Before I start. Since beginning this column I, like everyone else, was shocked to hear about the passing away of Chris Candido. Several years ago I had an indie tape dealer make me up a ‘Best of Chris Candido’ video containing some of his best matches from SMW and ECW. Not only was it a masterclass in how to play the cowardly heel but it also showed off Candido’s immense repertoire of wrestling skills and his adaptable style that made it all look so easy, which of course it wasn’t. Just like Mick Foley, Chris spent the vast majority of his career being the foundation on which other superstars built their reputations and his willingness and enthusiasm to elevate was second to none. In an email message his brother asks us to remember him with fondness and doing that which Chris loved. With that in mind, I will always see him back-tracking around the ring away from his bigger adversary, wide-eyed and close to tears, calling for a time-out, doing everything he can to put over the other guy. Wrestling will miss Chris Candido.
Here’s my column.
I’ve created an oxymoron. I wanted to come up with one of those ‘top five’ scenarios that would be as simple and ‘rule-free’ as possible but it appears as though the broader you make the subject the more criteria there seems to be. I’ll explain. Bottom line, your top five favourite people in wrestling history. They don’t have to be wrestlers and they don’t need to have become the greatest, biggest drawing or most recognised man or woman in pro-wrestling. It’s not even about wrestling ability, mic skills or charisma; just the five people that you like the best since wrestling began. Seems easy doesn’t it?
For my part, and purely for reasons of preference, I’ve omitted the US wrestlers that I would consider to be the most important over the years (Hogan, Flair, Lawler, Austin, Hart) and the ones that I think have the most wrestling ability (Benoit, Billington, Rock, HHH, Angle). There are some personalities that I could listen to all day (Heyman, Russo, Cornette) but I’m not sure I’d necessarily believe a word any of them said and they more than likely wouldn’t agree with eachother anyway. Popular legends like Sting, Undertaker, Misawa, Michaels, and Funk have all amazed me with their presence and skill and at various times have ranked up there with my favourites but all time is a long time, and favour beats fashion every time. My top five, all time:
BOBBY ‘THE BRAIN’ HEENAN
Hulk Hogan’s greatest match is debatable (Andre @ WM3, Savage @ WM5, Warrior @ WM6) but his most memorable direct and indirect feud was against the WWE’s finest manager and most entertaining announcer, Bobby Heenan. Perpetually obsessed with the demise of ‘Hulkamania’, Heenan took the torch from Jesse Ventura but presented a more affable vocal villain with which to disassociate. As funny as Lawler (without the lecherous reflexes) he was more than just play by play and for many years was the on-screen face of the WWF appearing on almost every show they produced. Add to that his position as the mouthpiece of many of the WWE’s greatest and least communicative heels and you have a man that, more than any other, could claim to be the ringmaster of the circus.
For the first two to three years of watching wrestling, for me, Heenan was the WWF. At the time, his comments and mannerisms were the diamond bullet that tore a path through the sometimes predictable ‘clown-show’ on offer and the sheer clarity of his promos and commentary was humbling. Bobby’s appearances around last year’s Wrestlemania and in some recent interviews prove that despite illness the man is as sharp and witty as ever and his WWE Hall of Fame induction was as well deserved as any of the ex-in ring performers. As far as I’m concerned, Heenan, not Vince, is the benchmark for genius in pro-wrestling and all anyone else can do is look up to the standard that he set.
SAKURA HIROTA
An unusual choice considering, the last time I checked, her win/loss record is only one victory better than TNA’s David Young. An equally odd choice taking into account that she is not obviously attractive and can’t compete on a technical level with most of her GAEA federation counterparts. At a time when joshi puroresu was resorting to its fundamental character choices (thin schoolgirls, overweight monsters, travelling warriors), Sakura made the leap from being a pink-gingham clad jobber to a one-woman impersonation show. In between parodies she also finds time to compete in exciting tag team matches and has a line in sympathy-inducing, blood-soaked beatings that would test even the most violently voyeuristic of fans.
