) or your romantic relationships. Undeterred by reality, the more dough-eyed end of the British wrestling public then embarked on a discussion about which one was the better wrestler using their victories and number of women’s title runs as evidence.
I don’t mind seeing input as simple as ‘he sucks’ or ‘he would kick his ass’, fundamentally it’s the response the pro-wrestling industry is aiming for, but if you want to enter into a proper discussion then you’re going to have to put aside the blind support and be objective. Oh, and could we stop using ‘gay’ as an insult. I can’t see that it’s much of an insult when you’re inferring that someone is better dressed than you, more expressive and has a greater understanding of what women want from men. And once and for all, Lita DOES NOT SUCK. Well, not until Edge asks nicely.
At the UK Raw event last year, I was milling around waiting for the doors to open and admiring the optimism of the price stickers attached to the official WWE merchandise when a skinny guy, about my height, found a quiet spot amongst the crowd to kneel down and open up the bag he was carrying. He was taking such care with it that a few people noticed and everyone waited to see what he produced. Out of the bag, and onto his wafer-thin shoulder, came a gleaming ‘gold’ wrestling belt. All the men, the ones over 140lbs that is, burst into a chorus of laughter and jeers and one guy even put down his tasty beverage and mockingly challenged him for the title. Look, they’re fun and we can all spend our hard-earned cash (or their student loans) on whatever we want so if you’ve bought a replica belt then show it with capitalist pride, but please don’t kid yourself into thinking that you did anything worthwhile to attain it. I’d rather take along my tiny pool trophy or my swimming certificates; at least I competed for those.
I noticed last week on Raw, during the Jericho/Edge match that the ‘boring’ chant made an unwelcome appearance. Granted, my comments on the match in my Raw review were hardly glowing but it wasn’t boring and to use our only ‘drumhead’ fan criticism in this manner is wasteful. The ‘Masterlock challenge’, now that should be taken as a chance to show Vince that we feel let down by the writing team and the segments should end as soon as possible.
I read somewhere that the final piece of proof that Edge is completely useless, and should be de-pushed, released and/or shot in the chin, was that last year he got booed in his hometown PPV by the ‘bizarro world’ fans of Canada. Okay, they failed to mention that every face on that card got jeered except Eugene (and that includes Benoit) so the accusation doesn’t quite hold water but it raises an interesting point about this penchant for hating on the good guys. It’s easy to see that pro-wrestling fans have long rejected the idea that faces have to be virtuous and heels have to be cheaters and generally bad people. If Stone Cold and the Rock’s much lauded heelish actions weren’t evidence enough, then the intentionally hyperbolised ‘goodie-goodie’ debuts of Kurt Angle and Simon Dean, and the hatred they garnered, demonstrate that society has changed and the last thing we want as a hero is a loser, albeit one who plays by the rules and smiles in defeat. But the actions of fans in Canada, and also in New York going back as far as HBK v Sid in 1996, seem to focus more on a basic rejection of faces, rather than a juxtaposed support of heels. In fact there seems little support for anyone, just an attempt to sabotage the storyline. It would be giving this concept too much credit to suggest that it’s a protest at ‘soap opera’ style writing founded in a desire for pure athletic competition and is more likely just another example of fans taking the opportunity to BE the story, rather than just watching it. Again, audiences have the right to do it and as such shouldn’t be suppressed but can someone who has taken part in such an occurrence enlighten me as to why it is happening? Nihilism is a worthy cause, but to travel and pay money to show that you don’t want to play along seems a little contradictory to me.
Easy one now, people who jump the barrier. No point in me telling you whether it’s a good or bad thing (that’s fairly obvious) but I do have a great solution to the problem. Snipers. Highly-skilled marksmen dotted around the arena ready to pick off an over-excited moron with a single bullet right through the brain or failing that, through the centre of his head. And if a ricochet accidentally takes out Heidenreich just as he’s about to read a poem then that’s unfortunate, but there’s always casualties in war.
I like wrestling fans because you guys are everything I’m not. Over-passionate, quick to judge, irrational, blindly loyal and enthusiastically offensive. We are the blood that pumps around the veins of professional wrestling keeping the body alive and it would die without us. Next time someone writes or says something that you disagree with, remember that you have a duty to respond in a sensible, meaningful manner with common sense and forethought. Take on board their opinions and mix them with your own to form a stronger more varied base of knowledge.
THEN call them a faggot.
Lee
