“Just definitions either prevent or put an end to a dispute.”
-Nathaniel Emmons
Define wrestling. Two half naked men wrassle eachother until one can pin the other down. No? Two gladiators in the ultimate battle for pride and domination! No? Two wrestlers locked in great competition to settle a score for their pride and dignity by telling a beautifully written story through blood, sweat and tears? It’s no surprise that wrestling as a whole has evolved. Simply put, evolved. From George Hackenschmidt and over hours long grapples, to Orville Brown and the NWA, Lou Thesz, Buddy Rogers, Bruno Sammartino and the WWWF, Billy Graham, Ric Flair, Verne Gange and the AWA, Bill Watts and NWA to the“American Made” Hulk Hogan…Ted Turner, million dollar contracts, Vince McMahon and Hulk Hogan on steroids, Brian Pillman getting his ass kicked by other wrestlers backstage because his own steroid use would “ruin it for the other wrestlers” and his ex-wife’s suicide to Pillman’s overdose…The Montreal screwjob, the greedy, yet entertaining, yet life-sucking Monday Night Wars, the death of Owen Hart, Hulk Hogan brings down wCw and it’s name with it, Triple H! The internet’s whipping boy, jobs, burials, “breaking kayfabe” and Stephanie McMahon is turning into, no, is WORSE than her father Vince…
Define wrestling.
I don’t think so. I recently had an encounter with someone who I respect greatly, admire his work, and think he’s a good person. He somehow though, defines everything without basic common knowledge from natural experience of what he is even talking about. At first it threw me for a loop, ridiculous terms that I had no response for, beyond blade jobs and jobbers, from mat-technician to mat-wrestler to technical wrestling technician. My IQ was dropping…think fast Bachman! He knows more than you! My points dropped sloppier than a Lesnar-Hardcore Holly powerbomb, NO! BOTCHED SPOT! I took punch after punch and resisted sleep, I racked my brain on what the hell was going on…He picked apart everything I said, to the finest point…I went to bed to almost consider never writing another wrestling column ever again…
Then I woke up.
Some straight thinking and some research always works right? I quickly told myself that there is no way I could be wrong in my choice of words, I asked fellow wrestling fans and even one actual wrestler. I come to receive clarity now as I kept on going with this I realized that it is never-ending bullshit. “wrestling jargon” was becoming an obsession as I went over and over from sites to people and yes that one wrestler. I soon became to HATE wrestling jargon. I’ve had a hangover from it, and was it because I didn’t know it? No. It was because it didn’t matter. None of it matters, I recall myself thinking when I read that in a phone call made from Hogan to Bischoff where Hogan was to “drop the strap” to Goldberg in parentheses it said (drop the title) as if it wasn’t obvious. AH! DROP THE STRAP! That’s “wrestling jargon”. Wrestling jargon is endless and has no true meaning. You won’t find wrestling jargon in the dictionary nor will you hear your favorite wrestler use it in most cases. So then the rollercoaster began…
Wrestling styles are the worst. My first bit of research involved “pure wrestling”. Most people would consider Chris Benoit a wrestling purist, maybe Dean Malenko, even Taz, no, because wrestling purist is a form of mat wrestling not found in the states, NO, mat wrestling is related to technical wrestling, NO technical wrestling is strategy IE: focusing on a certain body part for the entire match, the wrestlers thinking! Psychology! NO! Wrong! Besides, “mat wrestling is non existent because mat wrestling is amateur wrestling and amateur wrestling is Greco-roman which nobody even does anymore. Unless you’re in England…maybe. Psychology! Crowd heat wrestler is an obvious one, a wrestler who draws HEAT. Psychology plays a part here too, NO, this also means he’s a great WORKER. NO. Worker is the industry term for “wrestler”…NO! Worker is someone who can get the crowd into the match and follow the story and in a sense TELL the story, NO! A great worker works the crowd while the wrestler just…wrestles. Never mind that the bump the wrestler could be taking might be apart of the “working” because he is in fact NOT a worker, he could have ring savvy, but most likely he is being outworked by the actual worker which in some cases contain no wrestling talent whatsoever! Cruiserweights, lightweights, aerialists, high fliers, “spot wrestlers”, it’s all really the same, power wrestlers powerhouses and in most cases GARBAGE wrestlers, sometimes referred to as brawlers, lest we forget hardcore wrestlers, who use lots of weapons, and HYBRID wrestlers who just are chaotic and can range from any style and any wrestler who are revolutionizing the sport. ECW was a good example of Hybrid wrestling…Moving on…Lucha Libre do not get confused with the cruiserweights, strong style is big in Japan and mixes technical and powerhouse but don’t get those mixed up either, Royal Road style was created in Japan in the late 70’s but don’t get that mixed up with technical or strong style, shoot wrestling is when they really punch and it’s real. Ouch. Last and likely not actually last, American Style! This combines everything and every bit of wrestling style much like our culture!
