Live Report: No Way Out!
“The ’Ham is gonna speak!”
So yelled a WWE fan outside Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh, as Todd Grisham and Ivory stepped up on a platform in the pouring rain outside.
A crush of fans surrounded the podium, and I had a hard time deciding what the funniest signs were. I finally settled on the dude carrying one that read “Big Show gives me a boner.” Bonus points for “JBL is very fat.”
Yes, this was No Way Out, and my first live WWE event since about 1988. Overall, it was a decent show to see live, but I would seriously want my money back if I was watching television.
Before I go through the matches, let’s start with the whole rookie diva competition. What an utter piece of crap. Until the third segment, it was sucking the life out of the crowd. Part of the problem, I think, is that Michelle McCool and Joy Giovanni were the only two people have really seen lately on TV. The other two were not very attractive, not very personable and completely uninteresting.
If they play their cards right, though, Joy and Michelle could do some fun things on Smackdown. And I will say this: Joy was my favorite from the beginning of the diva competition until the end, and she is absolutely stunning. I know I mentioned this in my press conference report, but she is simply beyond gorgeous – like “being willing to lop off body parts for a chance” gorgeous.
Anyway, on to the matches:
HEAT: BOB HOLLY & CHARLIE HAAS D. RENEE DUPREE & KENZO SUZUKI: I was pleased when Haas came out, as I like him a lot. Unfortunately, he’s teamed with Holly, who for some reason still gets a significant amount of cheers when he comes out. Good heat for Dupree and Suzuki, but the WWE is just burying both of them right now. The tag-team division is a complete mess on both shows, and their treatment Dupree-Suzuki is part of the problem. There’s nobody to take seriously. Overall, a bland, standard Heat match. STARS: 1.5
REY MYSTERIO & EDDIE GUERRERO d. BASHAM BROTHERS: This was a bit of a surprise. The seeds have been planted for an Eddie Guerrero feud – and who’s to say it’ still not coming – but I don’t see how they would even do it. I just figured it was going to happen at No Way Out because Smackdown’s writing staff is prone to making strange decisions. The bottom line is that Eddie is waaaaaaay to over for people to accept him as a heel. The pop for him was enormous, one of the loudest of the evening. Overall, another surprisingly bland match. The end was clever enough, with a tease even for an Eddie turn that didn’t happen, but the cheating thing is just getting old now. Guerrero, like so many other wrestlers in the WWE right now, are prone to doing the same things over and over. A curious decision to give Rey and Eddie the straps, and one I’m not sure I agree with at all. Might as well start digging a grave for the Bashams, unless they get the titles back quickly. STARS: 2.0
BOOKER T d. HEIDENREICH (DQ): Umm, full disclosure – this was my piss break match. I watched the first half and came back in time to see the very end. A nothing match; the crowd popped nice for Booker, but was dead for much of the action. This was nothing more than a cheap rush job to get these guys on the PPV, and it did nothing for either of them. STARS: 0.5
CHAVO GUERRERO d. FUNAKI, LONDON, SPIKE, MOORE and AKIO: This match really pissed me off. It was the one I was really looking forward to, and it was an enormous disappointment. The crowd was shockingly dead throughout all of it, and for good reason. Every spot was rushed, and it was stupid to have Funaki lose right away. First of all, the whole idea of the match is flawed. Why not just have the four other guys in each corner and work it as a tag-in match? I could have forgiven the idiotic concept, if they had given these guys the proper time to put together an entertaining match. In the end, it was just an abbreviated version of last year’s WM match. Chavo winning mystifies me. The crowd didn’t even know if he was supposed to be a heel or face. Come to think of it, I don’t either. While London didn’t win the title, having him last from beginning to end at least indicates a willing to push him. Which makes me wonder why they gave him those hideous boots and ring jacket. Good Lord. Did London sleep with one of the writer’s wives or something? STARS: 2.0
UNDERTAKER d. LUTHER REIGNS: A surprisingly decent match. I’m biased because I like Luther Reigns quite a bit. I think, if handled right, he has the potential to come on like Batista did. Of course, this is Smackdown, so he won’t be handled properly. Still, he was given more offense than I thought, and the match in the end was solid. The crowd went absolutely apeshit for Undertaker, which reminded me why he’s always on a PPV card even when the match is as inconsequential as this one – the live crowd goes nuts for him. He’s one of those guys that fans talk about years later and say, “I saw Taker live.” To that end, good for Taker for putting the kibosh on the stupid tag match with Kane, Snitsky and Heidenreich at WrestleMania. If you’re going to have the Dead Man around, find a way to stop making him so unimportant to what’s going on. STARS: 2.0
JOHN CENA d. KURT ANGLE: The match itself felt a tad rushed, as I thought Cena would be in the ankle lock for a while longer, especially after Eddie’s excellent promo where he gives him the pep talk. Still, these guys delivered an excellent match. I keep saying Cena is not as bad in the ring as people think, and one day they will believe me. I was a little surprised Shawn Michaels did not show up here, and there were some significant “HBK” chants in the crowd. They were at the loudest, obviously, after the ref went down. I guess I can understand not doing it, since it would have taken some of the shine off Batista later on. The ending was well done, and the crowd was hot for both guys. Big time chants for both went on throughout the match. STARS: 3.0
JBL d. BIG SHOW: Can we stop with the hate for these two guys? Please? I know neither is going to rival the versatility of Chris Benoit or Rey Mysterio, but both have plenty of strengths. Their work here was slow in spots, but overall they busted their asses and sold well for one another. I figured early on that Orlando Jordan would be slipping in a pair of pliers of some sort to cut the wire, but that ended up being a great swerve. In fact, I’ll give the Smackdown team props on this one – it was a fantastic ending. The crowd went crazy for the chokeslam through the ring, and on the floor it just looked devastating. I should note that when JBL was announced the winner, everyone on my side was thoroughly confused, because we couldn’t see JBL crawling out from under the ring. For a second, I thought Show lost because he wasn’t ALLOWED to go through the door, or something stupid like that. The great thing about this ending is that Show’s reputation is intact, while it makes JBL just look pretty damn smart – and tough. STARS: 3.0
As soon as the match ended, the “Bahhh Teeeeest Aaaaaa” chants started. When the music hit, the roof nearly came off. The pop was tremendous. I’ve been on the Batista bandwagon for more than a year now, so it’s hard for me to gauge when this whole shift happened. But there is no doubt that Batista is over HUGE. He looked fantastic live. The show, I believe ended for you guys with Cena after he destroyed JBL and Batista staring him down. Not too much happened after that. There was a moment when it looked like Cena was going to head down to the ring, and it kept the crowd in place for a little while.
Batista taunted Cena, doing the “You can’t see me” wave, which the crowd loved. This whole ending saved the show for me. I like that Cena came out and attacked JBL, and that there was tension between Batista and Cena. Even though we know Batista is staying put, it raises just enough questions to make Monday Night Raw a little interesting.
Overall, it was a solid show to see live, but it still exposed a lot of Smackdown’s weaknesses. One thing WWE does extremely well, and I forgot about, is this: They make the setting feel intimate live, but larger-than-life on television. By that I mean, you feel almost claustrophobic in the arena, which is a good thing. You feel like you are a part of the action because you’re so close. But when you watch on TV, everything looks bigger: The ring, the crowd, the wrestlers. The announcers offer another feel. If you have the opportunity to see a show live do it. It’s a whole new experience.
On the down side: Man, do they go chintzy with the souvenirs for sale. And the souvenir program still has Johnny Stamboli, Rico, Jamie Noble and others in it. Come on, my peeps? Seriously.
Lou Corsaro