Even though most of Hirota’s shrill, ear-ringing outbursts are in Japanese and therefore incomprehensible to me, her talents in physical comedy and protracted psychology make her matches some of the funniest things I’ve seen in wrestling and her cleverness is all the realisation that she can steal the show from the under-card whilst elevating other talent on the way to the main event spots. As I said before, she’s not what we in the west would consider a natural beauty (though she might be hot stuff in Japan) but as long as you don’t mind deep bruises on timorous white thighs then she’s as cute as they come. You have to admire her dedication because the dojo system is hard in Japan and especially hard on women (it makes the WWE diva search contest look like … well, exactly what it is) so the levity in her on-screen gimmick is under-pinned by a strong work ethic and a genuine toughness. And who else uses kissing as a finishing move?
JUSHIN ‘THUNDER’ LIGER
Total ‘mark out’ with this one. After watching WCW and WWF for several years I caught my first glimpse of Japanese wrestling on satellite channel Eurosport when they showed bouts from NJPW. Rick and Scott Steiner, Otani, Pegasus Kid (Benoit), Jim Owens (Owen Hart) and Hashimoto made it unmissable viewing but the undoubted stars for me were Ultimo Dragon and Jushin Liger. I’ve got three Dragon/Liger matches on tape and they’re all absolute crackers containing more mat work and submission holds than most cruiserweight matches but still utilising death-defying acrobatics and numerous two counts. His adaptability came through in early matches with Dean Malenko and Eddie Guerrero and was further enforced by a fantastic series in WCW with Brian Pillman.
Liger has a very compact style and seems to be compatible with any wrestler but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the look. Every masked wrestler I’d seen before him had been the 1980’s clumsy ‘builder’s butt-crack’ style and the masks were almost always pretty dull and not much to look at. Seeing Liger was like a shot of vodka; the Kabuki style face with the evil looking horns and straggly dark hair draped over the top. It’s nice to know that in this sensible world in which we live, even a haggard cynic like myself can be fascinated by something that seems almost mythological.
VINCE McMAHON
One of the things that impresses me about people is what you give to what you love. I don’t rate being virtuous (which is lucky) and I’m not looking for a flawless track record in either creativity or decision making (which is also lucky) but a dedication to your craft and passion about what you do will always win me over. Tales of Vince’s need for little sleep, amazing endurance and enthusiasm for the business are legendary and it shows whenever he’s away from the helm that the WWE lacks a certain sparkle, something that is equally true when he’s not performing his on-screen duties.
McMahon is a capable and emotive worker (shown in his matches with Hogan and Stephanie) and he is second to none when it comes to delivering promos whether in or out of character. If balance was a key component of any argument then those fans who descry Vince McMahon as an asshole or, in some extreme cases, the devil himself, should also surely have to be grateful to him for creating something about which they feel so strongly. I’m an admirer of success and that which breeds success. Vince’s accomplishments are routinely attributed to either underhandedness or an ignorance towards traditional values but you’ve got to admire the balls with which he approaches each of his new challenges and his determination to see them through. Just don’t mention the XFL.
MICK FOLEY
To paraphrase Foley himself, if I were to be asked whether it’s ignorance or apathy that draws me to Mick then my answer would be, I don’t know and I don’t care. It must be an awful burden for a man who considers himself to be a hard working over-achiever when he is seen as the paragon of selflessness and decency in a sport renowned for its one-upmanship. I knew of Cactus Jack long before Mankind came along but mainly through disturbing photographs in wrestling magazines accompanied by tales of a shrieking lunatic wrapped in barbed wire. Mick appears to take a lot of pride in his wrestling ability and, for a hardcore legend, that’s sound advice to any young wrestler who ignores traditional training and heads straight for the household objects.
In terms of illusion, Mick Foley has always given off the air of ‘one of us’ who has snuck through the curtain and managed to get a job without anyone noticing. He doesn’t have the movie star good looks, the Adonis physique, the slick stylised gimmick or the technical ability, but what he does have is our support and our respect. From the IWA King of Death, to the streetfight with the Nasty Boys, to the Sandman and barbed wire, to Hell in the cell, to Mr Socko, Mick went out into the ring to make his opponent look like a million bucks and leave us the fans with a lasting memory of someone who cared as much about the business as all of us put together. And I for one am glad to be just that tiny part of all that he’ll leave behind.
Lee