Angle is a feud is a storyline, botched spot, blown spot, “you f***ed up! You f***ed up!” and don’t forget a “blowoff” is a bad ending to a feud, all hell has broken loose when a “Bonzo Gonzo” or Chinese Fire Drill has broken out when everyone is in the ring and the ref has lost control, a wrestler who is “carriable” is incapable of “carrying” anyone else and needs to be “put over” by the wrestler who is carrying him. He might be also “buried”, “pushed back”, “held back”, “jobbed”, “squashed” in some cases punished, or in other terms, he “loses” AKA “looking into the lights” “staring into the ceiling” AND “jobber to the stars” which right now is Chris Jericho…which is very very sad. , Drawing power is the wrestlers’ ability to draw in ratings and get good “buyrates” and he might do a “money promo” which is just a good promo…, eventually this wrestler could turn into a “DUD” because he might be “dogging” or in other words…he SUCKS. No wrestler is really a draw right now as the ratings have been crap ever since Triple H has been the main focus on RAW for the past 2 or so years…”Blade job” is done with a “blade”, the wrestler spills “juice” or is a “gusher” measured by the “Muta Scale” of where his blade was once so bad and was so gory, it was the standard to rate all blade jobs by. Let’s not forget “juiced” which also means “jacked up” which means the wrestler is on roids or is “roided”…I question how many wrestlers are on roids because even after Vince’s trial in 1994, he let steroid use go unnoticed, especially HIMSELF. Which was easy to notice…Moving on! “Hot tag” “big tag” “Ricky Morton tag!” which is the big momentum shifting tag of the match, “pillowstrikes” are done by a wrestler who does not know how to punch, “no selling” is someone who does not know how to sell very well IE: The Undertaker. This wrestler could be considered also a “stiff” or a wrestler who punches too hard which is also considered a “potato shot” but a stiff is also considered “green” as in a rookie, rookies sometimes “oversell” which is the opposite of no selling and of course “selling” is the in between…”Swerves” we rarely see anymore or simple twist in the storyline, this was overdone by Dusty Rhodes which became known as “the dusty finish” which is actually an entirely different concept. Finally we have workers! AGAIN. “Workrate” is how much the worker or wrestler is putting into the match between moves and ring savvy/psychology/crowdheat, a work is any fake angle or also a “work” can be when a wrestler is screwed backstage IE: Bret Hart. Finally although there are hundreds more we’ll end on a “worked shoot” when a work goes wrong and the wrestler shoots on the rest, a “shoot” is a wrestler talking out of character or about REAL happenings in the business otherwise known as breaking kayfabe!!! Now the question…
What the f*** does this have to do with ANYTHING?
Why would you care? None of these definitions are written in stone and have been tweaked many times over the past 20 plus years with more additions and wrestling terms. I never quite find the time while watching Raw to say to my fiancé “OH! GOOD SHOW! Why Triple H was working the crowd excessively and it was LOVELY, he carried Batista just fine and boy that was quite a GUSHER Trips had wouldn’t you say?” Of course every now and then something like this will be brought up, but whatever happened to “they had a good match”? Wrestling fans know if they see a good match or not (most of the time…unless you’re a “mark” …whoops! ) All great matches have great wrestling; great ring psychology and tells a story. It’s as simple as that folks. Don’t buy into someone telling you the specific step by step way to why a match was brilliant. I personally think Chris Jericho/Chris Benoit from Royal Rumble 2001 ladder match for the Intercontinental title was probably one of the greatest ladder matches of all time, but you don’t have to take my word for it! Remember, unless you’ve only been watching wrestling in the past 5 or 6 years we can remember marking out to Hogan slamming Andre or even 4 years later when he pinned Sgt. Slaughter at Wrestlemania 7. If not, then fill in the blanks…
As an internet wrestling community we need not separate the wrestling experts from the fans, we need to come together as one force and truly speak for the wrestling world. To anyone who feels the need to use wrestling jargon to further make themselves feel smarter than the person they are talking to, SHUT. UP. It doesn’t matter. You want to impress people? Read up on history, read where wrestling truly came from and what its roots were from Hackenschmidt to Cena, you by far do not have to have a bookworm knowledge of the sport to have an appreciation of it, as long as you put time into being a wrestling fan, then you have served your purpose, because there is no other reason why wrestling is as successful as it is today and it has been without FANS. Stay critical, speak out when you feel the need, bash TNA, Bash the WWE, Bash both, but be a fan first. Thanks for reading, I’m out.
-Joseph Bachman
Ro64! Round 1 results!
