INSIDE THE RING NEWSLETTER
Edition 31
with Trevor Hunnicutt and Eddie T
I had a long debate with myself whether or not I should send this out or not, but at the end I felt that it was so ridiculously insane, I simply had to. Thanks to Keith Lipinsky and WrestlingObserver.com for sending in the following interview of the artist (which is a poor choice of word here) now known as “Chynna Doll,” formerly known as Chyna, or simply known as Joanie Laurer, the woman who just came out of jail. I’ve included my own analysis at the end.
Parts of this are from the ultimate howard stern log site (marksfriggin.com) with a lot of my own comments thrown in here. keep in mind, this is Chynna Doll so alot of the quotes won’t make any sense while read due to the fact they didn’t make sense when she was on the show.
Howard came back from break and said that Chynna Doll was late because no one sent a car over to pick her up. He has no time to be messing around today so he doesn’t know what to do. Stern Producer Gary ‘Baba Booey’ Del’Albate came in and told Howard that Chynna Doll had just shown up. He was shaking his head as if something weird was going on. ‘I don’t even know what’s going on (with Chynna) today.’
Howard had Chynna Doll (Joanie Laurer) come in and said that it looked like she’d lost a lot of weight or something. Much like the rest of the nation, he asked the same question ‘What happened to the Chynna Doll? Did she stop working out?’ She never answered these questions as she commented how she ‘I hate this stupid thing.’ And asked about the stationary Baba Booey puppet, ‘every time it’s looking at me.’ She also had her little dog with her in the studio so she had to hand it off to Robin who offered to hold it. Chynna Doll’s boob was also popping out according to Howard. She asked Howard if she was going to let her stay on the show for a while today because she flew all the way out there to visit him. Howard told Chynna Doll that he had to leave on time today so he couldn’t do a very long interview. He had something to do with his daughter today.
Chynna was wearing a headband and had glitter all over her face. She said the glitter was for her dogs. Not the dog she gave to Robin, but some troops she had arm wrestled against. She talked about arm wrestling them and said the following even though I had a sucky band that sucked and I didn’t want to hear it. Ok then.
Howard went on to ask Chynna Doll about her weight loss. He said that she looks much more feminine today than she did last time he saw her. He then brought up ”The Surreal Life” and how good she is on that show. Chynna Doll was slurring her words and trying to tell a story about ”Melissa Cunningham” but no one had a clue about who she was talking about. She said something to the fact of ‘I came all the way here. Came here to be real, you know me Howard, I’m always real! And I came to promote the Surreal Life, I want to have a good time with you on the show this way and be here for a long time.’
Chynna was asking Howard if he ever rubbed that woman’s feet for some reason. Howard didn’t think that he had but he wasn’t sure. Howard said that it would appear that Chynna Doll is drinking a lot on ”The Surreal Life” and wondered if she’s doing that all the time now. Chynna Doll said that she likes to party and she doesn’t want to be the designated driver. Chynna Doll told Howard that if he had a line of coke right there in front of her, she’d do it. She doesn’t do that normally though.
Howard asked Chynna Doll if she’s depressed these days and if that’s why she’s drinking so much. Chynna Doll said that she just recently spent 6 days in prison and that wasn’t cool. She allegedly beat up her boyfriend so that’s why she ended up there. Chynna line ‘I feel like I was blessed by god, for 10 years I wrestled men, and guys thought terrible of me, I was doing it for the women, to give them power, I wanted them to give them strength and power.’ She then talked about being against domestic violence, and spending 6 days in the twin towers of LAX jail for beating up former fiance Sean Waltman. ‘I didn’t beat him up, I slapped him, I bitched slapped him. But I wouldn’t press charges against him (keep in mind it get’s more Surreal later in the interview). I wanted him removed from my property. I went to jail until he left. Yes, according to her she stayed in jail until he left.
Howard brought up the home sex movie that Chynna Doll is in. He told her that she had six pimples on her ass in the movie but she thinks that she’s got a great ass. She showed her ass, god bless America. She went on to explain how her relationship with her boyfriend (Sean, who wasn’t mentioned in this as being a wrestler named X-pac or many of his other names) went bad. She claims that he beat the crap out of her a couple of years ago but she still has the same problems (read the whole thing and tell me if they contradict themselves several times). Her boob fell out of her dress as she was telling the story. Howard told her to just take the dress off and sit there without it. Chynna Doll asked Howard to send the dress to a certain person in the military (Sgt. Steel of the forth battalion nuclear bio warfare) and she’d take the dress off. She wanted him to promise like 12 times. Howard promised he’d do that so Chynna Doll took off her dress. She said she was really embarrassed so Howard told her to put it back on. On a side note the former Playboy covergirl was wearing Hustler underpants (a sign of where her career is going). Chynna did something and said ‘I’m Japanese.’ I guess it will make sense on the E! Television show. She then said the following without warning ‘I don’t play videogames but I can shoot missles like a mofo’
Howard took a call from Chynna Doll’s ex-boyfriend Sean Waltman. Chynna noted ‘Yeah, this is the guy in the porno, I thought there was a lot of funny rapping in it.’ Huh? Chynna told Sean ‘tell them on the internet and asked ‘do you still love me?’ Sean said ‘yes.’ Chynna went back on the attack ‘I go to twin towers with shackles am I still your queen’ Sean told Howard ‘its going to be hard for me to get a word in with Chyna’ Chynna sounded upset, shaky and like she had been drinking (which she admitted prior). She yelled at Sean almost the entire time he was on there, mostly asking if she was still ‘his queen.’ Chynna Doll wouldn’t let the guy talk, she just kept interrupting him. ‘I just wanna move on. I didn’t know that Sean was with previous porn stars. I was in love; I was going to marry him.’
Howard got Chynna to be quiet for a minute to let Sean talk ‘I just think, its really sad what I’m hearing on the radio here.
Come down to the real world for Christ sakes!’
Chynna Doll claims that he made a deal to put that porn tape out behind her back, and then said this line ‘Sean beeps joanie in the beep.’ Keep in mind the first time this porn tape was ever discussed was when Chynna was on Stern. ‘He did a deal behind my back. He went with thugs, he added on to it (the tape), and I kissed him afterwards and I disgusted myself.’
Chynna got into the issues of the relationship ‘After a month, he wanted me to go to Thanksgiving with his family, his ex-wife was going to be there, it was an issue, after he clotheslined me over the table and beat me down. It’s still a issue all these years later.’ (keep in mind this is almost verbatim what she said) She said that she was disgusted with herself after seeing it.
Chynna then talked about ‘Nicole Brown’ and said ‘I could be O.J. Simpson, who got a new samsonite luggage endorsement, I could beat him down with my Louie Vaton luggage in any airport anyway.’ So much for being anti-domestic violence.
Chynna Doll also went off on Vince McMahon calling him ”Vince McDick” and saying that he owes her some royalties and stuff. She told Sean ‘When you get my royality, give Vince McDick a kick to the grapefruits. I need a few royalty ass kissing checks. From cue sticks (for pool) to bowling balls he owes me a million dollars (or something like this, I was too busy cracking up by her using both pool sticks AND bowling balls to hear everything else, thankfully she didn;t mention being a best selling author).’
Sean wisely noted ‘she doesn’t realize how she sounds.’ Chynna went on the offensive again ‘Do you want to go to the playboy mansion? Do you want to be on Celebrity justice?’ Who doesn’t? About the porn tape Sean claimed ‘I was in rehab and I thought the videotape was destroyed.’ Keep in mind he probably shot the footage in China afterwards, but also Chynna was naked during most of this interview.
Chynna Doll also said that she will never go back to Sean. The two of them went back and forth for a couple of minutes. Stern asked ‘You will not go back to a love relationship with Sean?’ Chynna said ‘that’s fine.’
Sean was saying that he never physically abused her. ‘I never put a hand on her, she made an ass of herself in front of my children!’ Chynna quickly shot back ‘who paid for your rehab.’ Sean noted ‘Paul (Triple H) and Vince McMahon paid for rehab.’ Paul was not noted as being Triple H, but Chynna shot back that he was once Chynna’s fiance. Chynna told Sean ‘go back there and kill your body.’ Sean told Chynna ‘you’re so worried, so angry, you don’t realize how much hatred you have. I never been physically abusive with you.’
He said that just weeks before doing ”The Surreal Life” she broke his nose after he told her about a woman he’d slept with at some point in his life (he said 4 years ago). The delay button was hit a bunch of times as each of them were telling their sides of the story. Howard let them argue with each other for a couple of minutes. Howard let Sean go after a few minutes so he could stop the arguing. Chynna Doll told Sean to stay away from her from now on. He said he still loved her. Chynna talked about jail ‘kiddy lube, I was jumped in jail. 5 days in twin towers jail.’ Sean said ‘that’s a lie she wasn’t there for even 3 days.’ Chynna said that Sean cried on her shoulder a lot, he said ‘she was a shoulder to cry on, that’s a crock of crap. I told her I got a lot of baggage.’ She then brought up ‘do you remember, we went to Universal tours and you gave me the ring. Sean is getting paid by the WWE, what name they are. I haven’t been paid cars, rent or a roof over my head.’ Sean then talked about his kids ‘She (Chynna) blew pot smoke in my nine year old daughter’s face, and her gay friend tried to get my son to smoke pot.’ He noted that the most he’s done to Chynna is ‘flipped her over and held her on the couch. I never hit the woman.’ Chynna was feisty and said this ‘I AM THE NUMBER ONE FEMALE FIGHTER IN THE WORLD, ASK ANTONIO INOKI (who hasn’t booked her in quite a few years). I HAVE A POWER IN MY HANDS WHERE I CANNOT HURT ANYONE!’ Howard realized this wasn’t going to be settled over the airwaves. Chynna told Sean ‘I appoligize. Go on the internet. Stay away from me sean.’