NOTE: I had the highest first round voter turnout EVER and I hope the second round will be even better, it took me a while to count all of the votes and we had no surprises…The exciting part was counting the Rey Mysterio/Petey Williams match votes where out of the 248 votes I received for the men’s’ brackets, Williams won by a slim 2 votes 125-123. 230 Votes went to the women so 18 people decided that the women’s tourney is not as important. DIE. …I’m just kidding! It’s more of an experiment because most of the women’s bracket are Indy wrestlers which get little or no exposure. I would usually write out a fake match summary of the matches but I’m constricted for time and I will promise fake results for round 2 to lead into the sweet 16. So without further a due, round 1 results!
[EAST Bracket]
1) Triple H defeated 16) Homicide
8) Tajiri defeated 9) William Regal
4) Chris Jericho defeated 13) Jimmy Jacobs
5) Big Show defeated 12) James Storm
2) A.J. Styles defeated 15) Delirious
7) Yugi Nagata defeated 10) Danny Daniels
3) Chris Benoit defeated 14) Steve Corino
6) Raven defeated 11) Chris Sabin
[WEST Bracket]
1) Batista defeated 16) Kenzo Suzuki
9) Petey Williams defeated 8) Rey Mysterio
4) Kurt Angle defeated 13) John Walters
5) Shawn Michaels defeated 12) Michael Shane
2) Austin Aries defeated 15) the Messiah (very close race)
7) Christopher Daniels defeated 10) Rene Dupree
3) John Cena defeated 14) Sonjay Dutt
6) Kane defeated 11) Elix Skipper
[SOUTH Bracket]
1) Jeff Jarrett defeated 16) Kid Kash
9) Abyss defeated 8) Rhyno
4) The Undertaker defeated 13) Funaki
5) Eddie Guerrero defeated 12) Carlito Cool
2) Keiji Mutoh defeated 15) Trent Acid
7) Jeff Hardy defeated 10) Tiger Mask
3) Booker T defeated 14) TAKA Michinoku
14) Kazarian defeated 3) Rukus
[MIDWEST Bracket]
1) JBL defeated 16) The Hurricane
9) Ron Killings defeated 8) Universa 2000
4) Monty Brown defeated 13) Spike Dudley
5) Kevin Nash defeated 12) Chris Hero
2) Randy Orton defeated 15) Cm Punk (VERY close in votes as well)
7) Edge defeated 10) Kenta Kobashi
3) Shelton Benjamin defeated 14) Charlie Haas
11) Christian defeated 6) DDP
WOMENS RESULTS…
[EAST Bracket]
1) Lita defeated 8) Dawn Marie
4) Ariel defeated 5) Mercedes Martinez
2) Kumiko Maekawa defeated 7) Simply Luscious
6) Ivory defeated 3) Saki Maemura
[WEST Bracket]
1) Victoria defeated 8) Torrie Wilson
5) Alison Danger defeated 4) Mika Nishio
2) Traci Brooks defeated 7) Stacy Keibler (VERY close)
3) Molly defeated 6) Cindy rogers
[SOUTH Bracket]
1) MsChif defeated 8) Sumi Sakai
4) Jazz defeated 5) Alere little feather
2) Krissy Vaine defeated 7) Lacey
3) Trinity defeated 6) Jacqueline
[MIDWEST Bracket]
1) Trish Stratus defeated 8) Desire
4) Gail Kim defeated 5) Kiley McLean
2) April Hunter defeated 7) Becky Bayless
3) Alexis Laree defeated 6) Kameo
Ok. Now on to the second round matchups, vote with confidence, the turnout should be even better this time! Send all votes as always to freetokill@hotmail.com Here are the brackets…
EAST
1) Triple H vs. 8) Tajiri
4) Chris Jericho vs. 5) Big Show
2) A.J. Styles vs. 7) Yugi Nagata
3) Chris Benoit vs. 6) Raven
WEST
1) Batista vs. 8) Petey Williams
4) Kurt Angle vs. 5) Shawn Michaels
2) Austin Aries vs. 7) Chris Daniels
3) John Cena vs. 6) Kane
SOUTH
1) Jeff Jarrett vs. 9) Abyss
4) The Undertaker vs. 5) Eddie Guerrero
2) Keiji Mutoh vs. 7) Jeff Hardy
14) Kazarian vs. 6) Booker T
MIDWEST
1) JBL vs. 9) Ron Killings
4) Monty Brown vs. 5) Kevin Nash
2) Randy Orton vs. 7) Edge
3) Shelton Benjamin vs. 11) Christian
EAST
1) Lita vs. 4) Ariel
2) Kumiko Maekawa vs. 6) Ivory
WEST
1) Victoria vs. 5) Alison Danger
2) Traci Brooks vs. 3) Molly Holly
SOUTH
1) MsChif vs. 4) Jazz
2) Krissy Vaine vs. 3) Trinity
MIDWEST
1) Trish Stratus vs. 4) Gail Kim
2) April Hunter vs. 3) Alexis Laree
Once again, freetokill@hotmail.com, I have taken enough of your time now, until then, this was the High Spot, and I’m out.
-Joseph Bachman