Chynna then pushed ‘the surreal life is the greatest thing I’ve ever done. I removed myself from an abusive relationship (even though it seems she was the abuser). She noted she didn’t get laid on the show but had a crush on model Marcus Shankenberg ‘I liked him and treated him good.’ Fantatsic.
She then broke down ‘I’m hurting but I got all this support around me.’ She mentioned Howard, and SURREAL LIFE, which I believe ended taping a few months ago. She then spouted out something about ‘70,000 people, people spit mustard on me, spit on me and talk crap about me. Here I am I’m doing what I’m doing. I have my support.’
Keep in mind the following song and the stuff around it was not played on the Chicago broadcast of the show. For some reason I’m really sad about this. Howard let a few phone callers ask Chynna Doll some questions. Chynna said that the porn tape didn’t generate any money for her. She was also denying the claims that Sean made about her blowing pot smoke in his kid’s face. Howard wanted Chynna Doll to sing for them today so he had her brother Tobey come in with his guitar. Chynna wanted to sit next to him but Howard figured that Tobey might be uncomfort! able sitting next to her while she’s naked. Chynna was rambling on and on but Howard just wanted her to sit down and sing for them. She calmed down a little bit and her brother prepared to play guitar while she sang. Howard took a couple of phone calls while they prepared. One caller asked Chynna if she had been ”hitting the pipe” this morning. Chynna Doll said she didn’t know what that was.
Tobey and Chynna performed a version of ”Hey Joe” with different lyrics about Howard and the guys. Howard had enough after a minute or so. He told Chynna Doll that she should tour with Courtney Love. Chynna said that Courtney is unstable right now… Howard said ”Let’s just leave it at that…” and started to wrap up the interview. Chynna Doll told Howard that she was really into Marcus Shankenberg when she did ”The Surreal Life” but she didn’t think she was ready for a relationship. Howard wrapped up with Chynna Doll and Tobey a short time later. Howard told Chynna ‘Vince may have dumped you, but you still have the balls..’ Chynna was still naked so she was wondering where he clothes were as they were going to break.
Howard later in the show called the interview a ‘TEN’
Eddie’s Thoughts
For once, I would have to agree with Triple H of all people. Several weeks ago, on Canada’s sports network — TSN — Triple H, a guest of Michael Landsberg’s Off the Record was asked about his relationship with Joanie Laurer and Sean Waltman. Paul Levesque mentioned that he went to Los Angeles to help out his old friend Sean Waltman, who had battling some personal demons, and has had problems with drugs in the recent past. H said that it’s the first time he had seen Joanie Laurer in years, and he called the experience “not that unpleasant.” He was asked to give his opinion on her, and his words I agree with completely. To sum his statement up, Hunter said that some people manage to reach a certain point of success in the business of professional wrestling, and then they feel they can leave the industry, go into something else, and somehow that success will follow them through on it. It just doesn’t happen. Joanie Laurer is the classic example of that. It’s the example of what this industry can do to you if you’re not careful, and you don’t take care of yourself. The woman who to this day remains the only female Intercontinental Champion in the history of World Wrestling Entertainment, has turned into a Class B laughing stock — having a man who portrayed a character called “Mini-Me” kiss her on the buttocks on national TV, releasing private video tapes of herself that are beyond rated X, and causing controversy and trouble to anyone who is somehow involved in her life, and who is somehow trying to help her get back in track. I don’t know if Sean Waltman is just the victim of a relationship gone wrong, since he’s no saint himself, but if I were him, I’d want nothing to do with that woman. Everyone talks about all the problems of the road, and the problems with working out when it comes to the business, but sometimes we tend to forget on how many levels this type of job can affect you. Laurer’s behavior and downfall is a perfect example of how fame can get over one’s head. I think it’s just plain sad.
TODAY IN HISTORY
For those of you Trivia buffs out there, I thought I’d remind everyone that today, January 14, was when Sid Vicious had one of the sickest injuries in professional wrestling. It was back in 2001, at WCW Sin (the first PPV for the year, where Bischoff and Co had made a return in storylines), when Vicious broke his leg in two places, and suffered a back injury during the main event. The match saw Scott Steiner pin Vicious, who had been hit by the fourth mystery opponent Flair had brought in (other participant was Jarrett) — Road Warrior Animal.
Q & A
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Eddie
eddie at thebalrogslair.com
